To be deeply insulted by what dt2 (5) said to me this morning?

(110 Posts)
whoingodsnameami Wed 25-Mar-09 15:53:49

I was talking to her and noticed she was looking at me oddly, then she said, mum, you have teeth like spongebob!!!!!!!!

I am still traumatised.

georgiemum Wed 25-Mar-09 15:54:42

My 4.5 year old said to me... 'mummy, you have a very fat bahookie'. Lovely.

"wobbly tummy like a jelly" here.

Pheebe Wed 25-Mar-09 15:58:23

I got told I look like a sumo wrestler shock or rather the sumo wretler looks like me

What DS1 meant was they have boobies too but DH will never ever let me forget it ... the bastard!

I am now serioulsy considering a tummy tuck and a boob job and leaving him for 3 weeks to care for a 4yo and a 2yo grin

whoingodsnameami Wed 25-Mar-09 15:58:41

Yep, I have had all the big belly insults too, but c'mon, teeth like spongebob!!!!!!!!!gringrin

MrsMerryHenry Wed 25-Mar-09 15:58:43

What's a bahookie??? Not that yours is fat, georgiemum, it's lovely. Perfectly proportioned.


Dillydaydreamer Wed 25-Mar-09 16:00:16

LOL 2yo dd said 'you have big boobs' while comparing to her own grin

Bettymum Wed 25-Mar-09 16:02:52

My beautiful 2yo niece called my sister a poisonous mushroom once grin

lal123 Wed 25-Mar-09 16:05:06

"Mummy...... Do you HAVE any bones?"

EdwardBear Wed 25-Mar-09 16:05:13

my 3 yo told me i had a hole in my bum earlier today

DanJARMouse Wed 25-Mar-09 16:06:50

bahookie - scottish for bum

Bettymum Wed 25-Mar-09 16:08:48

Yes, we all had bahookies when we were little. They're lovely things to have wink

LilRedWG Wed 25-Mar-09 16:08:57

Ah, it makes me appreciate DD (2.10), even more, who earlier announced, "Love you gorgeous Mummy".

Poor child obviously needs her eyes testing. I have a streaming cold, bruised eyes from crying, no makeup on and my hair needs a wash.

LilRedWG Wed 25-Mar-09 16:12:47

Great - I've killed a thread with my smugness. blush

Insanity Wed 25-Mar-09 16:12:50

"Jelly in my bum" here,and an ugly grumpy face in the morning.
Just as well I look in the mirror and see a yummy mummy! wink

Botbot Wed 25-Mar-09 16:14:25

DD (2.8) smelt my breath first thing this morning, and said 'eeew, I smell poo'.

[scuttles off to buy mouthwash]

zookeeper Wed 25-Mar-09 16:15:06

I, apparently,look "really weird" in the morning.

georgiemum Wed 25-Mar-09 16:15:42

The sad thing is that I am a size 8. Sometimes a 6. I am usually described as a skinny malinky.

Bahookis is a great word though.

LilRedWG Wed 25-Mar-09 16:17:18

My lovely neice said, "You're not fat Auntie LilRed.... you just have a big bottom!"

MrsMerryHenry Wed 25-Mar-09 16:18:30

Ahh...the plural 'bahookis' makes it quite clear, now. Sorry, I'm a stickler for grammatical detail. I always correct our local teens, for example, when they say 'Is it?' instead of the correct term 'Innit?'

Bahookis: great word!

muffle Wed 25-Mar-09 16:18:32

DS just collapses in laughter in the morning because I look "silly". He also says in a woeful tone - "oh mummy - look at your SORES" (zits).

The other day I wasmoaning to DP because I hadn't had time to get ready to go out and felt scruffy. Well-intentionedly DP said "DS is mummy scruffy - or pretty?" DS really gave it a lot of thought before saying "scruffy."

