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AIBU?

To change holiday tickets from ex p's to my brothers name?

39 replies

cantpickyourfamily · 12/12/2008 17:28

Exp and I were meant to go on holiday for xmas but we are really not geting on at the moment.

Yesterday he said he is not coming and will not pay me back my £600 that I paid for it on my credit card, and was laughing say he hopes it 'stings me'. Then later on changed his mind saying that maybe he could be convinced to go. The thing is I dont want to convince him to go, I feel like he is too much of an attention seeker and if I want the holiday to be enjoyable for me and dd I will have to try to keep the piece and pretend I want to be around him when I don't.

I could possibly change the ticket into my brothers name and he could come but he will not be able to pay the full price for the ticket and will prob only have a few hundred. But I am thinking maybe this would be better then going with exp who will ruin my holiday and sulk as I will def not want to be intamite with him.

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tiredemma · 12/12/2008 17:29

when are you going? There may be a cut off point for changing the name over

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cantpickyourfamily · 12/12/2008 17:32

next sat

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tiredemma · 12/12/2008 17:34

IIRC, you cant change the ticket within 14 days of travelling, you would have to buy a new ticket. worth trying the company though and seeing if they will do a name change, this is generally around £15-20

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VivaLaPotPourri · 12/12/2008 17:34

go with your brother & have a nice time

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BouncingTinsel · 12/12/2008 17:39

My friend's fiance did the dirty on her and she found out a week and a half before the wedding Wedding got called off.
She took her brother on the honeymoon - IIRC she only sorted this out a week before they were due to fly out and I don't think they had any problem - luckily the travel agent was very sympathetic.
CPYF - I would give it a try, might not cost you very much.

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J2O · 12/12/2008 17:44

you prob wont get the money off him anyway-take your bro and meet a hot bloke on hol!

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cantpickyourfamily · 12/12/2008 17:56

J2o - you are funny, good plan...

so it seems none of you think I am a total b1tch for doing this, I know he is going to go crazy if I do this.

Also he has been acting really immauture recently saying he will not look after dd when I go to work then saying he will and generally messing me around...

Just spoke to the airline it will cost £80 to change it over. My little brother is only young so will nbot be able to put much money towards the holiday or have much spending money so I will spend a forutune but still thinking it will be worth it.
What would you do in my situation?

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J2O · 12/12/2008 18:01

well..I'm not sure what your circumstances are with regards to your (d)p-how long have you been together?
how long are you going for? where are you going? (thats just nosiness really?

can you say its to DB its for his birthdays and christmases for the next 10 years? TBH, I thin after him saying he hopes it 'stings you' I definately think you should tell him to stick it, but like i say, i don't know your situation

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NowICanSpellGeansaiNollaig · 12/12/2008 18:07

I'd go with your brother, even if you only get a token contribution.

Don't ever go on holiday with your x. You don't have to now. He sounds a knob. "I hope it stings you". Do you have children to clothe and feed?????

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cantpickyourfamily · 12/12/2008 18:08

We have been together on and off for 5years and have 16month old dd together. We keep trying to work things out and were going to go to counselling etc but he just annoys me and wants too much of my atttention which I would rather give to my dd than to a grown ma acting like a child.

Going for 12nights to the cararies.

If I am taking my brother I think I will say I am going alone with dd as exp is always jealous that my family are around and help out with dd so would be real mad if he knew I was taking my brother.

I think you are right after saying that he hope it stings me also he sent me a nasty text about the money side of things.

I think he is jealous because I have managed to be careful with money and save some, I think he has been looking at my paperwork as has made a few nasty comments recently.

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cantpickyourfamily · 12/12/2008 18:11

Yes I have got dd to look after thats why I think he is an arse.

I feel that as he said he does not want to go I should really take this as my get out clause as was starting to feel like it would be terrible anyway.

The only thing is my dd is very clingly and I will have to do much more work with dd if exp is not there, but hey stil thinking it would be more enjoyable.

