AIBU to not want to sleep in tight embrace with DH every night.....

(73 Posts)
rubyloopy Tue 09-Sep-08 14:15:03

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rubyloopy Tue 09-Sep-08 14:15:28

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PrimroseHall Tue 09-Sep-08 14:16:30

YANBU

I like my own space in bed too.

Dropdeadfred Tue 09-Sep-08 14:17:03

how many years have you been together? have you thought of buying him a teddy? wink

MingMingtheWonderPet Tue 09-Sep-08 14:17:15

Wouldn't be able to stand DH cuddling me all night. Too hot, not comfy etc. We have a 6ft super king size bed so there's lots of space to 'be alone' when you want to be!
So YANBU

lol yanbu I can't sleep in with dh all over me either - I get to bloody warm and can't sleep! He doesn't get offended or anything tho

CarGirl Tue 09-Sep-08 14:18:10

Can't you go to sleep cuddling your DH, he will feel sunggled up and you will stay cooler, and running off moving away will be easier?

Hassled Tue 09-Sep-08 14:18:17

YANBU - I need space to sleep in as well. You need to spell it out for him, making absolutely sure he understands it's nothing personal. You're entitled to a good night's sleep.

Gateau Tue 09-Sep-08 14:18:45

YANBU. Luckily my DH and I both like our own space when sleeping. We are very together but when we want to go to sleep, we kiss goodnight and then go off to our own sides, often rolling over in the process. How romantic, eh??!

From then on we need a loudspeaker to contact ech other. We have a superkingsize bed so we can get very far apart, at times!

Gobbledigook Tue 09-Sep-08 14:21:06

YANBU - I can't stand trying to sleep all huddled up. I like a cuddle first hten it's 'good night' and I scoot over to my half of the bed - I need my space and can't stand anyone draping themselves over me while I'm trying to sleep.

Apart from anything else, my dh is like a human radiator - his skin is hot!

Oh yuk! When DH and I got together, I liked to cuddle, he never has. I have adapted and now hate sleeping close to someone. There is hope for your DH grin

MorningTownRide Tue 09-Sep-08 14:24:08

YANBU - I think it's unanimous!

DH drapes his heavy old leg over me then gets huffy when I push it off.

takingitasitcomes Tue 09-Sep-08 14:24:24

Much like others here DH and I had to find a compromise with this too. He's a cuddler and I am not. So... I visit for a snuggle on his side of the bed when we first get in (only for a minute or two) then I get to retreat back to my side for proper sleep. My one concession has been that he is allowed to stretch is leg out so that his foot can touch one of my feet. That's it - any more than that and I overheat and feel claustraphobic!

ClairePO Tue 09-Sep-08 14:24:36

YANBU

I have managed to train DP not to cuddle me when I'm sleeping but he does do the huffy thing if I sleep on the edge of the bed. 'Why are you all the way over there?'

BlingLovin Tue 09-Sep-08 14:24:41

LOL Gateau. I feel this way about duvets - I have a ginormous one on a small bed. Has saved many arguments.

OrmIrian Tue 09-Sep-08 14:25:04

I feel the same. Can't sleep all tangled up with another body.

MadamAnt Tue 09-Sep-08 14:26:30

Listen to CarGirl - that's what I do.

Although I often really like a tight cuddle.

DaphneMoon Tue 09-Sep-08 14:26:47

Oh this sounds so like me. DP and I always start off spooning, then one of us will say goodnight, which means kiss and roll over to your own side. He would spoon all night tbh, but I get very hot and I like some space and to be able to change position. You can't change position when someone is gripping on to you. My DP gets a bit huffy too if I say "goodnight" too soon. He works away alot though and although I miss him I love being in the bed all on my own, I sleep so much better. I like the OP sleep very lightly and awaken at DP's every move.

nooka Tue 09-Sep-08 14:28:10

When we were first together dh and I shared a three quarters sized double bed. I have no idea how I ever slept! We are both tall, and dh is like a furnace, but we had to sleep like spoons to fit (oh the days of student life on a pittance grin). Now it's strictly my side and his side.

