I am, I am, I need to confess.....

(110 Posts)
psychomum5 Fri 12-Jun-09 09:02:20

......I am a bad bad unreasonable wifeblush

bad dreams during the night. I dreamt very vividly that bugs were flying around my head and I was trying to get them and kill them....only then they all fell in the bed.

I leapt out, whacked hell out of the bed, then realised when whacking DH that I was dreaming, and it was 5am.


thing is, I laughed, I was not sorry, and I didn;t apologise, and he has been nursing me while poorly.

if this were him, I would be on here right now having a good old moan, and you would all be agreeing with me and telling me good things to retaliate.

you need to tell me off now.....I can take it.

or at least, make me feel better and tell me how vivid you dreams are

kitbit Fri 12-Jun-09 09:05:49

No, it's funny. YANBU
We have a friend who has leapt on top of his wife to "save her from the falling rocks" at least 3 times in the night. For a period of time she looked very tired and slightly startled all the time.

psychomum5 Fri 12-Jun-09 09:09:18


my DH does often yell at me to "get off the fuckin scaffold".

no idea who is ON the scaffold, and how he knows at 1am in the middle of the night, but hey, I guess they would need to get off.....tis dangerous after all to go on building sites during the nightwink

SoupDragon Fri 12-Jun-09 09:11:16

My mother had a dream last year whereby she was being crushed by tentacles which were wrapped round her. The only way to escape was to bite through them

Which would have been fine were it not for the fact that the dream stemmed from the fact that she had her arms wrapped round herself. The bruising and teeth marks faded eventually, the ridicule we give her has not.

psychomum5 Fri 12-Jun-09 09:12:58


and <<ouch>>......that must have hurt!!

you poor mum, altho I have to say, <<snigger>> too

AddictedtoCrunchies Fri 12-Jun-09 09:14:09

I do this all the time. I keep dreaming that DS is falling (off of what I don't know) and I leap up in bed and grab DH and wake him up with a start.

Quite funny now.

I have just snorted tea all over my keyboard reading psychomum 'get off the fuckin scaffold'...

SoupDragon Fri 12-Jun-09 09:14:57

Luckily, she can laugh about it herself too. Snigger all you like (we guffawed though). I'm not convinced she hasn't bitten dad in her sleep too but, TBH, I wasn't keen to pursue that conversation...

SoupDragon Fri 12-Jun-09 09:17:06

H shook me awake once to shout "Bunting!" at me before he laid back down. I spent a good while sat bolt upright in bed with a startled look on my face. He also once did the same but said "Wizard's blenting. Wizards blenting! I know you think I'm mad but I'm not." hmm

psychomum5 Fri 12-Jun-09 09:17:34

that is not a conversation you need with your dad really is it.....

addictedtocrunchies, I have had dreams like that too.....DHs are rarely amused are they!!wink


however...on a sewwwious note

YABU to think it's funnt...your poor poor dh....

(do you feel better now, all reprimanded????)

Anyway...I would possibly have loved as well as apologised, lol

madwomanintheattic Fri 12-Jun-09 09:20:17

i frequently see spiders in the bed and start whacking dh them. i laugh too blush
why are they still married to us? grin

bunting??? has he been spending too much time on the cupcake threads?

zipperdeedoodah Fri 12-Jun-09 09:22:39

Snorting at the scaf0fold!! {grin}..love it

Weegle Fri 12-Jun-09 09:44:22

I was once on a very strict diet... I woke DH up shouting "the pizza, the pizza, DO NOT eat the pizza or I will KILL you" - at which point I slumbered on, DH was left in a mildly traumatised state all night.

oh it is so funny...

rofl weegle

DH quite often sits bolt upright in the middle of the night to catch the "rat" or "insects" he's felt on him - refuses to believe he's dreamt it until the morning. I usually also end up getting a bashing at the same time

I get my own back though - when DS was tiny I occasionally used to bring him into bed with us, and although I didn't realise it was obviously super aware even when asleep of where he was and able to stop him falling out. DH has every so often had to wake me up in the middle of the night as he wants to go to the toilet as I'm pinning him down in my sleep!

