With reference to that old toxic parents thread from morning paper

[roseability]

Was searching for old threads with Narcissistoc personaltiy in them and came across this

How awful. To undermine people's experience of abuse by criticising the label they give it

My adoptive father abused and bullied me emotionally for years until I just about lost my sense of self. No he didn't just forget my birthday one year, he repeatedly called me fat and told me I was a fake. That the only reason people liked me was because they didn't know the 'real me'. He raged at me whenever I disagreed with him and controlled me excessively (eating, bodily functions etc). He would lie and tell people at his work that I studied medicine to fulfil his narcissistic need for status. He has delusions of grandeur (could have been an olympic champion, was friends with important American politicians, could have been a millionaire). His lack of empathy is startling. He could reduce me to tears of shame and worthlessness and get a kick out of it. He would ignore me for days if I didn't fulfil his narcissistic needs. He once made me go running with him and wouldn't let me go home to use the toilet. He raged and raged at me, that I was making excuses. I still remember the awful stomach cramps I endured that day, trying to hold it in. He threatened me with his fists, his words and his creepy repressed sexuality (called me a slut).

Reading that Toxic parent book by Susan Forward changed my life. I sought counselling and have pretty much got him out of my life after he turned his need for narcissistic supply onto my DS. I wrote him a letter and he responded by stating he was 'withdrawing from my life'.

The reason he was allowed to get away with this is because of these sorts of views expressed here. He was just doing his best. I should understand that he had a difficult childhood. I should forgive him.

Thus it went unchecked for years and I ended up with eating disorders, self-harmed and suffered anxiety and depression.

If you feel uncomfortable with your parenting or feel you have not always been the best mother, do not transfer this guilt onto others who claim their parents have been abusive. Toxic is just another word for abusive and the intellectualizing of it is arrogant and disrespectful of those in genuine distress

[Mcdreamy]

Really sorry to hear what you went through rose, I'm glad you found some help.

[roseability]

I posted this thread onto the end of an old one and then realised that might confuse people so started this one instead

I am really not trying to solicit sympathy, I am fine. I just get angry when people through boredom or whatever, seek to intellectualise terms for the hell of it. As I said Toxic is another term for abusive (who cares if it is American). American children get abused as well for goodness sake. I am also defending some posters from the Stately Homes threads who have been through real and abusive childhoods and who have helped me tremendously. They often use the phrase toxic

Maybe I shouldn't have given details on this thread but I merely wanted to point out that the term is not often used lightly.

[itsmeolord]

YANBU.