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AIBU?

to find pregnancy with a toddler really hard!?

20 replies

sally78 · 03/10/2009 19:23

I have a very active 22 month old, who likes to be carried around instead of walking or going in the pushchair, run off and gets into everything etc etc etc. All normal stuff I hope!

We were in the bath together yesterday and he was so lovely giving me lots of cuddles but was also jumping around and leaning all over my bump! I had a small bleed afterwards and had to go to the hospital for monitoring and Anti D injections.

What can I do!!

OP posts:

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TAFKAtheUrbanDryad · 03/10/2009 19:28

YANBU - I sympathise completely. My ds was 15 months when I fell pg with dd. He was (and still is) a complete terror, very cute and loving, but a runner, so I have to have him in the tandem buggy, the stroller (and dd in sling) or on reins.

I remember around Xmas time (so I would have been about 7 months) and trying to strap a tantrumming not-quite-2 year old ds into his stroller, thinking, "How the fuck am I going to do this with a baby in a sling?!"

It is so, so hard. I found a good game was playing "Doctors" - I bought him a play Dr's kit from ELC and I would lie on the sofa and he would take my blood pressuer and pretend to listen to the baby. We also watch a lot of CBeebies. Train tracks were good as well, as I could use the last of my energy to lie them out then snooze observe from the sofa!

sally78 · 03/10/2009 19:34

Thankyou TAFKAtheUrbanDryad! I'm glad i'm not the only one! Great suggestion about Cbebbies and playing doctors!

OP posts:

Pyrocanthus · 03/10/2009 19:37

YANBU. Watch yourself carrying him around as you get bigger - your centre of gravity shifts and you fall so much more easily. My friend fell heavily on her toddler while carrying him when she was nearly full term with her second. All three of them were OK, but it was very frightening at the time.

qwertpoiuy · 03/10/2009 19:37

I got pregnant with DD1 when DS was 15mo. It was a nightmare! I had no help. And I was working 24-hour call once weekly, where I'd start work at 9am and work non-stop for 24 hours with only one 1-hour lunch break, then I would have the next day off. MIL was DS's (paid) childminder at the time but refused to take him on my "day off" as he needed to be spending time with his mammy! So up to 7 months pregnant, I had to do this and spend my day off running after a very active toddler - it was NOT quality time I tell you!
It is a time in my life I would not repeat. My DD2 was born 4 years later and I had a much nicer pregnancy as DCs were at school!

Sorry, post not helpful - you just re-enacted some awful memories! But those DCs are now aged 9 and 7 and they are great kids.

SardineQueen · 03/10/2009 19:41

It is really really hard and really really tiring.

I ended up putting cbeebies on a lot too

It must have been scary with the bleed I hope you are feeling OK... you need to try and put yourself first just for now... sit by bath rather than go in with him if he gets overexcited, be firmer about not carrying too much etc. Although i know that is far easier said than done!

Fleecy · 03/10/2009 19:41

I found it tough as well - I remember wondering how on earth I'd cope when the baby came when I was struggling so much just being pregnant and having a toddler.

It does get better - it was much easier looking after two DC than it was being pregnant, heavy, ungainly and having to lift a toddler!

funtimewincies · 03/10/2009 19:42

Ds is 2.10, so a little older, but still needs help getting dressed and things and knows the value of a good tantrum in a public place. It's the bending over that I'm struggling with (I'm 32 weeks) as it starts the Braxton Hicks off. When I've got the energy we do lots and on days when I'm feeling grim he's allowed to watch vast quantities of CBeebies. I refuse to beat myself up about it.

Dh has been more helpful since a scare last week, but there's no doubt that it's tougher than the last pg.

I've also had to crack down on the leaping-all-over-me thing!

DorotheaPlentighoul · 03/10/2009 19:43

YANBU - it is hard. I am 9 weeks and knackered. DS is hewn from granite and weighs a ton but still loves to be lifted up the stairs when he's tired and sinks down like a dead weight in protest when thwarted. I can lift him OK now, but dreading what I will do at 30 weeks etc.

But hey, we'll muddle through somehow!

Meglet · 03/10/2009 19:45

Yanbu. I got pg when ds was 14mo and doing 2 part time jobs, one with a motorway commute and a 4 week split with ex p. Was a crap time I have to say, especially at the end when he could run rings round me as I couldn't chase him quick enough. But once little dd was born mummy was in charge again .