Rhubarb Wed 25-Mar-09 16:19:43

Everytime I put make-up dd solemny says "mummy's got panda eyes again"


fernie3 Wed 25-Mar-09 16:19:44

when i was pregnant with my third my lovely older daughter saw me getting dressed and said

"wow mummy your huge"

not my best moment


herbietea Wed 25-Mar-09 16:21:30

When DS1 was little he came in to the bedroom one morning and announced I looked like Cruella De Ville!shock

PinkTulips Wed 25-Mar-09 16:21:51

was putting on mosturiser and mascara this morning and ds1 asked me; 'why have you got cream all over your face mommy?'

so i said; 'to make me look pretty, is it working?

ds1 gives this some consideration... then says 'no' and walks off shock


dd is the clever one, she tells me all the time i look 'bootiful' wink

OrmIrian Wed 25-Mar-09 16:23:42

I look better with my glasses on apparently hmm

Yeah thanks.... How about a paper bag?

From a 12yr old.

My DD called me a Pegged Leg Scallywag and no mistake this morning, as I couldn't run after her and play this morning. hmm

DD2 "Are you? Are you? You are, aren't you?"

Me hmm

DD2 "Tell me! I know you are!"

Me "Erm...I am what?" <confused>

DD2 "Pregnant!" <stares excitedly at my tummy>

And nope, I'm not.


My DD insists I have a shower first thing in the morning before I touch her or speak to her because apparently I smell of rubbish.

gingernutlover Wed 25-Mar-09 16:59:48

these are funny

not my own child but little boy in my reception class yesterday when we were being jack in the boxes in PE said to me very loudly


he sounded completely amazed by this - and also a little impressed hehe, I couldnt stop laughing for ages.

Rosieeo Wed 25-Mar-09 17:06:50

"Mummy, your belly is stripey like a tiger!" from my dd aged 3 when I was 39 weeks pregnant

Rosieeo Wed 25-Mar-09 17:06:53

"Mummy, your belly is stripey like a tiger!" from my dd aged 3 when I was 39 weeks pregnant

tiggerlovestobounce Wed 25-Mar-09 17:23:58

My DD last week asked me why I have stripes on my belly. grin

"When you swim, you look like whale" from DTD1 then aged 5.

DTD2 was helping me choose a swimsuit.
Me: I can't wear this it'll never cover my bottom.
DTD2 (Thoughtfully): Yes, your bottom is very big

HappyHome Wed 25-Mar-09 17:37:10

I've been told by my DS that I have the hugest bum in the world shock

kidowner Wed 25-Mar-09 17:46:48

My daughter said to Grandma, 'Grandma your arms look like salami!'

Then when my sister was on the loo my daughter saw her and said 'You've got long legs like a giraffe'

pramspotter Wed 25-Mar-09 17:52:21

My dd age 6 tells me that it is a good thing that I have a pretty face because my body is so wobbly and horrible.

Isn't she darling.

ScumdogSquillionaire Wed 25-Mar-09 18:33:19

my ds was rummaging around in my underwear drawer once looking for something he'd lost.

He picked up a pair of my knickers, held them up, looked at them, and said

"mummy aren't your knickers big" blush

kiddiz Wed 25-Mar-09 18:40:52

My DD, then 8, while watching 10 years younger on tv..... "you should go on this program mum".

dilemma456 Wed 25-Mar-09 19:09:52

Message withdrawn

muminthecity Wed 25-Mar-09 19:16:14

DD (3.5) announced on Sunday whilst sitting around the dinner table with all of my family, "Mummy's got a moustache just like Grandad!"


deste Wed 25-Mar-09 19:17:58

I was a neat size ten, with no lumps and bumps and thought I looked rather smart in a black close fitting top. My DD told me I looked like Pamela Anderson. I dont think she meant it in a proud way.

my dd was two last week and called me a fatty-bum-bum sad theres something to be said for early talkers!

neolara Wed 25-Mar-09 19:51:42

DD aged 4 "Mummy, you are the odd one out. Daddy, DS and me are fit. And you are fat".

FrannyandZooey Wed 25-Mar-09 19:52:59

ds1 told dp he was "chubby and ungainly" shock
he is 5
precocious little wotsit

Lol Neolara that is funny.