BeatRoute Fri 12-Jun-09 10:04:25

I had a dream when I was pregnant that DP had savaged the butter in the way that I hate (you know, digs the knife in willy-nilly and takes no care and attention in leaving the top nicely level and OCDish...)
When I woke up, processed the dream and realised it WAS just a dream, I still kicked him very hard for making me so cross in my sleep.
Now THAT'S unreasonable!
Also rofling at the scaffold grin

lucygrif Fri 12-Jun-09 10:57:10

I literally am crying with laughter at this thread!! My partner talks in his sleep all the time, and I have quite vivid dreams too. we both regularly dream that the other one is cheating, to the point where i actually punched him in the back in my sleep!! ooops blush

kitbit Fri 12-Jun-09 11:18:44

SPB I do that regularly! Poor dh. If he so much as moves I throw an arm round, grab tight and "shush" him. Don't even know I'm doing it
Good to keep your hand in though - when staying at my Mum's ds and I slept in her VERY high bed. ds was tucked in but at about 3am I woke up to find my arm had shot out and was holding ds's ankle as it disappeared over the side. His head was about 1cm off the floor and he was still snoring. So if dh gets narky when he needs a pee in the night I sternly remind him that parenting skills need to be instinctive, and practised

SouthMum Fri 12-Jun-09 11:46:17

Apparently I laugh a scary poltergeist type of laugh in my sleep....

DP has also sat bolt upright, looked me in the eye and asked me "Wheres the Gecko?", I replied "he must be outside love <snigger>" to which he smiled and said "thought so" and went back to sleep!


kando Fri 12-Jun-09 11:50:50

I am pmsl at this thread!! Fantastic! DH once had a night out on the beer, went to bed as usual but sat up a couple of hours later saying "jack sprat, jack sprat" then went straight back to sleep. Must have been scintillating conversation in the pub that night ...

psychomum5 Fri 12-Jun-09 11:51:12

lol @ weegle........

alicecrail Fri 12-Jun-09 11:52:30

I am pmsl at soupdragon 'Bunting' and 'Wizards blenting' grin

oneforward20back Fri 12-Jun-09 11:55:20

my ex used to randomly stir and tell me it was his bed before shooving me onto the floor. Hitting the floor with a bump is not a great way to wake up. Plus he knew nothing of it in the morning. hmm

psychomum5 Fri 12-Jun-09 12:07:30

I am soooo happy I am not the only one to randomly attack their partner during sleep

missed the 'telling off'......yup, I feel told!!winkgrin

or should that be a blush....hmm

Ruby01 Fri 12-Jun-09 12:14:42

I talk in my sleep and have vivid dreams. I had a dream where someone was tickling my feet and wouldnt stop. I woke up to my DH staring at me, apparently I had been shouting 'I am going to wet myself' over and over in my sleep. I swear I am laughing while I type this grin

VerityClinch Fri 12-Jun-09 12:18:33

My DH sat bolt upright in bed a few nights ago, yelled "HOT", threw all the covers on top of me, and laid back down. All in his sleep.

The next morning I got a right earful from him about "stealing all the duvet"...

MaryBS Fri 12-Jun-09 12:21:15

DH was snoring one night, and I poked him with my foot to shut him up... I then fell asleep, and just kept kicking him! He was MOST annoyed, could hardly believe I was doing it in my sleep - I realised I was though because as he woke me up, I was STILL kicking him! blush

(and yes, I thought it was very funny! )

OrmIrian Fri 12-Jun-09 12:22:47

My Dad once started climbing up the wall at the back of the bed one night to get away from the floods. Using my mother's face as a foothold hmm

We laughed a lot when he told us. She didn't strangely grin

psychomum5 Fri 12-Jun-09 12:43:34

oh please please keep them coming......I am soo pleased this is not just me<<phew>>

This thread is hilarious.

DH once woke me up twice in the same night - once by "tapping" on my forehead to inform me that he was going to take the monkey for a walk and then by almost falling out of bed. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was saving the horses as they were about to escape through the hole in the wall. He said I was the strange one for not being able to see said hole in wall

SoupDragon Fri 12-Jun-09 13:05:57

"Using my mother's face as a foothold"


lal123 Fri 12-Jun-09 13:24:43

I've had quite a few episodes like this - from insisting that dp get up and change the bed covers round because they were so dirty, to getting up and checking behind the curtains to see what was making funny lights, insisting that there was a little girl at the bottom of the bed knitting. When it happens to me I think its perfectly rational and reasonable and like littlemamas dh I think that my dp is the unreasonable one for not being able to see what I do. It normally dawns on me quite slowly that I'm dreaming, and then I feel like a twit.

mychildrenarebarmy Fri 12-Jun-09 15:01:25

I am crying with laughter here.
My Mum is one of those people who NEVER swears, except in her sleep. She is frequently to be heard yelling the bluest language ever at the top of her voice. It gets quite funny to listen to after a while. Last time we stayed I sat for ages in hysterics listening to her cursing.

smellyeli Fri 12-Jun-09 15:11:36

Last night DH thought he heard a noise (whilst asleep, obviously - he is very gifted) and jumped out of bed shouting 'I'll get it!' only to crown himself on the edge of the dormer window and collapse onto the bed half-awake and possibly concussed. He often jumps out of bed in the middle of the night and barges into one of the children's rooms because he thought they were crying (bless) only to wake them up with all his humphing around.....

