to want to have a poo in peace once in a while?

(66 Posts)
Grisette Mon 21-Sep-09 21:33:21

Dh gets this pleasure every day when we stop all the clocks cut off the telephone, prevent the dog from barking etc while he spends half an hour every morning "contemplating his day" in the bog. I NEVER get to have a quiet poo, without being interupted by DD looking for something, or needing a wee erself, having to play peek a boo or sing to DS to keep him happy, or the doorbell or phone ringing. It makes one rather anally retentive, let me tell you.

famishedass Mon 21-Sep-09 21:37:10

YANBU and your post really made me laugh. grin

It reminded me of the mumsnetter who once posted a thread complaining that every time it was time to get all the kids out of the house with bags, kits, coats, hats, scarfs, yadda yadda yadda, her dh used to go for his "emergency poo".

Can you not get into the toilet before your dh in the morning. Take a book and "contemplate your day" for about 45 minutes. That should cure him.

bethylou Mon 21-Sep-09 21:37:54

Couldn't agree more! It really gets on my nerves and has become a standing joke that when the in-laws are round I can actually go and use the loo on my own!! One day, I ended up with DS sitting on my lap while I had a poo just cos I couldn't stand the noise of him screaming and the mess created by him waving the loo brush at me - his other favourite past-time!!!

weegiemum Mon 21-Sep-09 21:38:51

If your dh is taking half an hour in there, pack him off to the GP. There is something very wrong if it takes him half an hour to evacuate his bowels!

nappyzonecantrunfortoffee Mon 21-Sep-09 21:39:04

I feel your pain yanbu - i dont thnk i have finished a number 2 properly in weeks! Was that tmi?

IwishIwasmoreorganised Mon 21-Sep-09 21:42:45

I can also sympathise! DS2 has a fascination with me on the loo, and as our door on the bathroom is so warped that it doesn't close I can't keep him out!

drinkmoretea Mon 21-Sep-09 21:47:04

You need to go to Pauls house grin

BettySuarez Mon 21-Sep-09 21:49:10

drinkmoretea - I was just about to suggest Paul's House grin

SmallScrewCap Mon 21-Sep-09 21:50:30


I, too, have contemplated "doing a poo at Paul's" purely to get some peace and quiet, regardless of what it smells like

I don't even know anyone called Paul though

SecretNinjaChipmunk Mon 21-Sep-09 21:51:11

drinkmoretea you have really made me laugh. not having a poo in peace is one of the things my mum remembers from me and my bro being little, so it is obviously something that affects lots of people.

robino Mon 21-Sep-09 21:51:47

YANBU. If I'd ever thought having a solo-poo would make my day I don't think I'd have had kids grin

Iwish I also have a rubbish door, must call an odd job person to get it sorted. OH doesn't understand as he usually goes at work - saves on toilet paper wink

gingerbunny Mon 21-Sep-09 21:53:35

love this thread. grin
our house is just the same Grisette. It drives me mad. I can't remember the last time I used the loo in peace.
I've done the same Bethylou!
but why is it when ds1 is a nursery and ds2 is having a nap, I never need to go!!! hmm grin

darn, drinkmoretea got there first....

TheMysticMasseuse Mon 21-Sep-09 21:55:17

that's what going to work is for

seriously, how old your dcs? because i have made a deal with dd1 (3 1/2) that she can keep me company for no 1s but nos 2 are private (although i have to promise to call her when i am done and ready for a week hmm

dd2 unfortunately still wants to be very much involved wih the whole process at 16 months...

MrsSchadenfreude Mon 21-Sep-09 21:55:49

Mine are 8 and 11. It doesn't get any better. They just bark at me through the door. I feel your pain - my DH is just the same.

abroadandmisunderstood Mon 21-Sep-09 21:57:15

(sob) this has made my day! DH goes in the loo with either his Blackberry or my iTouch for about 20 mins.

I have to leave the door open so my 18mo DS2 doesn't scream himself unconscious and can instead attempt to put his toys down the toilet while I am on it, hit my back repeatedly with the open lid then flush while I am still "working on it".

Oh to have a few moment's peace in a day....

ChookKeeper Mon 21-Sep-09 21:57:29

Grisette - I'm with you (not on the loo obviously grin).

It's a standing joke in our house that I say "OK then before I go to see Paul (see the advert thread) who needs to know anything/where stuff is/what's for tea/wants help with homework/etc, etc" because as sure as eggs is eggs I'll just get started comfortable and the door will fling open with the cry of Mommmmmmm where's ..............

