To wish DH would just leave me alone, for one day?

(154 Posts)
CarmerKharma Mon 03-Nov-08 14:14:05

DH has just been to the shop. I asked him to buy some chocolate biscuits of some kind so he came back with penguins.

I know it sounds trivial but he does this kind of thing all the time, really small, subtle things that are designed to wind me up but are SO subtle that if I moan it sounds like I'm losing my marbles to anyone else.

Like bread, I asked him to buy some bread and he came back with white bread. I can't eat white and he knows this.

A while ago I asked him to get me a magazine to read (he knew what I meant) and he came back with a TV guide thing.

Writing this down just sounds so stupid but it's a passive aggressive thing, he does things DELIBRATELY to annoy or wind me up but why??

beansmum Mon 03-Nov-08 14:15:41

It DOES sound stupid, but I'm sure it is annoying. Why would he want to annoy you though?

Dior Mon 03-Nov-08 14:16:22

Message withdrawn

spookyrookie Mon 03-Nov-08 14:17:01

Are you absolutely sure he is doing this on purpose, he just sounds like a normal male with default setting ?

Could you try being more specific i.e. asking for brown bread rather than just bread, and telling him what magazine you want rather than letting him choose.

I just say this because my DH has a talent for not noticing the blindingly obvious and he certainly doesn't do it on purpose, just is genuinely clueless sometimes.

woodenchair Mon 03-Nov-08 14:17:34

Does he do it deliberately or is just a thoughtless twat?

squeaver Mon 03-Nov-08 14:17:41

Aren't penguin biscuits chocolate?

VineGuyFawkesFeltMyTits Mon 03-Nov-08 14:17:49

Sounds like a typical man thing to me, most i know never get things like that right, maybe most men are passive-aggressive delibrately, who knows, i tend to just smile while thinking 'idiot'

beanieb Mon 03-Nov-08 14:18:07

Does he really do it on purpose?

filz Mon 03-Nov-08 14:18:29

i'm sorry but pmsl

you need to S-P-E-L-L-I-T-O-U-T

Mutt Mon 03-Nov-08 14:18:45

Eh? What's wrong with Penguins?

filz Mon 03-Nov-08 14:19:45


jumpingbeans Mon 03-Nov-08 14:20:21

Tell him exactly what you want, i have learnt over the years men are mostly annoying agrevating fuckwits.
Tell him, brown sliced bread, womans own,milk chocolate digestives,- trust me it gets no better, you just learn to get round it

alphabetsoup Mon 03-Nov-08 14:20:56

Carmer my mum does this ! i know where you are coming from; it is absolutely maddening but hard to describe to a third paty without coming across as petty and demanding. If their is a wrong/stupid/ill thought out choice to be made my mother will make it....and then seem to revel in the irritation of those around her n a wounded martryr fashion.

BouncingTurtle Mon 03-Nov-08 14:22:04

I was wondering that too, filz!

Sorry but I think YABU. You need to be specific - believe me I speak from bitter experience...

OrmIrian Mon 03-Nov-08 14:22:40

Penguins aren't chocolate biscuits?

I think you are being a little unreasonable. Tell him what you want. Precisely. What makes you think he's being deliberately awkward to wind you up?

DH has a day off today. He was planning to take DS#1 to the cinema but I told him there was an Asda delivery on the way. So they waited in until after 1 when I realised that I had booked it for tomorrow blush Really dickhead behaviour. But it was not deliberate. Cock-up not conspiracy. I think that is the case more often than not. Unless you have evidence to the contrary.

MurderousMarla Mon 03-Nov-08 14:23:11

How can people say 'typical man' when he bought her bread that she cannot eat and he knows this?

OP what does he say when you tell him 'I can't eat that' and 'I can't read that' and 'penguins are chocolate bars not biscuits'?

Oh it would fuck me off no end, but I would not rely on such an idiot tbh.

filz Mon 03-Nov-08 14:24:30

penguin are so not chocolate bars
they are biscuits!

and you can actually read a tv dont like mags do they?

fair enough about the bread but the rest sounds petty

MurderousMarla Mon 03-Nov-08 14:27:12

They're bars.

Biscuits are things you can eat 2,3,4, half a packet of. A few different types for variety. Dunk in your tea. Not single-y wrapped and in a packet of 5.

falcon Mon 03-Nov-08 14:27:18

You'll have to be more specific I'm afraid, and what's wrong with penguins? They are chocolate biscuits are they not?

