To not want to go to the ILs on boxing day

[Champagneforlunch]

I have no problem with dhs family they are all really lovely and very nice but every year we travel up to see them on boxing day. Its a 200 mile round trip and as Dh works in a shop we have to be back for the 27th so can't stay over night. Dh doesn't drive so I have to drive all the way so get to spend the day watching him getting drunk with his family. His father died earlier on in the year (hence the dilema) so the rest of the family are all going to be together for chrsitmas, we can't make it as Dd and I are going to the panto on Christmas eve and to be honest I don't want to drag her and all her presents 200 miles.
I know it is only one day and it is an easy road to drive but I doubt we'll see much of his family anyway as they will be visting their other relatives as they were altogether the day before.
What really puts me off though is it has been over a year since any of them came to vist us and even that was for Dds birthday whewn they only stayed for a couple of hours.

I'm I really horrible saying I don't want to go and I want Dh to stay with us,, his idea was for him to go on his own, and instead we will try to go up at new year instead.

[Rookietherednosedreindeer]

I think as his Dad died this year as a mark of respect your family should go there at some stage during the festive season.

I'm confused about your final sentence, if you mean that DH would go up on boxing day and then you will all go on NYE then that seems a bit hard on your DH. Better that you all go on Boxing day and get it out of the way than your DH be forced to make two 200 mile round trips within a short period of time when he seems to have very little holiday.

Alternatively can't you all just go on NYE instead when everyone is around. Unless your Dh feels strongly that you need to be there on or around Christmas itself, I think it could be argued that his Mum would need more support and company at the dawn of a NY.

But yes in short I think you should all go at some stage, regardless of how much attention is paid to you.

[MerryMadMarg]

You're picking a hell of a year to suddenly not go! Given that this year they are dealing with their first Christmas/Boxing day with out their dad, I think you should suck it up.

However, I do think you need to give some serious consideration to what you will do for the following year, in advance. It isn't fair on you to do all the driving like this, and not be able to stay overnight. Time for your DH to learn to drive, methinks! (Unless there's another reason DH doesnt drive?)

[Champagneforlunch]

If we were going up at new year we would all be going up together, I actually think the only reason Dh wants to on boxing day is that two of his friends are coming home and he wants to see them not his family. There doesn't seem to be a problem with us not being ther christmas day, I don't actually think we were ever invited. The reason we normally go then is it is usually the only day Dh is off work and it is his sisters birthday which she usually has a party for but she isn't doing that this year and she won't be around so we deffinatly won't get to see her or her children.
Maybe I'm just annoyed that last weekend we were there again just for a visit and it annoys me that they never vists or even phone us.
Don't get me started about Dh not driving.

[MerryMadMarg]

Op - do you ever invite them? Why not organise a do at your place, and invite them to come and see what the response is.

Who will you actually get to see if you go? If noone, then you might as well organise something else.

How does your DH plan on getting there if he goes on his own if he doesn't drive?

[Champagneforlunch]

I kind of stopped inviting them to anything other than birthday parties (didn't have one this year as on hoiliday over Dds birthday) after I organised an engagement party and none of them came (although did find out later that Fil hadn't told them despite saying he would). Everytime we see them they all say they will visit but never do. Fil used to come occaionaly but only when he was passing through to visit other relations.
Think Dh plans on getting the train so would be there chirstmas day as well, did kind of tell him if he did this he would come home to find the locks changed, was mostly annoyed that he was talking about visiting his friends not his step mum.

[Rookietherednosedreindeer]

Ok, now you have told us the whole story, it does seem as if your DH is being slightly unreasonable.

I still think you have to go, so why not just get it out of the way on Boxing Day, that way your DH sees his mates and his mum and you earn credits for being agreeable. Just make sure you don't end up driving there on NY as well.

[Champagneforlunch]

I do know I have to go sometime, only reason I prefer New year is we can stay over and don't actually have to come back on till the second so could get a couple of days there and actually see people.

[Rookietherednosedreindeer]

Ah well then I revise my initial opinion, I don't think YABU.

One visit over the festive period is enough and if your DH is going up there to see his mates then it is a bit different, particularly if he plans to leave on Christmas day to get there, oh and the fact it is his stepmum does blur the issue slightly as well.

However if he is planning to see your stepmum in any capacity at all on the boxing day visit, I would probably grit my teeth and let him do it, due to the exceptional circumstances. Agree you are right to be a bit annoyed about it though.

[purpleduckUnderTheMistletoe]

But, you say that they never visit, and that you have stopped inviting them... because they didn't come to an event that they didn't know they were invited to?

Are you sure you think they are lovely?

[purpleduckUnderTheMistletoe]

Regardless of how you feel though, I think New Years can safely be counted as "the Festive Season"

[pamelat]

I would invite them to you on boxing day. If they say no cant you all just go at New Year.

However I think that if his mum wants him there than its a tough year for him to not be around. I think it would have to be his decision, and if he wants to go alone (how would he get there?????) then so be it.

[pamelat]

Ah just read that DH would get train and be away Xmas day too - thats quite different. I would not like that.

I think one trip up there is enough and maybe an invite to yours.