CarGirl Tue 09-Sep-08 14:28:21

we are going to move onto having 2 single duvets to improve my sleep - DH has the knack off whipping the duvet off me when cocoons himself up, alternatively he rotates it 90 degrees and then complains it's too short......argh!

LittleMyDancing Tue 09-Sep-08 14:30:15

Goodness, no advice to offer but I know how you feel! I have DH on one side who likes to clasp me to his manly chest all night, and DS on the other who likes to roll right into my chest and wriggle backwards until he's completely nestled in there.

I feel like jam in a sandwich most nights. HOT jam.

DaphneMoon Tue 09-Sep-08 14:30:21

I know I mentioned this in a previous thread, but sometimes DP rolls over, literally on top of me as if I am not there! Not much fun as he is 15 stone!

bamboostalks Tue 09-Sep-08 14:32:27

I thought it was just me!!! Dh says I am cold. I hate being pinned to the bed in his loving embrace. We've been together years and it is still an issue.

littlelapin Tue 09-Sep-08 14:32:36

Why are all men like big hairy snoring hot water bottles?! YANBU. DH and I kiss goodnight, then it's roll over in opposite directions.

Then DS comes in at 4am and DH and I end up clinging to the edges of our kingsize bed while DS starfishes in the middle grin

CarGirl Tue 09-Sep-08 14:34:02

yes DM the being crushed to death dreams, have had several of them. Also the claims that he doesn't creep onto my side of the bed, no he's just got his head on my pillow and his feet on my side.......that doesn't count.

DaphneMoon Tue 09-Sep-08 14:37:25

PMSL littelapin, if it isn't the heat, it's the bloody snoring, if not that, being crushed to death, going to sleep is a bloody health hazard in our house.

Cargirl: LOL, We often both end up with both our heads on my pillow!

LittleMyDancing Tue 09-Sep-08 14:37:28

Oh yes lapin - we have a super king and some nights I get one square inch of bed, DP gets two....and DS gets the rest!

So it's either Hot Jam or Hanging off a Cliff.

sounds like dodgy eighties bands...

CarGirl Tue 09-Sep-08 14:39:13

want infuriates me is that he fast asleep and torturing me through sleep depreviation. Soon we are buying a large bed with 2 mattresses and 2 duvets - it will be heavely (I hope)

DaphneMoon Tue 09-Sep-08 14:39:18

My BIL was once in a band called Cliff rescue and the helicopters and no I am not joking, anyway that's another story.......

BlingLovin Tue 09-Sep-08 14:52:37

I am PMSL at this thread. So many home truths. I love the pillow one - my DP does that. he's always trying to convince me I'm on his side... while his head is on my pillow and I'm pinned underneath him.

We have been known to count the slates in the headboard in an attempt at objectivity about who's on who's side.

BlingLovin Tue 09-Sep-08 14:53:07

Apostrophe alert!!!! blush Apologies. "who's on whose side". Don't tell any of the people who work for me!

Bringbackmybonnietome Tue 09-Sep-08 15:10:30

I acn't bear cuddling whilst we sleep.

If truth be told, we sit reading next to each other, turn the light off, give a brief kiss, usually, and then roll to our own sides. We're like a couple froma sit com.

I love my space in bed. I love bed, the warm cosiness, the finding the most comfy position, then my own thoughts with no disturbance, till I afll alseep. Bliss.

rubyloopy Tue 09-Sep-08 15:14:33

Message withdrawn

hifi Tue 09-Sep-08 15:15:33

i am just dh bed warmer, he gets on whenever he is coldsad.

bamboostalks Tue 09-Sep-08 15:23:11

I was thinking about 2 single beds zipped together for my next bed. Dh thinks that is the way to divorce land! I so love my sleep though and love it when I have the whole bed to myself.

littlelapin Tue 09-Sep-08 15:24:31

I am ROFL at "Cliff rescue and the helicopters" grin fantastic!

