Mumsnet Talk

A family friend just told me that they saw my ds being shouted at by his [new] childminder last week.
Apparently he forgot his school file and she sent him back into school for it and said to wait at the school gate.
He went back to school but instead of waiting at the gate walked further up the school lane to the pavement of the main road[only 100 yards or so].
She had crossed the main road to put the others in the car in a car park and when she saw him on the pavement shouted he had been told to wait at the gate.

It's not the shouting it's the leaving him on the other side of the main road that is the problem.The techers were not there.
He has just turned 8 in yr 3 and has glue ear,can be quite day dreamy and tends to not listen sometimes when he is tired.

hmmm not sure... i mean she gave him specific instructions and he didnt follow them. hopefully it was just a one off.... i personally dont think she ws out of order.

It is the third time he has been to the childminder and she picks up a group of children.

The friend said he felt sorry for ds and told me because if it were his child he wouldn't have been very happy about it[he is a sahd but we are both in the process of getting back to work].

She doesn't know him well enough to know whether he would follow the instructions properly and no parent I have ever seen in my 14 yrs of picking up from this school has ever left their child in this spot.

He is also very well behaved but either hasn't listened,has forgotten or got confused I'm not sure but its not something I've ever seen anyone else do and certainly not what I have ever done.

I think at 8, he's old enough to stand beside a main road with no teachers. Mine started walking home from school when they were 9, so only slighly older than your DS.

Well to be honest, my son is 6 and if i told him to wait at the school gate, that where he would be.

She was probably concerned for his safety seeing him on the pavement and shouted at him so he wouldnt try to run over to her.

Shouting at a child is not the best way of creating a bond (especially if he has just started with her) or getting your point across. It just creates a feeling of fear in the child as they perceive anger coming from the adult.

She probably just shouted at him because she panicked when she saw he was close to the road and thought he might try to cross on his own.

I would expect have expected my ds at 8 yo to be able to wait at a gate if thats what he was told to do.

In saying that if it was someone else's child that I didnt know very well, I would have just waited for him at the gate with the other children rather than taking it for granted that he would follow my instructions.

Difficult one really, suppose you'll have to ask her about it and see how comfortable you are with her response.

mrsmuddle and maleeka ~I would also expect my ds to wait where I told him I don't know why he didn't but I guess it was fear of being left behind.

But that's not the point really ~expecting a child to wait somewhere safe when you don't know them very well is ok but she left him in an unsafe place without knowing him.

It's a bit different when it's your own child.

sb6699 - I would have waited for him to come back with his folder too - would have made more sense..

maybe you should take it up with her casually and see wht she has to say.

have you asked your ds aabout it?

The friend who told me is very nice and sensible and told me out of ds interest only.

I haven't asked ds yet.

I expect he was tired and with a recent change in routine just probably listened to the get your file bit and then thought she would be there when he came back.

There are two things bothering me

1/The c/m didn't put his safety first.

2/I'm not sure why ds didn't follow the instruction properly.

I would be more concerned that the CM felt it was ok to leave teh other children alone in her car, across a main road, whilst she walked back to the school gate to collect your son (as per her original plan).

That, coupled with the shouting - which is not ok in my book, would make me want to keep a close eye on the situation TBH.

I don't mean up and leave but just keep an ear open for any other odd occurances.

Sarah ~ I agree,something is lacking in the judgement about the whole thing ~I expected a long standing c/m like her to have common sense.

Why didn't she just wait for him?

Because if she went back to the gate for him she would be leaving the others alone.

Could she have shouted because he has glue ear/car noise/she was scared he was in a dangerous place//worried there was judgy parents about seeing her across a road from a charge?
Does she always pick up from that school?
If you are worried about where she left him just say 'would you mind keeping ds in sight when you're near the road/gates please because he''s day dreamy'
I think she was reasonable -I would do that with my young twins and y3 ds1, but then that's a mum and childminders have to be more careful I suppose-I would expect a friend to do that but I've never had a childminder.

I'd rather he came home with no file than the arrangement that happened.
Sometimes I think these c/ms bite off more than they can chew.

I would have waited - and I would have expected anyone else to wait given the situation you describe, regardless of them being a parent, friend, CM or Nanny.

I am not sure it is fair to say "these CMs bite off more than they can chew" though...tbh that sounds a bit off.

This is a road that children in the area would not be allowed to cross until sec school.She left him at the junction of the school lane and the main road ~ also confusing because the main road is the entrance to the school which maybe where the confusion came from in his mind.

Definitely a misjudgement on her behalf.
The shouting was probably panic he would follow her across.

She always picks up from this school.
The teachers still only let the dcs out to their parent,not loose,but when they have gone they have gone iyswim,the parent is in then in charge.

Sarah ~it is true because one person picking up several children some only 3 to cross the road is just too much.

In our area there are a couple of very long standing c/ms and they ferry large numbers of dcs out of school.

I haven't used a c/m before now but just not that impressed tbh.

The dcs go out and about locally for various things like swimming and this has never and would never happen.

I am dismayed ds didn't follow the instruction but probably because he is very deaf this week.

I have made my decision I think I am not very impressed.

Well I pick up several children including 3yo...does that mean I have bitten off more than I can chew? Especially on the days when more than one of my dcs have friends back after school...

I am sorry that you are not impressed with your CM, I agree that her judgement has been questionable in this instance, however, I do think it is off to tar all CMs with the same brush or to brand her as being incapable of doing the job she has set herself because of a single incident.

If you are really not impressed perhaps you shoul consider a nanny or a nanny share?

Sarahson ~I suppose that depends whether or not you can cope with them all,keeping them safe and well cared for.
If you can keep your cool and use good judgement then yes,if you can't because you are overwhelmed then no.

Maybe she wasnt going to leave the other children alone but get into the car and drive to the school gate to pick up your ds.

Sorry dont know if thats viable or not.

It sounds like you just arent impressed in general with the idea of a CM. Some are absolutely fab others not so great.

Is there anything else that has happened to make you feel like this.

If this is just a one off incident, maybe you're just feeling a bit jittery because this is your first CM.