to think this is a bit selfish?

[beaniesinthebucketagain]

I dont feel comfortable us both drinking and then caring for the children, my mum can only do a few hours in the evening and its rare as she has a 4yr old and 1yr old herself so arranges her own babysitter to babysit for me, i have no one else who can do it, also dd is still in a bedside crib due to many problems so one of us needs to be sober, the other on the spare bed,

me and dp went out last friday for my birthday, i had one drink (meaning alcoholic) he had 3, when we arrived home, ds and dd were asleep, grandma went home, dp in his 'silly state' makes a racket wakes ds so i go to settle him, while settling him dd is then disturbed, in this time dp has fallen asleep and ignores dd, (dd is 10mnths old and was asleep in the pushchair slightly sat up due to an really bad sinus infection,) she was in the same room as him and he ignored her, i was upstairs for around 20mins, she went quiet and then woke again so i kiss ds and pop down, he hasnt moved, is completely out of it and shes hollering! all she needed was her dummy poor mite.

So friday just gone our friends were home and they invited us out (may i just add here this is the first time I have been out since dd was born and ive not had a drink since before pregnant with 26mnth old, im no drinker just fancied one or two just once!!!) i ask him please can i have a drink and he takes over with getting up with the kids etc, he sayes yer fine.

Then last night he arrives home with a crate of beer and drinks 4 cans before we leave, But i dont know this until i get home as hes sneaking around i put both kids to bed while hes tidying up there dinner then before i leave the 2yr olds room his in the bathroom,

we then get out and friends get first round in automatically get him a beer, fair enough its only one, he continues to have several, gets his ive had a beer ill act like a teenage tosser silly head on, and i give up and buy a bottle of water, nice meal out then ruined for me, he has a go saying im a spoilsport for not drinking, we get home and same as week before occurs both kids disturbed me racing between the two as hes asleep! HE disturbed them, argh!

Anyway i was ment to have the treat of a lay in and he gets up with them but all i keep hearing is both kids crying or shouting, so i go downstairs, dd has been fed but not cleaned and left to play, ds has had brekkie dumped on the table and left to sort himself, Not so dp is asleep with my laptop on his lap and his awful taste in music tv on!

i just calmly took over with the kids and ignored him,

we later had a chat and i asked why he couldnt have one night without a drink, he replies, why should i, i work all week, ive earnt it, if you choose not to drink your problem.

I know i dont need a drink to enjoy my night out, i dont drink often i just wanted to have one or two for MY 21st! I possibly wont have another until my 30th!

So come on ladies am i being unreasonable or is he being a selfish arse.

[beaniesinthebucketagain]

oh sorry for the essay, didnt mean it to be so long!

[gingernutlover]

yanbu

he is being an arse

cos you also work all week (either in or out of home) and you also earn the right to have a drink and a lay in!

Go out first thing in the morning, leaving him with a list of what to do all day with the house/kids and see if he still thinks it's your problem when you come back (after bedtime)

[ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight]

How old is he? He's being a selfish tosser and if he can't hold off having a drink there's a problem. Don't you work all week? Doesn't he see that one of you needs to be sober for the kids? What a twat.

[peggotty]

is the real issue here that you are concerned about his drinking, do you think? He is certainly being unfair by basically doing what he wants i.e drinking and then bahving irresponsibly.

[beaniesinthebucketagain]

hes 24, im a sahm (easiest job in his eyes) but run two mum and toddler groups and do a huge avon round, i dont sit around watching day time tv!

Hes usually so reasonable and helpful this has shocked me, hes always liked some beer on a friday, not out just home with me, but when weve been skint hes happily not had any, so why is he being so darn difficult!!!

[beaniesinthebucketagain]

peggotty, as ive said im not a drinker, i just enjoy the frankie and bennys cocktails on special occasions, i have no patience for people who have to drink when out, he doesnt drink in excess, hes just suddenly decided he has to every weekend

[ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight]

I meant that you are working as well! Looking after children is harder than going to work, no question (I'm doing both). He's being very unfair you know. He's taking you for granted and it's not on.

[beaniesinthebucketagain]

his argument is im not bothered by having a drink so why should he, who is, have to go without, because, just once id like the sodding option!!!!