Bringbackmybonnietome Tue 09-Sep-08 15:30:13

I remember the separate bedroom thread, there was alot of support for that idea.

I'd love that.

Chequers Tue 09-Sep-08 15:38:37

Hug and roll, my friend.

MrsJamin Tue 09-Sep-08 15:51:29

lol at hot jam I really know what that is like. I would never say this to dh but I actually sleep better when he is away (how sad is that!) its just no duvet hogging, snoring and/or hugging to contend with (bliss).

wehaveallbeenthere Tue 09-Sep-08 16:18:38

Oh I so feel your pain (or lack of sleep). We have been together for 13 years. We have a queen size bed and DH has always thought his half is in the middle (and whats mine is his...you get the picture). I have fallen off the bed before. We have done the tickle or get over, this is my territory and you shant conquer it etc.
You both need your rest. The only thing that I've found that has consistently worked is shagging him till he drops off to sleep. He then rolls over and is snoring in two minutes.
This is because sex makes endorphins produced in mens brains that exhaust them. They then go to sleep. Thats not the scientific whole of it but it suffices for here and it works.
So no matter how tired you are...make him tired and let us know how you fair. Good luck on it.

DuffyMoon Tue 09-Sep-08 16:34:11

we have an ikea bed with 2 single mattressess - side by side not on top a la princess and the pea - so you get clearly defined space - its bliss....

if I could just stop him snoring as well

cluckyagain Tue 09-Sep-08 16:40:53

Snigger! I love to go to sleep on dh (v warm, me v cold always) so he lets me until he feels the warm dribble running down his back!!!

wehaveallbeenthere Tue 09-Sep-08 16:44:54

lol cluckyagain, bring to bed his and hers little towels so you dribble on them, not on each other.

Majeika Tue 09-Sep-08 16:49:41

I love the Friends version of hug and roll!

DH does this and gets huffy that I dont want to be suffocated!

Califrau Tue 09-Sep-08 17:00:53

We have an ikea bed made of 2 separate mattresses and a topper. You can still feel the seam down the middle. WOE BETIDE anyone who dares cross the seam once the cuddling is over! It's like the Berlin Wall! Luckily we're both happy with this!

Califrau Tue 09-Sep-08 17:04:55

Ours is super king too. I cannot see DH on his side unless I am wearing my glasses grin

DuffyMoon Tue 09-Sep-08 17:07:27

LOL at Califrau - just like us! the seam down the middle is like the border between to countries, and war is justified if it is crossed univited

CarGirl Tue 09-Sep-08 17:10:27

Califru that is my plan exactly!!!!! I am putting 2 seperate mattress on their basic bed base and if dh falls down the gap in the middle I DON'T CARE!!!!

Pixel Tue 09-Sep-08 18:59:54

Dh always wants a cuddle but I can't sleep with anyone so much as breathing on me. I think it's because I know that eventually he will be snoring in my ear and I lie there all tense waiting for it.

Pixel Tue 09-Sep-08 19:00:54

The snoring that is, not IT obviously blushgrin

laweaselmys Tue 09-Sep-08 19:08:35

hee hee, have started to PG hormonally to hate to have DP encroaching on my side of the bed. I will pointedly tell him/hit him to wake him up if he is on my pillow. We still sleep all mixed up together though.

Pixel Tue 09-Sep-08 19:43:09

When I was pregnant and desperate for sleep dh's snoring made me so angry that I seriously considered putting the pillow over his face instead of my ears. It's never made me so angry at any other time so it must have been the hormones.

notcitrus Tue 09-Sep-08 20:03:36

Two single duvets are fantastic!

