M&M Battles

[Copypasta]

Whenever I get a package of plain M&Ms, I make it my duty to continue the strength and robustness of the candy as a species. To this end, I hold M&M duels.

Taking two candies between my thumb and forefinger, I apply pressure, squeezing them together until one of them breaks and splinters. That is the "loser," and I eat the inferior one immediately. The winner gets to go another round.

I have found that, in general, the brown and red M&Ms are tougher, and the newer blue ones are genetically inferior. I have hypothesized that the blue M&Ms as a race cannot survive long in the intense theater of competition that is the modern candy and snack-food world.

Occasionally I will get a mutation, a candy that is misshapen, or pointier, or flatter than the rest. Almost invariably this proves to be a weakness, but on very rare occasions it gives the candy extra strength. In this way, the species continues to adapt to its environment.

When I reach the end of the pack, I am left with one M&M, the strongest of the herd. Since it would make no sense to eat this one as well, I pack it neatly in an envelope and send it to M&M Mars, A Division of Mars, Inc., Hackettstown, NJ 17840-1503 U.S.A., along with a 3x5 card reading, "Please use this M&M for breeding purposes."

This week they wrote back to thank me, and sent me a coupon for a free 1/2 pound bag of plain M&Ms. I consider this "grant money." I have set aside the weekend for a grand tournament. From a field of hundreds, we will discover the True Champion.

There can be only one.

[BlueBumedFly]

.... hmmmmm, me thinks you may have had too many blue ones.....

[SoupDragon]

Have you considered that you may need to get out of the house more?

[wotulookinat]

fantastic. Keep up the good M&M work.

[Crackopenthebaileys]

fucking brilliant!
You are a wasted talent my friend

[Fillyjonk]

thank you for sharing this

[Pan]

def. a bloke posting.

gruesome baby doll throwing at tailgaters thread ends in 'bitch' and someone is wanting to avoid GCSE type things....

[OldLadyKnowsNothing]

LOL @ True Champion.

nips out to buy bag of sweeties

[Ledodgy]

ROFL.

[SoupDragon]

"'Copypasta' is a story or other long winded meme in word form that has been repeatedly copy and pasted."

[BlueBumedFly]

Oh Soupy you are clever.... I just thought she was fruit the loop.

[dizzydixies]

why is she posting this pap in AIBU? have I missed something as usual?

[TrinityIsLovingHerLittleRhino]

I still dont understand do you mean that each bit was made by someone else who copied the first bit, added to it and then pasted?

[junglist1]

YANBU

[dizzydixies]

There can be only one a little too much Highlander maybe?!?

[northernrefugee39]

Oh dear.

[LissyGlitter]

Trinity It's a really old online internet joke. why does Mumsnet seem to be about two years behind the rest of the internet in these things- hasn't mumsnet only recently discovered 2girls1cup? Next we'll be "discovering" lolcats!

[tattifer]

I only buy the male M&Ms so naturally they're all inferior

[TrinityIsLovingHerLittleRhino]

lissy
ok I'm behind but pleeease explain it all to
so far I have seen two and heard of another thread started where the op was just a random styory by copypasta

on both I have seen someone has said about it being an old copy paste thing but I dont understand

please explain the joke, I neeeed to know

[LissyGlitter]

It's just some knobs from a site called 4chan. They can get quite nasty and personal, but it is best to just ignore them.