will your dd sleep in a pushchair downstairs with you for early part of evening? and then ds upstairs with monitor so you can hear?
or put them to bed in seperate rooms with monitors?
If they will definitely not be in bed before 11pm and you do not want them to go to bed before you do, then talk to DH again and either he or you will have to miss meal and spend the evening upstairs if he doesnt tell his mum in advance or he can call her and tell her kids will be up till you all go to bed, no way round it, how about a more child friendly meal a little earlier and sorry for not saying so before...
almostreal
Fri 20-Nov-09 21:27:24
YANBU She has no right to dictate terms.
eandz
Fri 20-Nov-09 21:27:31
you're not being unreasonable. is there anyway he can explain the situation to his mother right away?
I think it is unreasonable to not tell his mum that this is the situation before you go. Not fiar for her to make plans for 'adult' dinner when your dcs will not / cannot be left to sleep.
She needs to know what your situation is so that things can be planned accordingly. There are bound to be ways around this - maybe allaboutme's suggestions / a family friend to babysit them if this was agreeable to you etc etc but these cannot be explored if she does not know.
if I was her i would be well hacked off if you / dh had not told her this in advance so that something could be worked out whether that is a way to make the adult dinner work or a different focus to include the children
erm,she sort of does have a right to dictate terms-her house.
reverse it to 'mil is INSISTING we keep children up for dinner even though they eat alone and we eat together when they're in bed'
take a monitor, put them in seperate rooms.
Cross posted - if this is a party for your dh is it not reaosnable for him to say 'Sorry mum I want to have my children at dinner to celebrate?' Not unreaosnable for her to want an adult meal if it is a party for her (have to say I enjoy some adult time after spending all day with children as you get a different type of quality time than you get when they are there - both just as good but different) but if it is about your dh then surely his needs and wants should come first?!
Why on earth would they invite people with children to stay and then demand that they not be present for a meal? How bizarre!
Do they not appreciate that your DS has SN and therefore doesn't entirely comply with the 'rules' they have laid down??
Can you get a baby monitor for your DD and have your DS with you?
God they sound a total nightmare tbh (the ILs, not your DCs). Sod the baby monitor - even if it does reach. It's your DH's birthday so it should be his call tbh - as the guest of honour, if he wants his DC running around until 3am then that's what happens. Bleugh 
You're not looking forward to this are you?
2rebecca
Fri 20-Nov-09 22:10:13
Have you never stayed there before if it's his parents' house? Seems odd that this is the first time the problem has arisen if eldest is 3. Must admit when ours were preschool we put kids in bed before adult meal but they were in bed before 8. No-one lived in mega mansions though, a 5 bed house was the biggest.
dollius
Fri 20-Nov-09 22:15:11
Baby monitor will transmit that far - they go for one-quarter of a kilometer. I have parents with similar sort of house and baby monitor always works.
We have also picked one up in an emergency from a Boots once when we forgot to pack it.
Having said that, your DS has SN and your DD is far too little to be left with your DS. Your PIL are being U and you should feel free to keep your baby with you if you want to.
2rebecca
Fri 20-Nov-09 22:32:08
If it's not your MILs house then how come she is deciding what time your kids go to bed? That's the sort of discussion I'd expect to have with the host and hostess. Sounds like MIL is interfering in things that are none of her business.