Along the same vein I once woke up livid with DH for leaving me to be eaten by a werewolf. I'd had a really long and vivid dream where we were running from this monster, and in the final bit DH ran out of the room shutting the door behind him shock I was highly unreasonable about it and whenever we had any minor disagreements for months afterwards, it became my trump card, "I may have done X, but YOU left me to be eaten by a werewolf!".

I also once woke up trying to eat an imaginary Mars bar, when it wasn't in my hand I stripped the bed looking for it, still half asleep. DH was not amused.

Baisey Fri 12-Jun-09 15:23:35

My sister used to (probably still does) shout in her sleep, "fucking this and fucking that" usually had my name attatched to it. I must used to really piss her off...
If I had been drinking I would say/do things in the night and I never remember it in the morning. My dh just ignores me now.
When I was younger, at our appartment in Malta I was found hanging over the railings of the stairs shouting to the boy who lived a few doors down because he had stolen my cousins purse...

christmasmum Fri 12-Jun-09 15:28:41

I'm so glad it's not just me...

My worst one must have been having a horrible dream that my DH was having an affair. I woke him at 3 in the morning to bollock him for this... despite knowing full well it was only a dream, even while having a go at him!

Baisey Fri 12-Jun-09 15:31:04

Lol christmasmum Ive been on the receiving end of one of those, my DH dreamt that I had had an affair and the next day he was really off with me and moody, when he explained why I couldnt believe it!

ClaireDeLoon Fri 12-Jun-09 15:36:28

This thread has had me crying laughing

WynkenBlynkenandNod Fri 12-Jun-09 15:47:04

I have had a high temperature the last couple of days and yesterday DH woke to me ranting about him not having saved the cucumbers when they exploded and being really cross with him.

Poor thing didn't have a clue what I was on about and neither did I until I remembered I had dreamt that someone had blown up the greenhouse containing my newly flowering, carefully nutured cucumber plants.

He moved quite quickly to get more paracetamol down me and the children were strangely absent for a bit.

Stayingsunnygirl Fri 12-Jun-09 16:27:03

YouKnowNothingOfTheCrunch - I have tears of laughter in my eyes at the thought of you playing your 'yes, but you left me to be eaten by a werewolf trump card!! grin

I have very vivid dreams, but they don't end up getting physical, apart from once when I was having some sort of nightmare and woke dh up in sheer terror - only to find I had no idea why I was so terrified or what I'd been dreaming.

Katisha Fri 12-Jun-09 17:35:27

Subconscious bunting is a worrying new trend...

Minshu Fri 12-Jun-09 22:08:34

This is a fab thread!

When I was in my teens a boyfriend had dozed off trapping me on the sofa. I tried to get him to move so I could nip to the loo but was told, "you can't go now, the lights are on red".

Kimi Fri 12-Jun-09 22:14:49

If my temp goes up at all I start to see things, and wondering off is not uncommon.

Had bad flu a few years ago and was sleeping on the sofa, had just undies on when I decided to go play bingo with my dad (who had been dead about 6 years) so just let myself out of the house and wondered off, my mother came running after me with a coat and took me home.

I also took and onion to bed and would not part with it, even put a watch round it, when flu ridden once, and another time called my aunt to tell her SIL had stolen my shoes and I needed them to go to FIL funeral as the cars were outside waiting for me (FIL had been dead 2 years)

psychomum5 Fri 12-Jun-09 22:20:09

oh you lot are fabulous....thankyou sooooo much

DH came home and reminded me that altho he was, yes, pissed at me, he is used to it.

I have woken him in the past yelling about the bats flying out of the lightfittings in the walls and ceiling and stealing the children.

oh, and rubbing his legs all night (he has no hairs on his legs....my feet are better than waxing from the stae of his legsblushgrin!!!

kitsmummy Fri 12-Jun-09 22:21:14

Every couple of months I half wake up and realise that i'm in bed with hardly any clothes on but i think i'm in bed with the wrong person. So I open the drawers, get clothes out and put them on, to preserve my modesty, given that i'm in bed with someone else and not DH! Then happy with this I drop off again, only to wake up in the morning to find that i have perhaps a back to front t-shirt on with my paint splattered trackie bums or some other delightful combo!

