I don't know, we do have a big past together and I feel bad because I am one of her only friends.

She lives 100's of miles away so I wouldn't probably see her again, but we do chat on fb and msn.

OMFG - what a horrible person
Im glad she is gone now!
I presume you wont be staying in touch?

When she came back from the shop she brought me chips, and gave me £10 towards petrol. She also had an attempt at tidying up, though didn't do a very good job of it, but that could be because I am quite particular about how I like it done?

Anyway, she has gone now, she missed the first one, and thought she was going to miss this one, so i gave her a lift to the station

I feel so relaxed, even though I know i have a bucket load of tidying ahead of me

Oh, and she did have a go cleaning the piss off the floor in the hall

I know i have so many things to do but i do feel better that at the end she helped a little, and she will be staying here again sunday to leave on monday, as pre arranged, but I won't be so quick to invite her for a week next time.

Silence is golden [sigh]

Just hold on to the thought that by the end of today she will be gone and you will be able to put your house straight and have a large glass of wine. I don't believe she won't have the fare...I think that's all manipulative. After all, I bet she hasn't just gone window shopping in town whilst leaving you to do the clearing up.

It isn't your fault that she isn't coping as well as you are, don't feel guilty for her. This isn't a license to just sponge off someone and trash their house. She is just taking advantage of you.

Good luck.

I think I have hung onto this friendship because we have a very traumatic history together. I don't know why but I feel a bit guilty that I have been able to move on and she isn't coping with life at all.

But I think it might be time to take a step back, if she asks to stay again I will just say I can't afford to!

Well done for saying something. Am wondering whether you would still have a house left if you let her and her darling son stay any longer.

I cannot believe anyone would stay in someone else's house and disrespect them as much as she has.

You don't need friends like her.

Sorry about your water lavender

Oh and she left the lids of all the condiments in the garden, after i had already gone and closed them all after our BBQ, it has rained here today and there are loads of flys hanging around them, so now am going to throw out all my nice chutneys and stuff i thought would be nice.

FFS, i feel angry that i even bothered, will give her value ketchup next time

This week is costing me such a fortune, i have even said this so many times but no offer of anything towards it.

and for the record, i know i invited her so am expected to provide food etc, which i wouldn't mind to some extent, if they respected me/my stuff and helped out when we were out shopping. I would if i was staying somewhere! but i hadn't expected to have to have to pay for everything.

Oh, and she didn't have any short sleeved tops for her son so i lent her one of ds's that he hasnt worn (is much smaller than her ds) and it is now stained I know this isnt her fault but she didnt apologise or anything and has just left the rest of ds's clothes she borrowed on the lawn in the garden

My house is now an absolute TIP ffs!!!

OH MY FUCKING GODDDDDDDD

I have told her that she can't stay here tonight, she is going to go and camp out with her sister, but is complaining about the distance back because she can't afford the fare back, is saying she is going to walk the 30 miles back, and tbh I couldn't give a shit, she says she will split it in two journeys and camp in the middle.

What did it was the fact that she ruined something very special to me, qand didn't even say anything, just left me to find it. When I was younger I used to go crabbing with my grandparents and one time my nan took me to this amazing field with water lavender everywhere and we picked some and dried it out, i used to have a big vase full but some of it got ruined in a move and i only had a small bit left, i found it knocked on the floor and all trodden on

I just want to cry, my nan has been gone nbearly a decade now and i can't replace it, i'm so upset

She still hasn't cleaned up the wee even though i brought the carpet cleaner upstairs for her.

she has just been lounging around using my internet, whilst her child covers my carpet in multicoloured chalk, will need to find out the best way to get that off, i am sure it won't be wetting it?

She picked up a piece of (her) rubbish earlier, i asked her if she was taking some rubbish in and handed her some more of (her) rubbish, i was feeling pleased she had done something until i went to the loo and she had just put it all on the side in there

I told her I was going to tidy up a bit, she half heartedly asked me if i would like a hand so i said yes please, she put the lid on the duplo (without putting all the duplo in it ) and then said she needs to pop into town, she has left me to do it, am fuming, asked her to pick up some bread whlst she is out.

freeloading bitch.

oops, not very fresh

???

very fresh??

I wasn't so bothered about the tampons, i use a mooncup and don't use them, they were just a back up.

She has just come up saying she hopes i dont mind, she has used my bread, and when i went to make a sandwich she had left the beg open and there were 2 bits left that were very fresh.

she also said she would help tidy up, the place is a tip now

Yes, possibly emphasised with a sharp tap on the nose

Is this for real?

Using your tampons too?

You need to say to her NO.

She sounds vile. Kick her out after making it clear that you are not her mother/slave/meal ticket.

