To fight my corner regarding the house decoration?

[60sEyeLashes]

I recently moved in with DP and his daughter (with my two kids). I tried to keep my presence down to a minimum at first, didn't change anything, didn't put my stuff everywhere ... mostly for his DD's benefit. I didn't want her to feel like we were taking over her house.

However after a few months I was looking around the living room day at the photos ... 2 class photos of his DD (and the entire class) in each alcove. Above them were two portrait pics of his DD.

On the other wall, another class photo of his DD and the class from primary school (she's in secondary now).

On the window ledge - a photo of his DD and the cat. A photo of his DD's last school pic from primary and a school photo of DP!

So I suggested to DP one night that we arrange the photos a bit so I can put a few of my kids up too ... he agreed ... DSD went in a strop.

Anyway, a few weeks after that I asked DP if he minded me re-decorating our bedroom. He told me to go for it so I did. Nothing drastic, just a re-decoration. His DD said it was "better before"

Anyway, the latest row is over the ornaments in the living room. There are cats EVERYWHERE. All over the windowledge, all over the fireplace, on the bookcase ... hideous cheap pot cats. (Imagine the kind of ornaments sold on a jumble sale)

I asked DP if we could get rid of the cats and buy some more modern other ornaments together that we both like. He agreed but his DD is kicking up a fuss saying she likes the cats and will just put them all back if we move them. I feel like smashing the bloody things tbh, they're horrible.

I put up with a lot of shit. Dr Who calenders on the kitchen door for instance, gorey 'owl' clocks, an earthquake chart on the wall ... AIBU for trying to add just a bit of myself to the house??

[wilkos]

wellllllll.....

yabu just a little bit

put yourself in her shoes, must be quite hard to have another woman on her "territory" so to speak

i do feel your pain however, as a step mum myself

[laza222]

hmmm...YANBU to want to make it your home. However, if you were to remove all of the things she likes then you would be being unreasonable.

Why not have a chat to her and see if you can come to a compromise (I know that isn't so easy all the time with teenagers). Why not try reasoning with her. Explain that you aren't trying to take over her home as I can imagine all the change is quite difficult for her. Explain that you just want it to feel like your home to. Maybe suggest that you and her have a look on the internet for some new ornaments/go shopping together for some. If she feels a part of it then maybe she won't be quite so upset about it. And explain you don't want to get rid of her cats all together, just that you would like to have a bit of your stuff and your DCs stuff around as well.

I know that maybe it won;t be that easy but give it a go. Is she generally quite a reasonable girl? My guess would be that she is just finding all the change a lot to take on board right now. Good luck!

[bentneckwine1]

You don't mention her mother...is she still alive/local? I only ask becauase I wondered if the ornaments/decoration reminded the daughter of her mother and hold great sentimental value.

Maybe it might be good to buy a display unit with shelves on which the daughter could display as many of her niknaks as she can fit. She would have to choose which ones to display, the rest could be packaged up in the loft...so that they are still accessible if the daughter feels the need to have a look at them some day.
Then it might be good if you could all go out shopping and find some new pieces to be arranged in the communal areas of the house...hopefully creating more sentimental memories.
But I agree that decorating YOUR bedroom was a good idea and creates a space that marks you and your partner's relationship.

Hope things settle down for you all.