to be really upset that neighbour has said she wants to walk to school without us??

[blossomgirl]

this is not a good friend or anything, although i have made invitations a couple of times that have gone unreciprocated. Its just that we both have ds (age 4) in the same class and live on either corner of a small private green. The boys like each other alot and are both very lively.

Anyway for sometime other mum has noticeably called her ds away when we are around. She's never been easy friendly they keep to themselves and I only met her to talk to when school started, despite having lived over the green for 1 1/2 years! Ive puzzled over why she's like this but never taken it personnally until...

last week it was sooo clear we were being shunned / avoided by other mum - doing stuff like shooting off if we pop out of our house at the same time as her (they are nearer the main road) or calling her ds back if we are ahead

by Thursday im feeling reallly perplexed and feel awful this is happening and must have shown it in my face as when i get to school she catches me and touches my coat (at the time it struck me this was the first time she had actually approached me or gestured) and says 'im not ignoring you only .. (ds name) is being naughty and i want to keep him close by' and with that shoots off. I'm in the throws of dropping ds off and cant respond. When i have she's long gone.

Only ting is that strikes as complete bo*ks as she lets him play with everyone else in the playground and anyway its just another way of saying Stay Away isnt it? Its really playing on my mind and is going to be very awkward when we leave in the morning (school is a 5min walk away). Got really tearful Friday and am dreading tomorrow. Honestly im not a weirdo or anything but this is really making me feel uncomfortable in my own skin.

Very grateful for advise on how to keep it together, esp as I do feel like never going out again or having a go in equal measure. Thanks!

[nancy75]

maybe she just likes 5 mins peace in the morning on the walk to school? tbh i am quite a shy/antisocial person and i find it really hard to make small talk to people i dont really know, so walking to school with a near stranger everyday wouldnt be something i would want to do. sounds like its her rather than you iyswim.

[NorthernLurker]

Ok - honestly I think she doesn't like you. She is plainly misguided as you sound lovely but there's nothing you can do about this. Just hold your head high and look for other playground friends.

[AnotherFineMess]

I can see how this would feel upsetting. But I am like your neighbour. I avoid walking to school with friends I love because my youngest DS hates the school run and plays up sooooo much on the way round that a) I have to concentrate on him to ward off ishooos b) I get stressed if I have to deal with the tantrums in front of other people c) he's worse if I'm chatting.

Hope that's the case for your neighbour. If not, it says more about her people skill sthan yours, so enjoy the walk with your lovely DS instead.

[sunnygirl1412]

Could you have a chat with her during the day - perhaps on the way back from school, and ask directly if there's a problem. In the long run, if the boys get on, they're going to play at school, and they may naturally break the ice anyway.

Maybe she's very shy and this comes out more with your ds than with other children at the school because you live so close - ie, if they get friendly, maybe she's worried that you won't like her if you get to know her, and that will make life difficult?

I realise that this is making life hard for you now, and that makes me very sad for you - I made some of my closest friends at the school gates.

I hope that tomorrow goes well - take a deep breath before you go out, and tell yourself that the problem is her attitude, not yours and you don't need to take it on board - if that makes sense.

Hugs
sunnygirl.

[Doodle2U]

Blossom, the problem is HERS and not yours!

It could well be that her DS has been acting up lately and maybe she feels that an appropriate punishment is to say no to him playing with one of his fave friends. Or maybe her DS has copied or said something which he has said he has heard from your DS. Maybe, maybe, maybe....it doesn't matter...the point is, you know you're OK and that your DS is OK, so this is most deffo her issue.

Act totally normally. Go about your business as usual. She's gonna feel a right twit if you both hit the path at the same time and she doesn't speak! Let her deal with it - it's a problem of her own making.

[cheekysealion]

i think it is her not you, and agree with nancy... i would struggle with this everyday to be honest... as i just dont know what to say until i really know someone

[Flynnie]

Blossom- don't let it bother you. Its her problem. she sounds rude and why waste your time on someone who is that rude to you?

[Chatkins]

agree with nancy75 - she is probably uncomfortable and shy, maybe worried that if you strike up a friendsip it could become really awkward if you fall out or disagree at some point ?
I have two mums on my street who walk to school same way as me, if we fall in step together we chat and be friendly, but we don't make any special effort to wait for each other, or catch up or anything. Its just casual, wave across road, say hi, etc. I would just continue to be pleasant and friendly, and not worry about it. There'snothing else you can do really !

[tearinghairout]

I agree with nancy. She might feel awkward, feel expected to make conversation & doesn't know how to. In any case, until you find out any different, you're going to have to make your own way to school etc.

I would try to forget about her, just say 'Hello' if she's there, then turn away & talk to your ds.

Her loss!

[thisisyesterday]

you know what? maybe she just doesn't like you?

ok, that sounds really harsh and I do NOT Mean it in a "you're unlikeable" kind of a way. but I know other mums who I avoid because, quite frankly, I just don't particularly want to spend time with them.

don't worry about her and don't waste your time thinking about her. if she isn't interested in reciprocating a friendship then there isn't much point in persuing one.
let it go and focus on the people you do like, and who like you

[blossomgirl]

yeah i am taking this very personally didnt think of her wanting peace, its just she's very outgoing and friendly in the playgroung with other people. I know its not really that big a deal?