Sounds like she's taking you for a ride. She's probably broke and got herself selfishly into 'guest mode' where she thinks you look after her and she'll live off you for a few days. Also sounds like she can't cope with her child. Wonder would she let you take the lead on that one too. She needs to grow up. Don't fall for the Tuesday travel trick. Stand firm and see the end getting nearer every minute. We're all here counting down with you!

OMFG! YANBU by any stretch of the imagination!

You seriously need to talk to her, that's digusting & rude that she hasn't even bothered to clean up her own childs wee FFS!

I would have lost it at that point & started yelling!

I had a friend to stay with her son a few weeks ago for 5 days, it was a nightmare! Never again thats for sure. She's currently not talking to me but Ive known her for 16 years now, and knew that was to be expected and I actually dont care! (How things have changed since school....) I feel almost liberated.

This is why i NEVER ever have people to stay

OMG she is horrid! I would just fall out with her and have done with it. TBH it sounds like she is just using you anyway.

If she asks you for a lift anywhere, say 'no I can't I'm sorry I have ran out of petrol and have no money to fill the car up'.

As for stains of food, wee and toothpaste hand her a bucket of soapy water and a cloth and say 'here you go' with a stern annoyed look.

get her out!

She needs to go now. Arrange to take a phone call telling you of a "family emergency" then go straight to sorry, you are going to have to pack I'll drop you at the station in an hour. NO you can't stay until I get back, sorry am too stressed to talk you need to pack NOW. You can later put any sharpness, rudeness or general "you really need to move we're out of here NOW" shouting down to stress if you want to You go girl!

Update, said houseguest has now cleaned the toothpaste off the floor, well had a lame attempt at doing it.

But she has... let her son piss all over my sofa, she had just got out of the pool and was wrapped in a towel, she left the towel and the piss on the sofa
She let him piss on my hall floor where he had been running around with no nappy, not so much of a problem, but she didn't clean it up even after I hinted by saying 'good job i have some carpet cleaner' she stuck a towel on it and it is still there

She has been using all my tampons, I now use a mooncup but have been keeping some in just in case, and just leaving the wrappers all over the bathroom despite there being a bin right next to the loo

Oh and she picked my laptop up by the screen, could have broken it

She has been telling me how much cheaper the train ticket is to go back on a tuesday, I have had selective hearing over this

I think she also expects me to ferry her around to the train, etc because she has a lot of stuff with her.

Sorry, had to go as she came in my room, she had been napping and then came and looked over my shoulder on here.

She has now got berry flavoured toothpaste all over my bathroom carpet and it is bright pink, her son squashed a mushroom on my brand new mattress, so there was a dark brown stain i ended up scrubbingn off whilst she just watched.

Her son is outside squealing now, she hasn't once told him to be quiet

Yanbu. My Mum has two tactics as she has a friend who is similar but nowhere near as bad (and also loaded when my mum lives on disability benefits), these were developed after years of ranting to me. 1) cook nice,slightly fancy, meal first night, then revert to "normal" dinners, or cheese on toast / omelette /boiled egg, if really peed off. 2) at checkout, wander off to read newspapers at stand, leaving friend to pay,(which is exactly what the minted one used to do!)3)explain that whilst you love seeing your friend, if x's behaviour continues , you think it best you go back to meeting on neutral ground. You aren't saying sod off and you aren't welcoming them with open arms either...just making her think...hopefully.Message received loud and clear and my mum's now back on a firm friendly footing with her oldest friend.Hated doing it, but a real friendship will survive it.

YANBU

The only thing is, it is clear your friend has the hide of a rhino. Subtle hints clearly aren't working. She may well be one of these oblivious people who just aren't tuned in to how other people are feeling.

I think you need to be explicit about your boundaries - like you'd be with a child really. Better do it now in a nice, calm and friendly way than in a couple of days in an angry, confrontational way cos you've reached the end of your tether!!

Your home. Your boundaries. Your rules. Not unreasonable things to expect. Good luck :-)

YANBU and here's a stroke for your head, but I agree with the others that you do need to talk to your friend. I can't offer you a sojourn on my bosom as it is very, very small!!! Good luck

Gotta say...you're gonna have to bite the bullet.
We had a friend staying with us for over a month after she came back from Thailand - she came back v early because her --c**tlug-- boyfriend beat the crap out of her in a Bangkok hotel and she didn't have a job or a home.
She got sorted with a job v quickly, but the promised 2 weeks stay turned into 5, and as I felt sorry for her, I didn't say owt about her habits, which were those of a single girl in a flatshare, not a family home with a (then) 3 month old baby.
Resentment festered bigtime, and our friendship is now, almost 2.5 years later, getting back on track.
However, she's someone I've always valued as a friend, so it depends if you value this woman highly or not.
Good luck.
And have a brief sojourn on my bosom as well.

