Pale mixed race baby raising a few eyebrows......

[angelz]

My ds was born 3 months ago and surprised us all by coming out extremly pale with straight red hair, despite having a black father.

I myself am VERY pale, so found it more amusing than shocking as I know how funny genetics can be.

But lately my partner has said that while he loves our ds he is finding it hard as he cannot see himself, or any of his family in ds.

He has even mentioned a paternity test, and while I know in his heart he knows how ridiculous this is, he says sometimes he can't digest what he sees before his eyes.

Has anyone else had similar experiences?.... will our ds darken, or is it really possible that a mixed race baby can stay this white? Even his little ears have a pinkish hue, and his eyelids are almost see through!

Personally I would never have thought it an issue, but can see why my partner may struggle a little with it, people already have given us a few funny looks when I introduce him as ds's father

[cktwo]

We're not mixed race but neither of my chidren look like me or my DH. It's just the random-ness of genetics, I guess!

My SIL is half-Malasia and is typically olive skinned and black haird, as are her brothers. However, her nephew is blond and blue eyed, and yes, people do raise eyebows as they expect to see the same balc har, dark eyed boy as his dad.

[Sunfleurs]

My neighbour is black and is mother to a mixed race baby. He is very white with blonde hair. I have never met the babies father but if I didn't know her and saw her with her baby I would not have thought he was hers.

I don't really know what advice to give, it must be quite hurtful for you to hear your partner say he feels like this. Just letting you know that I know someone the same.

[MaggieBehave]

I used to know a black guy with a white wife and their kids were so pale with moussey afro hair the most beautiful grey eyes. But you still knew they were mixed-race. It was as though they were quarter black not half black. But nobody could have looked at them and thought, oh hum, who's the Daddy!!? They still looked alike! They still looked like a family.

I think only people who are looking for scandal will raise an eyebrow. Tell them to push their bloody eyebrow back down!!

People will always look for 'juice'. I've been asked if my two have the same dad.

[skihorse]

Back in 1982 or so I saw mixed-race twin girls in Cardiff. They were very pale with blond "tightly curled" hair and blue eyes. They were absolutely stunning. I saw them again in 1990 and just knew it was the same two girls. You couldn't help but stare - they were absolutely breathtaking. I don't think it's too uncommon but I'm sure as maggie said, you will be asked questions about the paternity. E.g., "What colour hair's the milkman got?"

[Jujubean77]

Yes it is possible that a mixed race baby can stay very pale or look "white". I feel very at your DHs reaction tbh, are people really giving you funny looks? If so that is just ridiculous. I suggest he educate himself a little on how Genes work. It is very random indeed.

[HKT]

There'a a black lady who lives near us, her mixed race baby is white - if she hadn't given birth to him and never let him out of her sight at the hospital, she swears she would assume there had been a mix up!
Just down to genetics.

[kittywise]

My kids are 1/4 Asian, three of them have pale skins, blond hair and blue eyes, the youngest is called 'our swedish baby' by dp because he is so very blond.
Three of them have brown eyes and darker skin.

NONE of them look remotely like each other OR me or dp. I joke that I want a maternity test. There's been some funny swapping nonsense been going on in the delivery suite I reckon!

[kittywise]

Actually people frequently ask me and sometimes dp if all the kids have the same father, so unlike dp and his dark skin and hair are the blond ones.

[citronella]

I am mixed race but pretty pale on the 'mixed' spectrum. To see my children you would never think they had a black grandfather. No one has said they take after me. Given that at most any of us will only have at most 'a handful' of children, the visible genetic heritage is just the luck of the draw. Shame on your DP to doubt it really.

[angelz]

I think it is quite amazing really - genetics are crazy.

I don't mean to paint my dh in a bad light, he is an amazing man, I think he is just a little shocked and sure he will just get used to it (well, he has do really :O)

As for other peoples' raised eyebrows, you are right jujubean it is there problem not mine.

[RenderedSpeechless]

hi angelz, i couldve written your op almost word for word. in fact, been thinking about starting a similar thread. i recently gave birth to my gorgeoud dd. she is 'olive'-skinned on her face, but arms, legs and tummy are transparent white. i can even see the blue of her veins. all the indicating areas - top of ears, cuticle area of fingers and genitals - are very pale brown. both myself and dp are black - not caramel black, think galaxy or yorkie in terms of chocolate bars.

this has raised eyebrows all round, from his family and mine. the mw and hv at the hosp passed comment, which i ignored. dd's hair is very fine in texture and straight, the hairs on her arms are blond. i have 2 other dcs; each subsequent birth has produced a lighter dc. i love them all, of course, but the questioning looks (and not very funny jokes) are getting me down.

[Fluffypoms]

Angelz how can you be so nice,
sugessting dna testing your dh is indirectly accusing you of cheating is he not?

