to consider moving ds' nursery because they allowed my mum to collect him without asking her who she was?

[deaconblue]

she had never collected him before but because I was at A and E with dd mum went to collect ds. I told her that there was a photo of her on his file and she should expect to have to show her id too. she arrived, a nursery nurse was coming back into the building and let her straight in. Mum said she was there to collect ds but didn't know where to find him (ie making it clear she had never been before) and the girl showed her straight to his room.
She was able to take him without anyone checking who she was although once he saw her I guess it was clear he knew her.

When I complained the manager claimed the nursery nurse came to find her and she then checked ds' file but mum said there was no one in the office (where files are kept) at any point. He is otherwise perfectly happy but I am horrified as mum could have been anyone and presumably babies who can't verify someone's identity are at even more risk there.
So am I overreacting or is this as awful as I think it is?

[nametaken]

It is bad I agree but please don't disrupt your son and move him in order to make a point of showing the nursery how angry you are - you'll just be spiting yourself ultimately.

Make an appointment to see the nursery manager, raise your concerns and ask them what they intend to do to stop it ever happening again.

[DiamondHead]

How old is your ds? Is he old enough to identify his Grandma.

Did you ring ahead and let them know your Mum would be collecting him.

I'd go and have a chat. Even if proper security checks were made and your ds was safe, part of running a nursery is making you feel secure that your son is safe. I'd speak to them and let them state their case before making any rash decisions.

[myredcardigan]

It's not good but if it makes you feel better, they've probably tightened things up without admitting it IYKWIM.

How old is he? Could it be that he ran to her saying 'Granny!' Still not ideal but at least not as bad.

TBH, no system is 100% failsafe.

[slowreadingprogress]

you're not over reacting at all. Just because your ds knew her, does not mean it was ok for them to hand him over!

IME nurseries often have a password system in place, signatures on record, etc and no child should ever be handed over without this sort of procedure being gone through

If this was me I would certainly be moving my ds, and telling the manager and ofsted why, in writing.

I know all was ok on this occasion but as you say she could have been anyone and you need to be sure that your child is secure.

[foofi]

As you say, it was clear he knew her. Ideally this wouldn't happen, but I agree with nametaken, this isn't worth disrupting him for - just explain that you have concerns and see how they respond.

[hohoba]

she does look this SPIT of you though

[thisisyesterday]

hmm that would make me cross too.

it isn't good enough to claim that they checked his file tbh.
I would talk to them again and say that you still feel really uncomfortable with the apparent ease at which she took him, and that you would like to know exactly how it should have been handled/would be handled in future.

[slowreadingprogress]

but I don't think the move would be to spite them or show them how angry you are! It's about ensuring that child protection procedures are being adhered to!!! that's a good enough reason to move a child, IMO

[deaconblue]

I couldn't ring ahead as was in the bit of hospital where it's no phones and couldn't take baby dd out to the payphone. (mum had been at hospital with us til ds needed collecting). He did identify her once she'd gone into his room but she shouldn't have got as far as the rooms imo wihtout some checks. I went in to talk to the manager and she claimed she had checked the file but must be lying as mum said the office was empty the whole time she was there and the manager didn't see my mum so she couldn't have checked her photo anyway. Manager admitted it was wrong but I'm not convinced that she will do anything to ensure it doesn't happen to anyone else.

[deaconblue]

haha hohoba. She is 61 and I am a truly glamorous 36!

[pavlovthepregnantcat]

I personally would put it in writing at the very very least and ask them what they will do about it in the future, and ask for an apology, not excuses. I would consider removing him, personally, depending on their response to my complaint.

It makes no difference whether your mother was known to your son or not. Children are more likely to be taken without consent from an educational establishment by a relative who is known (ie an estranged parent or relative) so that is no justification at all.

They should have checked your mothers photo and ID before she was allowed to go and collect him. And they know it hence their attempt to convince you they did that.

[FabulousBakerGirl]

I wouldn't move him unless you can't trust them anymore.

Either way I would be putting my concerns in writing - keep it factual - and making it clear if anything as serious as this happens again that you will take action.

[hohoba]

she DOES LOOK LIKE YOU THOUGH

there is no denying she is your mum

and presumable ds said" hello granny"
not " oi you abductor, put me down"

[deaconblue]

she does look like me and he did shout "nanneeeeeeeeee" on her arrival in his room. But she could have been a crazed nutty nanny who wasn't allowed to see him...

[thisisyesterday]

makes no difference if they look alike.
it shoudln't have happened. she shouldn't have just been let in and shown to the room

[hohoba]

did she have her cape and mask on?

[thisisyesterday]

exactly shoppingbags.

[helpYOUiWILL]

i had the same problem once - actually twice now i think of it!!

My DH never ever did the nursery run as it was at my place of work, but on one occasion he did - and no-one questioned him AT ALL. Our son didnt even acknowledge him and my hubby just picked him up and walked out. I did "express" my concerns at this. The second time soon after i let a friend go and she was questioned only once she had got hold of him - but they did they whole who are you, password, phoned me thing so i was much happier!!

Leave it for a couple of weeks and then send in someone else and see what happens - you may have your mind put at ease (as i did) or you will know you have a decision to make.

[chipmonkey]

When ds1 was little, he got all excited because my Mum was going to collect him from school one Friday ( dh and I going away) But he got the days mixed up and was waiting expectantly for my Mum on Thursday when the nursery manager was actually collecting him.

She told me that ds1 pointed out an older lady in the schoolyard and told her that was his Nana who had come to collect him. It wasn't. It was a lady who looked a bit like my Mum. Luckily the nursery manager checked it out and discovered that he was wrong! My point is that you can't rely on a small child to identify someone and decide who collects him.

Ds3 and ds4 are in the same nursery now and recently SIL had to collect them. They asked me for a description of SIL and also her car reg. Was a bit of a PITA as even SIL didn't know her own car reg and had to go out in the rain to find out for me but it did make me happy that they wouldn't send the children off with anyone!

[Curiousmama]

Agree she may have been mad relation for all they knew?

Is he happy there otherwise? If so I'd have a meeting as has been suggested. If they're dismissive then I'd move him.

[deaconblue]

dd was doing funny breathing and had turned blue so I was in a bit of a flap tbh. I did leave the building to call nursery but at that second they called us through so I left the call and mum went to get ds. couldn't phone afterwards as we were waiting in a bit of A and E where you can't use mobiles and I couldn't leave with dd in case the doctor came to see her. Under normal circumstances of course I would have called ahead.

[Flibbertyjibbet]

At our nursery there is a big tall gate with coded entry pad on it! The parents of each child are given the code, but I saw two people peering through it yesterday tea time saying they were someone's grandparents. Two of the nursery staff both said 'do you have a password'.
When I had ds2 my parents picked up ds1 from nursery and they had to give a password that I had given when I informed the nursery that neither of the 'usual collectors' would be coming for him that day.
Also, the nursery staff will tell off any parents who hold open the secure gate for other adults to come in, we are instructed to close it behind us no matter how close another parent might be or no matter how often we have seen them there, and let them put the code in themselves.
So now that you mention it, er yes I think your nursery was a bit LAX but I don't think it warrants you taking your child out.

[LoveRain]

It doesn't matter if OP's mum looks like her or if the child recognized his nana. It could be that she is not in speaking terms with her mum... and doesn't trust her... and her mum went there to snach the child and.... I know it is extreme but .... it does happen in life and nurseries should follow a certain policy (id, photo, files).