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AIBU?

To be pissed off at the fuss brother in law and life are making for their kid's 1st birthday?

314 replies

Jude68 · 01/10/2009 21:31

Their 1st dc and our 2nd dc's were born only two month's apart. When DD2 had her 1st birthday at the end of August my partner didn't want to take a precious day's leave from work for her birthday as he said "she's only 1, she won't care anyway." All we did was get her a cake, sing happy birthday and helped her open her presents in the evening when the grandparents (one set anyway) were there. They live with us anyway so it's not like they had to make the effort to come over.
DP's brother saw him at work and said should he give DP her present or bring it over the following Sunday when they were coming over for lunch anyway...nothing to do with celebrating DC's birthday.
Now for their DC's upcoming big day they are planning a big family outing to a farm (shit choice) and have published a list, like a wedding list where people can choose what to get their daughter from.
Now it's up to them I suppose how they choose to celebrate but it's making me feel pissed off with DP, guilty with myself and sad for DC2 that we didn't make a fuss.
Am I being pathetic? What did you do for 1st birthdays? I know the baby doesn't care but it's showing everyone else how much you love them isn't it?

OP posts:
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AnyFucker · 01/10/2009 21:34

don't be silly

you were perfectly happy with your choice of celebration before

why are you allowing somebody else's OTT approach make you feel bad ?

get over it and give your dd an extra cuddle

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SqueezyCheese · 01/10/2009 21:34

I don't have any kids but who cares what they are up to. You did what was best for your little family and that is what matters.

I didn't know that people did 'lists' now for childrens presents? Weird. I'd probably be offended at the rudeness of that more than anything.

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thisisyesterday · 01/10/2009 21:35

well, i don't think it's that much of a fuss.
an outing to a farm, and a list of things the child might like... all sounds perfectly reasonable to me!

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Eyeballls · 01/10/2009 21:35

No, what you did was fine. For dd's 1st birthday we had immediate family over for a couple of sandwiches and a cake. No outings, no bouncy castles, nothing. Family got to see her and she got a fuss made of her. For her second birthday in Jan we will be at DH's sister's wedding the day before so we will only be seeing my parents on her birthday. Very small children really don't need anything else.

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cheesesarnie · 01/10/2009 21:35

yab a bit u
its a childs birthday.its not your bil fault you chose not to have a big celebration.

none of mine had big celebrations on their 1st birthday(ds2 was really poorly so missed his own birthday by sleeping through it).but i wouldnt grudge any one that wanted to do a big thang.

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chaosisawayoflife · 01/10/2009 21:36

They are being ridiculous. A gift list for a babies 1st birthday??!! Absurd. The trip to the farm is fine, and the fact that they want to make a big deal of their 1st dc's 1st birthday is normal IMO, but the gift list is just bizarre.
We personally decided just to have a nice day out as a family to mark our dd's 1st birthday (2 days after her birthday) but I know for some people its a big deal and they want to share it with the family.

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nigglewiggle · 01/10/2009 21:37

I agree with AF. You are letting their approach move your goalposts.

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moondog · 01/10/2009 21:38

Your BIL is nuts but so are you/
Are you honestly of the belief that spending money and urgeing others to do the smae means you care more about someone?

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thisisyesterday · 01/10/2009 21:38

am i the only one that thinks a kind of gift list is a good idea?

ik am thinkig of doign them for the dc's for christmas to ensure we don't end u[p with any more huge pieces of plastic shit like we usually do!
will my family spurn me??? lol

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ginnny · 01/10/2009 21:38

You aren't pathetic at all. I think they are being a bit OTT (never heard of a present list for a one year old )
Its got nothing to do with showing how much you love them. My dc have never asked what we did for their first birthdays, they are more interested in what they'll get do for their next ones.

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Aranea · 01/10/2009 21:38

No, of course it isn't about showing anyone how much you love your baby. If it's your first baby I think it can be largely about the anniversary of the extraordinary events that happened to you as a couple. That's pretty much how I felt when dd1 turned 1, anyhow. Of course a one-year-old isn't going to notice or care what you do, and your celebration of her birthday is just about what makes you happy. Relax...

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nancy75 · 01/10/2009 21:40

i dont see why you have to compare? you do what you want with your children they can do what they want. i dont think their plans are ott anyway. for dd's first birthday we had a party with 70 guests (they were nearly all family) a bbq and a marquee in the garden, it started at lunch time and the last straggler went home at about 1am - nobody complained it was over the top, they were too drunk busy having a good time!

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CayPeag · 01/10/2009 21:40

And there's no reason why you should have to show "everyone else how much you love them" - you know you do, DC does - that's who counts!

Let them go over the top, enjoy the day out, and look forward to some completely over the top parties with magicians etc, while you have more personal fun with your DCs

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GirlsAreLOud · 01/10/2009 21:41

Why did you write 'shit choice' in brackets?

What's wrong with them doing that?

If you are feeling "guilty, pissed off and sad" then that is down to you. Not them.

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vickiadele · 01/10/2009 21:42

YABU regarding the other childs party, i think your anger should be aimed at your partner, your childs 1st birthday is not just special for the child but for you, all the memories, he should of got you a bunch of flowers and said thank you for such a wonderful gift, your child.

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busybutterfly · 01/10/2009 21:46

YABU - be happy with what you did and let them do what they want to - it's their first child and they can make a fuss if they want. Doesn't mean yours was any less enjoyable!

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thisisyesterday · 01/10/2009 21:47

knowing jude, it's probably because their child is a boy

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piscesmoon · 01/10/2009 21:47

I don't see why you let it bother you-no one remembers their 1st birthday-it is more for the benefit of the parents. Just go and enjoy it and don't compare.

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choosyfloosy · 01/10/2009 21:48

I think YABU tbh because what does it matter? We did have a party for ds's first, jointly with a friend whose baby was born on the same day, but it was for us really, not for the babies. The survival end of that first year was something I felt like celebrating. Maybe your Bil and SIL have had a horrible time too and want some fun?

As for present lists, well, I do keep a running list of things I think of that ds would like, but that's because people sometimes ask me.

Just because someone else does something you really don't have to do it as well. Are you going to spend your DC2's childhood comparing their experience to their cousins'?

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RumourOfAHurricane · 01/10/2009 21:48

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Guad · 01/10/2009 21:48

Loads of our friends have done quite big parties for first birthdays.

We didn't, well, I made a trifle which took a while, but I didn't think anything about them having a party. It's personal choice how you want to celebrate.

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ScaryFucker · 01/10/2009 21:50

thisisyesterday, do you know something about the OP that we don't ??

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vickiadele · 01/10/2009 21:50

agree with thisisyesterday, i just noticed who im bothering with, i took my boy to thomas land for his first birthday he loved it, going now to bother with nicer people x

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RumourOfAHurricane · 01/10/2009 21:52

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shonaspurtle · 01/10/2009 21:52

We've just visited my parents & had db & family over for cake for ds's 1st & 2nd birthdays (and tbh probably his 3rd as well).

Db & sil have a family party & another proper children's party for their children's birthdays (aged 3 & 1).

I just enjoy the parties! People like doing different things and I don't think for one second that anyone infers that I love ds less than my neice and nephew are loved by their parents. That would be barking.

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