Order, Order.. Calling the AIBU mumsnet Jury to Court! Who's being unreasonable?

(87 Posts)
Nahui Wed 24-Jun-09 18:43:11

To explain the situation, been talking to a friend on and off all afternoon about something and we're not quite sure if this is ok or not, so i thought i'd ask you lovely lot grin

Friend has lovely DH, and three kids aged 14, 3 and 5 months.

Last night she had to take the 14yo out after she'd put the other two to bed and left DH in charge.

As she pulled up at home and parked on the drive she caught her DH coming out of the corner shop opposite with a pint of milk in one hand and the baby monitor in the other.

She is, i think, understandably a little upset and angry with him, but he cant see what the problem is.. they were asleep, he had the monitor and the shop is literally right opposite their house.. the same distance as the length of their back-garden which they both potter around in when the kids are in bed without a second thought.

I think they've hit an impasse and i'm not sure who to 'side with'.. i think i'd be annoyed if it were me, but i can also see his arguement.

So.. who's being unreasonable? Dad for popping to the shop with baby monitor for 5 minutes, or my friend for still being annoyed 20hours later?

I wouldn't do what he did, but I don't know why.
DH probably would if we had a shop that close, and so if he did it, I would be annoyed but then realise I couldn't really explain why, so would realise IWBU to be annoyed (I hope )
I think it's a primitive thing about being on your own land - feels much safer somehow even though I'm sure it's not. I suppose people have measures in place to stop other people encroaching on their own space - when you leave that area you mingle with strange people, and it's people, not baths, stairs or toasters that we really fear!

dollius Thu 25-Jun-09 12:13:05

I would do this, definitely, so would DH - neither of us would think anything of it. He hasn't done anything wrong and she is BU.

Rubyrubyrubyinthegame Thu 25-Jun-09 12:09:43

I think that what he did was absolutely fine.

Another vote here to say she IBU, for all the reasons above. We have a shop right across the road too, I would and have popped over there (after double-checking I have the key and monitor), and honestly don't see why it is any more risky than being in the house or garden and possibly having an accident which then nobody would know about.

mayorquimby Thu 25-Jun-09 10:25:40

sibu, he popped over to the shop.no real danger there.

also don't get the attitude of "well if it upsets her so much he shouldn't do it again" that seems to pop up time and again on here to sensible things.

clemette Thu 25-Jun-09 10:08:11

I would do it. If we had a shop across the road from us, and they sold chocolate and DH was out, I might consider that to be an emergency...

TheYearOfTheCatMPADist Thu 25-Jun-09 09:59:03

I agree with seeker - he has obviously promised not to do it again just for a quiet life.

MmeLindt Thu 25-Jun-09 09:36:26

DH got on the wrong bus a month ago and I had to go out and pick him up. It was the most worrying 10 mins of my life, but there was no ohter way of getting the idiot home at 11.30pm.

I was furious and told him that if he did it again I would make him walk home (about an hours walk). But I did not hold a grudge, especially as he was most apologetic and promised never to do it again.

In this case, he was across the road, in view of the house and he was getting pint of milk, not doing a weekly shop.

SIBU

Swedes Thu 25-Jun-09 09:22:06

I always like Seeker's posts on matters concerning parents with an over-heightened sense of danger.

seeker Thu 25-Jun-09 08:46:44

It's also interesting that people think that, however irrational her worries are, he should promise not to do something quite sensible in order to appease her.

I wonder if it would work the other way round, that is, if it was the mother who popped across the road and the dad who was kicking off about it. Or would people be saying "Ignore him, he is an ar*e - what does he know?'

GhostOfPsychomum5 Thu 25-Jun-09 08:11:17

ah, but none of you have picked up on the fact that she, while coming back from dropping off the DD1, could have come kareering around the corner in the car, plowed into the DH with the car, THENgone thru the front of the shop......

THEN where would they behmm??

SIBU however......we have a shop at the very end of our road, about 100yrds away, whenever we have been in hospital my DH has had to make the milk dash once the children are in bed occasionally, especially if I have been admitted in an emergency and so not had time to plan for such contingency. so far the gremlins have not gotten at the children.............((I thinkhmm)).

kslatts Thu 25-Jun-09 08:03:03

I think she is being unreasonable.

grin at 'what if he was having a big poo?'

TheYearOfTheCatMPADist Wed 24-Jun-09 23:45:33

SIBU - fgs! We all need to relax a bit. If it was in my house I would be posting this thread:

AIBU - that my DH made a pathetic excuse for not getting any milk?

footballsgalore Wed 24-Jun-09 23:30:10

I think this is a really personal decision we all have to make and we would probably have a range of criteria which we would need to follow to reassure ourselves.
I think she IBU to keep on about it and he is BR to modify his behaviour to keep DW reassured. I also think he took reasonable precautions and the risks were minimal.

I'm just so impressed that she has a DH who would notice that there isn't any milk and would be as forward thinking as to consider the next mornings breakfast!!!

Not a chance in this house! smile

Spero Wed 24-Jun-09 23:17:36

She is unreasonable.

What if he was having a big poo? That could put you out of action for more than five minutes.

To take out my rubbish I have to leave my flat, go down a flight of stairs and out of a gate. This takes five minutes and we are asked to put it out late at night to be picked up at 6am.

So - either i put it out early evening with my dd in tow, or wake her up at 11pm to come with me, or we both get up at 5.30am?

You have to, as with everything in life, weigh up the risks. I do not believe that there is a risk in leaving a sleeping child for five minutes.

Yes you 'might' get hit by a car. you also 'might' have a fatal heart attack in your own home.

hambler Wed 24-Jun-09 23:08:47

she is unreasonable

She has said 'I don't like you doing this', he sees no problem with it but agrees not to do it anywway because it worries her. I think that sounds like a pretty good relationship.

Especially since it's somehting that MNers seem to be divided on, so not as if it's a completely unacceptable thing to do. In which case it would be bad that he doesn't understand even if he has agreed not to do it.

Karam Wed 24-Jun-09 22:55:40

Agree SIBU.

If she is complaining that he left in case he was knocked over by the car, and then the children would have been left unattended, then the same reasoning would dictate that she must never leave the house with the children in the care of just one adult... he could have a heart attack and died in the house, and no-one would know and the children would be left unattended. Both are equally as likely scenarios.

I agree that he was sensible in that he carried the baby monitor - and guessing that he was known to the shop keeper, if he was knocked over by a car, then most people would know about the kids - holding a baby monitor is usually a pretty good indicator!

But what are the statistics for grown adults getting knocked over by cars in daylight in pedestrian areas these days??

BitOfFun Wed 24-Jun-09 22:45:30

SIBU.

He doesn't sound like a dimwit if he took the monitor- I'm sure he had his key and used the Green Cross Code smile

She is being a pita by banging on about it.

vezzie Wed 24-Jun-09 22:34:24

He should have phoned her to ask her to pick up some milk on the way back.

flaminhell Wed 24-Jun-09 21:36:35

She is bU, and they are his kids too, he can make a decision without her seconding it! I think he was sensible, and I think she is a controlling pain in the ass.

ReneRusso Wed 24-Jun-09 21:20:38

She is BU, what DH did was ok.

spicemonster Wed 24-Jun-09 21:17:27

Ooh kevlar bras. Very kinky

MrsMcCluskey Wed 24-Jun-09 21:11:56

she is being vu

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