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AIBU?

to be mad at DH for this (warning: Christmas related and long!)

23 replies

TheBlairSnitchProject · 28/10/2009 09:40

I know it's early but I'm having to be super organised about Christmas this year as I am pregnant and due on the 27th December. Although I'm probably going to end up with a ELCS the week before, sometime around the 20th December.

OK, Back story - Ever since we've gotten together, DH and I have spent alternate xmases with each others families. We live on the same estate as his parents, a 20-30 minute drive away from his 2 sisters and a 3 hour drive from my Mums so it's not possible to do both in one day, nor would it be fun with a 2 year old, and now a newborn too, in the car. DH's family rotate xmas between his Mum's and his sisters houses, our house is too small to get everyone in (12 people usually - our table seats 4 but we could maybe get 6 round at a push). My family always do Xmas at my Mum's. Sister 1's house is too small and Sister 2 and Brother still live at home.

This year we were due to be with my Mum but I really didn't fancy the 3 hour drive with a fresh section wound and a brand new baby so we cancelled. My Mum was fine with this.

We mentioned to DH's family that we weren't going to my Mum's but didn't push for an invite anywhere cause we thought we might just stay at home. TBH, I wasn't keen on this plan as DH is a terrible cook and I wouldn't be up to a whole xmas lunch. Plus, I feel like we do dinner with just the 3 of us every Sunday and Xmas should be special.

Then, while chatting to my Mum on the phone one night, she suggested that she could bring Christmas to us. This sounded like a great idea to me. We would do meat cause it needs a long cook and Mum would bring all the other bits and cook it in our kitchen. One of my sisters is due to be at her in-laws for Xmas so we would only need to make room for Mum, my Brother and other Sis. 5 adults, 1 toddler and a baby in total, probably about the maximum our house could hold. The plan is that they will stay over night at sisters house on xmas eve as she is halfway here then drive the rest of the trip after breakfast on xmas morning. We'll have most of the day together then they'll go back to sisters for xmas night - we have no spare bedrooms so it's the lounge floor and sofa otherwise! My sister has spare rooms.

I like this plan because it means we'll have family round for Xmas, DS will have 3 adults to dote on him just as baby becomes boring and I will be able to establish feeding with my week old DD without either making my FIL look horribly uncomfortable or having to sit in a strange bedroom on my own. If DD is anything like DS was, I will be feeding every couple of hours so I'd miss most of Xmas otherwise!

But then, about a week after talking about this, SIL invited us to hers for Xmas while DH was at his Mum's without me. DH said yes as he didn't realise the other plans were definite. We talked about it when he got home, decided that we did want to stay at home and he was supposed to tell his sister.

Then, about a fortnight ago, we were out for lunch with his other sister and she mentioned Xmas. We said again that we were staying at home and I again said that he had to tell SIL, preferably before she heard it from other SIL as she might be offended otherwise. MIL and SIL's talk to each other a few times a day so this was really important to get done quickly.

This this morning, I got this e-mail, it was sent to DH and I was cc'd in..

"I've not had a reply from you but SISTER 1 said you told her a couple of weeks ago that you aren't coming for Christmas now? I'm sure you would have let me know so thought I'd better check as I've already started buying things like crackers and little table presents for adults and children.

I've copied you in TheBlairSnitchProject in case TheBlairSnitchProject's DH ignores me again!!"

Now I think she sounds annoyed and that she's going to be upset with us. Phoned DH at work to rant ask him why he hadn't talked to SIL yet and he seemed unbothered but has said he will call her later.

I know I could have called her myself but TBH, I'm not as close as I would like to be with my SIL's. We can chat on the phone if they call and DH isn't in (if he is, they just ask for him straight away) but I would never call them just for a chat. Hell, his family still play "Bloods v Outsiders" for Christmas day Trivial Persuit!!. As you can see from the email, they only copy me in if they need a reply cause they know how rubbish DH is at responding! And - it was DH who agreed to go, I feel like he should be the one to cancel too.

So - AIBU to be pissed at DH for not sorting this out and leaving me to feel guilty about upsetting his sister? And AIBU for wanted to spend Xmas at home?

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FlamingoBingo · 28/10/2009 09:44

YANBU to be cross with DH and YANBU to want to spend Christmas at home but you're lucky she's not cross with you! Email her back and say that you're really, really sorry, that you had asked your DH to tell her weeks ago. Don't let her be hurt and put out by your DH's behaviour - it's not her fault. But don't feel guilty either - it's not your fault either!