To be annoyed by this comment?

[surprise]

DD is off to the Guides Big Gig tomorrow. When she went to Guides tonight I asked her to ask her leader how much money she should take to pay for a meal on the way home. Her guider's answer was "Well the amount you eat I should think you'll need quite a lot."

Now, DD does have a healthy appetite, but she's not overweight and is generally very healthy.

I'm annoyed for 2 reasons

1. Because I do actually want to know how much money to send for a meal and
2. Because I think the comment is out of order to a 12 yr old (wasn't said as a joke DD was quite clear about that.)

So AIBU?

[TheArmadillo]

YANBU I think it is quite insensitive and gives no answer to your question.

Do you have a contact number for the guider so you can phone her up and ask how much she would suggest.

[CharCharBaGOOOOOOORE]

YANBU, I don't think it was particularly tactful, especially towards a 12 year old girl. Plus it wasn't exactly helpful.

[Liffey]

Yeah a ball park figure would have been more helpful. Karen Carpeter Brown Owl??

[MakemineaGandT]

YANBU. What did you say in return?!

[2shoesdrippingwithblood]

YANBU some times grown ups are very silly

[themoon666]

You Are Not Being Remotely Unreasonable.

You asked a reasonable question and got shite for an answer.

Ring up bitch of a leader and give her both barrels.

[MadBadandWieldingAnAxe]

YANBU to take exception to the remark but the Guider is giving up, what, half a day or a day to take your daughter to the Big Gig. By all means ring her up and ask for useful information about the cost of a meal but please remember that this woman is a volunteer. She may be insensitive - guiding is after all supposed to raise girls' self esteem - but she doesn't, I think, deserve both barrels.

Yes, I'm a Guider too.

[EmiliaCoralie]

It sounds very much like a joke to me. Especially if your dd is not overweight. (If she were overweight then it would BU.)
Just send a fiver to cover food - and yes, remember she is a volunteer, so cut her some slack for making a joke.

[surprise]

Thanks that's made me feel much more human. TBH I'm not keen on the guider, I think she often sets a really bad example, smoking etc. And often looks dirty and scruffy. Don't get me wrong, I don't count appearances above everything, but I do think she often looks unclean, which isn't nice. I think she doesn't like my DD much for some reason and often makes digs about how much she eats (DD isn't THAT greedy BTW).

makemineagandt - it was DD that asked the question. I didn't know until she got home as another parent picked her up.

MadBAd - I do very much appreciate the fact that she gives up her time to do this, but I think if she's going to volunteer then she should make an effort to be civil. After all, no one's forcing her to do it. DD was quite upset by it, and that's not what she goes to Guides for.

I won't mention it until after tomorrow, as I don't want DD picked on by her. Will tackle it after half term when I'm feeling a bit less angry emotional about it. Thanks for all your replies.

[NutterlyUts]

IMO its dickhead comments like this that can kick start eating disorders, so in this case I do think its VERY relevant to have a word with the guider. Just because this girl CAN ignore it, doesn't mean the next one will.

[UniversallyChallenged]

Volunteer or not it was a very insensitive thing to say. Having got a pre-teen and 2 teenagers I know that at 12 girls are so vulnerable to comments about themselves, so she should be tactfully made aware this is an appropriate comment.

[solidgoldskullonastick]

She sounds like a twat and I think you should (gently) call her on it ie get in touch and say, how much do the DDs actually need to bring to pay for meals. Was it really necessary to answer an honest request with an insult?

However, lots of socially inept people make stupid jokes without really thinking about it, so perhaps not worth giving her the heavy artillery - but do mention to your DD that the woman was wrong to make a rude comment and that not all adults are always right.

[UniversallyChallenged]

sorry - an "inappropriate" comment

[MadBadandWieldingAnAxe]

Yes, as I said, the comment was inappropriate. Girlguiding UK has done research on girls' attitudes towards their bodies and the Guider should not be saying things which might make girls self-conscious about their bodies and eating.

But I'm still a bit at the suggestion that nobody's forcing her to be a Guider. Obviously they're not. Yet the fact remains that without her there may not be any Guides or any outing. Organising a trip to the Big Gig will have taken a huge amount of time and maybe this Guider (clumsy and inept as she may be) was feeling just a bit stressed on the night before the trip. OP is quite within her rights to complain but it surprises me that some posters are suggesting a heavy artillery barrage for one inappropriate remark.

Smoking at meetings, on the other hand, I think would merit a strong complaint.

[surprise]

MadBad - it was me (the OP) who said that nobody's forcing her to be a guider. I was a bit annoyed about this last night when I said that. I really do appreciate them giving up their time to do this - DD has done lots of things she would never have done if it weren't for their hard work.

Also, she doesn't smoke AT the meetings, but the girls see her before and after having a crafty one outside, and all the handouts etc always smell of it. Mind you, if I had to put up with 20 girls for 2 hours I'd probably want to smoke as well . Thanks for all your comments everyone. Will have a quiet word with the guider in question at the next meeting.

[MadBadandWieldingAnAxe]

Thanks, surprise. Hope your daughter has a great time!

[surprise]

Thanks - she's just phoned and had a fab time - just the 4 hour coach journey home which won't be so good!

[MadBadandWieldingAnAxe]

Four hours in a coach!!

[surprise]

I know! they all had a fab time, came home wearing flashing bunny ears and full of chat about people I've never heard of [shame emoticon]. Won't be up too early tomorrow I suspect.

[childrenofthecornsilk]

very rude and unnecessary of guide leader.

[MOrticiaAdams]

DD is just back from the BigGig too! She had a ball and can barely speak from screaming all afternoon! Happy days all round then!

[MadBadandWieldingAnAxe]

So glad to hear they had a good time.

I have hardly ever heard of anyone appearing at the Big Gig.