how can I let this go

[peedrightoff]

my oh and I go to an event every year. it is how we met. last year we had an argument in the middle of it but as far as I was concerned we made up, we even had sex that night. the rest of the event went ok as far as I was concerned but when we got back my oh told me I had ruined it for him and said he won't go this year.

I have booked to go this year and paid my money for the event. He is still refusing to go because I ruined it for him

it makes me sad that he is still maintaining that it's my fault. If we try to talk about it we argue. I am still going but I really want him to go too.

Am I being unreasonable to want him to talk this through with me and accept that it's not me who ruined it?

Should I just forget trying to get him to stop cutting off his nose to spite his face or would I be silly to keep forcing the issue with him? I feel like this is going to continue being an issue while he continues to blame me for something I fundamentally don't agree is my fault.

Should I tryto get him a ticket or just leave it?

[BBeingpatient]

do you think he'd go if you did get him one? id be inclined to go myself if he is going to be so petty

[pamelat]

Was it a big public row? Is that why he doesnt want to back?

[Simplysally]

I'd show him this thread but I'd be tempted to say that you're going anyway, you'd love him to come and here is his ticket. It's up to him then. I suppose it depeneds how important it is to you.

Without knowing the sort of event or row (not asking btw) it's a little hard to judge.

Do you want to go as a sort of aniversary event, as you met there?

[Overmydeadbody]

Have you tried just apologising and accepting some of the blame and responsibility, after all, it takes two to argue. Maybe that's all he's looking for?

[elmoandella]

buy him a ticket and give it to him in plenty of advance.

say its his choice. but say nothing more on the matter. dont get drawn into another arguement. if he goes then he goes. if he doesn't i'm sure you'll be fine. sounds like something whereby you know people there already

[ranting]

Personally I think he should just grow up and get over it, it was (if I'm reading you right) a year ago.

[peedrightoff]

It wasn't a public row. It was something like 1am after not being able to get hold of him for ages. Finally we met up. I was annoyed with him, we had a bit of a row, had a shag, I woke up the next morning and went to see something I wanted to see, he met me later, it was all (So I thought) fine.

Then when we got back he made a BIG deal of it being my fault. He knows I don't accept tthat it was, particularly as I was completely unaware I had 'ruined it' for him.

I just feel ike he is continuing to punnish me for something I disagree actually really happened. Also know that as the event draws nearer I will be pissed off again so he is prolonging the argument much longer than he needs to - as ihe is punishing me.
It was 4 months ago and the even is not for another 8 months. We are both great sulkers but now I feel like he is just prolonging this and making it all my fault.

Really I should just say 'sod him' because I am going whatever but I am pissed off with h is attitude and he seems to think it's ok to be an arse.

Gaaarrgghhh - I'll just let it go and wait for more sulking nearer the event I suppose!

[peedrightoff]

Oh - and I have said sorry that he had such a bad time but I don't feel it's right for him to blame me for ruining the whole thing (5 day event) with just one row on one night, specially when he didn't say anything to me at the time and only broughtit up after we'd got back (A while after) and has never accepted that saying I 'ruined the whole thing' was going a bit far.

Oh sod it. I'm going. He's not. I think I just need to say 'whatever' and get on with things. If it wasn't for this event we woulnever have met and that's what hurts the most.

[solidgoldskullonastick]

Yes, you just need to say 'whatever'. Because at the moment, both of you are whining and pouting at one another so it's a deadlock. Tell him once, calmly, that you have bought your ticket and are going to the event, then do not discuss it any more and change the subject if he starts. because otherwise you will go on whining at each other forever.

[peedrightoff]

solidgold, you're right. I know. I am just seething about the me ruining it thing and now this is going to be prolonged right up until and including when I go. Arses!

Hrrmmmphhh.

ok - letting it go.

[Jux]

Yeah, go. He can sulk as much as he likes; just leave him to get on with it.

(IME, people sulk under those circumstances because they're not being honest about something - maybe you'll meet someone at the next one, who a) won't disappear for ages leaving you wondering where they are and b) if they do that will understand that you are quite reasonably annoyed with them, and finally, c) won't sulk about it.)