His mind reading skills are somewhat lacking it seems. I always hated when people send you out for say a bar of chocolate and say oh get me anything then when you return with a Boost for example, they say oh I don't like those.angry

filz Mon 03-Nov-08 14:28:11

you might be able to murderousmarlawink

AbbeyA Mon 03-Nov-08 14:28:12

Knowing what he is like you should be more specific, or better still write it down for him.

falcon Mon 03-Nov-08 14:28:26

Biscuits come in many forms not just those that aren't individually wrapped and which are intended for dunking purposes.

squeaver Mon 03-Nov-08 14:29:56

No no no

Chocolate bars are Snickers, Mars bars etc

Chocolate biscuits are Penguins, Club etc etc

Chocolate digestives are chocolate digestives.

It's quite simple.

mamaspanx Mon 03-Nov-08 14:30:04

i think some men don't think in a detailed way about the small things....if you think hes doing it deliberately then it would make you feel really resentful. however i would expect my dh to know me beter and to know what chocolate biscuits/bread/magazine i would like.

it can be the little trivial things that drive you bonkers though

Saturn74 Mon 03-Nov-08 14:30:54

Your thread title is very sad.
It sounds like his behaviour is grinding you down.
It is hard to deal with passive aggression on a regular basis.
I think you need to spell out how you feel to your DH.
And maybe shop for your own biscuits. grin

VineGuyFawkesFeltMyTits Mon 03-Nov-08 14:31:13

Penguins - are milk chocolate covered biscuit bars

So technically you are both right

falcon Mon 03-Nov-08 14:31:38

Applauds Squeaver.

MrsMattie Mon 03-Nov-08 14:32:31

Is he a scatterbrain? Or just a complete arsehole?

CarmerKharma Mon 03-Nov-08 14:33:23

ok here is another one.

I tell him I need a light to go above a picture in the hallway. I actually said "one of those lamp type lights that hang over the picture and light it up".

So he came home from work with a rusty, old brass outdoor light that he'd found at work...all smiles expecting praise.

Another one, I have a washing line across the garden. It is a little low but knowing what he's like, I knew better than to ask him to fix it otherwise he would probably break it completely.

So when I was out, he took it down altogether and re-fixed it onto 10 ft wooden poles. Now I can't reach the ffing thing at all and he stands there all smily expecting me to tell him how great he is.

filz Mon 03-Nov-08 14:34:32

you sound like a you are being very picky and he sounds like he is trying to do the right thing by you

if you hate him, leave

CarmerKharma Mon 03-Nov-08 14:35:37

but its common sense not to fix the washing line 10 ft into the air, surely? or am I actually going mad because I feel like I am sometimes.

falcon Mon 03-Nov-08 14:36:27

Could you please explain the Penguin thing?

unavailable Mon 03-Nov-08 14:36:32

Unless there is lots more you are not telling, I think you sound a bit paranoid actually. Why do you think its "a passive aggressive thing"? If you dont like what he buys you, buy your own mags, biscuits etc

Sycamoretree Mon 03-Nov-08 14:36:48

I ate penguins as a kid. When the tin they were kept it was proffered, I was never offered a "bar", always a chocolate biscuit, these could be:

Mint YoYo
Club (any variety)

The above are all in the biscuit family.

Chocolate bars, as squeaver so correctly put it, are the things you go into newsagents to buy when you've got PMT or have had a row with DH or decide might be a good idea for breakfast after a big night out, or a horrendous night in with a baby and a toddler. They cost approx 50p and, apart from ye olde biscuit boost, or ye olde Yorkie with biscuit and raisin, do not contain any biscuit based business whatsoever. grin

Sycamoretree Mon 03-Nov-08 14:38:52

He just seems like a very, er, literal man?

Why not try the specific approach, and if he's still fucking you around with sub-optimal purchases, then you'll have the bastard banged to rights.

rolledhedgehog Mon 03-Nov-08 14:39:17

The biccies are neither here nor there but the other stuff...sure he isn't just a bit thick?

falcon Mon 03-Nov-08 14:39:32

I don't suppose he has Asperger's Syndrome?

squeaver Mon 03-Nov-08 14:39:50

Indeed Sycamore <<nods sagely>>

Carmer, honestly, is he just a bit simple?

themildmanneredaxemurderer Mon 03-Nov-08 14:40:21

you are mad a s a fish and i feel desperately sorry for the poor bloke.
you asked for chocolate biscuits-he got them. you asked for bread-he got it. you asked for a magagzine-you got one.
if you don't like his choices-perhaps you need to do the shoppoing?

sorry, the last bit about the light and the washing line do not sound passive aggressive, they just sound useless

Do your own shopping or write a list, which you then ask him to carry with him.

