it's in another thread but I don't care, if I don't get it out I'm going to have a heart attack.

[TotallyAndUtterlyPaninied]

I'm so mad at my dad.

He's always going on about pregnancy isn't an illness blah blah when I have SPD so bad just walking to the car is a struggle. I have constant sickness, hideous depression and anxiety, exhaustion and I'm allergic to progesterone. Fab.

So he won't ever help with anything and tuts if I won't eat blue cheese, etc.

Tonight I'm in a total flap that I probably won't get maternity pay and will either get even worse PND by working until I go into labour and then going back to work 2 weeks later, or stay off and lose my house and everything else. All on my other thread.

I rang my dad for help and he said 'well you'll have to go into labour at work and go back 2 weeks later, there are no other options for you'. I said it takes at least 6 weeks to recover from the birth and last time took me a lot longer, I still had bad SPD, a womb infection and very, very bad PND by 6 weeks later. He said 'oh it certainly does not take 6 weeks to recover from having a baby, you can go back after 2. You won't get to take off all that time you were expecting to'. I said 'medically, it takes 6 weeks' and he said 'oh whatever but I don't agree'.

I haven't stopped crying since just out of pure anger. How can he be so ignorant and arrogant.

As if things weren't bad enough.

And now I'm crippled with what i hope are braxton hicks.

[longagegap]

Big hug , its not fun feel the way you are , he is man thats the way they get on , they dont know what its like to have a baby and how it feels after , try not to get upset , you know he gets on like this and nothing will change it , hope you feel better soon x

[claw3]

Sounds like you are having a hard time, do you have a Mr Totallyandutterly? or any other close family or friends?

[gizmo]

Well, he sounds like a bloody charmer, doesn't he? Do you need to be in contact with him at the moment? I'd have thought your life would be a lot less stressful if you can just blank him.

[ItsAllaBitNoisy]

What has it got to do with your Dad? It's your business surely?

[TotallyAndUtterlyPaninied]

I thought my dad had all the answers but turns out he's just mean.

DH is there for hugs and what not but he's panicking a bit too and I just need him to tell me what to do and he can't.

[claw3]

Totally - By help from your dad, do you mean financially or emotional or physically?

[Lizzylou]

Sweetheart, Blokes of that age have no clue what it is like, they honestly don't. Was he present at your birth?
He sounds like he is doing his best to be practical but getting it very wrong.
Hop they are BH

[bibbitybobbityhat]

To be fair, I don't think your Dad knows what to do either.

I think you need to get a grip (sorry) and calm down a bit.

[Hassled]

You really really have to calm down. Forget what your father said, at least for tonight - he may or may not be mean, but he's certainly very ignorant. Have a bath, read a rubbish book/mag, watch some easy telly, go to bed.

And tomorrow's another day - you can sort the SMP stuff - chase the Union, see CAB, if the worse comes to the worse you can come to arrangements re the debts. You don't have to do all of this at once. It will sort itself out and you will be FINE .

[BitOfFun]

Right, you need to calm down right now. Try this:

Take a few deep breaths and try and clear your mind for a second. Then visualise your dad doing his stupid moany ranting. But make his voice really silly, let it get higher and whinier and stupider. Waah waah waah. Really stupid and squeaky now, like he's on helium in a cartoon. Now shrink him down until he gets smaller and smaller, stupider and squeakier. Tiny and whiney. Yadda yadda. Do it until you can see how ridiculous and pathetic and unworthy of your upset he really is.

More deep breaths. Make some hot sweet tea. Click on Mumsnet Classics, and read the one about the Least Professional Moments Of My Illustrious Career, or whatever makes you laugh the most.

And then remind yourself that with some sleep, anything can be sorted out- especially with all the wise words and kind advice you will find here to help you.

[TotallyAndUtterlyPaninied]

Bibbity- easy said.

Claw- I just had questions. He's a business man and usually knows what's what when it comes to who should be paying who what etc.

[TotallyAndUtterlyPaninied]

Sorry, cross posted. BOF and Hassled- both very good bits of advice. I have panic attacks when I try to sleep if I'm upset about something so I'm just going to sit up and watch crap telly tonight. Only taking 2 classes tomorrow so I should get through ok. Then it's the weekend.

[claw3]

As others has said try to calm down, getting yourself in a state wont solve anything. Have a break and start again tomorrow.

[facebookaddict]

totally- he doesn't know what he's talking about (clearly) so the wise thing would be not to talk but most men aren't wise and you'll get nowhere telling him. Just remember to say 'oh yes just be like injections at the dentist - nothing to get upset about -' when he goes for prostate treatment in a few years....

[BitOfFun]

I just looked back at my post- I said "tiny and whiney"...does anyone remember (muggglewump's?) thread about loudly cooing to her baby in a doctors' waitingroom that he was a Tiny Wanker? She meant Whiney Tinker

Oh what a shame that was in Chat- I'd love to read that one again!

[scottishmummy]

TAP,try to calm down deep breath.get some closure tonight you are getting yourself in a state. expecting or predicting pnd isnt helpful either. you have a lot on your plate, dont deal in what if's

get some sleep
phone union about mat pay in morning

[CheerfulYank]

Just breathe, honey. We're all here for you and it's going to be all right.

[facebookaddict]

Sorry i think my post was a little flippant as I posted in outrage at father before I read the more serious concerns you have about mat pay etc. Thankfully clever scottishmummy gave good good advice. Sleep remedies a lot.

[TotallyAndUtterlyPaninied]

You've all been so lovely, thank you.

I think it's all ok now because I'm just sure they can't discount the Golden Hello as a bonus so will therefore have to pay me decent maternity pay. I will double check tomorrow but I really think it will be included.

I am going to get the feck off the internet or I'll be looking it up all night and getting in even more of a tizzy.

I've never panicked so much before I don't think. Can't stand the thought of not being able to feed and clothe the kids and keep a roof over their heads.

Thanks again lovely ladies, I shall be back for a whinge tomorrow... like everyday

Peace out.

[scottishmummy]

take care
sleep well
eat well
dont deal in what if's only respond to definitives

[mamas12]

Well at least you now know you can't rely on him for any emotional support, so just keep it business like with him from now on and save yourself the heartache.
Hope you can sort everything out via cab or some other organisation and good luck with baby!

[SerenityNowAKABleh]

Maybe when he says ridiculous things like "It takes two weeks to recover from childbirth" just say "really? Is that how long it took you to recover?" and when he says something along the lines of "no, I'm a man I can't" then say "too right. So you don't actually know what it's like, so keep your opinion to yourself".

[diddl]

I can´t help wondering what it was you really wanted your dad to say/do though?

In some ways he merely stated the obvious!

[scottishmummy]

ok,so dad was tactless get into perspective. dont stew over some misplaced comments