Mumsnet Talk

Just had a really really tough interview for what would be my dream job. It was a seven hour round trip for a 20 minute interview and I spent the whole way back desperately upset at the thought I might get the job (quite unlikely, it was a horrible interview!) and be away from my DS for five days a week. I got back after his bath and he was already in bed and it was the most horrible feeling. Am I being unreasonable to not want to work? I never thought I would feel like that as I had been really career focused but I am seriously happy just being a mummy. I'm worried I've lost all my ambition.

If you don't want it how can it be your "dream job"?

YANBU. Wanting to spend time with your child is completely natural to any parent. I am a SAHM, but its due to health reasons and I can't work, but I am glad that I get to stay at home as you never get this time back again and they grow so fast. My DH doesn't like going to work each day as he wants to stay at home and play with DS. I think the reality of it would change his mind somewhat, lol.

Even though its your dream job, the fact that you are not that bothered shows that your priorites have changed now. My amibition was always to have children, and now I have my first, I'm just looking forward to the years ahead now and not worried at all about not having ambition.

Sounds like you already have your dream job. Why do you need / want this paid employment?

I guess when I was working it would have been my 'dream job' - I have been applying for jobs because I think in some way my identity is tied in with what I do, and I think that I SHOULD work. But I guess I just need to get to grips with the concept that being a Mum is a proper and worthwhile and rewarding job, and be grateful that I'm lucky enough to be able to be a SAHM and not have to go out to work and spend the whole day missing my baby. Thanks

YANBU if you dont want it could you look for a job closer to home?

I second itchyhead. this time is precious, and if you are able to, SAH is a great option and you can always go back to work when they are older.

I've realised my post was probably not that helpful . I've returned to work part-time and will probably go back full-time soon, but I will be with DS every evening and would never want a job that denied me that. TBH having to travel for 7 hours just for a 20min interview sounds crap. Are you really sure it was your dream job?

How does the old saying go? "You can have a family, career and a social life but only two at a time!" or words to that effect, there's always a sacrifice somewhere..

Stay with your child, make sacrifices. Most importantly...find YOURSELF! Too many people put too much emphasis on what they do as a job.
Some people are lucky and have good jobs and can balance everything. Others have NO choice to work and others make sacrifices for their familly.
But believe you me, motherhood is the biggest job you'll ever do in your life, so do all you can to do your best

YANBU to not work and stay at home as long as you can afford to and are going to be claiming benefits and expecting the rest of society to support you. It's up to you. Whayever makes you happy.

TamsinToo, what did you mean by that? It sounds like the OP doesn't HAVE to work but thought they should. I'm on benefit (DH works full time). I am suppose to be happy that the rest of society is suppoting me?!

Thats suppose to be "am I"

Didn't mean to open a can of worms. Just to clarify, I took voluntary redundancy and am not claiming benefits - I don't think I can, we are just tightening our belts a bit.

You're right about finding my identity outside what I do for a living, that's good advice. Off to find it now...

Not sure this will help... I had my dream job before I had my DD. Having her totally changed my priorities but, because I am single mum with massive debts (DD was happy accident) I had no choice but to go back to work or risk losing home, etc. I still have the same job albeit with a more family friendly company (with reduced earnings to match) but I would absolutely love to have the realistic choice of working or not. Perhaps you could consider working part time if you do feel that you would like to get into the workplace again?

If not, just relax and enjoy your life with your child. You lucky thing

Your experience probably just goes to show that that job is your old dream. You just need to work out what your new dream is. It might be staying at home with your child or it might be getting a different job that reflects your new priorities. I hope you find what works for you.

Oh I wish I could just stay at home, you are very lucky!

YANBU at all.

All of my friends work because they have to, can't afford for them not to, so enjoy it while you can I say. Just go to toddler groups so you don't go insane from being at home!! lol.