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AIBU?

to have burst out crying?

58 replies

aoifesmama · 29/10/2009 18:15

Hi, not having a great day (feeling ill, DD suddenly crying when put in cot, return to work on Monday, arghhh!) but I have just had what I feel is the most awful experience.

Someone knocked on the door and I left DD playing on her mat to go and answer it. The lady at the door was very nicely dressed and in her late 50s/early 60s. She said she was carrying out a survery as to the views of people in the area on Question Time last week. DD began to cry and I left the lady at the door to go and get her. Brought her back and the lady said "ahh, I can see there is little hope in speaking to you, your family has already been cleansed". DD is mixed race. I couldn't quite believe what she was saying, she said she was out campaigning for the idea of London for Londoners. Our next door neighbour was opening his door and came over and escorted her down the path and told her he would call the police for racist incitement. He brought us in and told me not to worry. I have been crying, but worse I didn't even tell the woman she was wrong, I was so upset and just wanted to get DD in and away.

I know that its likely that DD will face issues in her future (DH and I have never experienced any kind of racism since DD was born and any that we have since was when I was visiting my family in Ireland!). I now feel guilty I did nothing and don't know whether to say anything to DH, as I dont want to upset him, although worried our neighbour might.

Should I have said more to the woman?

OP posts:

Report

southeastastra · 29/10/2009 18:21

omfg poor you! hope your neighbour did call the police.

justanothertenminutes · 29/10/2009 18:23

Dont feel bad!!!! I think most people would be too gobsmacked to say anything at the time when faced with such crap. Good on your neighbour for defending you. No advice really but couldnt read and run.

justanothertenminutes · 29/10/2009 18:23

and on your behalf

clemette · 29/10/2009 18:24

Bloody hell that is horrendous. I think when shocking things happen it is really common to be shocked into silence and then later think if all the things you wish you had said.
I am a bit like a dog with a bone when it comes to njustice so my instinct would be to tell DH, everyone I knew locally, the press and the police. Filthy, nasty hate-filled views like hers are thankfully rare but I'm not surprised it shook you up. Do you have any idea who she was campaigning for?

herbietea · 29/10/2009 18:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

scrappydappydoo · 29/10/2009 18:25

That's awful - YADNBU

Hope you're feeling better.. I'm glad your neighbour came to help....

HumphreyCobbler · 29/10/2009 18:26

OMG

What a vile, vile woman.

I don't think you should have lowered yourself to engage with such a vicious bitch. The police should be informed.

Hope you feel better soon.

Singstar · 29/10/2009 18:27

awful, awful, awful. You poor thing, I would tell you dh just incase someone else knocks on door and I would also tell the police so they are aware of what ridiculous bigots and twats are walking round the neighbourhood insulting the residents. Poor you

GrimmaTheNome · 29/10/2009 18:29

Cleansed? WTF is that supposed to mean?

I think your reaction was one of the few possible under the circumstances. I doubt you could have said much to influence someone so steeped in racism as to be actually doorstepping people with a 'survey' like that.

You probably should tell your DH, its such an awful thing he's bound to notice you're upset isn't he?

Just glad you've got a good neighbour. Did he ring the police? They ought to be warned as this woman (and presumably others) are bound to cause trouble.

aoifesmama · 29/10/2009 18:29

Thank you all, feel a bit less rubbish now, although guilty not to have at least stood up for DD rather than looking like a fish!

Apparently the police had already received a complaint and she is someone who is campaigning to be elected as a BNP councillor in the next local election. They have said they have to be careful as to what is freedom of speech campaigning and what is incitement . They have said they will send a car over just to patrol the local streets and have a word with her if they see her.

DSis is on her way over just until DH is home then I suppose I will tell him.

