AIBU to complain about my DD's punishment at school

[magentadreamer]

My DD is in yr8, not a known trouble maker and most of her teachers state she is a hard working quiet child.DD doesn't push the uniform rules or any other school rules to the limit and has yet to get the "teen attitude". She also knows I'd be livid with her should she back chat teachers etc.

DD unfortunately left both her keys and her school shoes at her Dad's yesterday and as he'd already gone to work this morning I was unable to drop her off there to get her school shoes. I told Dd to wear a her plain black trainers instead and wrote a note in her planner explaining why she was wearing a banned item of footwear. Dd was told at the Breakfast club she would have to go see her Head of Year regarding her trainers, the teacher in charge didn't want to see my note nor did the Head of year. Dd after explaining I was at work and she couldn't get her shoes was sent to the school isolation unit because she was wearing a pair of black trainers! DD did ask if she could wear the pumps she has for drama but since they were grey she was told she couldn't - these pumps aren't a uniform item and were bought at the bequest of the drama teacher. At no point was I contacted regarding her being put into the isolation unit. If I had I'd have left work driven the 20 mile round trip to get her Dad's house keys and retrived her school shoes so she could have attended lessons.

I could understand this punishment if she was always in trouble but she isn't. I'd have even supported the school if she was forever flouting school rules but she's the kind of child who goes to school, does what she is asked and avoids any kind of trouble by behaving herself. I'm not one of those Mums who thinks their Dc is an angel who can do know wrong.

I have written a letter to school tonight and her Dad is going to ring first thing but I now feel like going into school tomorrow and camping out till someone will explain why my Dd was put into the isolation unit for wearing a pair of plain non flashy trainers!

[Firawla]

Yanbu their reaction sounds very OTT and its unreasonable of them to refuse to read the note. I would be very annoyed in your position, it's as if they have taken any chance to punish rather than understand the situation

[nickschick]

I know its hard not to go off at the deep end but rules are rules regardless of circumstance and I think school were just following their 'rules'.....it is harsh but so is life ,a day in isolation is extreme but whats done is done move forward.

[labyrinthine]

Isolation unit ..is that a room where they stay with a teacher?

[shockers]

I suppose they have to treat everyone who 'flouts' the rules in the same way but there could be a '3 strikes and you're out' rule to stop this sort of rediculous situation.
I would suggest it to them, it's a massive overreaction on their part.

[claw3]

Totally out of order, you gave her a note explaining.

[shockers]

ridiculous...

[CirrhosisByTheSea]

But they have to apply rules, to every child. They can't go round saying "no trainers, but as Jane is always good, she can wear them today". How totally unfair that would be, and it would cause no end of problems that are just not worth starting when you're trying to educate/control/keep some semblance of order with hundreds of teenagers!

It seems totally right to me that she was removed from class for wearing a banned item. It also sounds as if it was your DD saying "mum is at work so I can't get them" so she wasn't able to offer any solution for the teachers to help her access the right shoes.

It DOES seem petty, I know, when your child does everything right and works hard, but all the petty school rules add up usually to a smooth running community, that's why they're there basically. I really don't think you have much to complain about. If your DD had been saying "please please please phone my mum she will help" and they'd refused, then maybe...but I don't think that's the case?

[lavenderkate]

I also have a dd in yr 8.
It is a given that we parents can write explanations in their planner and expect them to be read and acknowledged in return.

I would be very angry with them. I would ring and ask to speak directly with an explanation.

[TheUsefulSuspect]

I think that treatment is disgusting.

I appreciate that a school must have rules on uniform however, if a note from the parent is provided and there are genuine mitigating circumstances then the school should be more flexible.

If I were you I would write to the headmaster explaining fully the situation and asking for an explanation.

You would think if a school were going to go this OTT in a situation like this then they should have a small supply of temporary shoes available for the students to borrow.

I can understand a harder line on repeat offenders

[magentadreamer]

Thank you for all your replies. I feel guilty that I sent DD to school wearing her trainers, the alternative was a pair of wonderful red shoes or boots - all are banned items at her school. Personally I think sending a child for wearing the wrong footwear to the isolation unit is a bit OTT a detention for flouting uniform rules on a first occasion might have been more apt a punishment. The silly thing about this Dd was allowed out at break time and lunch time so her and her trainers would have been seen by all.

[claw3]

I wonder what happens in a school like that, if a kid grows out of a pair of school shoes or loses them and the parents cant afford to replace them straight away. Surely not the isolation unit every day!