Thankfully mine are both at senior school and take themselves so I have now trained myself got into the habit of going in the time slot between dh and the dcs leaving the house and me having to leave for work. Ahh Peace at last grin

TheMysticMasseuse Mon 21-Sep-09 21:58:21

that was supposed to read "ready for a wee", not a week!

juneybean Mon 21-Sep-09 21:59:02

If it makes the balance any better my dad used to complain he "never had a poo in peace" :D

curiositykilled Mon 21-Sep-09 22:00:02

lol, glad someone suggested a poo at paul's! I don't understand why men have to make such a song and dance about pooing. I can't see why it takes so long, every man I've ever known seems to pride themselves on taking forever and a day on the bog.

pjmama Mon 21-Sep-09 22:14:58

Curiously this gender difference in bowel habits seems to be also manifesting in my offspring!

DD - gets on, gets done, gets off.

DS - "Have you finished?" - "Not yet Mummy!" for about 15 minutes whilst I stand there, wipe in hand.

My DH plays his guitar on the bog, drives me effing mental.

groundhogs Mon 21-Sep-09 22:20:21

DH actually told me that he knew of someone, a male friend, that used to... and I shudder to even recount this...

..he used to eat his fecking breakfast while on the lav. doing his No2s.....

I'm not sure what I found more disgusting, either the fact that he did this, in one end and out the other thing, or that his fecking wife supported this and flaming served it all up to him on plate/tray whatever.

We're talking coffee, cooked food, the lot!!

curiositykilled Mon 21-Sep-09 22:20:36

my ds and dd are the same pjmama, never thought about it before. DS despite being over four still announces his poo and wants help and a big fuss whereas dd (only just 3 a few days ago) quite often just leaves a little poo present in the potty without anyone noticing.

groundhogs Mon 21-Sep-09 22:21:36

Oh, apparently it was the only way he could 'go'.... wouldn't work otherwise. hmm

Grisette Mon 21-Sep-09 22:21:57

Unfortuately DS is 5 months so it might be a while before i can negiociate a peaceful pooing deal with him.

scotlass Mon 21-Sep-09 22:24:48

This has made me really laugh tonight, i thought I was the only one who got no peace in the toilet whilst DH somehow manages to read a whole effin magazine in there.

even worse our toilet is at the top of the stairs and my DD (10yrs) just loves to throw open the door so anyone coming to our door would get a lovely view too!

god I know exactly what you mean! grin
I even said to dp yesterday all I want is a poo and bath in peace, I even day dreamed the other day of getting a sitter just so I could have that pleasure blush

DD and DH both have no concept of bathroom privacy. They barge in and start blithering on at me, asking questions, etc. I've gotten a strategy down though: I run full-tilt at the bathroom with iPod in hand and slam the door, lock it, put the earbuds in my ears and get comfortable. Then I can't even hear them talking through the door!

I wish i could say it was all DD, but DH is just as bad. There's always something "vitally important" at just that moment. hmm

EvilEdnasTwinSister Mon 21-Sep-09 23:12:14

Was about to say "Can't remember the last time I had a poo or a bath in peace" when suddenly I do: it was 12 years ago just before I had my eldest DD...

I swear they know when I am about to um, go, and save the important questions/conversations/loud fighting until then. smile

MrsMonkfishToYou Mon 21-Sep-09 23:20:37

I remember having a poo holding my baby DS on my lap whilst my DD was trying to put a book onto his lap so I could "read it, read it, mummy, now!". And all the while the cat was weaving through my legs and I was just hoping his tail didn't find it's way under my bum and get poo on it.

Now it's a few years later it's not the DC's who are so much trouble it's still the cat who demands to be let in and given a drink from the bath.

muggglewump Mon 21-Sep-09 23:26:21

Which Mnetter was it whose DC banged a note on the xylophone each time she plopped one out?

I still laugh out loud at random moments thinking of thatgrin

gnomesrus Mon 21-Sep-09 23:36:42

Message withdrawn

LadyOfTheFlowers Mon 21-Sep-09 23:39:02

DS1 & 2 both have to come in when I'm on the loo.
They just have to be there, not necessarily doing anything, just stood, leant against the bath, supervising me.
Then commenting on how big my bum is when I get off.

mmrred Mon 21-Sep-09 23:47:42

My DS is actually very good about playing by himself whilst I go (or maybe I have good timing?) but I must have been taking too long one time and he came in and demanded I do something with him. I told him I couldn't do that because I was having a poo and I couldn't do it quickly, and he said 'do this mummy' and screwed his face up and made grunting noises. I couldn't go for laughing.