It's just stupid to send a non-mind reading male to the shop for something as vague as 'chocolate biscuits'.

Minkychunky Mon 03-Nov-08 14:40:22

He sounds just like my father who is adorable but an utter fuckwit.

HeadFairy Mon 03-Nov-08 14:40:58

sorry carmer but he sounds like a normal thoughtless bloke really. He's not being malicious as evidenced by his smiley-happy-with-himself-for-helping-out look. Mine does the same... I say can you make the bed please, and he throws the bedspread over rumpled duvets and pillows with head shaped dents in them and half heartedly chucks a cushion on top. It looks like ds has been jumping on it for an hour.... ditto emptying the bin (leaves bin bag badly tied up in the hallway) getting ds dressed in the morning (usually in shorts and t shirt in midwinter or vice versa, with nappy hanging off)... it goes on and on. You can cope with it in three ways... 1) teach him how you expect things to be done (ie properly) 2) be absolutely specific about what you want to the letter or 3) do it yourself or you can pull your hair out in frustration and get yourself worked up which helps no one, especially not yourself. Who said it's a man's world? It's most obviously a woman's world as we're the only ones who can do things properly wink

TotalChaos Mon 03-Nov-08 14:42:25

does he have these sort of problems at work/socially, or just with you?

mabanana Mon 03-Nov-08 14:42:28

I would never, ever ask my dh to buy me 'a magazine'! He's an educated intelligent bloke, but he's a/not a woman b/not me. I'd say, could you buy Vogue, or Red or Easy Living.
Penguins ARE chocolate biscuits, don't get that one.
If dh said oh, buy me a screwdriver, and didn't specify further, I'd be severely hacked off if he accused me of being passive aggressive or stupid for getting the 'wrong' type!

mabanana Mon 03-Nov-08 14:43:36

I would never, ever ask my dh to buy me 'a magazine'! He's an educated intelligent bloke, but he's a/not a woman b/not me. I'd say, could you buy Vogue, or Red or Easy Living.
Penguins ARE chocolate biscuits, don't get that one.
If dh said oh, buy me a screwdriver, and didn't specify further, I'd be severely hacked off if he accused me of being passive aggressive or stupid for getting the 'wrong' type!

mabanana Mon 03-Nov-08 14:44:36

hmm, just read about the 10ft washing line. Is he always this literal? What does he do for a living?

ThePregnantHedgeWitch Mon 03-Nov-08 14:44:46

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CarmerKharma Mon 03-Nov-08 14:44:55

A few people have said he may have aspergers. I don't know enough about it really but my mother wanted a bog roll holder. She didn't specifically ask anyone for it, just mentioned that she needed a new one.

So DH came home from work with this rusty, silver bog roll holder, it looked about 10 years old and was filthy. He'd taken it out of a buidling that was being knocked down. I told him "we can't give her that" but he wouldn't listen and insisted. My mum looked at him like he was taking the piss and apparantly it went straight in the bin when we'd left.

LurkerOfTheUniverse Mon 03-Nov-08 14:44:56

well, when i hear 'chocolate biscuit', I don't think 'Penguin'

and a tv guide is not a magazine

LurkerOfTheUniverse Mon 03-Nov-08 14:45:36

sorry, thread moved on, too slow

Sycamoretree Mon 03-Nov-08 14:45:53

PMSL that I tried so hard not to say, Thick, Simple or Fuckwit, and ended up with Literal...

Then you all just come out and say it!

I have a mental image of his arriving home from work with that lamp, a hopeful, puppydog expression on his face while it hangs, limply, squeaking and ever so slightly rusted from his hand.

Sorry to the OP, but this has become an unexpectedly funny thread, and tbh, I think there are worse things a man can do...

But you know, try my test and see what happens!

mabanana Mon 03-Nov-08 14:46:13

Thinking, hmm...she wants the washing line to be higher, so fixing it to 10ft poles and genuinely thinking that this will please sounds a lot like Aspergers. If it is, then you DEFINITELY have to be much more specific.

TheProvincialLady Mon 03-Nov-08 14:46:19

My DH lives in fear of those times when I send him to the shops for 'a bar of chocolate...surprise me' - because no matter what he brings home I am always faintly disappointed! (It is a joke in our relationship BTW) Moral of the story: If you want something specific then tell him, and if you think he is incapable of getting it right then do it yourself.