This thread has had me crying with laughter.

My brother had the best experience of this. I recieved this text from him not so long ago....
"Girlfriend has excelled herself. Apparently she was having a dream that she was being made to eat worcester sauce, pear and onion cake. Baked by Jeremy Clarkson. This is the reason she spat on my face while I was asleep. Amused? No!"

I read that for the first time at work. I couldn't speak for the most extreme case of the giggles I've had since I was 6.

chegirl Fri 12-Jun-09 22:46:53

I am snorting too. I have just been weeping on the hospital food thread so thank you all grin.

Its not quite so funny when the hitter is OH and YOU are the hittie BTW!

I have smacked in the face a few times and its very rarely hilarious let me tell you. My OH is a big bloke.
You try explaining a black eye to the neighbours. They all give me pitying looks for a while. Oh yeah he did it while he was asleep hmm Of course he did dear <whilst slipping me the phone number of our local womens aid>

My DS gets violent when he has a temperature. He punched me right in the face. It was like a cartoon, I saw it coming at me but couldnt get out of the way.
He was fast asleep at the time. Bless.

HalfMumHalfBiscuit Fri 12-Jun-09 22:50:44

Youknownothing - PMSL at imaginary marsbar

CandleQueen Fri 12-Jun-09 22:58:09

Oldspeck, I am literally pissing myself at the spitting girlfriend!!! Damn my weak pelvic floor!

I often shout random words in my sleep. DH's favourites are "Frosted glass!" and "Corn-fed chicken!". I also wake him and try to converse with him in my sleep.

But my favourite sleep story is about friends of ours. He plays a lot of video games.
One night she was awoken by him grabbing her around the neck with his arm, shouting "You are my human shield!"
I'm not entirely sure he's been forgiven for that yet!

Jux Fri 12-Jun-09 23:06:59

I woke up suddenly and saw a massive furry insect in the crook of my elbow. It was enormous - nearly 3 inches long. I screamed and lashed out.

It was the end of the cat's tail.

I slapped dh in the face cos he was cheating on me in my dream grin

Weirdly, I was still irrationally pissed off with him the next day (subconscious is a powerful animal)

DH teaches in his sleep. Every week he tells me to "sit down, shut up" BE QUIET.

bumpsnowjustplump Fri 12-Jun-09 23:14:23

PMSL at this thread...

When ever I am upset or worried about something I often sleepwalk... My dad used to sit up and wait for me as once I walked out the house and slept on my neighbours drive....

moodylou Fri 12-Jun-09 23:16:41

My brother's girlfriend once woke up to hear him shouting "watch out, they're coming through the window". He then rolled out of bed onto the floor, took aim at the window, using his finger as a gun and started making machine gun noises until he was satisfied he had killed them grin

He'd spent all day playing war games on the computer though so i think that might have had something to do with it!

Jux Fri 12-Jun-09 23:22:52

We had some relatives staying. The room they were had an old flowery rug on the floor. They woke up in the middle of the night to discover my younger bro (then about 5) weeing on the rug, muttering about watering the flowers.

saintmaybe Sat 13-Jun-09 08:18:08

When i was about 14, and veggie, I had a disgusting dream that I was eating chicken out of a bin.

Chicken bones all over the kitchen floor next morning

QOD Sat 13-Jun-09 08:33:45

My friends husband shouts
"RORY RAT ROOOOOOO" regularly, no idea what he means

My dh has punched me, elbowed me, ripped the covers off screaming about spiders, all sorts.
I sleep like a cherub
Although once my dd came in my room in the night and woke me, I got all tearful like a kid and said I wanted a wee wee and didn't know where the toilet was. She had to take me by the hand to the loo and pass me tissue paper etc then take me back to bed. She put herself back to bed too LOL

Dp does this too!! So glad it's vaguely normal!!

His piece de resitance is still sitting bolt upright in bed and with a dismissive wave of the hand said 'FFS if the girl wants pancakes, let her have pancakes' hmm
Wasn't even Shrove Tuesday!

LolaTheShowgirl Sat 13-Jun-09 09:54:57

I once had 2 girl friends staying over in mine and DP's bed while he was abroad (he's an ex now...). So we were all asleep and all was well til I wrapped my arms round one of the girls. She pushed off my arms and I got all mad shouting "what the fk are you doing that for, Thomas, are you seeing someone else, you fk-ing rat?"