[stressheaderic]

On the flip side of this, my school sounds as though it's at the opposite end of the spectrum to your DDs...on a daily basis, we have kids turning up in flashy coloured trainers, Converse, Uggs, caps, no tie, no blazer...when you pull them up about it, they look all smug while announcing "but I've got a note..." as if it's some sort of Get out of Jail Free card.
The note can include explanations from something as reasonable as yours, to "Sorry miss, Britney is wearin her trainers cos i cudnt find her school shoes this mornin", therefore we need some kind of blanket rule to cover all bases, and yes, it usually includes a spell in the Isolation unit, length of time determined by reasonability of excuse!

[lavenderkate]

DD has had a written comment about her innappropriate footwear actually.

The School want them to wear ballet pumps.
I bought her some, they fell apart after 5 weeks.

So I bought her black ankle boots. Unflashy, no bells or buckles.

She has been pulled up twice on them.

WE live in the North. It has pissed it down for weeks.
They walk home, to the bus tops, between outdoor classrooms, and yet are not allowed other shoes.
Frankly, I think what they are insisting upon is inappropriate footwear.

[meltedchocolate]

I understand them holding up a rule but the punishment is WAY OTT!

[mamas12]

Ballet pumps are extremely bad for the childs feet.
Get a note from the doctor etc. and present it straightaway and refuse to wear them.
They will give her fallen arches wearing them all day every day.

[Sibella1]

lavenderkate - That is just insane!!

Oh how I love my daughter's school. Sometimes a bit of dissaray(sp), sometimes a bit new age and weird - but always welcoming and friendly without nitpicking about the small stuff.

I mean isn't it a waste of time for your dd to spend time in isolation rather than LEARNING!! Which is what she is there for?

[claw3]

I thought schools had to give you 24 hour notice of any detention over 10/15 minutes?

[frazzled74]

isolation unit? is it a school or a prison?
YANBU ,I am all for school uniform but that is way OTT.

[scottishmummy]

Harsh!mitigating circumstance they could have called for corroboration of situation.yes rules were broken but draconian application of rules is unwarranted

[claw3]

There should also have a behaviour policy, that sets out exactly what kind of behaviour results in a child being placed in an isolation unit (at ds's school this is reserved for the more serious behaviour)

[BackUpYourPhotosNow]

I would write to the head and ask for a written explanation as to why my note was ignored, especially when I take the time to read the many, many notes that the school send home.

I would also point out that I make a big point of not undermining the teachers authority and would appreciate a reciprocation - If I told my daughter "don't worry it was an honest mistake, i'll write a note to your teacher to explain, you won't get into trouble", and then she does thats not on!

I don't send my children in to school to be punished for the day, I send them there to learn!

[cory]

Rules are rules- but I think dd's school (which is extremely hot on discipline) would have managed some sensible compromise. If you deal out serious punishments for small demeanours, they aren't going to have much left when it comes to big problems.

Never forgotten the time when a new and insecure deputy head excluded 6 pupils in a week at dcs junior school. By the end of the week, exclusion had ceased to be something children worried about. -Oh, I'm exluded tomorrow.
-Yeah, I'm excluded too.
The whole element of shame was gone, and it took a long time for the school to recover.

[diddl]

I think the punishment was over the top.

But tbh I don´t really think that an exception should have been made for your daughter.

[Stayingsunnygirl]

Ds1 used to go to a school that was very strict on uniform, including shoes - absolutely NO trainers allowed - but even they accepted that sometimes there were mitigating circumstances.

On one occasion, one of ds1's shoes was nicked, as a 'prank', and he couldn't find it, so was sent home with a spare shoe from lost property. Obviously we couldn't send him in wearing odd shoes, one of which didn't really fit properly, whilst we waited a day or so to see if the other shoe turned up, so we sent him in trainers, with a note - just as the OP did. The school were fine about this - and understood that we weren't going to rush out and buy new school shoes immediately, because the other shoe might have turned up, and we'd have wasted our money.

Schools have got to be sensible about this. Children lose shoes or get them soaking wet, or leave them where the dog can get them and kill them, and parents can't just drop everything at 10pm or 8.20am (because the child never tells you about these problems at a time when you could reasonably sort it out) and rush out to buy new shoes! Nor can most of us afford to have a spare pair of school shoes for emergencies either.

The dses current school has a fairly relaxed policy - children can wear trainers or skate shoes as long as they are plain black, with no coloured logos/writing/patterns on them. This has made the buying of school shoes a whole lot less stressful! Mind you - some of the older girls do wear very high heels, which do make me a bit , but as I don't have a dd, it's not something I have to worry about, thankfully.

[MissAnneElk]

It's a difficult decision for the school though. If they had allowed your DD to wear these without being seen to be punished then half the school would have arrived next day with trainers on. DD1s school are very strict about uniform, they keep a supply of black gym shoes which they issue to anyone who turns up with unsuitable shoes. They are rarely used...

Lavenderkate, I would not be happy about my DDs wearing ballet pumps every day to school. They are not supportive enough for every day wear.