You have bigger problems than this though don't you? Do you actually like and resepct him

mabanana Mon 03-Nov-08 14:47:01

what does he do for a living? How is he at social gatherings?

CarmerKharma Mon 03-Nov-08 14:47:15

he has no friends, avoids nights out and parties etc. Always says odd things at my families house so not many of them like him.

He's a crane driver.

mabanana Mon 03-Nov-08 14:48:58

Ok, how was he at school? Does he tend to take things people say literally? Does he have any odd physical mannerisms? DOes he have obsessive interests (ie can bore for England on, say, trains)?

Dear god, I never say to hubby 'surprise me' with chocolate - cos I'd be hoping for nice small box and he would come home with a mars bar

again faint disappointment like theprovinciallady

CarmerKharma Mon 03-Nov-08 14:49:56

Just to add before I go and pick DD up, I don't send him to shop constantly. I've not been well and he's taken a week off work so he's been doing the errands.

Thanks for the replies so far, will check back later.

rodformyownback Mon 03-Nov-08 14:51:53

Prof Simon Baron Cohen says that autism is an extreme form of maleness...

MurderousMarla Mon 03-Nov-08 14:52:55

The washing line thing, get him to lower it and get a prop.

What are malted milks then? Rich tea? Fruit shortcake? Mmmm. Tea anyone?

You do sound so terribly fed up of him though and maybe it's that he can do no right?

falcon Mon 03-Nov-08 14:53:01

I'm not saying it is Asperger's just that from the little I've read the possibility of Aspergers comes to mind.

Sycamoretree Mon 03-Nov-08 14:58:14

This is interesting - blog written by a person with autism talking about taking things literally:


falcon Mon 03-Nov-08 14:59:23

I think the OP should read Loving Mr Spock.

joyfuleyes Mon 03-Nov-08 15:09:30

A penguin isn't a biscuit.

falcon Mon 03-Nov-08 15:10:14

It is a biscuit.

ThePregnantHedgeWitch Mon 03-Nov-08 15:11:46

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mabanana Mon 03-Nov-08 15:11:48

Definitely a biscuit.

Everybody 'If you like a lot of chocolate on your biscuit join our club!'
(under 40s all look baffled)

LurkerOfTheUniverse Mon 03-Nov-08 15:13:06

you can't dip it in your tea, therefore, not a biscuit

ThePregnantHedgeWitch Mon 03-Nov-08 15:13:58

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheProvincialLady Mon 03-Nov-08 15:14:35

mabana I am 33 and understand you, don't feel badgrin

LurkerOfTheUniverse Mon 03-Nov-08 15:16:27


that's clubs not penguins

mabanana Mon 03-Nov-08 15:17:33

What is the fundamental difference between, say a Club and a Penguin that makes one a biscuit and one a....what, exactly? Hmm? THis is a Very Important Issue.

stleger Mon 03-Nov-08 15:20:09

Why can't you dip a Penguin in tea? (Biscuit ones, not birds..) I don't like Penguins, myself, I am overdosing on twirls.

VineGuyFawkesFeltMyTits Mon 03-Nov-08 15:20:41

Just to clarify, a Penguin is a biscuit, macvitie's say it's a biccie, wiki says so too, its also been voted biscuit of the week, and you can dip it in your tea (i do)

Jackstini Mon 03-Nov-08 15:20:58

Mabanana - 36 and singing along.. blush
Lurker - why can you not dip it in your tea??!!
Carm - would just be extremely specific from now on, on a post it note stock to his hand preferably

I can understand the bread and magazine complaint, but not the Penguin one. Send them my way if you don't like them!

thegreatscooscreamy Mon 03-Nov-08 15:34:09

Technically a Penguin is a biscuit.But like the OP, if I requested chocolate biscuits I would be hoping for say, Bourbons at the very least, and ultimately, Double Chocolate chip luxury biscuits or a round biscuit in a packet, not a wrapped ^biscuit bar^ if you will..Is not the same thing..

retiredgoth1 Mon 03-Nov-08 15:37:55

....I shall add to the 'biscuit or not' debate.

It is my belief that having the status of 'biscuit' confers taxation advantages.


...therefore, McVities have a vested interest in declaring a foodstuff such as a Penguin a 'biscuit' rather than a 'bar'. The latter has luxury item status and therefore is subject to VAT.

I hope this helps to clarify the matter.