Poor Lizzie! Still, they both had a laugh at my expense!

Another time I was sleeping in bed with said ex and I bolted upright shouting "he's here, Jesus is here! Bloody nora, he's actually come!"

psychomum5 Sat 13-Jun-09 10:42:52

QOD, was he a 'roland rat' fan by any chance.....

sweetnitanitro Sat 13-Jun-09 10:52:08

pmsl, this thread is hilarious grin

I once had a dream that DH was having an affair with one of my mates and when I woke up I told him to fk off and thumped him blush

I also had a full conversation with him (him awake, me asleep) about microphone stands and got really annoyed when the conversation woke me up- he thought I was awake anyway.

psychomum5 Sat 13-Jun-09 13:02:24

come ON people, we need somethin to laugh at this week!!!

I am soooo loving you all for proving that I am not the only insane MNer that attacks their partners/husbands in their sleep

slushy06 Sat 13-Jun-09 15:57:32

I am a violent sleeper to I talk and sleepwalk so I quite often attack dp.

However one night I got so drunk and passed out on the bed. Now as I walk I quite often get up and go to the toilet while asleep however this night my drunken state left me beliving my dp chest of drawers was the toilet.

Apparently I tooted down over his sock drawer and took a pee. My dp took no notice as he assumed he must of been dreaming.

The next morning I was awoken to dp screaming holding a pair of soggy socks. I didn't know whether to laugh or cry. To make up for it though I had drunk enough to be ill for a week blush. I have not drunk since.

I sleep talk a lot. I often have dreams about work, so talk about the tasks. When I worked in a cash and carry, I used to annoy DH all the time telling him that I had ten pound coins and I was going to put them in the safe etc

I had a particularly long week, and was very tired one Friday. DD fell out of bed, and I was woried she had hurt her head. I was sort of half asleep, half awake, and knew DH had picked DD up to bring her to our bed. So I fell asleep, back to my dream about work, but was in the back of my mind panicking that DD had hit her head. So I tried to ask DH if DD had hit her head, but, as I was thinking about work, kept saying I was worried because DD was balancing. He didn't get it, so I kept trying to get the sentence out, but kept coming out with random sentences such as "when DD fell, were the debits and credits both right". Still half asleep, I tried to tell him the fundamendals of double entry book keeping. And yelling "you dont care about whether she balances"

DH was most unimpressed. Had a moan at me in the morning. All I wanted to know was whether she'd hit her head...

SoupDragon Mon 15-Jun-09 10:42:58

In order to bump this for amusement on a Monday morning there is the tale of H (then bf) coming in very drunk after some football do. I woke up to the sound of him leaving the flat - I thought he'd gone to throw up in the garden (not sure why - I don't think I was quite awake). Anyway, when he finally surfaced the next morning, I asked where he'd gone. He looked at me, confused, and then in horror as his vivid dream of urinating came back to him. Sure enough, out in the communal hallway was a huge puddle.

Shortly after, the chair of the residents association came to chat about increasing security on the main door because some tramp had clearly been coming in to the communal hall...

psychomum5 Mon 15-Jun-09 10:48:45

oh god, that is so funny, in such a gross way.....

SoupDragon Mon 15-Jun-09 10:51:59

Apparently he once did it to a previous gf's pile of clothes too.

wotulookinat Mon 15-Jun-09 11:06:56

Such a funny thread! DH regularly yells in his sleep as he is being chased by vultures grin I just hope that's not a metaphor for our relationship!

psychomum5 Mon 15-Jun-09 11:17:18

see, and the clue lies in the previous....wink!!!

vultures, seriously?? not that I can talk....bats fly out of the ceiling in my dreams, massive huge bats, and fly away after grabbing my children.

oh, and the witch who removes all the eyeballs from all the children in the whole world.

and the vikings coming and stealing any redhaired children.....

I am just weird.

and should probably shut up nowhmm

wotulookinat Mon 15-Jun-09 11:18:56

psychomum, you are starting to liv eup to your name grin

psychomum5 Mon 15-Jun-09 11:20:55

well, someone has towinkgrin

strawberryplanter Mon 15-Jun-09 11:43:28

At uni my bf had a late night then had an exam in the morning. He woke with a start pretty early the next morning and was crawling about on the floor, moaning and looking under the bed.