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NowICanSpellGeansaiNollaig · 12/12/2008 18:14

Wow so you are looking after his child and he said that he hopes you feel the sting.

Your dd will get used to your brother if you're with him for a few days. My brother is v good with my children. He sees more of them than when I was with my x. He's a better uncle than their Dad is a father.

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cantpickyourfamily · 12/12/2008 18:19

Yes his child. But he always acts like she is my responsibilty anyway not his. Then moans about her not having his surname or that he wants to go on her first ever holiday (that was before he said he was not going).

my brother is good with dd and she likes playing with him but as he is only 17 I think she knows he is not the adult and will not let him feed her etc.

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NowICanSpellGeansaiNollaig · 12/12/2008 18:21

Good for you that your dd has your sur name. My dc have their father's and he does NOT deserve that honour, as he gives them nothing.

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J2O · 12/12/2008 18:36

I think you need to weigh everything up...if you believe that you really want it to be over, and that you can come home without any backlash..ie he does something to your home in revenge then go without him...If you want to give it a go-make it clear to him that he has to buck his ideas up. Good Luck whatever you do and I hope you have a great time

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cantpickyourfamily · 12/12/2008 18:52

I gave dd my surname as felt he was unreiable and may not do enough for dd, but recetly felt he was b
eing a good dad so decided I would give dd a double barralled surname. I have made an app to change her name but that is not untilol april, but not sure if it is a good idea or not.

I do want it to be over but for some reason I keep giving it another go. We recently broke up and I was sure I would not get back with him, and I havn't but was taking steps to see if we could sort things out. But I just dont feel we can make it wok as there are alot of things about him that annoy me, like him not driving and not being able to change a tyre. And he has not got the right attitude for me.

He is like poor me all the time but I want someone who will get out there and make things happen.

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hecAteAMillionMincePies · 12/12/2008 18:54

i'd go with the brother just to pass a message, tbh!

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cantpickyourfamily · 12/12/2008 18:58

that is exactly how I feel, I feel like he is trying to treat me like a fool so would serve him right...

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2pt4WiseMen · 12/12/2008 19:01

Go with your brother!

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cantpickyourfamily · 12/12/2008 19:13

also would like to add that today he text me asking if i could pick him up and drop him somewhere in my area to see a client. It would take me about 10 mins in total and I said no. He feels like I should be doing him these favours as he did me a 'favour' by coming to my house to look after dd yesterday 8-9. Also i had to pay for his cab home as I said I would but this was before he said he would not come on holiday. I just paid so he would get the hell out of my house.

I dont think he realises I do him a favour everyday as I look after our dd every day....

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LiffeyCanSpellGeansaiNollaig · 12/12/2008 20:00

He sounds like a millstone around your neck. Cut the cord and move on!!

THere is nothing to stop him being a good Dad to his daughter, except perhaps his own personality!

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cantpickyourfamily · 12/12/2008 20:06

I agree, I always feel he is holding me back, and if we are sucessful in life I will feel it was all down to me pushing him and pulling him in the right direction. I think I would prefer to be with someone who can also point me in the right direction and we can both help each other out...

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LiffeyCanSpellGeansaiNollaig · 12/12/2008 20:13

Yes, he'd coast on your coattails, and probably still blame you for everything he hadn't achieved!

Keep him peripheral. YOur dd needs a face to the name Daddy, and so long as he can roll up occassionally, she'll be fine!

I feel I can do much more without x, he really trampled on my spirit and sapped my energies.

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cantpickyourfamily · 12/12/2008 20:44

i know i will be better off without him, I just need to make sure I do not fall back into the trap of thinking we could have a nice family life together, because he is not all bad and seems to make alot of effort when we are not together...

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MerryMadMarg · 12/12/2008 21:32

Of course he's not all bad, otherwise you would never have been with him in the first place, so that's a good thing! However, it seems that he is bad for you - and overall probably bad for your DD for the two of you to be together.

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