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To be upset by this, I keep trying not to be

(99 Posts)

By Wed 01-Jul-09 22:19:42 Add message | Report | Contact poster

My DS1's school is having a talent contest on Friday. He has been talking about it for a few weeks and of course I had planned to go. He has missed out over the years as his sister's illness meant we had to miss a lot of school functions over the years.

On Monday he told me 'the talent contest is in memory of DD'. Its the first I have heard of it. Two girls who went to school with her have arranged it. I am confused because they are not pupils. The school is new, having merged DS's and DD's old school with another one and moving to a brand new site. The girls would be too old to have attended this school.

I have now recieved an invitation via DS. It states the contest is in tribute.

I am very upset that no one has asked me or OH if we are ok with this, if we wanted to be involved or if we felt comfortable coming at all. OH is working so I will have to go on my own with the DS2 and DS3. I want to support DS1 but I really dont want to go.

Its hard to sit and hear my DD's name over and over, to see photos or her name written on posters. To hear people talk about her. Its not that I dont appreciate people thinking about her and I want her to be remembered forever.

But I will have to sit there and be brave whilst people know who I am. It feels like so much pressure and I feel trapped into going.

Whenever we have done anything for DD I have been able to prepare myself, it takes a lot out of us. It can be very hard afterwards to 'come down'.

I actually find going to secondary school very hard anyway. The sight of all those beautiful, healthy, lively teenage girls can be really painful. I go to DS's parents evenings of course but I find them stressful.

I dont know what to do. I dont want to be ungreatful but I wished someone had phoned us.

Add message | Report | Contact poster By Mon 06-Jul-09 18:09:04

I feel sure the school would have had to have rung the paper. They are [the paper] are notouriously lazy when it comes to reporting events. When I have been involved in fundraisers for ClicSargent and Teenager Cancer Trust or the local Hospice we have rung and rung them and they havent bothered to come.

I cannot believe they wouldve just turned up at the school (anyway security is very tight there).

Its another reason to be angry

.

Thanks for your replies. I am feeling better (though not about what they have done). It knocked me back and when I feel like that its horrible, everything seems bleak.

I am going to write a letter regarding the concert, the lack of pastoral (is that the right word) support for my DD & DS during her illness and the lack of response to my letter last year. Its quite a good opportunity to get it sorted out. They have to shake up how they do things. They are bound to have another family with a very sick child at some point. I would hate to think of them going through the same.

I dont want the teacher involved to get a slapping. Its not that I would feel guilty or that I feel sorry for her, I just think her behaviour is indicative (sp) of the way the school is run generally.

I hope I can find my original letter to include. It was a corker [gring]

Thanks for all your support. It really helped. I mean that sincerely. It wouldve have been a lot harder without all you taking the time to seeth and curse on my behalf.

Ta.

Add message | Report | Contact poster By Mon 06-Jul-09 11:51:31

I wouldn't. The reporter will have been sent to write a fairly straightforward piece about a school putting on a memorial. He or she will be oblivious to the school's bad behaviour. Let them know it's a "row" - and it would be potentially a bigger article, and a messier one. As it is, the article will be respectful, I'm quite sure.

But it's worth considering the reporter may well have been told about this by the school. Which is another point to make. The only other possibility is they saw the posters, I guess, or perhaps someone who works at the paper has a child there.

I'd go straight to the head of the governors here. You've given the headteacher a chance to behave like a human being, and she's fobbed you off with her PA. So she can next speak to her boss about it.

Add message | Report | Contact poster By Mon 06-Jul-09 11:25:13

Can you take advantage of the fact that there was a journo there and get them to print the whole story...?

Add message | Report | Contact poster By Sat 04-Jul-09 11:46:42

Definitely copy the letter to your MP. I am really shocked at the breathtakingly shite treatment you have had from the school. Make them pay.

Add message | Report | Contact poster By Sat 04-Jul-09 11:37:48

been following this thread chegirl. I agree with writing to the Governors. Insensitve arses.

Add message | Report | Contact poster By Sat 04-Jul-09 11:24:30

OMG this is horrendous. i feel compelled to ring up your ds school and give them a moutfhul on your behalf.

Add message | Report | Contact poster By Sat 04-Jul-09 11:20:29

From beginnng to end this whole business is unbelievable! Who could possibly imagine that this would have been acceptable? So sorry you have been upset like this - and by people who should know better.

Add message | Report | Contact poster By Sat 04-Jul-09 11:06:40

Well...what a bunch of tossers they all are...and that includes the reporter.

sorry i am headachey and can't think of anything helpful

good job you've got lots of other, saner people on your side eh?

Add message | Report | Contact poster By Sat 04-Jul-09 10:27:14

My God, I can't believe how insensitive they are.

I like too much's idea though that may reopen everything up for you when you're trying to put it aside atm.

In your previous letter did you also write to the govenors as I thought that they had to do something about it as pickyvic says. When are they due to have their next ofstead that may also put pressure on them.

Add message | Report | Contact poster By Sat 04-Jul-09 07:54:12

Agree with cornsilk was just about to say send a copy of the letter to the LEA. And velour tracksuits are v comfy (though only have 1) though have a Staffie (who is big and fat) Do I out rough you?? wink

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To be upset by this, I keep trying not to be