I like all of these grin

My ds aged about 3.5 ran around the bathroom shouting, 'Quick, get back, everyone get out of the way. BIG mummy is going to get out of the bath!'

Another time I was getting dressed and decided to put on a red, satin, push up bra (as opposed to my usual old skanky, comfortable ones). DS exclaimed, 'Oh mummy, that is very pretty!'
He then watched me continue to dress and then said, 'Mummy you shouldn't put those clothes on top because then noone can see your bra.'

He was obviously puzzled as to the purpose of wearing a pretty bra if it wasn't going to be on display to the world grin

CarrieBo Wed 25-Mar-09 20:25:58

One of dd's first sentences was 'mummy bottom, mummy big bottom'. Dh nearly dropped ds in the bath he was trying so hard to control his laughter.

fruitbeard Wed 25-Mar-09 21:18:39

DD told me the other day that she's going to open her piggybank and buy me make up 'so you can be beautiful, mummy'

Also that a dress I was trying on was 'much too pretty for you' shock

yousaidit Wed 25-Mar-09 21:24:41

ds asked my mum 'grandma, why are you wearing a skirt? have you been to the pub?' (it was 1 in the afternoon!, my mum doesn't really 'do' pubs! mum laughs and syas no, i've been shopping, causing ds to ask very seriously 'did everyone laugh at you?'

Kimi Wed 25-Mar-09 21:30:59


DS2.. mummy you are like jelly.....but I like jelly!

applepudding Wed 25-Mar-09 21:32:00

'mummy your tummy is so lovely and big and soft and squidgy' - DS's idea of a compliment! smile

HappyandEiknowit Wed 25-Mar-09 21:32:33

grin these are very funnygrin

my DD (3.2 yo) said to me a few weeks ago "mummy you are beautiful arent you??" like she wasnt sure and followed it up a few minutes later with "yeah you are BUT your bum is a bit fat"grinshock charming!!

she also said to DH "daddy i like you sometimes but you always stink of poo"grin i had to run the loo to stop myself actually pissing my pants laughinggrin he wasnt so amusedgrin

xx ei xx

upagumtree Wed 25-Mar-09 21:40:32

Ds2 asked me recently "mummy, do you have another baby in your tummy"?
Me: ...erm, no!shockand promptly started on a dietblush

Eve4Walle Thu 26-Mar-09 08:59:38

DD said to DH a while ago 'Daddy, why do you have boobies like Mummy's?' He was mortified. And he's now lost 5 stone and has a 34 waist, which he hadn't had since he was 17! So it did him good really.

psychomum5 Thu 26-Mar-09 09:25:19

DS2 often asks me what colour the dinosaurs were when I was little and they were still alive.

he knows how old I am, not sure he really understand how long ago the dinosaurs were.

especially galling, he says he knows that they weren;t around for grandma and grandadhmm<<sob>>

moopymoo Thu 26-Mar-09 09:30:01

these are funny. Its not possible to have an ego and children is it? ds2 told me I looked very witchy and muffiny in the mornings and that he was a bit scared.

thelma2008 Thu 26-Mar-09 10:23:04

DD2 (7) gets a reading target in her diary each week, this week she need to know the difference between a fact and an opinion.

She seemed to understand so I asked her to tell me something that was an opinion and she said "Daddy is good looking" she explained that this was an opinion because she thought Daddy was good looking but some people might not think he was.

I then asked her to tell me something that was a fact and she said "Mummy is fat"

purpleduck Thu 26-Mar-09 10:32:32

oh my god these are funny

wotulookinat Thu 26-Mar-09 10:40:18

I got a joke email the other week, where a very large lady is looking for her tiny little dog and eventually you see the large lady from behind and she has sat on the dog.
DS (2) saw it and pointed at the large lady and said 'Mummy!'. Charming.
(I guess that's why I have large dogs)

iloveairplanejelly Thu 26-Mar-09 10:55:30

My little charge was counting the people in his family on his hands.