[MrsGravy]

Like the others I know mixed race children with similar colouring. My DH is half indian but you really wouldn't think it to look at him, his skin is olive but his eyes are blue and his hair quite light brown. Amongst his cousins with a similar genetic heritage there are some who look completely indian and a few who look completely white - even 2 who are red heads.

You can't see any of the indian heritage in my two either, they are blonde haired and blue eyed!

Thing is though, your child might well end up to have a similar personality to your DH. I know my DD is the most like her daddy in her personality despite looking the least like him.

[RnB]

Yes it is possible that your baby will stay pale, but my boys 1/4 back 3/4 white looked white at birth. They are both more 'tanned now' esp ds2 who definitely looks mixed race

[chegirl]

Hello Angelz,

I suspect some outside influence on your OH. People think its funny to make 'jokey' comments about kids looking a bit pale etc. Not an excuse for your OH to be an arse though.

I have 4 mixed race kids and one on the way. 4 of them have the same birth father (my husband) and one is adopted from my husband's family.

They all have different skin tones and hair. My DD was the darkest and my 22 mth old is the palest. My DD had dark hair but had LOADS of red in it. All of my birth children have bright blue eyes. DH's great granddad apparently had bright red hair.

There is an awful lot of genetic influence in white and black backgrounds. My DH is from Guyana where people range from very very dark like an African to looking like they are from the Far East. This is due to slavery and the Gold trade.

My DS3 is shares a lot of the same genetic material as my birth children but he has brown eyes which are almond shaped (Chinese ancestory?).

My DH's family is really really HUGE. I have 30 + nieces and nephews, many of them mixed race. They range frome very dark with true afro hair to white with blonde hair and blue eyes.

Its what happens.

Who knows what my DC5 will look like?

[motherinferior]

Angelz, my mother is Indian - not Anglo Indian, all her relatives as far back as she knows are Indian. Nobody ever, ever thinks I am telling the truth when I tell them this. I am very, very white indeed. I have red hair, pale skin, green eyes and freckles. I don't look even remotely mixed.

[Morloth]

Wouldn't be too impressed if my DH suggested a paternity test for any reason, quite a bit of cheek there.

All it would take is for your DH to have one ancestor in hundreds (thousands?) to have been white and he would carry the ginger gene.

Presumably if your bubs had been born darker you would have been expected to be OK with that? What is the difference?

[angelz]

Well flufflypoms I wasn't so nice when he first suggested it I can assure you! I was (and still am) hurt, but at the end of the day I want him to get rid of any doubt now and bond with his son - it is a slightly unusual situation, and sometimes I think it is best to put emotions to one side and do what is best for our family.

But trust me, I will not be doing subsequent tests if our next children come out this way! :O)

[PrettyCandles]

I can understand your dh's feelings. Even though it would be lovely if he could just accept things, this is a reality that he is finding hard to face.

If I hadn't been awake giving birth to my dc, I would likely have been feeling some of his feelings. Ds1 is the spit of dh, plus red hair. Neither dh nor I have red hair, but others in our extended families do, so red hair was not a surprise for us. But of course people do ask, especially if they haven't met dh. Ds2 is dark and swarthy. He looked mixed-race until he was about 1y, and even now people who don't know dh ask where ds2's dad is from. We are both white. Again, ds2 looks virtually nothing like me.

Why not do a paternity test. You know the truth and have nothing to worry about. Men do often find hard fact more reassuring than feelings.

[ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight]

Oh poor you. Your DH is being a jerk by the way. DS is very white, apart from brown eyes and a vague hint of tan looks just like me in his colouring. DH has not been phased whatsoever and if he has had funny looks when out with DS he has never mentioned it. I think it's very sad that your DH is letting this affect his bonding with your son. Doesn't he understand that genetic are unpredictable? If he wanted a black baby he should have reproduced with a black woman . The joy of mixing up the genes is that you never know what you will get! I knew a girl who was white with blond hair and blue eyes, her brother was dark skinned with afro hair. Products of a white german father and a half jamaican mother. I bet that raised a few eyebrows!

[spicemonster]

There is a really interesting book by Marsha Hunt which is about her grandmother 'passing' for white in the early 20th century.

Mixed race people can have very differently 'shaded' children and that's entirely normal.

I think your OH is being a bit unfair - if your DS had come out very dark-skinned, would you feel that he didn't look yours??

[ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight]

Pic of DS and DH on profile if anyone wants to marvel at my boy!

[mumsiebumsie]

Just to add to accounts. Know a black guy with a white wife. He has 5 children - all born with blue eyes, blonde hair and the fairest skin. Some darkened as they grew older, but youngest two look as Anglo-Saxon as they come. I guess it's a lottery really. Sure your DH will come round!