to think I am going to have to change my identity and leave the country because of this...

(60 Posts)
VerityClinch Tue 30-Jun-09 11:38:59

Am 38+3, and booked for an elective CS the day after tomorrow due to major placenta praevia. Am somewhat anxious, suffering from pregnancy brain, melting in the heat and all-round a bit out of touch with reality.

Spent the morning so far lying in bed, in a tshirt which now covers not much more than my boobs, under the fan.

The doorbell rang, and, without even thinking, I got up out of bed, went downstairs and answered it. It was the Ocado man. I stood there, in just the tshirt, my hairy fanjo on display (for clarity, one of the items in my order is VEET) to the entire neighbourhood without even realising.

To his credit, Ocadoman did not bat an eyelid, although he certainly wasn't in the mood for chatting and was in and out of the house very quickly!

I only realised once I had shut the door.

And now I am mortified. AIBU to think the only practical solution to this is to get immediate facial reconstructive surgery, assume a false identity and leave the country forever? What ON EARTH must that man be thinking?

Worzsel Tue 30-Jun-09 11:40:38

lol bless you.

i bet he loved it grin

oh. dear.

YANBU - get packing quickly and leave under shadow of darkness

pagwatch Tue 30-Jun-09 11:41:56

[grin} at Verity

I once opend the door to a member of the Conservative Shadow Cabinet and my son pulled my tee-shirt up over my head. Of course I had no bra on. And I wasn't even pregnant.

Give it three or four years and you will start to find it funny.

BitOfFun Tue 30-Jun-09 11:42:16

< splutter >

I think it would be funnier to just act completely normal and be fully dressed next time - he will think he imagined it grin

vanimal Tue 30-Jun-09 11:42:22


Am trying not to laugh, but omg! That is just TOO funny! I can't believe the Ocado man managed to keep a straight face!!

Hee hee!!

(sorry, I realise that doesn't help your embarrasment much...)

PiggyPenguin Tue 30-Jun-09 11:43:08

He probably couldn't see much beyond your enormous bump. This is one time when the bigger the bump the better!

how did you not realise?? Didn't you feel the breeze on your fluffy bits???


Lizzylou Tue 30-Jun-09 11:44:20

At least it was Ocado, they have very polite delivery drivers, I have found.

I was mortified when I answered the door mid-breastfeed with one breast out to the Postman.
We moved house within the year though.

NorbertDentressangle Tue 30-Jun-09 11:45:47

OMG I have actual tears rolling down my cheeks Verity grin

I bet he got back to his van in a state of shock and disbelief....and then texted all his mates and fellow drivers to tell them.

Have you considered changing your internet shop to Tesco or Sainsburys? wink

Rindercella Tue 30-Jun-09 11:46:06

ROFL grin

Poor you though - must've been mortifying.

Sybil speaks the truth - I am sure he saw your bump & that is all.

Best of luck for Thursday! smile

1dilemma Tue 30-Jun-09 11:46:47

lol sorry

Flower3545 Tue 30-Jun-09 11:47:03

facial reconstruction won't be much help, he could probably pick your fanjo out of a line up better than he could your facegrinwink

pookamoo Tue 30-Jun-09 11:47:36

Oh blush
Poor you!

Seriously though I don't envy anybody pg in this heat.

You cannot be blamed for your nudity! grin

Kimi Tue 30-Jun-09 11:48:06


meemarsgotabrandnewbump Tue 30-Jun-09 11:48:59

omg - that has actually made me cry with laughter grin

MaryBS Tue 30-Jun-09 11:49:40

PMSL, you'll be the talk of the home shopping circuit now! Either they'll refuse to deliver, or will be queuing up to see you!

(sorry, shouldn't laugh but WOW!)

hmc Tue 30-Jun-09 11:51:11

Well I don't think you can order from Ocado again!

Sainsburys next time...

NorbertDentressangle Tue 30-Jun-09 11:51:54

Maybe you'll find a pack of big pants in your next delivery (courtesy of the delivery man who will have a whip-round at the depot when he gets back and tells everyone grin)

stillstanding Tue 30-Jun-09 11:52:09

ROFL, Verity! I can say that i have never seen the same ocado man twice so I am sure it will all be fine. Just think how much worse it could have been if it was a mate/neighbour who you would have had to see again regularly?!!