It turned out he'd thought the minute hand of the alarm clock had fallen off and he was trying to find it! (it was 6.30am)

Sycamoretreeisvile Mon 15-Jun-09 11:52:31

Oh Psycho! You're OP really struck a chord.

There is a name for this type of dream - I must look it up.

I get them very occasionally. They also involve animals of some sort. They are always INCREDIBLY vivid, in that they happen as though in real time, in the bedroom, with me lying down as though asleep, just as you describe.

The worst was that some huge goose had flown in through the window, low flown right over my face. I leapt out of bed with such force that I collided into the TV which was (in our old house) on a low table at least 3 foot away from the end of our double bed. I really bruised my ribs. My heart nearly burst I was so frightened!

Others involve spiders coming down from the ceiling, or like you, bugs. I'm convinced I have my eyes open whilst I'm dreaming....the fear is like nothing else and my body always reacts in a very literal way.

My DH would sympathise with yours lol!

psychomum5 Mon 15-Jun-09 11:58:05

there is a name

oooh, joy, I can use it to protect myself from accusations of trying to kill him...I am not, I suffer something real!!

<<unaccountably joyous about it>>

AprilMeadow Mon 15-Jun-09 12:14:52

OMG i am laughing so much at this thread

My dad woke my mum up one night saying 'theres a mouse in the bed', my mam told him he was dreaming and to shut up and go back to sleep.

My dad insisted so they put the light on and lifted the duvet and there was a mouse sitting looking at them under the duvet !!!!

My dad grabbed it and threw it out of the window, it was dead the next morning (sorry mouse lovers)

He also dreams he is being chased by giant bees, but that is just my mum snoring grin - she gets banished to the back bedroom now

psychomum5 Mon 15-Jun-09 12:51:41

<<snort>> @ snoring being likened to 'giant bees'.

and aww for the mouse

SoupDragon Mon 15-Jun-09 22:02:08

<<shudder>> at the mouse.

I've often sat up suddenly because there's a dream spider on my pillow. Never had a goose though hmm !

SoupDragon Mon 15-Jun-09 22:03:13

Actually, I did it in the bath last night [snurk] except I wasn't asleep and it wasn't a dream spider letting itself down on a thread beside my head.

LoulouCapone Mon 15-Jun-09 22:14:30


My Dh kept moaning about his "piles" this time a year ago. He couldn't do a thing without moaning. After a week of this, while asleep, I straightened my leg, then brought it up and kneed his bum... really, really hard. He jumped out of bed, and was crying with pain. I knew what I'd done - even though I was fast asleep.

I'd been really sympathetic all week, but obviously it had been eating away at my subconscious - and that's how it expressed itself.

Anyhoo, next day, having put it off long enough, I finally agreed to have a look. His "piles" were actually on his bum cheek. hmm So after explaining to DH what piles were, and that he did not have them, I deposited DH at the Dr's and began my journey to work.

The call came about half an hour later to tell me that he was in an ambulance because he in fact had an abcess, which had burst and he had septacaemia (SP) which resulted in an operation, a two day stay in one of the NHS's finest hotels, and daily visits to the Dr's thereafter for 6wks to have the gaping wound "packaged".

Was I unreasonable?!?

serin Mon 15-Jun-09 22:22:38

DH kicked me so hard in the back that I nearly fell out of bed, whilst shouting "Goooooooaaaaalllllll".

I am dreading the next world cup.

Heated Mon 15-Jun-09 22:27:57

Dh told me that urban legend (which I foolishly believed) that we all swallow spiders in our sleep. Dh woke up struggling for air thinking I was trying to smother him with my hand tightly pressed down over his mouth, preventing the monster spiders getting in.

I have also pulled out his chest hair in my sleep!

psychomum5 Mon 15-Jun-09 22:38:36

<<snort>> @ heated........altho I thought said legand was true!!!

serin, ....my DH has nowt to fear from the world cup and me.....I hate footballblush

<<boak>>envy @ the bum absess.....has he forgiven you yet? altho lol at him thinking it was piles!

kitkatqueen Mon 15-Jun-09 22:38:51

I came in late one night and as I crept into the bedroom DP sat bolt upright in bed and said :

DP "is the mouse ok"?

ME "erm yes fine"

DP " Are you Sure"???

ME " Yes absolutley, no problem all the little mousies are absolutly fine"

DP ( STILL ASLEEP ) " Well now I know your taking the piss there was only one"

Lays back down, resumes snoring and remembers absolutley nothing!! grin

My Dad got out of bed one night, went to his wardrobe, picked up a shoe and peed in it. My mum shouted at him and said he should pee in the toilet he very dutifully trotted of to the loo with said shoe, put it in the pan and flushed the chain, then came back to bed and new nothing about it til the morning.