[lisad123]

i have a friend like this atm, shes avoiding all of us that walk to school together.
her son fights alot with one of the other children so easier for her as she feels shes telling him off a lot! shame but you shouldnt worry.

[bran]

Perhaps she needs those few minutes alone with her son to set him up for the day, it is quite a nice peaceful time when you are walking together. If she walks with you then she would be socially obliged to make small talk with you and ignore him.

[savoycabbage]

Hi, I got myself into a situation where I was walking to school with another child and parent from my dd's class who lives in the same street. Our children are friends and we are friends too. I like them a lot.

However walking to school together makes things more stressful than they need to be. Instead of having a nice little chat with my dd I am finding myself yelling as they mess about next to a main road or fall out over whose turn it is to press the pedestrian crossing button. Also you have to be ready at the same time so if you are not ready you feel under pressure and if they are not ready you feel frustrated.

If I want to go in the car I feel like I have to let them know and now I have to explain/justify why I am going here or there to another family.

We went through a stage where our children were rowing and falling out. My dd was often starting her school day in tears and it was driving me mad. I did say t o the other parent that I wanted to walk without them for a while.

[blossomgirl]

wow all these replies while i was answering the first post. THANK YOU! I think i've deffo transfered a feeling of not being liked into not being likable.. by anyone! Good Grief I find this playground / school run stuff hard work !

[Heated]

She obviously felt awkward enough to make an excuse. It's a reflection of her rather than you. You sound lovely and friendly. I would say "Morning" or "Hello" and then turn to talk with ds - it is what I do, but I'm the one who finds school drop-off small talk difficult.

If it's tricky because ds wants to talk with her son & you want to protect him, maybe your ds could ride his scooter to school as a sufficient distraction?

[stuffitllama]

You should give more thought to the idea that she wants to walk to school with her children alone. There are lots of reasons why she could want to do this. Maybe every morning is fraught in her house and she wants to have at least five minutes of pleasantness alone with her son before she says goodbye. There could be any number of reasons. Maybe it's when her son talks to her -- the way some kids open up at hometime, or bathtime.

Don't be offended. Don't even think about it. That's the worst thing, you'll end up going red and behaving totally unnaturally. If you aren't going to be friends, well so be it, you sound nice and you really shouldn't worry. Smile, walk on, don't look as if you expect to be walking together.

[superfrenchie1]

i have a similar thing. i invited the other kid to ds's birthday party and the mum said they couldn't make it, and then we bumped into them in the street and her ds said "mum won't let me come to your house"...! wtf! we are totally normal and not scary or anything!! they are always avoiding us. hmph. makes me feel crap.

as far as i was concerned we were just acquaintances whose kids got on well and played together and tbh i don't know many parents and kind of looked forward to getting to know her better as our dcs got older, not in a stalkerish way but just as we lived so close.

ANYWAY turns out she doesn't want to be friends... but i have decided to act normal and be really happy and friendly and pretend like i haven't noticed.

don't worry about it - in 6 months time you'll laugh about it - no-one's done anything wrong so try not to let it stress you out. agree it's their loss

x

[blossomgirl]

oh im sorry to hear that lisad. and Savoy yes i can see this could get alot more complicated, and all the thoughts on peace its true if she wants peace she wouldn't get it if our two walked together.

[zazen]

Wow I wouldn't take this personally at all.

In fact I actually wish sometimes that my DDs friend's mum - a lady I like very much would pick up her kids more regularly so that I can plan to avoid her! WHY?

Because my DD races off without a backward glance along a busy road in excitement when her two are there. her two are 6 and 5 and my tearaway is only 4. They have this critical mass of madness, but her two look out for each other, whereas my Dd just is senseless.

I quite like the walk to and from school with my Dd chattering beside me. It's quality time for us.

I would take what this lady says at face value, don't take it personally. She probably is telling the truth about her son, she wants to keep a close eye on him at the moment for some reason.

[savoycabbage]

One the first day that we walked by ourselves my dd said

"listen, I can hear birds"

[blossomgirl]

oh thanks everyone, my sanity is returning hearing your thoughts! Hi Superfrenchie, yes this is the feeling you capture so well there. Its been very awkward explaining to my ds why he cant run and catch his friend up (its a safe easy walk along a long road). A deep breath for tomorrow then

[blossomgirl]

thanks savoy that is food for thought lol

[ShyBaby]

Sorry to say it but it does sound that she simply doesn't like you.

My old next door neighbour couldn't stand me (I didn't know until she'd moved and slagged me off to the whole street more or less). She told people I had stood on my front doorstep with another neighbour and laughed at her and was basically an ignorant cow.

Erm no, I used to sit outside in the summer with another neighbour and if we happened to be laughing at the moment she came home it was nothing to do with her at all, why would it be?! She also would run up her path with her face down and so I assumed she wasn't in the mood to say hello. The fact I always wrote her Christmas cards and took her round things for her garden, invited her to barbecues etc...well that obviously didn't seem to register with her.

I was puzzled as to why she loathed me but such is life I guess. Maybe she just thought she was better than me? Quite possible.

[ShyBaby]

Just read that back and thought it looked rather nasty! I dont mean there's anything wrong with you blossomgirl!