I am in awe of people who have more than 2 dc's and have to do more and more each pregnancy. I think you can sort of muddle through if you only have a toddler that doesn't have to go to school, but with older children you have to be there on time regardless of how crap you feel. The human race would have ended long ago if everyone was like me .

Naetha · 03/10/2009 19:52

YANBU at all - I'm 32 weeks pregnant, and DS is 22 months. I'm finding it physically exhausting. Mentally, I'm just about coping, but very much on a fine line that is kept in check by cBeebies.

You do cope somehow,and I'd recommend encouraging DP or any other close family and friends that don't mind getting a bit physical to tire out your DC and do the wrestling side of it. (Something my DS absolutely loves!).

Just remember that it's a phase that will pass, and at the end of it (whether it's when the baby's born, or when both of them leave home!) you'll have some time and space to yourself again!

funtimewincies · 03/10/2009 19:52

I've told dh to remind me how knackered and crap I feel if I start getting broody for a 3rd !

funtimewincies · 03/10/2009 19:53

I've told dh to remind me how knackered and crap I feel if I start getting broody for a 3rd !

funtimewincies · 03/10/2009 19:53

Twice!

SardineQueen · 03/10/2009 19:57

funtime if - if - we have a 3rd, I have said i do not want it arriving before DD2 is 3 and at nursery.

Having a baby and a toddler on at you is hard.

I have put DD1 (2.3) in nursery (pre-school) for 2 mornings a week - she started last week and so far no tears she loves it. And the break is marvellous.

Sally if you can afford it it might be worth thinking about doing something like that - I know it's not for everyone though

sally78 · 03/10/2009 20:02

Thanks so much everyone. I was starting to think it was just me! Number 3 will have to wait until school starts for DS!

Is the baby well protected? I always thought so but the midwife worried me a bit last night after the bleed.

I think I will have to really praise him for walking as he is soooooooooooooo lazy but hates the pushchair! Having said that I spend all day running after him!

Its hard to say no when those little arms go up too!

OP posts:

Firawla · 03/10/2009 22:35

yanbu, im sure most people in same situation could sympathise. i have ds 15 months & 31 weeks pregnant, he still cant walk and weighs as much as his 2 yrs old cousin, so pretty tiring carrying him around all the time, especially as he has been ill last week and really clingy, so doesnt want to be put down

llynnnn · 03/10/2009 22:44

yanbu, pregnancy and a toddler is sooooo hard!

my dd1 was almost 3 when dd2 was born and that was hard enough , must be even harder with a much younger ds.

I can honestly say that even with all the sleepless nights and having just given birth etc etc I have really found it much much easier having a baby and a toddler rather than being pg with a toddler! hope that offers you some light at the end of the tunnel.

until then, don't try to do too much, watch more tv, read lots of stories, visit as many helpful relatives/friends as you can etc. we spent a lot of time doing 'sitting-down' activites: playdough, painting, colouring jigsaws etc! anything that meant i could rest a little!

good luck! having 2 is hard work but soooo wonderful i wouldnt change it for the world

TrickOrNinks · 03/10/2009 22:56

YANBU YANBU YANBU, it is hard work. As DH says, "they're not quite human yet", which I take to mean that they don't really care about pleasing adults as older children do.

My DS is 2.4. You are not being unreasonable at all.

Flibbertyjibbet · 03/10/2009 23:07

DS1 was 8m and just got mobile when I was pg with ds2.
So according the llynnn I had it HAAAAAAAARD!!!! And I agree!
I think I finally got a rest when ds2 was 3 and a half. (oh that would be this morning when I had an early night and lie in on the same sleep session...)
Yes its hard but just wait till that baby comes and you'll be looking back on your 2nd pregnancy as the calm before the storm

jellyrolly · 03/10/2009 23:21

Yanbu it is very difficult, I hope you are over the scare that sounds horrible. I agree it is much easier having a baby and a toddler than pregnant with a toddler. It feels like you are pregnant for ages though.

My two are a year and a half apart and I gave myself concussion and fell on my big bump when pregnant with ds2 had to go for all those tests etc. He was fine, I got to sit down for two hours with a mag, loved it!

You're a better mummy for sitting down, relaxing, watching cbeebies etc. than if you push yourself too hard. I think you should have got a bit more reassurance from the hospital, babies are very well padded and protected in there.

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