Mumsnet Talk

BIL has been staying with us for nearly four weeks since my sis kicked him out and he lost his job (same week).

Since he moved in he has been given £3k by his father so he can sort out a flat, this was 2 weeks ago. He has a job which will start at the start of the year. For the last week he has been asking our opinon on where he should go on holiday for 2 weeks before he moves into his new flat. He has not once offered to pay for any extra food we have bought in or offered to do any housework, despite the fact that he hangs around the house all day and we have 4 dcs including a 12 week old baby. Also dh was made redundant and is trying to set up a new business so money is tight

All this is irritating but I can cope with it up to a point. This morning he strolled downstairs and asked me if I had a nice night at the farm last night? I had no idea what he was on about and must have looked blank, he then said, well I assume from the noises coming from your room last night you had borrowed some animals from the city farm. I was stunned at the decking cheek of him and just walked out of the room. I haven't mentioned it to dh yet.

AIBU to rip his head off, cut his bollocks off, stick them down his neck and literally kick him out of my home?

Yanbu

OMG. YANBU at all.

Cheeky bugger

Jesus no YANBU what an arse

Why are you looking after him anyway? Does your sister mind he is there?

send him out to the shops and change the locks. what a weirdo.

No wonder your sister kicked him out, he sounds like an idiot. I am assuming he contributed as much in terms of housework/gerneral consideration when he was with her?

I would suggest asking him for money to cover his food and board, although it is difficult as you haven't asked for any so far. When is he planning to move out? If he has £3k, next time he mentions the holiday I would say to him "To be honest, I think it would be much more appropriate to spend that money on rent so that you can get into your own place sooner; we have our own family here and don't want to accommodate you any longer than necessary".

def tell him to get flat asap - you can no longer afford to keep him!

The flat isn't available until 7/8th so he needs to go somewhere, we've already said he can't stay here for the whole time til then.

Sis knows he is here and is ok with it. We initially took him in thinking it would all blow over and they would get back together. Also at the time he had no money and was living in a friend of a friends house with no heating/hot water/shower/bath, it also didn't have carpet or any furniture, he was sleeping on a sheet on bare floorboards so we didn't feel we had much choice.

I now need him to leave, especially after this mornings comment.

The flat isn't available until 7/8th so he needs to go somewhere, we've already said he can't stay here for the whole time til then.

Sis knows he is here and is ok with it. We initially took him in thinking it would all blow over and they would get back together. Also at the time he had no money and was living in a friend of a friends house with no heating/hot water/shower/bath, it also didn't have carpet or any furniture, he was sleeping on a sheet on bare floorboards so we didn't feel we had much choice.

I now need him to leave, especially after this mornings comment.

There's nothing wrong with saying 'omg, that is really inappropriate' if he says anything else similar. Back to the bare floorboards with him! 3 grand is more than enough to buy a really nice sleeping bag and a travel pillow

O M G! That is a definite stray of the boundaries! I would have been speechless!

Tell him he can book into a Travelodge! You shouldn't have to put up with offensive comments like that from anyone, let alone someone that you have invited into your home and are doing a massive favour for!

I am all for helping out those in need but I would really not be happy with that!

If he really needs to stay, you and your Dh have got to sit down with him and give him some rules that include participating in the running of the house AND manners!

If he'd said that to me, my immediate response would've been "get out of my house NOW", and I've told people that for far less than what he's said!

Kick him out today!

YANBU, do it! He'll have to stay at a Travelodge or somewhere until he sorts something out, it isn't as if he's penniless.

I am surprised your sister is being so lovely about you helping him! Kick him out now!

..I am going to go against the grain here (sorry).
When you offered him somewhere to stay, did you tell him that you expected money for it? I know he just came into money, and it would be polite of him to offer you some. But i wouldn't expect it. One of dp's friend was in a similar situation and we offered him a room, he had no job and when he did find one he set the wheels in motion to find a flat. We offered him a room as a guest.
And the noises.. well i am sure it was a joke? I bet he wasn't being horrible. Have you never over heard a friend and had a giggle in the am?

Well IMHO, hearing something and have a giggle is not actually the same as actually making a comment to the person in RL in the morning is it?

On the money side you might be right PrammyMammy as it had not been discussed previously.

Am i the only one that thinks his comment is fucking hilarious?

Re the money thing, I don't EXPECT any money from him, but given that heknows we are totally broke, it seems a
tad insensitive to stay in our home without offering any contribution then bang on about a
foreign holiday once he has some cash.

Re his comment, I might have a private giggle to myself if I heard someone else but I have the manners not to embarass anyone by mentioning it.

I'd send him out with a shopping list of things you need and also ask him o do some specific tasks around the house/garden.

It would be very hard for him to turn say no if you ask him to do some stuff around the house.

Get your dh to speak to him about his comment and tell your dh there will be no more bedroom action until his brother leaves

it's not her dh's brother it's op's sisters husband!

vile remark - esp a man to a woman when alone, iyswim

Either way, I'd get your dh to tel him his remark was distasteful.

And I still wouldn't be doing anything in the bedroom again until he left, whoever's husband/brother he is

Perhaps giving him loads of things to do will encourage him to leave, if not, at least he might get some useful stuff done e.g. clearing up the garden, cleaning the drains, washing to loos, etc...

Have now had a chat with DH, BIL had repeated the comment to him. DH has packed him off to his brothers in London for the night, he will be back tomorrow to pack for his holiday