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AIBU?

AIBU to wonder why anyone would want to live like this?

358 replies

LetThereBeRock · 15/12/2009 17:29

I know this could be a controversial topic, most likely will be,and each to their own, none of my business etc but I really can't understand it.

A friend is getting married soon.She's a real bibliophile,as is her soon to be dh, and has asked for several books on her wedding list.

However some of the books she has asked for are rather odd,The Surrendered Wife for example, The Politically Incorrect Wife,Liberated Through Submission and similarly titled books.

I've Googled them and the lifestyle they advocate certainly isn't one that I agree with or would care for.

An example from The Surrendered Wife ' surrendered wife always says yes and is always available for sex."'

I thought at first that the wedding list was a bit of a joke, but I've spoken to her since,albeit briefly, and apparently it's not.

So AIBU to wonder why anyone would want to live a submissive life, and AIBU to think that's it rather odd to request such things on one's wedding list?

I

OP posts:

Report

PurpleEglu · 15/12/2009 17:31

Well, each to their own with regards to how to live your life. But I would say it is very odd to have those things as wedding gifts. Surely they are things that you would purchase yourself.

Hardly a toaster and set of towels is it?

kinnies · 15/12/2009 17:32

Nothing helpful to add here, just wanted to say that I read your name as '*Let there be Cock'!

Hahahaha

AMumInScotland · 15/12/2009 17:33

I couldn't be doing with it myself - definitely a believer in equality here! I guess the point of putting them on the wedding list is to announce the fact that this is how they are planning to run their relationship, so that they get the incredulous questions over with at the start?

I read an article about the woman who wrote "The Surrendered Wife" back when it came out, and she seemed to be the sort of person who didnt understand words like "compromise" - it had to be full control or full surrender. Strange.

LetThereBeRock · 15/12/2009 17:33

I'm in favour of that too,and if it belongs to Ralph Fiennes then so much the better.

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lindy100 · 15/12/2009 17:33

Is she religious?

I don't get it either, but to each their own? From what I've seen of these types of relationship, women very much change when given the opportunity to experience a more equal relationship.

GloriaInEccentrica · 15/12/2009 17:34

I'd ignore what is requested and get them my sort of good book.

the complete works of Jilly Copoper? or something rude.

ImSoNotTelling · 15/12/2009 17:34

Very peculiar things to have on your wedding list.

doesn't make sense to me. If they want to live that lifestyle, then surely they will already have read the books and will already be doing it.

If they haven't read the books then how can they decide well enough in advance that they want all the books and also to basically announce to wedding guests that that is how you will be living. Seems weird.

TrinityReindeer · 15/12/2009 17:34

maybe she is just interested in reading about it

you said she was a bibliophile

LetThereBeRock · 15/12/2009 17:35

She has, up until now, been a self described agnostic but her dp is a committed Christian.

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lindy100 · 15/12/2009 17:35

Some people would say that the man having the final say is good, as someone has to, and the man will feel the responsibility of making the decision for two and would actually be less selfish and think of what his wife would want.

In reality, I don't know.

Can't you just buy them placemats?

mustnamechange · 15/12/2009 17:35

1 No you're NBU to wonder why. There's no harm wondering.

2 Yes, it's odd.

I suppose it is controversial but like you said, each to their own. It may be seen by modern women as a transgression in todays society but anyone living that lifestyle is doing no harm to anyone and has obviously consent to it. It's very different from domestic abuse which is what it is normally seen as by those who don't understand.

LetThereBeRock · 15/12/2009 17:36

A doormat seems more appropriate.

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LetThereBeRock · 15/12/2009 17:38

When I asked if it was a joke, she said that she wanted to explore that lifestyle. She didn't elaborate further as she had to go. Perhaps when I see in her person soon I'll find out more about it all.

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AMumInScotland · 15/12/2009 17:38

I'd probably, privately, have some worries about whether they'd be able to make that kind of relationship work, specially if he believes living their relationship that way is "ordained by God" (not all committed Christians would agree on that, but there are those who think that way). But I'd smile sweetly, and let them sort out their relationship however they want. And buy them a toaster.

ImSoNotTelling · 15/12/2009 17:39

Doormat nice one

MsDoctor · 15/12/2009 17:39

perhaps you should get this instead?

HopingForChristmasSexOnFire · 15/12/2009 17:40

I' d slip in a copy of The Female Eunuch between the covers of The Surrendered Bloody Wife.

Heqet · 15/12/2009 17:41

If it is a way of life that she feels will make her happy, then fine, her choice and good luck to her.

My concern, if it was a friend of mine, would be that the soon to be husband may be pushing her down that road. I would worry that she was marrying a control freak ?abuser?

If you know him and know that isn't the case, then buy her the book and wish her luck. Cos it's her life to lead however she wants.

As long as it IS how she wants.

Fibilou · 15/12/2009 17:41

I think you should read the actual books, not just make knee jerk reactions to them based on what you think they say.

I have read TSW and it is not about being little miss doormat. It is about if you are very controlling of your DP and how to learn to surrender your stranglehold on control - not yourself.

It has a lot of very valid points if only people can see past their assumption that it is about being a stepford wife.

IQuibbleThereforeIAm · 15/12/2009 17:43

Pleeeeeaaaaaaase buy them a doormat.

I'll chip in.

ImSoNotTelling · 15/12/2009 17:43

When BEAUTIFUL did it it sounded pretty stepford

Morloth · 15/12/2009 17:46

I am a "whatever floats your boat type", but I wouldn't buy those books for a friend (well maybe for some of my friends so we could have a cackle about them).

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NotAnotherNewNappy · 15/12/2009 17:46

I second HopingForChristmasSexOnFire.

Why would you use your wedding list to advertise the way in which you are planning to manage your personalrelationship? Surely they are TTP?? At least it sounds like a cheap gift

dittany · 15/12/2009 17:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lindy100 · 15/12/2009 17:47

Fibilou - I bet the husband doesn't think it's that type of book though!

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