LurkerOfTheUniverse Mon 03-Nov-08 15:43:41

to much chocolate to dip in tea

no contrast in taste like a choc digestive, a proper biscuit base is the essence of the biscuit

i know, have studied biscuits a long time

morningpaper Mon 03-Nov-08 15:44:56

BREAD is annoying, don't they notice what you have been feeding them for 20 years? grr

stleger Mon 03-Nov-08 15:48:01

But if you dip a wrapped type chocolate biscuit in tea, there is a lot of melted chocolate to lick off, mmm. (I don't like the middle bit of Penguins)

falcon Mon 03-Nov-08 15:50:10

Clubs and penguins are both biscuits.

And now I have the 'If you like a lot of chocolate on your biscuit,join our club' jingle stuck in my head.

retiredgoth1 Mon 03-Nov-08 15:52:19 could keep the bar biscuit INSIDE the unopened wrapper during the dunking process.

..the Penguin is then subjected to the heat transformation process (facilitating chocolate licking) without sullying the hot beverage with unsightly gobbets.

Just a thought.

UnquietDad Mon 03-Nov-08 15:52:51

I's not a "men" thing. You make us sound completely unreasonable. It's a "giving clear instructions" thing.

I mean, god, what a b'stard. You asked him to go out and get some chocolate biscuits ad he went out and got some, and you moaned they were the wrong sort. if that had been me I'd have said "get your own chocolate biscuits next time."

falcon Mon 03-Nov-08 15:54:41

You shouldn't dunk penguins, not exclusively, the dunking then has to be followed by taking a good drink of tea filtered through the biscuit, then the entire biscuit popped in one's mouth.

LurkerOfTheUniverse Mon 03-Nov-08 15:57:04

is that some new, down with the kids way of eating biscuits

UnquietDad Mon 03-Nov-08 15:58:37

Yes, it's probably "recreational".

falcon Mon 03-Nov-08 16:00:22

No it's called the Tim Tam slam, it's an Australian thing I think, usually done with Tim Tams which are very similar to Penguins.

retiredgoth1 Mon 03-Nov-08 16:01:14

....the lovely (if fearsome) Mrs Goth would often request a magazine purchase.

She would always specify the required title.

...sadly, the requested publication would (usually) prove to be discontinued, thus presenting me with a bemusing choice.

....whether to get 'Vegetarian Cross-Stitch Monthly", when I had been asked to buy 'Vegan Yurt Embroidery'.

One thing was certain.

Whichever choice was made, it would be wrong!

jasper Mon 03-Nov-08 16:03:46

Maybe he brought back ACUAL PENGUINS.

You know, the birds? Perhaps robbed a zoo?


Your thread says that you want him to leave you alone. You asked him to go to the shop, he didn't just thrust these surprise purchases on you. To be fair, Penguins are close enough, and you can read the TV guide. No different to some of the trash they call magazines.

Love the idea of him bringing back REAL penguins. How much fun would that be? Boydog and Girldog would be thrilled with some penguins to play with.

(And Penguins are biscuits, not chocolate bars. Biscuits!)

filz Mon 03-Nov-08 16:19:52

CarmerKharma, he actually sounds really sweet. Do you really hate him that much for trying to please you and your mother with unexpected gifts? (even though they are shitewink)

anyway I still think a penguin is a biscuit...
a blue riband is a biscuit

OrmIrian Mon 03-Nov-08 16:20:00

Perhaps he likes white bread?

Given the choice my DH would buy white bread. I don't so I think he'd do that given the choice.

filz Mon 03-Nov-08 16:20:07

how about viscount
they are def biscuits

OrmIrian Mon 03-Nov-08 16:22:06

I am so disappointed with Penguins. Used to be treat as a child. They are very ordinary as I discovered when I bought them again recently. Ditto clubs sad

Another childhood memory trashed.

IfYouCanKeepYourHead Mon 03-Nov-08 16:33:15

YABU - he's not being aggresive at all - he's just getting it wrong...a lot.
Passive agressive would be to say he would get you chocolate biscuits - and come back with nothing.
He's goes and gets it doesn't he?
I have a similar issue with DH - he HAD to do the shopping this w/e - my mum was looking after the kids & I'd promised to get enough food in for a roast. Off he went, list in hand, neatly written with very clear instructions AND in the order that he would walk round the shop.
Cam home with 4 bags worth. Me: Manage to get everything?
Him: Oh yes, except for a couple of bits
Me: Great, thanks honey you're fab.
Later that night Mum calls: Right I've done the chilli for tonight - what shall I do tomorrow?
Me to DH: Honey where's the meat for tomorrow?
DH: I told you, there was a couple of tihngs I couldn't get
Me: So what should mum cook
DH: There are loads of carrots

!!!!!!! Honestly, he couldn't see the problem!

higgle Mon 03-Nov-08 16:35:53

Is this just a variation of my DH who doesn't seem to realise he puts everything in the kitchen in a different cupboard each time he clears up but resoloutely refuses to accept he does this?