Also agree with hassled. It has to be sorted or you'll end up losing it! Horrible conversation to have to have, but you do need to have it.

Agree with hassled. You just have to tell her straight. You still have a few days to go with her and if you don't set the record straight you will end up having an argument or ending up broke and miserable. It's your house, you have a right expect her to respect your stuff and also to pay her way.

I think I would ask her to leave too actually.

You need to sit her down and tell her that a)you can't afford any more petrol, b) you can't afford any more picnics and c) you're not really used to sharing your space (if you make it seem like you're at fault, there won't be a row) and is there anywhere else she could go for a cople of nights? If she has family in the area it seems rough that you're stuck with her.

Then don't contact her again for about 3 years.

Kick her out, and her horrid child

That's where you're going wrong - it's lovely that you're like that with friends who appreciate you. This one needs a different approach. I really think you're going to have to be direct, and certainly don't sub her anymore as it's not fair on you and your son - say "We just can't afford all this petrol and food, you're going to have to help out else I'm going to end up resenting you".

She doesn't drive, I have been running her around, and her little sister and brother (she cant stay with because different mum)and a car full of stuff, even when I pointed out that I can't afford to run them about there was no offers of petrol money and lifts were still expected.

I have used at least £30 of petrol over these two days, that wuld usually last me more than a week.

I hate having to hint for it even, I have always paid my way with my friends and always seem to attract spongers.

I would just start being more assertive.

"Don't wind the window down, you will break the blind and your mum will have to pay for it"

"Right, I shouted last picnic - your turn now"

"Make sure you lock the door when you go out - I don't want to be burgled"

And if that approach doesn't work... be even more direct, tell her you're finding it stressful but don't want to fall out so can we get some groundrules sorted?

I haven't really see her for years, especially for no longer than a couple of hours, she did used to not give a shit about anyones things, but i figured she would have grown up a bit.

There won't be a repeat invite!

Does she drive, get ready to hop in the shower, run an errand, and ask her casually to pop to the shops, give her a small reasonable list of general things like milk, juice, tea, biccies, apples something like that. A good friend will just go and buy them. If she asks you for the money or is ungracious about it you have your answer.

YANBU - scream away!

How old are yours and hers dcs?

Or I'll make sure everything I buy has meat products or meat in (veggie)

Hmm, need a family emergancy...

I might invite my sister over tonight and hope she sees my houseguest doing something and puts her in her place...

She sounds like my best friend, i love her but only in small doses, would never let her stay at my house for more than one night!

did you know she was like this before you invited her to stay?

I probably wouldn't tell her to leave..but if she wants to go for a picnic I would say "well you'll have to pay for this one, I am skint now"...

Well I might say it, or I might say nothing and be resentful inside

can you invent a family emergency that you have to go to and requires her to leave your house ... immediately ?

That or an infestation of skin eating deadly ants in your house or something ?

Alternatively, wine is a great tonic for situations like this. Good luck

just think how much you will enjoy your peace and quiet when she leaves!

Should I tell her to leave? she would have nowhere to stay, and I am going to have to see her at the weekend because of an event we are both going to, it would make it too hostile surely?

Thank you Fanjo *leans head on comfy bussom for more head stroking*

Erm, I'd tell her to leave!

YANBU <strokes head> {grin]

I have someone i havn't seen for a long time staying at my house ATM and she has been here TWO fucking days and I just want to rip all my hair out into a little pile and kick it!!!

So many reasons, patent disregard/disrespect for any of my stuff, quite happily put the futon on a bunch of stuff and didn't even check if it was broken, will see when they go, pulled this sheet stuff i am putting under a barked part of garden all out so her and her son can lay on it, when there was sun loungers right fucking next to them.

Her son wound down the window in the car and broke the roller blinds on the, what did she say? 'i don't think he will be able to do that' so what? am i lying?

Her son wont wear a seatbelt properly and she won't get him to, so i have to plug him in and just hop he lasts the journey and stop if she tells me he is out.

She lets her son run off and I spend ages just waiting around for them, she has no control over him and lets him do whatever he wants, if not he just crys and crys until he gets it.
I am afraid that her sons bad behaviour will rub off onto my son!

She left my door unlocked when we went out so anybody could have walked in and stolen anything and i wouldn't be insured.

She won't pay for anything, I have spent a fortune on food etc because she wants to go for picnics but then avoids paying for anything, I do get it, she is a single mum, but so am I and I can't afford it either.

I am feeling really angry and a bit trapped tbh because she isn't going home until monday, just tell me Ianbu, and stroke my poor stressed head