To lay out rules for childcare by GP

[Wigglesworth]

I go back to work in April when DS will be 9 months old. I will be working 4 days a week, the plan at the moment is DS will go to nursery for 3 days a week and with my Mum for 1 day a week. I want her to take care of him in our house in a familiar environment and where all his stuff is (highchair, cot, pram etc) plus it is far easier for mine and DH's commute to work and would save us loads of time.
My problem is that I don't want her to drive anywhere with him e.g. into town or to her friends house as I want to know where he is plus my Mum isn't the most confident driver. I don't mind if she takes him out in his buggy, there are loads of nice parks and playgroups in our area and it isn't a rough estate. I also don't want her taking him to her house as my brother still lives at home and doesn't work and smokes, he smokes outside but I don't want him breathing his nasty ciggy breath all over him. He has no respect for my Mum and if he goes on at her enough she will let him take DS out for a walk and I know he will be round his mates with DS.
It also concerns me that she will feed him loads of crap like chocolate and biscuits at her house, even if I tell her not to I reckon she would do it and not tell me.
Would it be unreasonable of me to ask her to look after him at our house, to not drive anywhere with him and to lay down the law with regards to feeding him sweets and rubbish? I am not a complete freak (although reading my post back I think some of you may disagree) I don't mind him having an occasional treat, I just remember spending most of my childhood in dentist chairs having fillings and extractions cos my parents gave me sweets all the time and didn't make me brush twice a day.

[traceybath]

Are you paying your mum for the childcare she's providing? If so i think you can be a little more demanding but if not i think it would be out of order to 'lay down the law' to her.

If you're already this worried i'd perhaps reconsider your mum doing any childcare for you.

[Ivykaty44]

Are you sure about this? Did your mum make a really bad job bringing you up? Sorry, but think you are being rather harsh. Either you want to have your ds have granny looking after him one day per week - or perhaps put him into nursery for 4 days and get granny to see grandson at other times.

[retiredgoth2]

You get your GP to look after the children?

Gosh. Isn't the NHS a marvel....

[cory]

I think you have to choose: either you pay for childcare or you accept that you have less of a say in how it is done. Seeing that you don't really trust your Mum with making decisions you are comfortable with, I think that a childminder would be a better idea.

[cory]

I think it is quite unreasonable to ask your Mum to spend a whole day every week at your house where she doesn't have any of her things (grandparents far less adaptable than children [wnk], unless you are paying her generously.

[flourybaps]

Sorry but I think uabu (a little) I understand you just want the best for your boy but dont forget your mum is doing you a big favour, relax a litlle if you can.

I had all these worries when I went back to work but my mum and daughter are creating a lovely bond together, my mum loves it, my dd seems to also and dont forget my mum is saving me a fortune and enabling me to work.

If your mum wants to have your ds at her house then I think thats what you should do, she is doing you the favour dont forget.

I dont see anyting wrong with pointing out what you would and wouldnt like your ds to eat but as for laying down the law, well no, thats not on.

If you feel your going to hav e a problem them maybe its not the right solution for your mum to be involved in childcare.

[flourybaps]

scuse many typos please

[2shoes]

yanbu as long as you pay her

[OrmIrian]

Yes it would.

Tell her how you would prefer her to feed him - in that way you probably differ - but in all other ways you have to trust her to use common sense. Otherwise it's simply insulting and unreasonable.

[Katiestar]

I don't know......... I mean what is your mum supposed to do sitting at your house all day? i don't know if your expectations are fair really .If grandma is looking after him then you have to trust her to do it her way

[paolosgirl]

Are you sure you really want your mum to look after him? I see trouble ahead...

[Wigglesworth]

I am not paying her, I am starting to reconsider having her look after him, I just don't want to hurt her feelings. When I was pregnant she just automatically assumed she would be looking after DS when I went back to work (she hates nurseries BTW). She would be helping us out financially but I reckon I be a nervous wreck worrying about what she is doing with him and I know it cause strain between myself and DH.

[expatinscotland]

YABU.

You don't 'lay down the law' with someone who's doing you a favour.

If you're not comfortable with how you were brought up by your mother, or her driving, then you need to put your child in nursery all the time you are working.

[designerbaby]

Can I suggest that by asking your mum to look after your DS at your house will negate a lot of your worries anyway, and, provided it's not too far for her to travel, is a fair suggestion. You can couch it as 'I'd like him to have the day at home as he's at nursery so much' or something without causing any offence.

And then not stress about what she feeds him etc?

It's only one day, after all, so there's a limit to how much 'damage' she can do!?

Plus I would suggest that she loves your DS and will try and do her best for him anyway, and looks like you turned out OK, fillings notwithstanding!

db<br /> xx

[expatinscotland]

Just tell her the nursery makes you pay for 4 days a week so he'll be there for 4 days a week.

[cory]

Don't go for the solution that is going to turn you into a nervous wreck. She may hate nurseries and you will have to fudge a really good excuse for putting her in one (or alternatively, find a really good childminder), but it will be worth it.

[Wigglesworth]

What about my brother smoking etc, that is alot of the reason I don't want him at her house.

[ScottishMummy]

either you accept the free offer of help,and understand in your absence she will do it her way.or FT nursery

if you start off berating her and laying down law,it will end in argy bargy

[ScottishMummy]

either you accept the free offer of help,and understand in your absence she will do it her way.or FT nursery

if you start off berating her and laying down law,it will end in argy bargy

[cory]

I think you risk damaging your relationship here. I'd find a good reason why you absolutely have to use this childminder or nursery.

[flourybaps]

your brother smokes outside right?

[Leeza2]

I agree with traceybath

and i woudl do what expat says

it sounds like you have pretty different ideas about parenting and its not going to work

[mm22bys]

YABU. I presume your mother will be babysitting for free?

Grandparents are meant to spoil their grandchildren...so long as they are kept safe...

You need to lighten up a little or someone will accuse you of being PFB...

[Wigglesworth]

I know I sound utterly insane. I guess I am only preempting what she will do but I have a bad feeling about it although I would like to give her a chance and I know she would love to look after DS. Do you think having a trial period to see how it goes for a couple of months would be a good way to go? If I am not happy with her having him then I could just say he is unsettled and would be better at nursery FT.