to think all my old friends have abandoned me or this isjust the way life goes?

[isoldeone]

2 years ago I moved to new area to get married. I kept up with friends ( mainly work colleagues) and saw folk in my old town fairly regularly. I made a couple of new friends in the new job ( again work colleagues) When I got married I invited all the friends from my hometown to the wedding as well ( mainly beacuse I had attended their weddings) but these guys are scattered all over the country and contact really had become a six month get together and the odd phone call. I then moved on to another new job but back in november I got pregnant and have suffered a pretty rotten pregnancy with 3 months off work back in the winter and a couple of spells in hospital. The two local friends visited once but seem busy with their lives. I put updates on facebook about how I'm feeling ( generally up beat)most of the friends I know are on it too. i'm car-less and six months pregant and not feeling great but it occurred to me today as I am off work on holiday for the week ( and so will be many of my friends ) I will see noone all week. People leave message on FB like " Hope you are well, we must get together soon " I leave messages back "just call me " but noone ever does. I haven't seen friends from the old area since november. My chief bridesmaid I saw once arranging to meet last month in my old town when I was feeling up to the train journey. Lots of congratulations but noone ever comes to see me ( it's a 40 minute drive) I know people drift out your lives but it just feels like everyone as done a disappearing act. IABU or just feeling hormonal and sorry for myself

[luvoneson]

YANBU. I would feel the same. Blimey 40 minutes is nothing. I live in Essex and my friend lives in Marlborough and that can take upto 4 hours if traffic bad. Anyway, why dont you give it one last shot, give them a call saying you thought it would be nice if you could 'do diaries' and arrange a date. Thing is when people start having kids, the time just flys by and before you know it you haven't seen anyone for 6 months. If you phone them, and there is no answer dont leave a messg on answer phone just keep phoning till you get an answer and take it from there. Alternatively, try and make some friends where you live. I wish you luck as I have been in a very similar situation

[raggedtrouseredphilanthropist]

I was in a similar position to you (without the pregnancy tho), and it was horrible, so I really feel for you.
As luvoneson said, time flies by when you have kids, and weeks become months very easily.
Can you call them, explain how you feel, and pin them down to a date to come and visit?

[Dophus]

It is hard to keep in touch. I am now only in touch with a couple of 'old friends' - we see eachother 6m-12m if we're lucky despite not living that far away. Busy lives.

Get the diaries out and schedule a date.

The great thing about having a baby is that you will make loads of new friends. Make sure you joint he NCT or another baby group - they will help prevent what can be a veryn lonly time.

[saintmaybe]

Why not ring one of them up and invite them to see you/ stay; make a specific date.

But you will see less of them, and you will find that, though they'll still be in your heart, your friendship isn't likely to be based on seeing them all the time. You might do well to look at new baby-buddies, maybe through an NCT or nice antenatal group, just for people to hang out with who're in a similar place to you.

[bubblagirl]

i would phone and arrange for some friends to come stay with you for few days or the night get film and have a catch up

i found when i was busy it never seemed that we weren't in contact so much as i had other people or things to take my mind off things

in re laity nothing had really changed but i was then left with nothing to do rarely seeing anyone and it seemed that no one was bothered when in fact nothing had changed

there life carried on as normal but mine had changed and this made me a bit sad as i was no longer able to just go see them

don't think there ignoring you as they are just carrying on as before you need to contact them and keep them informed on how you are and arrange to meet

when you have more time on your hands you forget how little others have

hope your feeling better anyway at least when baby comes you will have play groups and some new mummy friends to meet with

could you go on a locals board and see if any other expecting mums in your area that you could meet with

[shootfromthehip]

I moved to the middle of nowhere about 4 yrs ago and had loads of visitors for the first yr. Then it slowed down, I had another baby and then my Dad died and I was shocked to realise that it was not going to improve.

I was terribly lonely and didn't drive and would love to have had company but there was very little forthcoming. It's sad and hard and makes you feel crap but unfortunately there is very little that you can do to change it. Even my best 'mummy' friends have slowly slipped off the radar. I have still got about 4 best friends that I phone all the time, even if I don't see them. It is not the same but better thatn nothing. You just need to keep MNing and hope that you can meet some nice local mummys and daddys when you have the sprog. I've felt lonely for years and miss some of my friends really badly but they may come back to you when they have a family.

Sorry to be so bleak but it seems to me to just be life sometimes.

[Noonki]

I think people do come and go.

But when you leave an area it's kinda of up to you to go back and visit not them see you ime.

make a real effort with the people you care about the most, and make more of an effort meeting new people, and don't worry to much about the rest of them.

try the pregnancy classes, be friendly,see if anyone wants a coffee afterwards.

And avoid facebook . I hate itas it makes me feel like the everyone is far more popular/having a better time than me

hope you meet some nice people soon

[cestlavie]

It is just the way life goes, I think although some people are worse than others. Before I entered into the more grown up world with a more serious and busy job and now two kids, it was incredibly easy to find time to catch up calls and visits with friends. Everything was easy and spontaneous - a weekend away was packing an overnight bag and you were gone. You had all evening to make phone calls, not ones filled with catching up with work and trying to get the kids to bed. Plus, sadly, as you get older I think you get in to a routine much more than when you were younger.

I've noticed it more and more in myself and my friends that we're getting worse and worse at catching up. We leave exactly the same types of FB messages, e-mails and voice mails that you describe and honestly always mean it but somehow it takes ages to get round to it - an old friend from uni moved down about 20 minutes away from me - took almost a year to arrange a few drinks down the pub near her. I think it's the gap (at my age, mid 30s) between intention and execution - we always honestly mean to, but it takes so long to get round to it.

Advice? Kick your friends til you get a proper response. That's the only way I ever get anything happening, or anything happens to me. Don't leave things open. Say "Right, I'm going to be in town one evening next week, can you do Tuesday or Thursday?" or "Let's arrange something for early June. What dates are you around?". That's the only way these things seem to happen these days in my experience!

[oystersandcrackersinthesnow]

When I read the title I did wonder if this would be related to living life too much online and then losing old friends... I'm not saying you are living life too much online, but fb updates don't really count as keeping in touch.

If someone isn't in touch with me often IRL or by phone, and I read fb updates from them, I don't tend to assume those updates are even directed at me. Make sense at all? I mean I'm interested to read them but if I'm not in other contact, I think of us as having lost touch. Unless of course there's lots of commenting going on via fb, then it does seem more two-way and real.

The good news is if someone I'm out of touch with like that rings me, I'm really glad. I think perhaps you need to make the first move and show you're still interested here, by being the one to phone. You don't even have to plan to meet up, just be ringing to catch up. Little by little you can probably restore a few of those links - just try to avoid doing it all by fb for a while?

[BecauseImWorthIt]

Sorry you're feeling so isolated and lonely, but from your post it does sound a bit as if you're waiting for everyone to phone you, rather than taking the initiative yourself.

Have you called your friends to arrange anything? I'm sure that it's not personal, and that everyone just has such a busy life!

Have you tried to find any MNetters who are local to you? Having people you know locally can be a real lifesaver - and you might make some new friends that way too.