Can't believe I just put that on the internet.

gnomesrus Tue 22-Sep-09 00:01:06

Message withdrawn

Pikelit Tue 22-Sep-09 00:09:04

The children finally stop needing your undivided attention in the bathroom and all goes mercifully quiet. During this halcyon period, your bowels start to work normally again.

Until the blasted dog gets "Toilet Monster" mania and refuses to leave you alone lest the monster pounces and drags you down into its murky depths. I'm not sure whether the endless human demands were worse than the frantic barkings and scrabblings to be honest. Not that I could necessarily tell the difference...

My dp can happily be in the loo with his iPhone for over 40 min. I can hear him tapping away to his friends while he goes. hmm Needless to say he is never interrupted.

Muggins here ends up pooing while ds opens and shuts the door about 400 times screeching (his versions of) hello and goodbye, or turns the bath taps on and slaps the water around while I threaten and cajole (to no bloody effect I might add) and end up having to keep getting off the loo to stop him, and just as I get there he turns the tap off.

Sometimes living with a toddler is a bit like torture, except they've never heard of the Geneva convention. <eye twitches>

Bathsheba Tue 22-Sep-09 09:07:52

What I hate is how, if my DH needs a pooh he can just go - everything gets dropped, no consideration as to whether its a good time to disappear or not, he just goes..

When I need a pooh I need to consider oif the girls are happy/not in danger/not needing anything/not needing fed/answer 150 questions about Tom and Jerry...

But Dh just goes...

diddl Tue 22-Sep-09 09:13:28


That said, hubby isn´t guaranteed peace whilst in the bathroom in this house.

No one locks the door and others wonder in & out at will.

CyradisTheSeer Tue 22-Sep-09 09:22:20

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GoldenSnitch Tue 22-Sep-09 09:22:32

"Sometimes living with a toddler is a bit like torture, except they've never heard of the Geneva convention. <eye twitches> " Genuine lol grin

GoldenSnitch Tue 22-Sep-09 09:27:02

I send DS to fetch me things while I go just to get him out of the room... cars, blocks, blooks, least I get a few seconds peace while he runs off on his little errand.

Poo-ing definietly has to be a private function for me. T'is the one thing I will never do in front of DH.

diddl Tue 22-Sep-09 09:36:54


Did you give birth with hubby there?

clumsymum Tue 22-Sep-09 09:37:48

Oh this is SUCH a familiar situation to me.

I CAN'T "go" if I have an audience, don't even like it if anyone in the family knows where I've gone.
I do find these days, when dh has a gone to work and ds at school bliss.

Over the summer hols it seemed the easiest time for me was when ds's guitar teacher came to give his lesson. I got a whole 1/2 hour to myself, once a week. Guess what I did?

countrybump Tue 22-Sep-09 09:53:04

This is so true - one of the best things about returning to work for me was that I was able to go to the loo unaccompanied!

My DS likes to know what I'm doing, and so does the dog! If I close the door it either gets opened by DS or my very large dog lies down the other side of it so I can't get out when I'm finished - punishment for not allowing him in in the first place!

StillSquiffy Tue 22-Sep-09 09:56:15


Rather like visiting exotic destinations, you should have done all your poos before your children were born.

MintyCane Tue 22-Sep-09 10:21:22

YANBU I have been thinking the same thing for 12 years now grin

Morloth Tue 22-Sep-09 10:23:23

LOL in our house you have to announce your plans to poo, tell anyone who wants to bathroom to go now - while you are finding your book...

Just close the door ignore the phone/doorbell.

thell Tue 22-Sep-09 11:01:18

MissM Tue 22-Sep-09 11:51:47

I'm reading this at work and crying with laughter. I have to read books to mine (3.5 and almost 2) - it's the only way I am actually able to sit down for long enough.

DH on the other hand always seems to find a minimum of 15 minutes to go each morning, even when he 'has to leave really early today'.

it's always the bloody cat who decides to come and sit on my lap when i get some poo 'me time'.

