ZOMBIE THREAD ALERT: This thread hasn't been posted on for a while.
I am, I am, I need to confess.....(110 Posts)
......I am a bad bad unreasonable wife
bad dreams during the night. I dreamt very vividly that bugs were flying around my head and I was trying to get them and kill them....only then they all fell in the bed.
I leapt out, whacked hell out of the bed, then realised when whacking DH that I was dreaming, and it was 5am.
thing is, I laughed, I was not sorry, and I didn;t apologise, and he has been nursing me while poorly.
if this were him, I would be on here right now having a good old moan, and you would all be agreeing with me and telling me good things to retaliate.
you need to tell me off now.....I can take it.
or at least, make me feel better and tell me how vivid you dreams are
My DH sat bolt upright in bed a few nights ago, yelled "HOT", threw all the covers on top of me, and laid back down. All in his sleep.
The next morning I got a right earful from him about "stealing all the duvet"...
DH was snoring one night, and I poked him with my foot to shut him up... I then fell asleep, and just kept kicking him! He was MOST annoyed, could hardly believe I was doing it in my sleep - I realised I was though because as he woke me up, I was STILL kicking him!
(and yes, I thought it was very funny! )
My Dad once started climbing up the wall at the back of the bed one night to get away from the floods. Using my mother's face as a foothold
We laughed a lot when he told us. She didn't strangely
oh please please keep them coming......I am soo pleased this is not just me<<phew>>
This thread is hilarious.
DH once woke me up twice in the same night - once by "tapping" on my forehead to inform me that he was going to take the monkey for a walk and then by almost falling out of bed. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was saving the horses as they were about to escape through the hole in the wall. He said I was the strange one for not being able to see said hole in wall
"Using my mother's face as a foothold"
I've had quite a few episodes like this - from insisting that dp get up and change the bed covers round because they were so dirty, to getting up and checking behind the curtains to see what was making funny lights, insisting that there was a little girl at the bottom of the bed knitting. When it happens to me I think its perfectly rational and reasonable and like littlemamas dh I think that my dp is the unreasonable one for not being able to see what I do. It normally dawns on me quite slowly that I'm dreaming, and then I feel like a twit.
I am crying with laughter here.
My Mum is one of those people who NEVER swears, except in her sleep. She is frequently to be heard yelling the bluest language ever at the top of her voice. It gets quite funny to listen to after a while. Last time we stayed I sat for ages in hysterics listening to her cursing.
Last night DH thought he heard a noise (whilst asleep, obviously - he is very gifted) and jumped out of bed shouting 'I'll get it!' only to crown himself on the edge of the dormer window and collapse onto the bed half-awake and possibly concussed. He often jumps out of bed in the middle of the night and barges into one of the children's rooms because he thought they were crying (bless) only to wake them up with all his humphing around.....
Along the same vein I once woke up livid with DH for leaving me to be eaten by a werewolf. I'd had a really long and vivid dream where we were running from this monster, and in the final bit DH ran out of the room shutting the door behind him I was highly unreasonable about it and whenever we had any minor disagreements for months afterwards, it became my trump card, "I may have done X, but YOU left me to be eaten by a werewolf!".
I also once woke up trying to eat an imaginary Mars bar, when it wasn't in my hand I stripped the bed looking for it, still half asleep. DH was not amused.
My sister used to (probably still does) shout in her sleep, "fucking this and fucking that" usually had my name attatched to it. I must used to really piss her off...
If I had been drinking I would say/do things in the night and I never remember it in the morning. My dh just ignores me now.
When I was younger, at our appartment in Malta I was found hanging over the railings of the stairs shouting to the boy who lived a few doors down because he had stolen my cousins purse...
I'm so glad it's not just me...
My worst one must have been having a horrible dream that my DH was having an affair. I woke him at 3 in the morning to bollock him for this... despite knowing full well it was only a dream, even while having a go at him!
