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AIBU?

To expect to be consulted about summer holiday! Long sorry

15 replies

Wigglesworth · 22/01/2009 11:05

DH's parents have a lovely static caravan on south coast and is over 6 hours drive from us and we have spent a week with them in their caravan over summer in the past but not for the past couple of years due to getting married and then being heavily pregnant.
DH wanted us to spend 2 weeks with them this summer which i thought was too long for us to be away from home with DS. The caravan is nice but it will get crowded with a 1 year old and 4 adults especially for 2 weeks plus I don't really want to spend a whole 2 weeks with DH's parents in such a small environment. I told him I was happy to do a week but not 2. We get on well but after a few days it gets a bit much.
The other day we were with friends who asked us what we were doing this summer to which DH replied, "we will be having a week at beginning of summer and a week at end of summer at my parents caravan". I never agreed to this plus I really don't want to spend all my summer holidays with his fecking parents. DH thinks that cos they don't live near us we should spend all this time with them. They live 130 miles away from us so don't see us that often but we make an effort and go and stay with them every 6-8 weeks on average, even though they have not been up to see us since DS was a week old. We don't have any room for them to stay here but it isn't too far for them to come for the day or stay in a cheap hotel (they are not minted but they aren't short either)and I just feel like they can't be arsed to come here. They say they really miss him and would love to see him more often which I think makes DH feel guilty. We are always very welcoming and I have told them that they are welcome to come and visit us anytime.
Back to the holiday though, I am concerned that their is nowhere to put DS's travel cot and DH and I have discussed it and he said we are going to PIL's caravan and we will find a way so tough basically. He now thinks that I am making excuses and don't want to go which is not true, I don't mind for a week but not for 2 weeks and defo not for 2 hoildays of a week each. AIBU to think this is too much and he should consult me first? How can I approach this without sounding like I am being a bitch.

OP posts:

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NigellaTufnel · 22/01/2009 11:17

Your DH has been very sneaky - and I bet he knows he's in the wrong.

Stick to your guns

Dropdeadfred · 22/01/2009 11:20

would you let im take ds and go on his own for the 2nd week?

do you see your parents alot?

weblette · 22/01/2009 11:22

Yanbu.

If he wants to spend all his holidays with his parents let him go by himself for one of the weeks.

Your reasons are very valid, stick to 'em.

ANamesANameForAThatsTaken · 22/01/2009 11:25

"so tough basically"

I don't think so.

It's him thats got the problem not you. You've said you'll go for a week and that's the end of it. If he thinks saying you're going for 2 weeks actually means that you're going for 2 weeks that's his problem. Simply go for the one week as agreed.

Or does your dh say whats gonna happen and that's the end of it?

Wigglesworth · 22/01/2009 11:28

My parents live close to us and DH isn't that keen on my Mum, he thinks she has potential to interfere which I agree with but I keep her in check. We see my parents once a week on average. I would not want DH to take DS for 2nd week as he would only just be 12 months old (he is 6 months now) and I think 2 weeks is too long for him to be away from home, especially as their really isn't anywhere for his travel cot to go, BTW DH suggested propped on top of 2 single beds in a tiny bedroom . Plus his mothers food hygiene is questionable, she kept raw sausages in the salad crisper and leaves dairy food out all night and puts it back in the fridge in the morning, not good if you are going to be feeding it to a baby!

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Dropdeadfred · 22/01/2009 11:29

sorry to ask, but is your dh a bully? does he tell you how things are in other areas of your life?

Wigglesworth · 22/01/2009 11:30

A name, no he isn't usually like this we always discuss stuff. To be fair I haven't told him I am not happy about the going for a week at end and a week at beginning of summer thing as we had friends round and I didn't want to cause a scene.

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Wigglesworth · 22/01/2009 11:33

He is a softy, I am the bossy one really but he has a bee in his bonnet cause he thinks that I am only being like this cos my Mum gets on his nerves and he thinks I am trying to be the same about his parents. That isn't the case I just don't want to spend all my summer with them especially living on top of each other in caravan.

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boogeek · 22/01/2009 11:36

would it be possible for you to stay somewhere nearby - another caravan or a cottage or something? Then you can see them a lot, take advantage of their babysitting maybe, but not have to be on top of each other, have space for your cot, and not have to eat scary meaty lettuce!?

Wigglesworth · 22/01/2009 11:41

Boo there is no way he would go for that, he doesn't see it as a problem, although he won't be the one trying to settle him at night in a strange place.

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catsmother · 22/01/2009 11:46

Whether you go for 2 weeks or 2 days, how does he think this will ever work when he's suggesting propping a travel cot on top of 2 single beds ?! If it was a carrycot, and a very young baby, who hadn't started to roll, then yes ..... maybe ...... but at 1, your DS will be standing up, bouncing about etc. and what he's proposing sounds damn dangerous.

Besides which, where you go on holiday should of course be a joint decision. Sounds a bit like he's playing some sort of tit for tat game between the 2 sets of parents.

Dropdeadfred · 22/01/2009 11:59

tell him you've booked wo weeks in spain in a studio apartment with you, him, ds and your parents!!

Wigglesworth · 22/01/2009 12:14

I agree catsmother, if I go and see my parents with DS he more often than not makes a remark about how they see him more than he does, even though they only see him once maybe twice a week for a couple of hours at a time.
If I suggested we do this with my parents he would go insane but somehow cos his parents live far away and we don't see them as often as my parents he thinks we should spend all our holidays with them!

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Wigglesworth · 22/01/2009 12:18

Boo lol scary meaty lettuce! I already am very careful about what I eat when I am at their house let alone my baby. She once tried to defrost sausages in a microwave and put them in the oven when only half defrosted, needless to say I didn't eat them! My DH has often got a jar of jam out of the cupboard to put on his toast and it has had a layer of fur on top of it. She is a full time teacher and that coupled with lesson planning takes up a lot her time, but honestly that is basic food hygiene from someone who frankly should know better.

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Dropdeadfred · 23/01/2009 11:56

did you speak to your dh?

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