GoldenSnitch Tue 22-Sep-09 12:23:28

diddl - Hubby was there when DS was born but I only got to 3cms before it was decided that DS had been in distress for long enough (36 hours) and needed to come out via an EMCS so I never got to pushing (and pooing)

DC2 is due to Dec but I've already been told I will probably need another section to avoid the same problems.

At least I get to keep my number 2's to myself grin

MoChan Tue 22-Sep-09 13:17:59

Men spend all that time on the toilet in order to avoid engaging with the rest of the household, I am convinced of it. They are *stealing* a few moments (hours?) of peace, and oddly enough, their privacy is respected.

If I disappeared into the bathroom for more than about three minutes, however, there would be an matter what I am doing in there, my SC are banging on the door saying "I need the toilet", as if it was pretty cheeky of me to go in there in the first place, when there was an outside chance that they might want it...

DownyEmerald Tue 22-Sep-09 15:39:31

YANBU - Early on dd's life I complained that my human rights were being violated - no private poos (or wees) and having to do childcare while in the shower just seemed so unfair.

Now dd is 3.5 it's exactly the same. And I swear, if ever dp drives me to the edge and I snap, it is the fact that when he goes for a poo or a shower he just shuts the bathroom door and does what he has to do that I will rant on and on and on about.

thesecondcoming Tue 22-Sep-09 16:14:12

my dd daughter (almost 2) comes at me with wet wipes to do a 'dab and a wipe with the wole mummy'
when she was a tiny baby and breastfed constantly i nipped up for a poo and dp pushed the door open,with her sort of stood up and his hands holding her upright and said in a squeaky baby voice 'can you hurry up mummy i need some milk?'
i'd been on the bog for about 3 minutes when he did that.

diddl Tue 22-Sep-09 16:23:11

No respect forhubby in this house.

I often wander in for a chat as I know he can´t escape!!

scroobiuspirate-the caz sits on hubbys lap-then when he flushes, puts paws on seat to watch it disappear!! grin

Vinomum Tue 22-Sep-09 16:24:01

What a fab thread! My ds1 has just gone through potty training and to encourage him along we gave him a sticker every time he produced anything on the potty. Now, whenever he accompanies me to the toilet (which is most of the time), he says 'well done mummy, would you like a sticker?' grin

diddl Tue 22-Sep-09 16:24:12

Thats cat, of course.

Wigglesworth Tue 22-Sep-09 16:33:02

I take the paper or a catalogue to the bog with me when I go for a shite, my DH gets offended and thoroughly repulsed by my actions. He says thats what sweaty builders do.

diddl Tue 22-Sep-09 16:34:27

We all have books in the bathroom.

Sometimes we say we´re off to the library!

Grisette Wed 23-Sep-09 18:58:34

Sod Paul's house, I'm going to Diddl's house.

BosomForAPillow Thu 24-Sep-09 19:30:19

Cyradis, your post reminds me of a good friend whose mum yelled "Can't I even have a bloody poo in peace?!" thinking my friend had knocked on the door (as a child). It was actually another tenant in the block (with shared bathroom) who she didn't know very well. grin

PeedOffWithNits Thu 24-Sep-09 19:49:26

PMSL at this thread, it is one of the things they don't tell you in the pg/baby books "you will not go to the loo in private for the next 12 years"

I love Mrs Large in the book "Five minutes peace" where she is trying to go have a bath with her tray of breakfast.....SO true to life!!!

LibraryLil Thu 24-Sep-09 22:27:47

Hahahahaha, what a great thread, it's really made me laugh! My DD is 15 months old and STILL insists on coming into the loo with me, sometimes grabbing toilet paper and stuffing it in her mouth as well. My DH has a lovely time in there, first thing in the morning (twice if he's going to work), all by himself!

Still I had plenty of years in there on my own before DD was born, so guess I can't complain that she wants to keep me company. My neighbour said that two of her three children (now all growed up) were exactly the same.

I'm glad I'm not the only one with "poo at Paul's" on the brain!

Starbear Sun 27-Sep-09 22:03:29

ladies, ladies. Why don't you just do the same as the blokes. I used to suffer with IBS and my Doc told me I need to relax. So I put Ds in front of the T.V take my 'Grazia' to the loo. It works wonders.

Faddles Mon 28-Sep-09 11:36:02

Why doesn't B&Q stock child sizes toilets? Our house came with a bidet. I'd much rather rip it out and replace it with a second toilet for the small people in my house who can't hold on. Better than all sitting down together in a bathroom full of potties first thing in the morning when everyone's busting to go.

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