to have said no to this?

[booyhoo]

i have an aunt by marriage who sometimes does work as a nail technician. one of her clients lives 3 doors from me and i have seen her car there quite often. she doesnt visit me, we dont keep in touch except if we were to see each other whilst out. we have never fallen out or anything, we just arent close. she didnt visit when ds was born 8 weeks ago.

so about six weeks ago i was just setting tea down for ds1 and myself when the door went. before i even got out of the kitchen, the door opened and in came my aunt's 11 year old daughter. i was a expecting the aunt to follow so went to the door but saw her going into neighbours house. she looked back towards my house and saw me ao shouted something over. i couldnt hear her so called her over with my hand. she came over and said "dcousin is just coming in to you."

i told her we were just about to eat. to which she replied " oh she hasnt had any yet." and then she walked away back to neighbours. so anyway i asked dc if she would like anything, she said no. so ds and i ate while she sat at the table watching us. after this i bathed ds1 and ds2 (aged 2 weeks at the time) and tried to put ds1 to bed. but because cousin was here he wanted to stay up. aunt came back an hour and a half after leaving cousin with me and said "thanks for having her." and left.

then this evening i was just putting ds1 to bed (7pm) and the door went. it was both her daughters this time. (11y and 9y) i told them i was just putting ds to bed and that they would have to go back to their mum. her car is still there now so if i had let them in they would still be here.

AIBU to have said no tonight? is she BU to have done this without even asking me if it was ok or if i could look after her children?
her husband (my uncle) is at home in the evenings and she has two boys aswell so i expect they are at home with DU. should she not have left the girls at home if she didnt want to look after them while she worked?

i havent said anything to her but i do want to make it clear i dont think its acceptable. should i say?

[Littlefish]

It was a bit rude of her. However, I think you could just speak to her and say you'd be happy to have her girls (if you are!), but that you'd like her to let you know in advance in case it's inconvenient.

[cheshirekitty]

Think she is a cheeky mare tbh, especially now with a very little one to look after.

Have a quiet word with her. I cannot believe she did it without asking first.

Congratulations on the birth of ds2 by the way!!

[Firawla]

Yanbu, very rude of her to presume without even asking :S

[booyhoo]

thats what i thought.

tbh i wouldnt be happy to have them at that time in the evening. dinner then bath then bedtime is a bit hectic at the minute and neither of the girls are mature enought to take ds2 while i managed ds1.

but its the fact that she didnt even ask that bothers me.

[Niecie]

Do you think the girls might have wanted to go with her to see your baby?

Weird way of going about it - she should have asked - but that would explain why she didn't leave them at home, even though you could.

But no YANBU to say no. They should have thought about the time and the fact you would be busy in the evenings, looking after your own children, especially without notice.

[Niecie]

'she could', not 'you could' obviously.

[leftangle]

YANBU - she is. If you had kept them this time you'd probably have the boys as well next time. Well done for putting your foot down.

[raffyandted]

YANBU. Why is she suddenly bringing her daughters to work? And very rude not to ask, IMO. I wouldn't want some distant relative's child suddenly turning up without a by-your-leave at bath/bed time, and I've only got one toddler to contend with.

[booyhoo]

possibly niecie, but like you say, she could have asked.

[booyhoo]

raffy i think she is bringing them as its now summer holidays so they dont have to be in bed as early. i dont know this for sure, just the only reason i can explain it with.