stolen money

[heartmummy]

my nephew has stolen from me
£7 was taken out of my wallet (which i hid because he has started smoking and always asking me for money) im so upset about it i have been so close to him all his life and i dont know how to deal with this!!! i asked him about it and he denied it but i know him and when he lies !!
he is 14 years old, i welcomed him into my home.
he
spends alotof time here i thought we were close , i cound`t sleep last night.
do i stop him visting me ?
watch him when is here or hide money ?? any advice would be so helpful

[thisisyesterday]

are you absolutely 100% without a shadow of a doubt sure it was him?

how did he find the wallet?

i wouldn't stop him visiting me, partly cos I wonder what's going on in his life that he needs to take up smoking at 14 and is willing to steal to do so.
I would talk to him again and say how disappointed you are that money has gone missing and that you would hate to not be able to trust him in your house. that perhaps if the money turned up somewhere else you;'d feel better?

[heartmummy]

i hid my wallet in the ironing pile in my kitchen, i had`nt used my wallet since the sunday morning ,on monday i was in the garden with my dd and he was in the kitchen with the door shut listening to very loud music( which he never does) when i went to do my ironing all the clothes were ruffled and wallet been moved !!! i so wish i could find the money somewhere and yes he does have problems with his mother which i know is hard for him but i thought we had a good , trusting bond or am i making this into a big mountain when it should be a mole hill ????

[PlumBumMum]

You are not making a mountain out of a mole hill
If you thought you had a close bond, you probably do, sit down with him tell him there is no point in lying you know he did it, you were only giving him a chance to tell the truth,
Is he the type of boy to feel guilty that you would no longer trust him?
Have you spoke to him about the smoking also?

[heartmummy]

the smoking issue yes i have had a chat but his mum really doesnt care what he does (seeking attention from her) he such a good lad but these last few months he has been silding off the rails getting in with the wrong crowd
we even had a heart to heart on monday about all of this just dont know what to do for him
i listen to him ,love him,talk to him

[poopscoop]

oh dear, poor you. I think I would mention it again, not accusing him, just general chit chat, that you are so worried about money going missing etc and that you are not sure whether to call in the police.....

Then leave it, he may have learned his lesson in a short sharp shock. Hopefully, if it was him, he will realise that it was a very stupid thing to do.

OR you could tell hime how much you love him, and that you really enoy him coming over, but some money went missing and say that if he took it please could he own up and that will be the end of the matter, otherwise you will be reporting it to the police as someone has been into your house and stolen and they need to be found, thus giving him an opportunity to come clean.

[raindroprhyme]

I would just make it clear you know he took the money. Don't mention the police unless you are willing to report it,then leave it. He has broken trust and he has to deal with that.

He probably did it to test you ,the fact he made it obvious he was up to something when you were outside, didn't leave the wallet in the ironing pile and made it obvious the clothes had been touched.
Just continue to love him and listen to him, but be clear he can't take the piss.

the joys of teenagers like overgrown 3 year olds half the time

[potoroo]

He possibly did it to test you, or he may have done it without thinking through the consequences. It doesn't mean that he doesn't love you, but you will need to be sure you keep valuables hidden when he is coming around.

If it helps, my brother used to steal from various family members all the time - but he was equally generous with his own things. He just didn't seem to understand the concept of ownership. We all still loved him (and he loved us) but we knew we couldn't trust him with money/valuables and hid them. He grew out of it and is now a very responsible father/husband.

[bubblagirl]

im just wandering why he would have gone through ironing pile in first place unless he knew wallet was in there it doesn't seem normal to just rake through someones ironing

i would talk to him and say you have had money gone missing your not accusing him but all people that was in the house have had a talking to

you would think you were close enough that if he needed money he could ask and not take it as you respect him more than that and you know that he respects you more than that

say if it happens again you will have no choice but to call the police as you will not stand for stealing that includes everybody and if he or anyone else needed money then to ask you that goes for anything if needed to talk etc but you will not except behaviour like that from anyone

then finish with a hug etc an dust say i respect you that you will in future come to me for and about anything

[thisisyesterday]

agree... why would he just go through the ironing pile unless he knew the wallet was there? I mean, it's not a particularly obvious place to look is it??