Heated Mon 15-Jun-09 22:43:40

Just for Psychomum


Has you DP been in bed with my dad !!! Lol

kitkatqueen Mon 15-Jun-09 22:47:57

Who Knows???? Maybe it was the same night and he was worried about your dad throwing his mouse out the window ??? grin

Debs75 Mon 15-Jun-09 22:59:30

When I was about 5 I had a dream that i was being chased by a goose. It bit me on the bum and I woke up screaming.

Last year whilst pregs I regularly beat dp up, sometimes opunching sometimes kicking. One night I punched him and stole his pillow saying it was 'mine now'
Once baby was born I stopped punching him

psychomum5 Mon 15-Jun-09 23:03:31

thankyou heated.

am going to read that later, altho I did like the MD one from the pathologist......he did indeed make it sound very believable with the stats and quoted figures etc

strawberryplanter Tue 16-Jun-09 08:32:25

When I was a child and feverish and sleeping I used to have a terribly scary nightmare that the corner of the carpet was starting to roll up very slowly, then rolling and getting bigger and bigger, coming after me about to engulf the bed and me in it, this enormous rolling up carpet getting as big as a tsunami!

Scaring myself just writing it down!

DH, when he is very stressed at work, often talks in his sleep. But in his case, he is having a telephone conversation. You can tell, because of the gaps in his speech, that he's obviously listening to someone 'on the other end' before responding to them!

It's very weird to listen to.

Deemented Tue 16-Jun-09 09:01:21

OMG - I have almost just wet myself laughing at this thread - poor ds has been stood next to me stroking my hand in a most concerned way whilst i've been guffawing like a loon!!!

When i was little my sister and i used to share a bed and we would regularly hold conversations with each other whilst asleep - my mum once came in to tell us off for still being awake, only to find my sister holding her hand out and offering me a chip - i reached in and took one, put it in my mouth, went to get another and my sister slapped my hand and told me not to be greedy!!!

Loving this thread lol

Just after DS was born I jumped out of bed in a panic and started searching the bedroom, DP woke up and asked me what I was doing, "looking for the baby" (Who is fast asleep in the moses basket next to the bed) DP "Hes asleep" Me "No, the other baby" hmm DP took the piss out of me for ages!! blush

I had a work mate who used to do alsorts in her sleep but the best one she told me was when she got out of bed in her sleep thinking that someone was stealing her car and was leaning out the window trying to see what was going on, Her DH woke to see something flapping around behind the curtains and jumped out of bed screaming "oh my God its a ghost" and ran like hell lol

pjmama Tue 16-Jun-09 22:39:27

DH once got up out of bed, pulled down his boxers and sat down on the side of the mattress with his head in his hands. I said "What are you doing!?" and he got up without a word, pulled his pants back up, staggered into the en-suite and resumed the exact same position on the loo. PMSL for half the next day about it. He still doesn't believe me!

stealthsquiggle Tue 16-Jun-09 22:47:35

I once woke DH up going "how many?" and then refused to answer any clarification questions - eventually he gave up and said "14". I rolled over and went back to sleep, and he lay awake worrying about what there were 14 of and why it mattered grin.

Thing is, I remember the dream, and what I was doing as far as I was concerned was begging him to help me (for some reason which I cannot recall)

very hmm

picmaestress Tue 16-Jun-09 23:05:08

I woke up one morning, and my grandparents had called my mum - apparently I'd called them in the night and had a very weird spacey conversation with them about where they lived. They guessed I was asleep and told me to go back to bed.
The weirdest bit is: I don't consciously know anybody's phone number, I'm rubbish with numbers.

I used to wake up holding hands with my ex. Also used to wake up mid conversation with him - both of us asleep. Very sweet.

ErikaMaye Wed 17-Jun-09 00:54:22

Thankyou all so so much for cheering me up - am crying with laughter after a pretty tough evening.

My DP hasn't quite forgiven me for a few things I've done to him in my sleep since being pregnant... He ALWAYS brings up the fact I knee'ed him in the small of the back over a month ago, and as he grasped his back in pain I stole the covers...

If anyone is aware of the soundtrack from "Wicked", I have also burst into a full cheast-voice rendition of the final verse from "Defying Gravity". I think he's more annoyed about the fact that I didn't sit up, and did in fact sing it into his ear.