VerityClinch Tue 30-Jun-09 11:52:47

Ah, well I shall be disguising the fanjo later thanks to the VEET delivery.

Honestly, I don't know what has happened to my brain this week. I mean, I've left the hob on twice and tried to put the kettle in the fridge yesterday, but this takes things to a whole new level...

And people tell me it only gets worse after the baby's born, but HOW CAN IT? HOW CAN IT GET WORSE THAN THIS?

I am blushing just thinking about it - and that only makes me more hot and bothered than I was before.




TigerFeet Tue 30-Jun-09 11:53:40

Oh Verity, sorry but grin

I have just spat water all over my screen

Am now getting very funny looks from colleagues grin

VerityClinch Tue 30-Jun-09 11:56:04

Disenchanted3 - couldn't bend over and pick anything up if I wanted to! Hence making Ocadoman carry the bags all the way through the house to the kitchen...

VinegarTits Tue 30-Jun-09 12:48:05


I walked around Morrisons yesterday with the top buttons of my blouse undone (must have popped open) everyone got a flash of my norks and my comfy (grey) bra, i didnt realise until i was in the freezer alsie and felt a draught blush

PSML!! grin My BIL, SIL and brother all work at Ocado wink I bet I hear the story from one of them too

suwoo Tue 30-Jun-09 13:09:03

OMG!!!!!!!!!! shock

I am 34 weeks and if your hairy lady garden is anything like mine, it is not fit to be seen by another human being.

Just marking my place on the thread to show DH later wink.

expatinscotland Tue 30-Jun-09 13:10:58

PMSL! I've done some messed up things, but never anything that BAD!

CherryChoc Tue 30-Jun-09 13:19:56

Once I had a Tesco delivery and was bending down to pick up the items, the man (a young lad actually blush) suddenly seemed insistent that he could carry it through to the kitchen for me if I wanted, I merrily declined and carried on unpacking the shopping not realising that since I had a fairly baggy top on and my feeding bra open he probably had a very good view right down my top blush

CherryChoc Tue 30-Jun-09 13:20:58

Oh also I used to answer the phone (in the windowsill, we live on a busy street) with my norks out when bf... it seems the instinct to cover up is not there when answering the phone!

expatinscotland Tue 30-Jun-09 13:24:13

Once I was climbing in a sports top thingie. One strap was really loose on my shoulder and it had come down and I didn't realise my left boob was on full display until I heard a voice on the route next to me say, 'This climbing shit's the bomb! I'm coming back tomorrow night!'

My ex boyfriend was belaying me and didn't say a word! angry

Actually, I don't think it does get worse after you've had the baby Verity, but I think you'll find that gradually you care less! Hairy fanjo in public? Whatever ... Once you've been puked on and been mauled all over, showing your fanjo to people will be nothing ... Hilarious story tho, good luck with c-section smile


expatinscotland Tue 30-Jun-09 13:39:16

Just think of it this way, OP, stories like yours are the stuff of urban legend!

JackBauer Tue 30-Jun-09 14:14:02

Sorry, but that's hystericalgrin

When DD2 was small I was Bfing her in a wrap, but it was hot, so I took my bra and top off, so basically a blue wrap around me in just a pair of PJ shorts, and then PIL's arrived.
MIL ahem'ed about 5 minutes after arrival saying 'Do you want me to watch the DD's while you get dressed?
I nearly didn't come back downstairs.

But I don't were wearing a t-shirt. Sounds suitably respectable to me, anything else is just accessorising grin!

Lilyloo Tue 30-Jun-09 14:29:54

Lol makes my going out with two odd shoes on with pg befuddled brain a minor blip grin
Hope you have another source of grocery shopping for the future!