OP posts:

Tambajam · 29/10/2009 18:29

How absolutely bloody awful. I'm so sorry you went through that. I completely understand why you burst into tears and actually I think that profound and heartfelt reaction would have done more 'good' than a snappy comeback. She would hopefully have realized the inhumanity of her beliefs in the face of your obvious humanity. Well, We can hope.
Bottom line - she is part of an unhinged minority of Londoners. She isn't the reality. She could well be a sandwich short of picnic.
I'm not going to sit here and say that your daughter will never experience any racism in her life but don't think there is a seething mass of hatred hiding away ready to pounce. The majority are caring and positive, a small minority are uncomfortable and silent, a teeny tiny minority are more vocal wankers. It is teeny.

intravenouscoffee · 29/10/2009 18:32

That's horrific. I'm not surprised you didn't think to say anything to her - I'd have been too shell shocked to do anything. Please let the police know and talk it through with your DH.

motherbeyond · 29/10/2009 18:33

you were shocked,quite rightly.who would expect someone like that to come and spout that hateful biggoted shite to you on your own doorstep,where you feel safe.horrible old cow. thank god you have such lovely protective neighbours.you were caught off guard,and am sure when you've had time to reflect (and i would share it with your dh-he will be upset,but should be aware) you will think of a 100 brilliant come-backs (as is always the way) but please,please put this out of your mind and enjoy your beautiful lo

electra · 29/10/2009 18:33

for you, op!!!!!!!

words fail me

flyingcloud · 29/10/2009 18:40

This is one of the most shocking things I have read on MN. So sorry that you had to experience this, not sure who I am apologising on behalf of, but attitudes like this are so deeply shocking and wrong.

I am upset too that you have experienced this in Ireland. I find it horrible that the warm, friendly country I grew up in is so intolerant.

GrimmaTheNome · 29/10/2009 18:44

So much for Griffin claiming the BNP isn't racist. One look at your DD was enough for this woman, wasn't it?

JustAnotherManicMummy · 29/10/2009 18:47

Don't feel bad. You have done nothing wrong at all. It would probably have been worse to get into a debate/slanging match with her. It is extremely unlikely she could be reasoned with.

I am so that she thinks it's acceptable to go around spouting such rubbish, especially to people in their homes.

Well done your neighbour though.

ErikaMaye · 29/10/2009 18:51

I'm so angry for you!!!! Are you okay? You poor thing, I would have cried too. Oh my goodness I have so many words spinning around in my head right now to describe that vile old witch... I wish the police would do more, they'd be jumping on it if it was the other way round.

Ugh. I hope you have had a pleasent evening at least, you definately deserve it.

ZZZenAgain · 29/10/2009 18:52

Like grimma, I don't know what she is talking about. What does she mean with: oh your family has already been cleansed?

I bet you feel upset, bad enough to encounter people being racist and horrible to your dc when you're out and about but to have them come knocking at your door and disturbing you at home with it as well is really crap, like there's no getting away from them.

mwahahahamwahahahallyroger · 29/10/2009 18:53

YANBU. I'd have cried too. But don't feel bad that you were unable to say more to this hateful woman. It would have been wasting your breath.
WTF is a Londoner anyway?

tethersend · 29/10/2009 18:53

Comfort yourself with the fact that she is going around knocking on peoples' doors uninvited, and with the amount of nutters we have in London, someone will probably attack her.

Not that I would condone this, of course. If it happened, it would be awful

ZZZenAgain · 29/10/2009 18:54

well yes, i suppose that's as clear as she dares make it whilst canvassing.

Your dd is a Londoner if she lives in London, isn't she?

ZZZenAgain · 29/10/2009 18:55

She's going to be knocking on a lot of doors which will be opened by people she does not consider Londoners. So she is going to say what?

Oh I see you have been cleansed already - and then ring the next bell?

Very weird

Appleton · 29/10/2009 19:06

Wow, that's just so sad. I also have a mixed race DD (she's 17 months) and I hate to think that there are people out there like this. How can anyone make a judgement about a baby FFS?!

I would have done exactly the same as you - as others have said it's shock that stops you reacting as you would want to.

When I was pregnant with DD I was sure all this nonsense was a thing of past generations. The rise of the BNP really, really saddens me.

Anyway, I hope you can talk to your DH about it, and try not to let it get to you too much (easier said than done, I know). And good luck for work next week!

macdoodle · 29/10/2009 19:13

Horrible cow best ignored its really not even worth talking to such people
How people can say or think such garbage about anyone never mind a gorgeous baby!!
But bloody good on your neighbour!!
Hope you're ok now, tell your DH, cuddle your baby and be thankful that you are so much better than those ignorant bigots!

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