JumpingDizzy Mon 03-Nov-08 16:40:22

you can dip it in your tea, you nibble one corner then opposite side corner, put in tea and suck wink

cantpickyourfamily Mon 03-Nov-08 16:44:15

that is funny, my exp never had the chance to getb things wrong as I always explaned them in detail. maybe he is just like other men and stupid and lazy lol

Falcon - I am drooling at the mere mention of Tim Tams. A Penguin is a poor alternative, I say.

<<goes to try to find Tim Tams in this godforsaken country so she can practise the Tima Tam slam>>

castlesintheair Mon 03-Nov-08 16:46:36

I think he sound's really sweet and don't get the passive/aggressive thing at all.

It also sound's quite typically male to me. They just need things pointed/spelt out for them. DH last night when he was running the DCs bath for example:

DH: "where's the bubble bath?"

Me: "er, right next to the taps you just turned on, the big bottle that says BUBBLE BATH on it"

avaTsar Mon 03-Nov-08 16:46:42

It sounds annoying but if/when dh does something like that I know it's not to wind me up. A woman could wind you up that way but surely that's way too subtle for a man grin

As said before S.P.E.L.L everything out or write it down. They just don't think things through like we do.

castlesintheair Mon 03-Nov-08 16:48:02

Tim Tams are really good for drinking your tea/coffee through if you bite diagonal corners off.

sherby Mon 03-Nov-08 16:53:06


Custard creams
Malted milks
Fruit shortcake things


Tim Tams

what is wrong with you people? hmm

falcon Mon 03-Nov-08 16:56:06

No chocolate bars are Dairy Milk, Snickers, Mars Bars,Lion bar etc.

MmeLindt Mon 03-Nov-08 16:56:32

Hmm, I don't know about the penguins and the magazine but when you write that you cannot eat white bread then it is not good that he does not remember.

Do you have some kind of allergy? Does it make you ill?

Assuming this then yes, he is being unreasonable to bring white bread.

And penguins are most definately biscuits and as such are great for dipping in tea. If only I could buy them here <<sob>>

sherby Mon 03-Nov-08 16:57:35

Yes they are chocolate bars too, just not the snack variety

falcon Mon 03-Nov-08 16:58:44

They are biscuits! Biscuits I tell you.

I wouldn't sit in a cinema munching on penguins, I would however happily consume a chocolate bar aka a bar of Dairy Milk.

LurkerOfTheUniverse Mon 03-Nov-08 17:00:04

I'm with Sherby on this

learn & memorise, confused ones, we don't want to have to do this again

falcon Mon 03-Nov-08 17:01:31

Note to self avoid Sherby and Lurker's homes when going trick or treating.

LurkerOfTheUniverse Mon 03-Nov-08 17:04:39

you get SWEETS if you trick or treat here

or a thick ear, depending on mood

falcon Mon 03-Nov-08 17:05:18

Sweets you say? Most likely polo mints.wink

LurkerOfTheUniverse Mon 03-Nov-08 17:05:58


no hariboshock

Niecie Mon 03-Nov-08 17:12:44

I think there is more to this than meets the eye and that maybe we are taking the OP too literally. These are just 3 examples but presumably there are many more - she did say it happens a lot. That being the case it goes beyond incompetence and 'just being a man'. I wonder about AS because he seems to think he is doing the right thing. Either he that or he really is very stupid.

For what it is worth penguins are most definately biscuits - take the chocolate away and you are left with biscuit, as as a digestive

On the other hand Jaffa cakes, for all the world like a biscuit and in the biscuit aisle in Sainsburys are, in fact, cakes and quite obviously misplaced.

BlackEyedDog Mon 03-Nov-08 17:19:23

you ask for biscuits then you expect the blardy round things Hobnobs and the like.

He sounds a bit irritating to me. Sorry. Why do you think it's PA?

LurkerOfTheUniverse Mon 03-Nov-08 17:19:27

not much advice for the op here, is there?

unless she's confused about the classification of teatime treats

Joolyjoolyjoo Mon 03-Nov-08 17:19:53

Think you are being a bit unreasonable- my DH would do this, and I wouldn't be surprised.