"Daddy, Sister, Sister, Nanny, Mummy. Mummy is this finger (the thumb), she's the fattest. But I love her"

wotulookinat Thu 26-Mar-09 11:11:05

hee hee grin

kidowner Thu 26-Mar-09 12:49:11

A slim Japanese friend looked astonished as she saw 2 obese American women put calorie free sweeteners into their double size double chocolate double biscuit and cream thick shakes. They turned to her and said, we don't add sugar, we're dieting.

MayorNaze Thu 26-Mar-09 12:55:19

last night i said crossly "everyone is going to bed early tonight because you are all tired, grumpy and naughty."

dd1 said "you had better go to bed early too then because so are you."

she had a point blush

dd2s idea of a secret is whispering loudly to anyone who is listening "mummy got big bum"

and when i was expecting dd2 dd1 insisted on referring to me as fatmummy. all one word. all the time. from about week 15 of 40 hmm

ah well...

Poledra Thu 26-Mar-09 12:59:55

DD1 is having some problems at school at the moment, and wants to stay at home with me. Her strategy for this last night was to say 'You're so soft and cuddly, I just want to snuggle your squishy tummy' whilst burrowing her head into my stomach (I was wearing size 12 jeans, so surely not that bad?). DH was sniggering quietly and suggesting that this was perhaps not the way to persuade me to let her stay at home.

My friend was in a restaurant with his children. A large lady walked by wearing a dress with huge buttons. His daughter pointed to her and said "Big butt". My friend realizing she meant "Big buttons" said "-tons" to try and get her to put the end on the word. So the conversation sounded like this to the poor woman

Child: "Big butt"
Friend: "TONS"
Child: "Big butt"
Friend: "TONS"

As a final indignity, as the lady left the toilet and walked back through the restaurant my friends dd asked "Did ya poop?". The entire restaurant snorted.

LilRedWG Thu 26-Mar-09 19:35:33

I love this thread.

twinmam Thu 26-Mar-09 20:02:29

My friends was in the bath with her 2.5 year-old DD who prodded her in the tummy and said 'Mummy, is there a baby in there?!' When told that no, there wasn't she said 'Oh, that's right mummy - there are TWO babies in your tummy'!!!

LolaTheShowgirl Thu 26-Mar-09 20:03:05

Not long after I started nannying for single dad and girl, then age 4 and boy, 2 (lovely family!), we were all on a car ride when all of a sudden, girl says 'Lola, you are fattie fattie wobbly tummy'! Dad was sooo embarassed but I couldn't stop laughing at her!

Mspontipine Thu 26-Mar-09 20:04:04

I have teeth that shine like the sun


Yunyun Fri 27-Mar-09 01:02:10

MadamDeathstare - Love it

My DD recently asked, "Mummy were you evacuated in the war?" (I'm 37)

NoBiggy Fri 27-Mar-09 06:53:59

DD2 (2yo) told me last week that I have a big bum and spots.

So I learned nothing new that day.

Greatfun Fri 27-Mar-09 08:07:50

DD looked at my stretch marks on my stomach and asked if I was going to see the doctor as my stomach had cuts on. smile

LilRedWG Fri 27-Mar-09 09:17:05

My SIL asked her Mum what it was like when she was alive!

LittlePeanut Fri 27-Mar-09 09:22:43

When I got all "done up" for a night out, my DD (2) said to me "you look different mummy" - I said, is it because I'm wearing make-up?" she said "hmm.... you remind me of Granny Murray".

My DH phsl.

Disclaimer: I was NOT wearing a stripey jumper.

I have had that Mspontipine

Me: Rock a bye baby....
DTD2 (pointing): yellow teeth, yellow teeth
Me: Switches to humming to hide yello teeth

Dillydaydreamer Sat 28-Mar-09 18:14:01

This is a great funny thread.
I had a laugh this morning when dd1 (3yo) said 'mummy, something smells, its you!'
I do confess I went straight to the shower and didn't pass go blush

I still remember my little brother saying, very impressed-ly to my great- grandmother "oh, you have GREAT BIG FAT LEGS, just like a dinosaur!"

madamelapin Sat 28-Mar-09 21:35:33

DS (3) says Mummy, I know how old you are - 73!