Deeeja Tue 30-Jun-09 14:51:32

This has made me laugh so much grin
Was having a really terrible feeling sorry for myself sulky day, you snapped me out of it.

dawntigga Tue 30-Jun-09 15:12:17

OMG that made me laugh


most hilarious thing i have read all day...sorry

Oh i just snorted tea up my nose, that is so funny.
I have to give the delivery man credit for being too polite to mention it.

giveloveachance Tue 30-Jun-09 15:21:44


and yes pregnancy brain does get worse when baby brain takes over....

leave notes out for yourself....

step 1 - get DRESSED

step 2 - check in the mirror that you are in fact DRESSED

step 3 - open the door

good luck with your elective c section and try and get as much rest as you can - you will need it!!


oh and no need to leave the country - when the ocardo man gets back to his depot, no-one will believe him!! they will think its a wind up!!

bellavita Tue 30-Jun-09 15:22:15

Oh bless you grin you have made me laugh..

KerryMumbles Tue 30-Jun-09 15:23:35

You know....

I bet these guys see


If your pubes are as overgrown as mine were at the end of pregnancy when I could no longer properly reach nevermind see, he probably thought you were wearing dark knickers anyway until you turned round grin

merryberry Tue 30-Jun-09 15:28:05

>sits on hands<
>sits on hands harder<
>nails hands to floor<
>rips them out<

...he got there for your delivery slot OK then...

>apologises and leaves the planet<

audreyraines Tue 30-Jun-09 15:29:42

if it makes it better i order ocado nearly every week, and hardly ever get the same driver. just mix up your days and time slots and hope for the best!

Baisey Tue 30-Jun-09 16:08:45

Yes at least it was Ocado.
Heaven forbid if an ASDA delivery man had seen your fanjo. grin
And also you do know if you do keep getting the same delivery man now, you've pulled!

differentID Tue 30-Jun-09 16:10:33


don't stress about it.

Just keep a loose skirt handy next delivery!

sarah293 Tue 30-Jun-09 16:10:50

Message withdrawn

VerityClinch Tue 30-Jun-09 16:13:43

And there was me thinking everyone would chime in with comments along the lines of "oh, not to worry, this sort of thing happens all the time when you're pregnant..."

Ahem. blush

Time to change the regular delivery slot*, I think.

*"delivery slot" being just that, not a euphemism for fanjo...

MaggieBeeBeau Tue 30-Jun-09 16:19:11

ha ha, I used to have to bend down and rummage to make sure they hadn't sent chicken and fish all about to go off in half an houre!!

Did he give YOU a tip!?

"put your pants on love".

Maybe in 3 weeks you can greet him with a flat (well, ish, maybe) tummy and say, I ordered champagne for my sister who's having a baby!!!

sarah293 Tue 30-Jun-09 16:20:29

Message withdrawn

SheDancesTheFlamingo Tue 30-Jun-09 16:27:19

Am just googling for recent posts on
Bet the forums today are buzzing wink

My friend had just had her first baby as we all know was glued to the sofa breast feeding/expressing and generally having a nervous breakdown.

They also happened to have builders in at the same time rennovating the kitchen. She said she spent 30 mins on the sofa talking to the builder about the extension - apparently for the first time ever he was quick to agree to he suggestions etc.. When he went the baby woke up and as she stood up she realised she still had her electric pump sucking away at her right nork which had been firmly in place throughout the whole conversation!

Needless to say the builders finished in record time.

They have some sort of database you know, we have 'difficult parking' against our details. Imagine what they've gone against the OP's now ...

Rhubarb Tue 30-Jun-09 16:38:43

LOL! Ooh that's funny!

The worst I ever did is when an old male college friend decided to pay me a surprise visit soon after I had dd. I went into the kitchen to make him a brew and when I gave it to him I noticed him looking at me very strangely. I looked down and saw two huge wet patches on each breast, rapidly spreading...

I told him it was because I'd run out of milk for his brew so had to think creatively! grin

Ripeberry Tue 30-Jun-09 16:41:23

Come on you made his day! I bet he's seen worse things grin

Rhubarb Tue 30-Jun-09 16:44:26

Perhaps he thought how calm and collected you seemed since you were obviously in labour? Just make sure you've had it by the time he comes again!

grin Fantastic. I bet you made his day grin

Don't worry about the facial reconstructive surgery....he probably wont even recognise you with clothes on! grin

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