But, come on: penguins are DEFINITELY biscuits!! If I sent DH to the shop for a chocolate bar and he came home with a penguin biscuit, I would be hugely disappointed- THAT might be unreasonable

retiredgoth1 Mon 03-Nov-08 17:20:16

...I restate my point regarding taxation, and present evidence that the Jaffa cake is indeed a cake as proven in the high court

...I also doubt the structural ability of a jaffa cake to withstand dunking.

noonki Mon 03-Nov-08 17:22:30

Are you sure you mean passive aggressive?

or just a bit incompetent. The smiling (unless smirking) sounds wrong for passive aggressive.

But I HATE PA's my FIL is one and he is a nasty coniving little man who goes out his way to upset people with a smirk.

purpleduck Mon 03-Nov-08 17:27:27



either way, KEEP 'EM OUT OF YOUR TEA!!


Higgle, my dh does the "putting dishes away wrong" thing.

Drives me nuts

Sidge Mon 03-Nov-08 17:29:23

YAB totally U

You ask him for stuff from the shop or a job doing and he obliges - OK so he gets it wrong so maybe you need to be more specific but at least he does stuff for you. If it's not to your liking then either spell it out for him or go to the shops yourself.

falcon Mon 03-Nov-08 17:30:35

Biscuits are rather pointless if one can't dunk them.

thegreatscooscreamy Mon 03-Nov-08 17:40:33

pmsl at retiredgoth..Mrs Goth sounds like she was a fine woman.Is vegan yurt weekly a real publication?!Because I know someone who would LOVE a subscription for Christmas!grin

lilacclaire Mon 03-Nov-08 17:56:28

I feel sorry for this guy, he can't do right for doing wrong.
Give him a break, he might be a bit daft but he's trying to keep you happy.

captainmummy Mon 03-Nov-08 18:02:52

But men do this all the time. It's not that they are thick, they just do it wrong so that you won't ask them again!!!

If you sdon't believe me, just ask a man to do the washing up.

squeaver Mon 03-Nov-08 18:23:35

Sherby NO!!!!

I refer you to my earlier post when the issue was clarified once and for all at a VERY early point in the proceedings.

By squeaver on Mon 03-Nov-08 14:29:56
No no no

Chocolate bars are Snickers, Mars bars etc

Chocolate biscuits are Penguins, Club etc etc

Chocolate digestives are chocolate digestives.

It's quite simple.

A chocolate biscuit is a digestive, or hobnob, or bourbon cream, or cookie or chocolate covered rich tea.
A penguin is a sandwich bar. If it's meant for packed lunches it ain't a biscuit.
Biscuits come wrapped together, sandwich bars or wafers, come wrapped separately.

(BTW mabanana, I'm 27, DP is 24, we know what 'If you like a lot of chocolate on your biscuit' is grin)

retiredgoth1 Mon 03-Nov-08 18:38:32

...simple, eh Squeaver???

So where do chocolate hob-nobs fit in to your Grand Scheme?

I think we should be told.

....this sort of messianic adherence to a Big Idea worries me greatly....

MurderousMarla Mon 03-Nov-08 18:39:14

<links arms with VS and falcon>

You know we're right.

MmeLindt Mon 03-Nov-08 18:39:21

Retired Goth

Jaffa cakes can be dunked, it makes them lovely and soggy. You do have to be careful not to dunk too long as otherwise you have Jaffacaketea.

falcon Mon 03-Nov-08 18:39:27

Chocolate hobnobs are quite clearly biscuits.

Of course they are. They come wrapped together.
As if it should need to be questioned.
Hobnobs are the SAS of dunking biscuits.

squeaver Mon 03-Nov-08 18:43:26

Well I would call those a chocolate biscuit too but would be more specific. Chocolate Hob Nobs are Chocolate Hob Nobs (like digestives). Bourbons are bourbons. They are a subset within the Chocolate Biscuit group.

Where's a Venn diagram when you need one?

And who the hell ever talks about a "sandwich bar" ffs???

From tesco.

P..P..P...Pick up a...

Milk Chocolate covered Biscuit Bars filled with Chocolate Cream.


Britian's favourite sandwich biscuit bar.

People have p-p-picking up Penguins since 1932, and today Britain pecks its way through 430 million of them every year. But the question everyone asks is, how come they've called Penguins? Well, a biscuit this good has to be named after something a bit special. And when you can reach over a metre tall, swim at 30 miles an hour and go tobogganing on your tummy, you're a pretty cool bird. In fact, the only thing a penguin can't do is fly. And spookily enough, neither can Penguin bars. So does that mean Penguins and penguins have lots in common? Not really. Just don't try keeping the wrong kind in your lunchbox.