MrNC and I cuddle up at night and then go to separate rooms - we thought when we first moved in together that we'd end up sleeping together but we both sleep better in our own beds. As he's an insomniac it works much better that way!
What's the point of cuddling if you're asleep? Although reassuring DP you still love him and aren't turning away in a huff might be an idea.

emj23 Tue 09-Sep-08 20:04:37

One of the many reasons that a quarter of couples sleep separately.

Califrau, we have an ikea super king with a seam too!

I like the seam, it dips and my pregnant body firs nicely into it. grin

Ronaldinhio Tue 09-Sep-08 21:42:11

YABVU
Why else do you spend the day making yourself presentable for when your dh returns from work if you won't allow him to sleep all over you during your sleep deprived hours..?

TheSmallClanger Tue 09-Sep-08 21:42:18

Two duvets works very well. It's warmer, too.
YANBU to want to sleep without being hugged to death. Sleep is a very personal thing.

TheSmallClanger Tue 09-Sep-08 21:42:50

Two duvets works very well. It's warmer, too.
YANBU to want to sleep without being hugged to death. Sleep is a very personal thing.

ElenorRigby Tue 09-Sep-08 21:57:18

I live for BIG cuddles with DP but in the summer it gets too warm so we just hold hands!
We meet again in the morn for more BIG cuddlies! blush

ravenAK Tue 09-Sep-08 22:23:00

Superking & two duvets here, too.

It is the civilised way forward.

(& can accommodate small children on weekend mornings)

AndreaM Fri 12-Sep-08 09:51:22

Message deleted

sukkwan88 Fri 12-Sep-08 17:48:01

YANBU - i hate cuddles at sleeptime. much like an earlier mumsnetter i get all tense, waiting for him to start snoring in my ear.

on top of that DH gets random twitches in his hands when he sleeps, so he ends up groping/grabbing me while he drops off angry - talk about disturbing my precious sleep. this is consequently reciprocated with much scolding and kicking. you can really feel the love in the room as he huffs at me and rolls over to his side of the super king sized bed....

...and starts snoring.

ARGH.

verylapsedrunner Fri 12-Sep-08 18:56:38

Not only do you need the Califrau Ikea 2 mattress system, you also need to embrace the Austrian system of using 2 single duvets, it's fantastic

duvet Fri 12-Sep-08 19:36:39

can you buy that in uk ikeas just did a search couldnt find it.

clam Fri 12-Sep-08 19:46:14

I can't BEAR touching when trying to get to sleep. Fortunately, neither can DH. Your DH needs to understand that it's not personal, but just the way you are. Make it up to him in other ways if he's insecure. Or tell him to get over it
<unsympathetic>

FourArms Fri 12-Sep-08 19:52:57

I don't like touching, but can just about bear it. It's the groping that I hate. DH would sleep with a hand fondling a boob given half a chance. angry I used to sleep naked, but now sleep in a nursing bra (still bfing DS2) and PJ's every night to prevent the wandering hands!

bracingair Sat 13-Sep-08 22:10:54

this thread has made me lol!

how do you make the bed look neat with 2 duvets on a bed?

news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/health/5197440.stm Haven't read the thread yet but remember reading this recently (even though it dates back to 2006!)and thought it might be relevant.

elmoandella Sun 14-Sep-08 21:39:32

anoher vote for super king size here. we touch feet and thats all.and 2 super king size duvets.2 extra long pillows each (which end up on the floor as neither of us like to be too high)

MKG Sun 14-Sep-08 21:46:52

When we got our king size bed a few years ago I said to dh, "This is my side and that is your side, do not cross the line unless invited",

I'm a firm believer that showers and sleeping are activities best done alone.

I have a king size and DP and i love to fall asleep snuggled up.the bed feels empty if we are apart, or when he's not here.
we generally share the same pillow too, but i love feeling the warmth of his body and the closeness we have together

YANBU! I hate touching DH when I am trying to go to sleep. Thats why we now have a superking bed LOL!grin We can hardly see each other now, let alone touch! gringrin

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