Expat,

It is my second wedding, but no one we know now (with the exception of my mum!) was around for my first wedding (it was years ago!) so for everyone we know, it is both of ours first wedding. I am not bothered about getting presents or not, but also I cant be bothered with 50+ people phoning me up asking what we want as a present, because (where I am from at least!) it is considered the norm to buy a gift for the wedding couple! I have never been to a wedding where presents were not bought, or any other party for that matter. Its just the done thing. But if someone chose not to, or couldnt afford a gift, I wouldnt be annoyed about it, of course having the people you care about with you on your special day is far more important than the amount of money/presents you recieve. But I do like the idea of a glass box with intials painted on it, that is such a lovely idea.

YABU there's enough tat floating about, I don't see why people shouldn't just cut to the chase. They're not demanding money, it's just for those people who genuinely want to contribute something.

I mentioned I´d rather give to a charity of the couples choice than cash.

Especially if was just going to go in their bank!

We hadn´t intended to have a list as we hadn´t lived together & needed everything.

But people kept phoning Mum for ideas, then asking her to "cross it off the list" so that it wasn´t duplicated!

I would have, Orange, but I've done so in the past and gotten flamed for it. I mean, if you say you don't need anything, then why do you need money?

I have just skimmed this but am surprised no one has mentioned giving to charity, if they already have everything. For our wedding we asked for a tree instead of pressies and ended up with a quarter of an acre! It's lovely and we've been to visit it loads. A bit nicer than cash IMO.

'I think it is really mean to give a crap present that you know someone wouldn't want and think if that is the case then you should decline the invite anyway.'

I think it's equally mean-spirited to assume your guests are such pillocks they're going to buy you a gift that you will hate, so instead demand money in an invitation.

I mean, just charge admission in the invite then!

I usually give cash because I am lazy and also there are next to no shops out here.

But if it's demanded then I would probably decline the invite and just send a card.

I can't understand why people get annoyed about this! As other posters have said, surely if you are being invited to a wedding the person getting married is either a close friend or relative of you or your dh, therefore why would you not want to give them what they want? I had a small wedding list when I got married. Not to be cheeky or demanding but because it was easier for people who wished to give a gift to select something rather than have to wonder if we already had something. I think in terms of costs there were things from a fiver to £100 but most close friends and relatives just gave money anyway (unasked for) as that is pretty common where I am from. I think it is really mean to give a crap present that you know someone wouldn't want and think if that is the case then you should decline the invite anyway.

We had money for our wedding recently which wes pent on our honeymoon. We felt a bit weird asking for it but at the end of the day it was our wedding, we only invited people who love us and if anyone thought it tacky or vulgar fine. I didn't consult people on the colour scheme etc because it was OUR wedding. If you don't want to give cash don't. Tiny detail in their big day.

Those poems!

It's odd as I don't mind receiving a gift list/request for money as it makes my life easier. However when it came to my own wedding, I didn't feel comfortable asking for anything at all in the invitation.

We let our parents know that if anyone asked we'd prefer vouchers from one of the popular department stores, but I couldn't bring myself to actually ask for them in the invite - I'd never have been able to do a whole gift list - it would have felt far too presumptious.