He however is much worse than me... I'm sure! You can have a full "conversation" with him after he has had a couple of cocktails, I discovered this weekend. The only proper - yet slurred - words he could manage were, "Hey...Baby..." the rest of it was something along the lines of: "Mmmmmm. Mmm. Mmmmmm mm mmmmm mmm mmm. Mm?" When I simply started at him, I recieved what I guess was a telling off for not responding - "Mmmm mmmm mmmmm mm mm!!!"

pooter Wed 17-Jun-09 02:12:05

My DH used to talk in his sleep all the time - he once said "One donkey, two donkey, three donkey, four donkey"

so i laughingly said "five donkey?", to which he replied "no - dont be silly"

So i pushed my luck and said "six donkeys?" and he got really cross iwth me and said "now you are just taking the piss" and went back to sleep!!

There was also the time he punched me in the stomach because he thought i was a gremlin pulling a face and wiggling my fingers in the air! And the time, when i was sleeping on the floor with DS, that he tried to pick my face up because he thought it was a wet towel.

we sleep in separate rooms now grin but I miss laughing at him in the middle of the night!

hatwoman Fri 19-Jun-09 12:11:36

I've told this tale on mn before - but the story's too good not to repeat.

many moons ago dh and I were going to a wedding. in preparation I dug out the hat I was going to wear (Accesorise £30). I put it in the corner on the floor in our bedroom, upside down. In the middle of the night I woke up to see dh standing with one arm on the wall and the other one seemingly somewhere near his nether regions. At first I just muttered, with faint bemusement, "what are you doing" and rolled over. Then it came to me. I sat up and shrieked "You'd better not be pissing in my hat." He was.

The weird thing was that he seemed utterly awake. And utterly compos mentis. But he utterly failed to comprehend why I might have a problem with urine in my hat. "What have I done? Why does it matter?".

The next day I went to John Lewis on Oxford Street and bought the most beautiful hat ever (Whiteley £150 shock).

I think that was dh's most expensive piss ever.

stealthsquiggle Fri 19-Jun-09 13:07:36

hatwoman - my DH did something similar once - but the target was a large pile of clean laundry angry - so no means of revenge as neat as yours sad

nowanearlyNicemum Fri 19-Jun-09 15:37:06

This is a very reassuring thread!
I have been a serious sleep walker and talker since I was little.

My latest episode involved DH waking up at 3am to hear the hairdryer going. He got out of bed and went into the bathroom. Sure enough he found me there, drying my (bone dry) hair. I then put the hairdryer away and went back to bed, fast asleep...........as you do!!

nowanearlyNicemum Fri 19-Jun-09 15:42:09

Am chuckling away to myself as I remember another one:
It was about 10 years ago and DH and I were on a very early train coming back to reality after a weekend away. We both fell asleep on the train, DH with his head on my lap. He woke me up squealing in pain as I had dreamt that I was turning on the gas hob and was using his left ear as the control knob, twisting it hard and holding it down!!

<<snort>> That really made me laugh OP!

Thandeka Fri 19-Jun-09 16:01:43

Recently DH made me laugh as he kept repeating "No DH No" with increasing loudness in his sleep to the extent he sounded really panicked about what he was telling himself no for. I said "It's okay DH" whilst elbowing him hard (for waking me up) and he rolled over and settled back to sleep.
Ah the nurturing powers of the wife!

Jackstini Fri 19-Jun-09 21:25:25

DH has woken me up twice recently chuntering "f-ing tw@t" under his breath. No idea who he is so mad at.
My Dad apparantly once sat bolt upright and yelled "who the hell is Sara Lee" then lay back down again and just rolled over. Left my sm a bit baffled...was it another woman or was he just fancying a bit of cheesecake?

Yey not just me then. I have showers in my sleep, the go back to bed drenched, Ive got into the dogs bead and slept there, and also, got really shitty with my OH the day after dreaming he had an affair. But the worst...Im always dreaming that Im back with my ex, thats vile and makes me wake up evil.

Clwc Sun 21-Jun-09 00:13:34

I've been crying with laughter at this thread grin

I wish I had a story to add, but DP and I sleep quite soundly, only interrupted by snoring.

I hope this bumps the thread back up so that people can add more. x

dillinger Sun 21-Jun-09 15:24:45

My mum woke up one night to find my dad standing next to the chest of drawers, shaking hell out of it, still asleep.

He thought he was at work in the JCB grin

shreksmissus Sun 21-Jun-09 16:00:27

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