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Order, Order.. Calling the AIBU mumsnet Jury to Court! Who's being unreasonable?

(87 Posts)
Nahui Wed 24-Jun-09 18:43:11

To explain the situation, been talking to a friend on and off all afternoon about something and we're not quite sure if this is ok or not, so i thought i'd ask you lovely lot grin

Friend has lovely DH, and three kids aged 14, 3 and 5 months.

Last night she had to take the 14yo out after she'd put the other two to bed and left DH in charge.

As she pulled up at home and parked on the drive she caught her DH coming out of the corner shop opposite with a pint of milk in one hand and the baby monitor in the other.

She is, i think, understandably a little upset and angry with him, but he cant see what the problem is.. they were asleep, he had the monitor and the shop is literally right opposite their house.. the same distance as the length of their back-garden which they both potter around in when the kids are in bed without a second thought.

I think they've hit an impasse and i'm not sure who to 'side with'.. i think i'd be annoyed if it were me, but i can also see his arguement.

So.. who's being unreasonable? Dad for popping to the shop with baby monitor for 5 minutes, or my friend for still being annoyed 20hours later?

HecatesTwopenceworth Wed 24-Jun-09 19:50:53

you are.

For even considering taking sides.

That'll only ever come back and bite you in the bum grin

hullygully Wed 24-Jun-09 19:53:23

He should have got them up and dressed and strapped in buggies and taken them with him in case one of them sneezed.

flowerybeanbag Wed 24-Jun-09 19:57:44

He shouldn't have done it, but she is being unreasonable still being cross 20 hours later even though he's promised not to do it again.

Nahui Wed 24-Jun-09 19:58:39

lol, Hecate, i'm trying to make like Switzerland, lol, but they're making it difficult because they seem to feel me agreeing with either of them will prove them in the right.

I can see both sides of the argument so am staying firmly on the fence, lol... i just told her i can see why she'd be annoyed, but its really not that big a deal.. and like everyone else said, he's agreed not to do it again so why go on?

I would have been absolutely furious with my dh if he'd done this and would prob still be going on about it years later. Maybe IBU?! Still, it's a safe bet that this woman's dh won't be doing it again in a hurry but I think I'd say that HIBU, they would have just had to drink their tea black ...

My first ever post on an AIBU btw (I think), am a bit apprehensive grin

Pingpong Wed 24-Jun-09 20:03:51

she is being very unreasonable IMO.

seeker Wed 24-Jun-09 20:04:30

WHY shouldn't he have done it? WHY?????????????

fucksticks Wed 24-Jun-09 20:04:35

Its the sort of thing my DH would do and the sort of thing that I couldnt even contemplate doing.
DH does not do stuff like that purely because he knows how much I dont want him to. He cant understand why I fee; so strongly about it either.

I say she needs to let it drop. He made a mistake but the fcat that he agreed never to do it again makes her v unreasonable to still be going on about it!

SIBU. He didn't know she would get back in time and he took a very small risk - probably less than ... I don't know, say, driving on a wet motorway.

In our house having no milk would be a Very Big Deal.

I used to do it. At our last house, the off-license was right across the road and I could see our front door from the shop, so I'd pop over for stuff, the difference is, I never took the monitor.
My dp also did it once or twice.

I can understand why your friend is upset, her dh did after all leave her dc's at home alone, but as you said, they quite happily sit out in the garden.
Although unlikely, what if he'd benn hit by a car or something?

theyoungvisiter Wed 24-Jun-09 20:06:35

She is being unreasonable - not for feeling worried about him popping over the road (irrationally IMO but I can see why she would feel funny about it) but for not letting it go.

She has the right to say she doesn't want him to do it again, but having said that (and got his agreement) she needs to let it drop.

If he did it again knowing it would upset her then he is being unreasonable.

Case dismissed, the court will now adjourn for gin and tonic

<bangs gavel>

seeker Wed 24-Jun-09 20:09:50

He didn't make a mistake. He did something completely safe that ensured early morning tea. Where's the problem?

hullygully Wed 24-Jun-09 20:11:37

But what if they'd sneezed? Or turned over in their sleep? I don't think you've really thought this through, Seeker.

seeker Wed 24-Jun-09 20:15:50

And I forgot alien abduction. Sorry. <seeker hangs head in shame and hands children to social services>

nellynaemates Wed 24-Jun-09 20:18:51

Jesus, of course she's being unreasonable. All this "he could be hit by a car" nonsense is so stupid. I'd have to check the statistics but I would think he is far more likely to have an accident in his home which knocks him out. These things happen. Yes what he did carried risks but those risks were small and he did everything reasonable, IMO, to reduce them.

What a bunch of pansies we are in this country.

Nahui Wed 24-Jun-09 20:21:08

i believe there is more chance of falling down your own stairs than being hit by a car anyway, lol.

Freely admit to being a pansy, I wonder if she just suffers like I do from a ridiculously over-active imagination which prevents her from being rational about this kind of thing. Perhaps she keeps playing the 'what if' scenarios over and over in her head (alien abduction in particular I think would be most worrying) and for that reason can't let it drop?

seeker Wed 24-Jun-09 20:21:33

<seeker wrestles children back from social services>

nelly I don't think what I said was stupid at all. Like i said, I have done it and my dp has done it and I see nothing wrong with it, but I can understand the mother's concerns. Anything could happen while he is out of the house, the room, whatever, the main thing is that dangers are reduced and minimised. So if the dc's are safe in a secured house with the oven/iron etc off, then it would be perfectly fine to spend a few mins at the shop or in the bath as long as the dangers are thought through and are minimal.

He was right opposite their house with the baby monitor. He would have been gone 30 seconds if there was no queue.

She is being completely unreasonable imo. I would have done the same as him. As you say, he was gone no further than the end of their garden.

morningpaper Wed 24-Jun-09 20:29:46

"he could be hit by a car"

Unless he was drunk and blind it is unlikely

He could just as well die IN the house from falling out of the attic / down stairs / electrocuting himself / having a massive heart attack

As this part of the argument is nonsense, then SHE is BU

Wallace Wed 24-Jun-09 20:31:12

hmm

I see nothing at all wrong with what the dh did.

You must count up the votes and let them know the vedict grin

toddlerama Wed 24-Jun-09 20:31:15

If the 14 year old was home, SIBU. If not HIBU.

Ultimately, they just need to agree what's ok for next time. If she isn't comfortable with it, he shouldn't do it. My DH has all kinds of safety rules which I think are naff and pointless, but I do them because they're important to him, and they're his kids. Works both ways.

I didn't say 'he could have been' I said 'what if he had been'

I am on his side FFS, but don't think there is anything wrong with thinking about possible accidents no matter how unlikely.

Swedes Wed 24-Jun-09 20:35:18

Does she ever go into the garden at night when the children are in bed and tidy up the toys/water the garden/clean out the barbie/take down the parasol/bring in washing/peg out washing etc? If yes, is she ever longer than 3 mins? And does she take the baby monitor with her?

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