To be cross with dh's side of the family for not keeping to an agreement?

[ComeOVeneer]

DD has wanted a Wii for ages, so we agreed that we would get her one for her birthday last week after talking to my side and dh's side, and agreeing that we would all club in and buy it as a joint present. So dh goes of and buys it, my parents and my sisster and grandfather all send dh cheques, and his side (aunt, parents sister etc) say they will give us money when we go up on Sunday (yesterday) for a birthday tea.

SO yesterday we go there and there is a big pile of presents on the table. MIL hurries dd to come in and open here presents before we can say anything. Apparently they dscided they wanted to be able to see her open presents so decided unanimously through several pone calls not to contribute but buy their own thing.

I am cross for many reasons, firstly dd was told and understood that by getting the Wii she wouldn't be getting other presents as it is avery pricey item (they all knew this), secondly they didn't bother to discuss it with us before changing their minds, and thirdly it now means we have forked out for most of the present, something we weren't exactly budgeting on!

[AnguaVonUberwald]

Thats really crap.

I suggest that your DH mentions to them that you were dissapointed with what they did and then you never arrange anything like this with them again.

If they ever suggest a joint money thing in the future, just say, sorry, but last time you changed your minds without consulting us, so we are not going to make these arrangements with you again.

There isn't anything else you can do really.

[ComeOVeneer]

OMG that has to be the worst typing I have ever done

[AnguaVonUberwald]

I can't type today either.

Have DH family given any reason for doing this unilaterally? Seemed at all embarrased that they did this without discussing it?

[Lizzylou]

How rude.
They should at the very least have told you beforehand.
Have they done anything like this before?
Has your DH spoken to them about it.
I would be livid

[loobeylou]

do they not realise how out of pocket you must be because of their change of plan!?

Very rude and inconsiderate. Sends all sorts of mixed messages to DD too.

[ThingOne]

Charming! Get your DH to speak to them and strop around on here.

[rookiemater]

Do his family have a history of doing this sort of thing ?

Does seem annoying and rude, but on the other hand perhaps they were annoyed about being told what they had to buy as a presnet.

[ComeOVeneer]

Soory doing much needed house work. Yes they have a history of undermining us (MIL in particular), especially when it comes to the children.

They weren't told what to buy, we discussed with everyone that dd really wanted a Wii but we couldn't justify it as a gift just from us (dh and me) so would they like to join in, especially as it was just after christmas and they (the children) had recieved so much then there really wasn't anything else dd wanted or needed.

Instead she got a tonne of stuff which she won't use and will just clutter up the house, and a load of books (despite having repeatedly said she doesn't need any more books - we have boxes and boxes she hasn't even read), including a dictionary (just what every 7yr old girl wants for her birthday ).

[Ineedmorechocolatenow]

That's really annoying. Get DH to say that it's meant that you are really out of pocket now and that, had you known, you wouldn't have even got her the Wii. Can they contribute to the Wii as well? I often go into joint presents with people (esp. my brother who's a bit disorganised) and I'm fed up of chasing the money for months afterwards while I'm paying bloody interest on my credit card.

You have my sympathies. Can you take any of it back, even if you get a credit note? The DD can choose something she'd rather have? Not that this sorts out the money situation.

[sunnygirl1412]

I don't think you are being unreasonable - they are adults and should have understood what a difficult position they were putting you in - your MIL's behaviour in rushing your DD to open the presents shows that she knew she was in the wrong, imo.

If they wanted to see her open her presents, why not get her some little gift - some felt-tips, sweets, a small toy - something inexpensive that they could afford in addition to contributing to the Wii.

[ComeOVeneer]

Can't take any of it back as I have no idea which shops they got it all from, and obviously if I ask them it will cause untold amount of grief, not worth it. DH has already said that we are now out of pocket as we weren't expecting to have to fork out that much for dd and she was primed and fully understood that was all she was (supposed) to be getting. Their response " well we all decided we wouldn't get any enjoyment out of it as we didn't by it or see her unwrap it".

DH bought it back in November ( the plan was discussed about 5 months ago)and they were still mentioning about giving the money early last week

[ChirpyGirl]

YANBU, we asked DH's side of the family for money towards a new bed for DD1, DH and I have done this before and asked for vouchers so we could get surround sounds etc. We agreed with MIL that she would buy DD some presents (couldn't stop ehr) but vouchers from everyone else.
We got more toys, and £20 in vouchers, from MIL.
So now I have to spend DD1's savings on a new bed for her, which is what we didn't want to do unless we really had to.
Ther reason was the same, they wanted to see her open their presents, no discussion with us beforehand, or MIL (who in fairness is pissed off as well)

[Seabright]

Next time they invite you over (assuming that they do this regularly), decline the invitation telling them you can't afford petrol for "no essential journeys" until you have managed to save up the extra money for the Wii which you were expecting from them.