I think you have unreasonably high expectations of your in laws.

Next time you MIL calls and asks to come round tell her what time you will be back: you must at least have a vague idea.

If she can't make it and doesn't suggest an alternative date what is stopping you? I suspect she imagines you are deliberately being difficult.

Make an effort and see what you get back.

Ok, I think some people have gone a little far, bad DIL etc. I know I have issues with my MIL and I honestly can't figure out why.

For the record, I don't expect her to buy my DS things, I think (my very first) post came out a bit wrong. Basically I am so used to my nan being the way she is that I assumed that this what was GPs did. I think I have to learn that my DH family are not like mine and it is mine that we turn to etc when we need help and that (and I don't mean money). Even my DH will get me to ask my family and if I say about asking his, he just says they wouldn't do it.

I just genuinely thought that GPs wanted to see more of their GC. The town thing doesn't actually happen that much now (and nothing to do with me being an unaccomadating DIL).

My point about her phoning was I do try and say another time etc when we are there, but it has to be the one time and day she says or not at all. I have a 'thing' (I do actually think I may have OCD) but when I have planned something, I really can't stand any interruptions, like if the phone rings when you are about to go out, and no I can't leave it to ring either, that would really annoy me and I'd be left wondering all day who it was, maybe I need a like lol. Also what if it was something urgent and I ignored it. Anyway, totally getting off the point now, yes maybe I should make a bit of an effort too but I am always the one who has made an effort with various people and I get fed up sometimes so I see IL as DH job to make the effort with but my MIL is very much 'when it suits her'.

And knowing what her own daughter is like, I have to say I make a much better DIL than she does a daughter, to anyone who thinks I am a bad DIL. I guess I have to accept that all GPs are not like my nan.

Your MIL sounds a lot like mine. She won't change....DH did contront her about it once, and she did then take DC's out to the park, then all went back to normal.

I think you just need to accept this is how she is. You can choose your freinds, and all that....

YABU - I get a little distressed with the majority of IL threads because they seem to give ILs bad press. Sorry OP, but I agree with seaglass.

There are people out there (and on here) with serious grievances with their ILs, which gets lost in the masses of Unreasonable posts.

Make a tiny bit more effort, forget the materialism, and you will be rewarded with a much nicer IL relationship -that's my advice FWIW

I think YAB a little U.

However, perhaps your expectations are a little high given the obviously close relationship you have with your own Gran.

I think you should cut her some slack. She sees her GC regularly enough. Would you prefer if she was sticking her nose in all the time?

Agree that if she she asks for a time you will be home you should try to accomodate her.

"Good grief apparently it is unreasonable to expect GPs to want to be a part of their GCs lives."

I think the OP's attitude to her MIL seems a bit unwelcoming and ungrateful TBH.
It's not unreasonable to expect GP's to be involved, but you complain that when she and your dh and ds get together (regularly) she expects him to pay his way every other week, so presumably, she also pays her share Why on earth should she pay more than that?
When she rings asking if you are in, make an effort to arrange a date that suits you both - don't just tell her you're busy and leave it at that - it goes both ways you know.
You are very different to your MIL, you can't suddenly expect her to be at your beck and call, babysitting whenever you feel like, because she also has a life, and would probably be much more involved if you made a little more effort with her, to let her know that she's needed and wanted.

FWIW, I'm a little confused over present giving - every week there are AIBU threads bashing MIL's for showering their GC's with presents, yours is being bashed for not giving presents.
Poor MIL's - can't do right for doing wrong, can they?

I think YA mostly BU but I know exatly what you're talking about here:

"then if she wants to visit (a very rare occasion in itself) she phones up the day or two before, asks if they can come on such and such a day at a specific time, and if we already have plans and I tell her that, instead of trying to make another time and day she just says "what time will you be back" and I tell her I don't know as I don't aim to be back at certain times, she just says oh we wanted to see you and DS as we haven't seen you for ages, like its my fault or something (she doesn't say this in a nasty way at all)."

My dad and his wife do the same: give very little notice and expect us to drop everything even though they aren't even in the area mainly to see us, just as an afterthought while visiting someone else. It makes us feel like they only visit to "keep face", not because they genuinely want to see us

do you ever invite her round to yours?
maybe she feels unwelcome

Good grief apparently it is unreasonable to expect GPs to want to be a part of their GCs lives. The MN jury is always weird about this.

Clearly MIL isn't that old as she still works and could afford to but her GS something, although it's not her duty to do so.

I think YABU to expect handouts but I think it's that your ILs don't want to be more involved.

Why does your DH go to town with her and DS? Why can't they do something nicer together?

I´ll tell you not interested though-been abroad more than 10yrs, and ILs have never visited their only child (my husband) & grandchildren.

We have invited for Summer, birthdays, Christmas.....

They can stay with us or not whatever suits.

But no, visiting seems to be our "duty"!