to think that DH is actually being unreasonable?

[Boobalina]

Long story short. We have 2 kids - 4 and 19 months. DD who is 19 months gets up most mornings at 6am which is rather antisocial but nothing can stop that at the moment. So to combat fatigue / annoyance - DH and I have been taking it in turns to get up with her in the morning and then wake the other at 6.50am to get ready for work.

I am now longer working and for the time being am a SAHM with the kids going to nursery 2 short days a week.

It was my turn yesterday AM to get up with DD and she surpassed herself at waking at 5am and not going back to sleep.

This morning was DH turn to get up and she woke at 5.55am and the conversation went like this

DH: (stifled sob like noise) Its too early, she cried out in the night and woke me up too, I'm not getting up, you can as I have to go to work this morning.

Me: But its my turn to sleep in and I was up at 5am yesterday

DH: You dont have to go to work like I do and the kids are at nursery so you'll be doing nothing all day anyway

Me: Various swearing and then I say I'll do it this once but I am not doing it again tomorrow when you change your bloody mind on a whim.

So he then gets up at 6.50am and basically gives me evil looks and says that I made him so cross he couldnt get back to sleep properly and that was all my fault. I got really cross and said he was a selfish twat and should say sorry and then all hell broke loose and we both spectactularly lost it and said really horrid things to each other and he has gone to work and now we arent speaking

I kn ow its a boring 'he said / she said' thing to read but he's really annoyed me!

[DiamondHead]

YABU

You're child free during the day, you get a chance for catch up

[fucksticks]

YABU, your kids are at nursery all day TWO days a week and you are not working but he is.
Of COURSE you should get up every morning with them!

[MorrisZapp]

Sorry but it sounds like YABa bitU.

[MmeLindt]

Sounds like a typical case of sleep deprivation combined with sleep envy.

Don't let it deteriorate into "you slept 1 hour more than me, and last Wednesday I only had 3 hours sleep"

Tbh, I do see his point that you are at home and that you could have a snooze when the DC are at nursery.

Sorry, not what you wanted to hear.

[BunnyAndJoon]

Can you not catch up on sleep while they are at nursery?

[andiem]

yabu I think if you are sahm then you should get up in the week but get a lie in at the weekend. DH and I share the weekend getting up but I am at home in the week so I can take it esier if I have got up early in the morning

[Lilyloo]

Can you not go back to bed when they go to nursery ?

[georgiemum]

Errrr he goes out to work and you don't, so I suppose he gets the lie in.

Sorry but you can catch up on the sleep during the day when the kids are at nursery.

Maybe he can so Saturday/Sunday?

[Boobalina]

Thing was, I offered to do that last night (get up this morning) as the kids are in nursery til 3pm today and he said no, it was his turn and he would get up.

Then he changed his mind at 5.55am this morning

[mumblechum]

Ah, just seen the bit about him insisting he'd get up this am.

I think it would be fair in the future if you did the early shift during the week and take it in turns at weekends.

[Lilyloo]

Maybe it was his intention to get up but if lo woke him in the night too then it was only fair for you to get up imo!

Maybe just say you will do it during the week and you can lie in at weekends! When i presume he get's to do 'nothing' during the day

[andiem]

yes I can see that would be irritating but I think you are lucky that he takes his turn when he is at work and you aren't
my dh would get up in the morning if I had been up a lot in the night but on the whole I get up first in the week and we share it at weekends

[MadameCastafiore]

I think you should get up with the kids whilst he is working and you are stayiong at home - especially if you have free days at home without the kids during which you can catch up in your sleep.

[Boobalina]

Bloody hell, I'll have to back down and say sorry now........... [hmmm]

I'm adjusting to the whole SAHM thing and although I love it, it can be rather thankless at times and then if DH offers (unwanted) 'advice' it feels like he's trying to be my boss or something...

Anyone experienced that or do I need to lose the chip on ma shoulder ;)

[MmeLindt]

Shite, isn't it when you realise YABU



The idea with you doing the work days and him doing the weekend is good.

[LaurieFairyCake]

I think you have a right to be peeved at the change of plan - there's nothing worse than thinking you've got an extra hour in bed and then your other half ignoring you or worse moaning and stomping about.

In future, you get up during the week - get kids to nursery and then go back to bed for a snooze.

Then he can do it at weekends.

[LaurieFairyCake]

What's a short day at nursery - can they do a couple of long days so you can have a snooze followed by a manicure or pedicure in town (plus coffee and cake)

I think sleep deprivation is the pits.

[bleh]

I agree that you're BU. However, chances are you were if he said that you do "nothing all day" when the children are at nursery. Maybe that's what really got you going? (plus sleep deprivation).

And in all honesty, I CONSTANTLY say I'm going to do stuff early in the morning the night before and very rarely do it. Sleep is too wonderful

[maltesers]

Yes, i agree with last few posts. He shouldnt change his mind at the last minute and make you get up . Working or not, you have tasks to get on with during the day when kids are at nursery. Thats tiring enough. You certainly dont sit on the sofa all day snoozing and drinking coffee// do you ? My Ex DH was like that and refused to get up for the kids (at all ) and it led to much resentment on my part and made me very unhappy he was so selfish. Sorry, for those who disagree but what comes first, his children and partner or his job ??? The first of course. They are not young for very long AND HE SHOULD HELP !!
IMHO i think men are generally lazy creatures, in fact i have only met one decent one in all my life and i am now 50 years , with 3 kids, 8, 18, and 21 and 2 Ex partners and they were selfish and lazy. I would weap at how mean and selfish they were and thought "if he loves me and his children he would get up and do something " .
Try to agree if possible to get him to stick to his word and not mess the arrangements about. How would he feel if you did that at the last minute ???????????

[Boobalina]

Hey Laurie

Short day at nursery is 9 to 3. Which as I type it, sounds long doesnt it... We cant afford for them to do a full day, and they dont need to really. I use the 2 days to do all cleaning, shopping, gardening, ironing, etc so apart from being on here now (and am hanging out laundry between posts) I feel to guilty to sit and relax

[maltesers]

Mind you , it depends how nice and a good DP he is in general. If he is great in so many other ways then maybe, just maybe do the odd few extra early a.m. shifts your self...(.ooooh, did i say that ?)

[Geocentric]

I can soooo understand you! We had constant "sleep wars" when the DCs were small; lack of sleep is horrid!

Looking back now, I am sure I was also BU with Dh as I was SAHM and he worked, but when all you can think of is your pillow its hard to be rational about it...

[Boobalina]

Thanks Maltesers

[LaurieFairyCake]

Why on EARTH do you feel guilty? You're tired, you need sleep. I would murder someone if I got up at 5am and then had to do chores all day.

For fucks sake look after yourself and rest. You will need it for when you have to spend the next 6 hours being 'up' an cheerful with them til they go to bed.

SCREW GUILT!!!!!!!!

[mylifemykids]

Glad you've seen YABU, but it does bug me when DH says he'll get up with the children and then changes his mind when it's 'too early'!