Lol christmasmum Ive been on the receiving end of one of those, my DH dreamt that I had had an affair and the next day he was really off with me and moody, when he explained why I couldnt believe it!
This thread has had me crying laughing
I have had a high temperature the last couple of days and yesterday DH woke to me ranting about him not having saved the cucumbers when they exploded and being really cross with him.
Poor thing didn't have a clue what I was on about and neither did I until I remembered I had dreamt that someone had blown up the greenhouse containing my newly flowering, carefully nutured cucumber plants.
He moved quite quickly to get more paracetamol down me and the children were strangely absent for a bit.
YouKnowNothingOfTheCrunch - I have tears of laughter in my eyes at the thought of you playing your 'yes, but you left me to be eaten by a werewolf trump card!!
I have very vivid dreams, but they don't end up getting physical, apart from once when I was having some sort of nightmare and woke dh up in sheer terror - only to find I had no idea why I was so terrified or what I'd been dreaming.
Subconscious bunting is a worrying new trend...
This is a fab thread!
When I was in my teens a boyfriend had dozed off trapping me on the sofa. I tried to get him to move so I could nip to the loo but was told, "you can't go now, the lights are on red".
If my temp goes up at all I start to see things, and wondering off is not uncommon.
Had bad flu a few years ago and was sleeping on the sofa, had just undies on when I decided to go play bingo with my dad (who had been dead about 6 years) so just let myself out of the house and wondered off, my mother came running after me with a coat and took me home.
I also took and onion to bed and would not part with it, even put a watch round it, when flu ridden once, and another time called my aunt to tell her SIL had stolen my shoes and I needed them to go to FIL funeral as the cars were outside waiting for me (FIL had been dead 2 years)
oh you lot are fabulous....thankyou sooooo much
DH came home and reminded me that altho he was, yes, pissed at me, he is used to it.
I have woken him in the past yelling about the bats flying out of the lightfittings in the walls and ceiling and stealing the children.
oh, and rubbing his legs all night (he has no hairs on his legs....my feet are better than waxing from the stae of his legs!!!
Every couple of months I half wake up and realise that i'm in bed with hardly any clothes on but i think i'm in bed with the wrong person. So I open the drawers, get clothes out and put them on, to preserve my modesty, given that i'm in bed with someone else and not DH! Then happy with this I drop off again, only to wake up in the morning to find that i have perhaps a back to front t-shirt on with my paint splattered trackie bums or some other delightful combo!
This thread has had me crying with laughter.
My brother had the best experience of this. I recieved this text from him not so long ago....
"Girlfriend has excelled herself. Apparently she was having a dream that she was being made to eat worcester sauce, pear and onion cake. Baked by Jeremy Clarkson. This is the reason she spat on my face while I was asleep. Amused? No!"
I read that for the first time at work. I couldn't speak for the most extreme case of the giggles I've had since I was 6.
I am snorting too. I have just been weeping on the hospital food thread so thank you all .
Its not quite so funny when the hitter is OH and YOU are the hittie BTW!
I have smacked in the face a few times and its very rarely hilarious let me tell you. My OH is a big bloke.
You try explaining a black eye to the neighbours. They all give me pitying looks for a while. Oh yeah he did it while he was asleep Of course he did dear <whilst slipping me the phone number of our local womens aid>
My DS gets violent when he has a temperature. He punched me right in the face. It was like a cartoon, I saw it coming at me but couldnt get out of the way.
He was fast asleep at the time. Bless.
Youknownothing - PMSL at imaginary marsbar
Oldspeck, I am literally pissing myself at the spitting girlfriend!!! Damn my weak pelvic floor!
I often shout random words in my sleep. DH's favourites are "Frosted glass!" and "Corn-fed chicken!". I also wake him and try to converse with him in my sleep.
But my favourite sleep story is about friends of ours. He plays a lot of video games.
One night she was awoken by him grabbing her around the neck with his arm, shouting "You are my human shield!"
I'm not entirely sure he's been forgiven for that yet!
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