I helpfully explained that Granny is 73, but I am not, and you can tell the difference because Granny has wrinkles and moves slowly

DS "Just like you Mummy!"

Mtorun Sat 28-Mar-09 21:44:09

Ah this is very funny treat. One of my favorite is " what colour the dinosaurs were when I was little and they were still alive." It made me LOL

BettyTurnip Sat 28-Mar-09 22:04:27

My dd1 (then aged 3) piped up to my mother, "Ooh, you've got a moustache just like Sportacus" (but she's not so nifty at the one armed press-ups).

She's also wont to climb in our bed in the morning, then lie with her hand over her mouth saying the smell of my breath makes her feel sick!

<cue frantic breathing and sniffing into cupped hands on my part>

Can't smell a thing, cheeky besom grin.

kidowner Sat 28-Mar-09 22:37:50

Me: We didn't have computers when we were small
dd1: Really? What was it like in the Victorian age?
Me: Just because we didn't have computers doesn't mean it was the Victorian age!
dd1: Oh. What was it like in the Roman age then?

kidowner Sat 28-Mar-09 22:43:31

Ds: The crocodile's not working
dh: Ah, you mean the crocodile's not moving, that's probably because he's sleeping.
Ds: No! crocodile's not working (starts to cry) fix it then!

HazieDazieandBaby Sat 28-Mar-09 22:50:28

I've got tears running down my face with laughing so much after reading these! I hope you all write these comments down whenever they happen. Mind you, some of them sound like they would be burned into your memory forever!!

raggedtrouseredphilanthropist Sat 28-Mar-09 22:53:19

grin at these. gotta love the honesty of kids!

ds said to my mum the other day - nanny looks just like a scarecrow!

DS: (at playgroup, where the first part of this conversation is not infrequently heard)
I smell poo. SOmeone's done a poo. MUMMY! Have YOU done a poo in your pants?'

BoffinMum Sat 28-Mar-09 23:09:00

DS2 looked at me with alarm as I got out of the bath, and asked incredulously, "Mummy, where has your willy gone??" grin

wibblewobbly Sat 28-Mar-09 23:13:44

This thread has so cheered me up after a shit day. Dont you just love em hey?

Thought Id add a story too

A couple of years ago I asked my little brother (12) if my bum looked big in the jeans I was wearing. He looked ... paused ... studied my behind... thought some more about it and then said 'NOT BIG, JUST WIDE.'

I cried the whole day!

EvaLongoria Sat 28-Mar-09 23:29:47

This really is very funny. I have loads from my little niece but cant stop laughing. My daughter is 17 months so only saying few words no sentences yet and boy I cant wait for this stage!
Might start writing them all down when she starts

Finona Sat 28-Mar-09 23:47:10

Caught up with an old friend from school, who was then going to visit and stay the night. I told DS (5) that we had a friend coming, and told him her first name, which is the same as mine. He said 'That's your name mummy! Is she fat like you?'

Not much I could say, apart from 'no, I don't think she is' sad And she wasn't.

kidowner Sun 29-Mar-09 08:13:26

Sound of fart.
Me to Ds: (smiling kindly)What was that noise, was that you?
Ds: Not me.
(Shyly)I have a bee in my bottom.

brimfull Sun 29-Mar-09 08:58:12

My ds was in the bath at me looking at my ladygarden with a shocked look and said:

"why have you got spiders on your willy?"

Marthasmama Sun 29-Mar-09 09:06:40

Ds has also asked why I'm stripey. He also says 'Mummy you are feeling sad because you're fat' and 'I love you mummy, but I will love you more when you are skinny. You're all yucky when you're fat'. But my favourite was when I was 36 weeks pregnant with dd and we were going to SIL's wedding. DS was very concerned. He kept saying 'But mummy, you don't want to go do you? You want to stay home don't you.' I explained that I would be tired but I would like to go. 'But Mummy, I don't want you to go. People will laugh at you because you're so fat! Please stay at home, pleeeeeeeease!' Cheers son.

