to not want to buy presents for children whose parents can't be arsed to say thank you last year?

[Nanga]

what is it with people? I would literally, well, almost literally, rather die of shame than accept a present from someone, no matter how small, and not say thank you.

I've lost count of the number of parties DS (4) goes to now, leaves a present on the table and we never hear from the child/parents again - not even a 'thanks' shouted across the playground, which would be better than nothing.

DS is going to a party next week and I remember clearly the little boys parents last year didn't bother to send a thank you note for the (quite nice, I thought) present we bought for their son at last year's birthday party. I'm quite tempted to just not bother this year, but then.. you can't go to a party empty handed can you?

Quite apart from the manners issue, I worry that the present never reached them if I don't receive a thank you, and then I worry that they'll think I was mean to not buy them anything!

Am I being horribly old fashioned here?!

[IsItMeOr]

What is this thing about leaving presents on a table? In my day presents were opened in front of the givers at the party, so they could see your smiling face as you appreciated what they had given you. Obviating the need for killing more trees/keeping the card industry in business by writing lots of notelets after the event.

[frecklyspeckly]

it is very frustrating i agree but I think it is quite common practice unfortunately.

Very annoying I know when you feel pleased with what you have bought and would like some kind of acknowledgment of your efforts.

It took me aback a little too having been brought up to ALWAYS send a thank you letter.

Grit your teeth and if you choose to enter into the 'class parties' game (we don't - family tea and/or birthday treat of an outing)make sure you give a thank you letter to the parents that don't bother. A carefully chosen comment such as 'I think manners are really important to teach the dc's' helps you feel better when you hand it over. (Smug I know).I think you are not being unreasonable to be upset though.

[MrsMalcolmTucker]

Funnily enough, we spent this morning making thank you cards for all of the presents dd got at her party last weekend. I was worrying I'd left it a bit long, but this is the first chance we've had due to various dramas, illness etc and better late than never I think.

Anyway, I think it is old fashioned, but important to teach children to appreciate what they get, and to tell people that they appreciate the time/money spent on them.

[jaquelinehyde]

I hate the presents on tables trend. Give the child the bloody present and let them open it!

However, as far as thank-you notes go, I'm sorry but I don't send them. I will say thank-you in passing and say how much DC are enjoying them, but with 3 DC's and a full time Uni degree my life is too busy for writing thank-you notes.

If it bothers you that much the get a pack of 50p colouring pencils and give them. Giving no present is just punishing the child and a little pathetic really.

[Nanga]

well done Mrs MT. you can sleep easy in your bed tonight now!

[faddle]

In all honestly, having just had held a birthday party for 30+ 5 and 6 year olds today, I have come home with 2 black bin bags full of presents, and I now have to look at the tag on each present (which my son has handily ripped off with the paper so I have no idea which gift came from who) write an appropriate thankyou note and then make sure it gets to the relevant person? I'd love to think I could do that, but realistically its not going to happen. Best anyone can hope for from me is that as I greeted everyone at the door, I made sure I thanked them for coming and thanked them for their present.
I never allow my children to open gifts at the party, as I find it is a recipe for lost parts, missing instructions and fights/arguments over who is playing with what. You may think I'm rude, but it works for me.

[AuraofDora]

i kinda agree with isitmeor about leaving presents on the table, the system has gone mad!
.... it's incredibly odd..i asked at one party when birthday girl was opening her presents and got very strange looks!
The best part of giving is watching someone get your gift..

psst....i secretly think it's connected with this fancy modern notion of 'no child failing' and kids being given stickers for just being alive so they are not left out..the feeling behind this is that they are too sensitive, prone to rivers of tears and cannot contain green eyed monster at the sight of said birthday friend opening her birthday gifts and thanking invitees

.. i thought when i read your thread title it was family or close friends who didnt send thanks in some way..

[MrsMalcolmTucker]

I don't know that I'd call it rude not to - I think we all put value on different things don't we. I use energy on thank you cards because I think that's important, but am not so great at the ironing (to think of a thread from a couple of days ago!) because I don't think that's all that important.

[islandofsodor]

Faddle, I am totally with you there.

I always take the presents from people as they arrive, say thank-you and put them aside to take homea nd open. As the children leave we say thank-you for coming.

It would be total chaos and probably tantrums if the dc tried to open there presents then.

If people feel that strongly about it, just don't take a presnt.

[Nanga]

i can see why we have to leave presents on the table. and i must admit i've never thrown the 30+ kids and bouncy castle type party for DS (yet) so don't quite know what it's like to come home with 2 bin bags of presents... but I still don't think I could live with myself if I didn't thank each person for the gift, no matter how small (the present, not the person!)