Biscuit bar and sandwich biscuit bar. Not just 'biscuit'.

falcon Mon 03-Nov-08 18:50:13

I have here a copy of 'A Nice Cup of Tea and A Sitdown'

In the book Penguins are repeatedly referred to as 'biscuits'not chocolate bars.

falcon Mon 03-Nov-08 18:50:54

Perhaps a biscuit bar, I could allow that but biscuit bars are not chocolate bars.

squeaver Mon 03-Nov-08 18:51:17

The oracle has spoken. Thank you falcon.

slayerette Mon 03-Nov-08 18:58:19


Either appreciate the fact that he tries to do things for you without moaning about the result or do these things for yourself!

If DH goes to the shops, I would always specify exactly what I wanted - type of biscuit (down to plain choc digestives never milk), type of bread, name of magazine.

And I'd either help him fix the washing line or do it myself so that it was as I needed it. Similarly, I'd go out and choose the lamp thingy myself too if I knew I had a particular one in mind. Why do you leave things to him if you don't like the result??

LurkerOfTheUniverse Mon 03-Nov-08 19:09:31

ok, biscuit bar, i concede defeat

biscuit bars are not for dunking

and certainly NOT jaffa cakes you freaks

clumsymum Mon 03-Nov-08 19:10:51

Go on, google mcvities penguin. what are the first 2 results?

And what about this link ??

And I'm sorry OP, but you come over as a spoilt brat.

LurkerOfTheUniverse Mon 03-Nov-08 19:13:46

we need to sub-catagorize


i) dunking biscuits
ii)biscuit bars

compo Mon 03-Nov-08 19:20:38

oh god I really want a penguin to slurp coffee through now grin

retiredgoth1 Mon 03-Nov-08 19:25:25

...I am puzzled as to the precise mechanics of slurping coffee THROUGH a biscuit, whether it be a Penguin, or those bizarre antipodean things (Wig-wams?) mentioned earlier...

falcon Mon 03-Nov-08 19:29:50

Tim Tams.

You are supposed to bite the corners off but I just take a bite from the top and bottom, place in tea and suck, then shovel in mouth, you have to do it quickly.

MmeLindt Mon 03-Nov-08 19:39:06

You can sook tea through a kitkat.

Bite off one end, dip in tea and sooook

Go on, try it.

Off to raid DD's trick or treat bag, sure I saw some kitkats in there

falcon Mon 03-Nov-08 19:40:08

Twixs are also very good for the purpose.

thegreatscooscreamy Mon 03-Nov-08 19:46:21

How can you suck tea through a twix?The caramel gets in the way surely?It would be too viscous to allow the more runny tea through..

falcon Mon 03-Nov-08 19:49:17

No it works very well actually, but the actual sucking can last only a second or two before it will collapse. That applies to most biscuits.

retiredgoth1 Mon 03-Nov-08 19:52:02

....I have doubts about my ability to generate sufficient negative pressure to elevate a column of tea through a (presumably de-ended) twix.

I salute those who can.

The caramel would not, I think, be a problem, as I imagine the fluid would travel solely through the biscuit base...

MmeLindt Mon 03-Nov-08 19:54:18

Doesn't the caramel melt everywhere and make a terrible mess though? A kitkat is messy enough but a twix.

falcon Mon 03-Nov-08 20:00:05

No it doesn't, so long as you get it in your mouth quickly enough.

captainmummy Tue 04-Nov-08 11:49:40

You lot make me feel ill.

morningpaper Thu 06-Nov-08 19:44:53

Do you think this entire thread was cunningly devised by the Saatchi Penguin Marketing Team?

BroccoliSpears Fri 07-Nov-08 16:30:22

Just to get back to OP (sorry).

I can understand why you feel hurt by his crap choices; sometimes I ask dh to bring home something for lunch. He invariably brings me quiche, which I can't eat. If I did this to him it would be passive aggressive because an important part of the way I love and care for my family is by knowing what everyone likes to eat, what they don't like, what everyone's favourite things are etc. Dh simply doesn't think in that way. I know my dh loves me very much and he has stood in the shop and thought "ooh, quiche is vegetarian, I'll get that for Broc". It really doesn't mean he's getting at me. My dh is an intellegent, thoughtful and loving husband, he just thinks in a different way to me.

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