Marthasmama that's sad rather than funny and (though I hate to bring a downer onto a lovely funny thread) there is a chance your DS could develop an eating disorder: does someone in the family have eating problems? Because the ideas of associating shame and dislike with 'fatness' (have no idea what your weight is like, though if you are any bigger than a size 14 when not PG your DS already has a distorted idea of what human bodies should look like) is a dangerous one, especially in a young child.

notsoclever Sun 29-Mar-09 10:35:35

I was visiting a friend who has the same name as my dd (L*).

Her son - Dan's friend was there to play and he said to me "so who are you then?"

Me: I am L*'s mummy

Him(thinking): So you are Dan's granny then?


Marthasmama Sun 29-Mar-09 11:16:28

SGB - He didn't think that anyone would realise that I was pg and that they would find my strange fat tummy funny. It was more to do with the fact that I was a funny shape than anything else. I thought it was funny and laughed it off, explaining to him that of course everyone would know I was pg. He has probably developed that attitude from the MIL who says helpful things like 'oh dear that girl was too fat to get married. Isn't she ashamed of herself?' We feel we have countered it and feel that he has a healthy attiude towards food etc. Thank you for your concern but we have a handle on it. wink

OK cool. I do see what you mean about a child finding the shape of a PG tummy a bit odd. I just get worried about DC picking up fatphobia as it's such a horrid mindset and so damaging.

angry at you MIL on your behalf Marthasmama.

My DS1 said to me

'Mummy your Pukku is like wobbly snakes, it wibbles and slides around for ages when you jump.' hmm

dilemma456 Sun 29-Mar-09 21:39:29

Message withdrawn

woodstock3 Sun 29-Mar-09 23:34:41

my niece aged 2.5: "you've got a big tummy like mummy's" (my sister was six months pregnant. i very much wasnt.)

ds, looking at family photos aged about 18 months. correctly identified ds, himself and his cousin in a photo but when i pointed at the one of me, and said "who's that then?" he said "granny"....
dh did not help matters by phsl for most of the day

luckylady74 Sun 29-Mar-09 23:45:45

woodstock - I feel your pain. Ds1 pointed to a photo of Bill Baily and said 'Mummy' when he was 2. I was positively happy when he pointed to a painting of Jesus and said the same grin

Claire2009 Mon 30-Mar-09 00:05:29

DD age 3 : Mummy your just like jelly, wibbly wobbly...(I'm a size 12)

"I am 3, DS* is 2 & Mummy is 7" hmm LOL!!

Clement Mon 30-Mar-09 00:14:21

My DD (5) and i were both undressed, standing next to each other looking through the laundry basket for her pants. Mh DH walked in and exclaimed "88!" i laugh every time i think about it....

ShyTalk Mon 30-Mar-09 00:17:06

Hmm? - Mummy , are you putting on makeup? Yes.
Is that like R (teen sister) puts on? Yes. (heavens, I sound like Mr Tumble, yes?) R looks nice when she puts on makeup. Glutton for punishment asks - does that mean that I don't look nice with makeup? Answer - No, you don't). Oh dear. If I was susceptible, maybe I would need to visit Switzerland. Am stoic - as my makeup is so bad, maybe I should have a few more goes!

CaurnieBred Mon 30-Mar-09 12:23:21

I bought a nice, new hat - blue and white stripes - for the winter. I put it on once and DD (4) said "mummy, you look like Mr Bump". Haven't worn it since!

kidowner Mon 30-Mar-09 21:53:19

Went to the Ashmoleon Museum,Oxford, quietly walked around.
We saw a sculpture of 'The Thinking Man' and whispered quietly to the children,'What do you think he's doing?'
DD said in a big voice echoing around the hall
"He's going to the toilet"

son#3 recently...."mum, your mum look like a bum"

ooops...that was meant to say, mum your boobs look like a bum....not my mum grin

mummytopebs Mon 30-Mar-09 22:07:09

My dd 4 said to my mam when she had fell over and had a scab on her face 'ohhh yack a seagull has pooed on nanas face' - v funny

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