I know I'm just at the very start of a decade of kids' parties, as DS has only just started school. Shall i load up on shitty pocket money toys from ELC, keep them in a drawer, wrap them up when needed, and just get over myself??

[Heated]

Often there just isn't time to open the presents, especially if the party is booked into a place for a limited time, but also parties can be a bit overwhelming for small children and sometimes it's nice to open presents the next day when all the hoohar has died down. But agree with Nanga it's important to acknowledge you've received the present, whether in person or by letter.

Dh's eldest niece is a shocker for not even saying thank you, so now she's 18 the money stopped. In fact at her aunt's house she just took the cash and left the card behind.

[jaquelinehyde]

Re-thinking the table present thingy. I have to admit that it is probably due to the increase in huge parties for children. I'm a believer of only 1 or 2 friends for a party tea and then family members. I can understand how opening presents when you are managing a party of 20+ children could be a recipe for disaster

[frecklyspeckly]

would just like to add I think I too think the system has gone wrong. I find the whole thing of 3 binbags of toys/packaging overwhelming plus the politics of who to/not to invite. I was not very impressed at one recent party where birthday girl ran up to dd did not even say hello and grabbed present off her and rammed it on tottering table of huge boxes. But who am I to judge, I guess it is a sad sign of the times rather than individual rudeness.

[Saucepanman]

YANBU, however if it is a one off maybe there is a reason. I am a stickler for thank yous but since ds' party a few weeks ago have almost been throwing up solidly with morning sickness, and am having to thank parents personally as and when I see them. Clutching at straws I know! But don't think there is anything you can do about it, other than decline the next invitation.

[pjmama]

Annoying when you don't get a thank you, but not the child's fault so YABU if you don't take a gift next time.

Just lead by example - maybe the parents in question might realise they've been a bit slack when they get a lovely thank you card after your DCs party?

[displayuntilbestbefore]

yanbu - but I agree with pjmama in that you can lead by example and make sure you always get your thank you cards out promptly when it's your child's turn!
I wouldn't dream of not thanking someone for a present for my dcs - especially as with school class sizes, dcs get a real haul in the reception years and to not even acknowledge a present with even just a simple verbal thank you is slack imho.

[ToffeeCrumble]

YANBU but i hope you wrote a thank you letter to the host for holding the party? After all it takes a lot more effort, stress and money to throw a party for 30+ kids and then write 30+ thank you letters than it does to rock up at a party with a pressie in your hand and let your child be entertained and fed by the host for free!

[IsItMeOr]

Well said ToffeeCrumble. I am so not looking forward to DS reaching this age...

[cathers]

YANBU. Not having the manners to reply to a gift is one of my pet hates but unfortunately I think we are becoming the minority with people having busy lifes and becoming more insular.

I have only one neice, aged 6, who unfortunately lives away so most of her xmas/birthday gifts are sent by post. We are yet to recieve a thank-you card!
It is v.annoying but not her fault, so I now sit back smuggly and sending gushing thank-you's for my 2 DS at every opportunity and feel holier than thou

[2rebecca]

I have never sent thank you letters to parents for birthday presents for my kids' parties.
To me you only send a thank you card/letter if a present arrives by post or you don't open it the same day and can't thank the giver personally.
My kids always thank the children who give them the presents. I think then thanking the parent is thanking the family for the present twice.
You may have bought the present but your child gave it. It's the present giver who should be thanked, who actually paid for the present is irrelevent.
As long as the birthday child is saying thank you for the presents then that's fine in my opinion.

[SparklyAlice]

It was DD's 2nd birthday yesterday and we hired a small scout hut for 2hrs for her and her friends to have a good run around and a birthday tea.

It was chaos! The first couple who came asked where they could put the presents, i thanked them and asked if they could put them on a table, after that people saw the presents were on the table and put them there. I was making tea/coffee for the parents, handing out squash, blowing up balloons etc so really could not open presents with dd and thank the relevant person at the time. It made much more sense to have the presents put to one side simply because it would not have been practical to grab DD everytime someone came in, making her sit still and open it, and making the other child stand there too when they want to run off with all the other children. As they get older perhaps that would work ok, but at 2 not a chance!!

We opened the presents at home and wrote a list of who gave what, ready to write thank you letters in a day or so.

I was never made to write thank you letters as a child, but that doesn't mean i won't be making DD as i personally think if you cannot say it in person/phone call then a note is appreciated.

So despite understanding (slightly) why you feel like this, i do think you ABU (a little)

[madamearcati]

YABU.I always get DC to make thankyou cards (eventually).But I couldn't remember who we have had a thankyou from and who we haven't.I certainly don't a grudge.
Birthday child's parent pays for party , birthday guests child pays for present.Quits.