In feeling annoyed at parents of overweight kids

[noonki]

I am not saying that all children should be a similar size and I know that some kids are naturally much tubbier than others. (I was when I was younger). But there are so many huge children nowadays and at the supermarket I hate seeing the crap that their parents are putting in the baskets. I hated being overweight, and think that parents have a duty to encourage their kids to exercise and not to have junk in the house.

[beanieb]

IMO YANBU but I recon I'll be unpopular for saying so...

[beanieb]

And it's not a poverty thing. Before anyone says so...

[PeachyBAHons]

can see your point

lovely but big kid in ds's class- parents same size, did wonder if they just werent clued up on foods

tell you what though, he's a lovely kid- gorgeus to sn ds3- and a real credit to his parents who obv love him very much and i cant imagine would harm his health intentionally so there must be more involved

[micci25]

i feel the same!! though having said that my niece is a bit overweight and very tall for her age (as in she only 5 and wearing age 11 clothes!!!!) but she has an obscenely healthy diet!! and goes dancing twice a week and is often out on her bike and taken to play centers etc!!

i generally dont keep biccies and crisps in the house and encourage my dds to eat fruit rather than snack on choccy!! there are some parentys who clearly dont get it though! i can remember over hearing a converastion between two mums in greggs that went along the lines of

mum1; have you seen the size of my ds? i struggle to get him clothes but i judt cant stop him eating. as soon as i get him home from school he is into the crisps and thats before his dinner
mum2; oh i know what they are like. mine loves crisps too we go through a multi pack of 24 in about two days
mum1; ds do you want a scone for after you sausage roll?

the ds in question must only have been about 7 far too young to gfo out and buy crisps alone and the mum was complaining he ate too many stop buying crisps then you silly bint and you wont have that problem any more!!

[TheProvincialLady]

Sometimes it is because the parents love their kids a lot but express it in the wrong ways - such as my aunt who adored her two boys and just could not bear to deny them anything they wanted or make them do anything they did not want to do. So she ended up with one morbidly obese adult son and one who is underweight and has ridiculous eating habits, like requiring his mum to cut the crusts off his bread or pick peas out of his chinese takeaway (at 24).

[whatdayisit]

I don't like it either. One of my friends (lovely familiy) always says it's hereditary. She's fat (am I allowed to say that?), so's her mum and so are her DD's. She's prob right, but it's the eating and activity habits they've inherited, not the actual fattness - their dog is fat too!

My MIL is rather large too and she thinks it's awful when I "deprive" DS's of "treats". Which I don't do that much BTW, but how is it a treat if you have it everyday and don't non edible treats exist? She's been miserable for years because of her weight, why is she so keen to encourage the same attitude to food in her DGC's?

These attitudes are so ingrained, it's not just a matter of not knowing about food. My friend actually feels physically scared if she thinks there could be a period of more than a few hours where she might not have food.

[onlyjoking9329]

we have three kids, both girls are slim and always have been DS was slim but has put on lots of weight in the last year and is now overweight, there are a few reasons he is over weight, we have had an extrememly difficult year and to be honest as long as the kids were fed i didn't worry too much what they were eating, we have just been getting by, i just needed to tick the box in my head to say that they had been fed, they have had way too much fast/junk food and due to our family situation they haven't been able to go out of the house much to get any exercise, you shouldn't judge unless you know the full situation.

[AuntieMaggie]

Agree with you Micci. However (I know I'll probably get slated for this) but when you can buy a large frozen pizza and a bag of frozen chips in Iceland for a quid each and would probably feed more than one child who can blame some parents for feeding their children like this when everything costs so much at the moment?

I have been in the supermarket at a checkout next to someone who had 2 overfilled trolleys of what I would consider rubbish food, compared to my 1 of healthy stuff, and theirs has been about the same price which does make me wonder on days I'm feeling down about being skint why I bother!

I think it's a combination of things (knowledge, cost, etc) but hopefully is rarely down to parent's not caring.

[charliecat]

YANBU, you dont get fat eagles, or fat horses, or fat tigers or fat ants. They eat what they were designed to eat and nothing more. No walkers crisps or coca cola.
You do however get fat adults and children, eating the wrong thing, not moving enough (me being one of them) and also the fat domestic animlas, being overfed.

[onlyjoking9329]

very good point hatrick and another reason we should not judge.

[Limara]

The biggest thing for me is the bulls*t. When you meet overweight people, theyv'e spun you a line it's this, it's that and you know/see they eat sht.

Just the bs for me.

NOW , if they said they ate crap, I'd be happy with that!

Not that it's got anything to do with me what they do/eat, it's the deceipt. involved.

DYSWIM?

[PeachyBAHons]

'he told my sister he would rather be dead than be him '



makes you want to hug the poor lad

[AuntieMaggie]

I agree with you onlyjoking - hope things are better for you now

I also agree with the thing about expressing love with food - when I met my DP he was living with his parents (many years ago) and was shocked to see the sort of portions they would feed him and me even though they wouldn't eat portions that size themselves. DP had been living that way for years, and thankfully was quite active. I however put on masses of weight when I met him due to the huge meals... however it the meals were lovely as his parents were chefs but meant they put butter/cream and stuff in all their sauces.

Oh for the days where DP's mum would make me breakfast before work, give me a pack lunch with all sorts of naughty goodies and make me dinner when I came home....

[Hecate]

Agree. I'm VERY fat and it will be a cold day in hell before I allow my children to go through the TORTURE that is being a fat child (and growing up into a fat adult.) Might be different if I'd always been skinny and never known what it meant to be so fat, but I have suffered my entire life and it's miserable. I love them so much - why would I do that to them when I know firsthand what it's like?

Children with actual medical conditions that make them obese are few and far between, yet if you dare voice an opinion like this, you get called everything from a pig to a dog and it changes from 1 out of a thousand fat kids for whom it is not the parents fault to every child who is carrying an extra pound has an underlying medical problem.

[HmphreyCushion]

DS2 swings from being a healthy weight to being just over the overweight mark for his height, depending on how many steroids he has to take to control his asthma.

He has had several rude and insulting comments from people when we're out and about.

He finds it very upsetting, and is starting to complain about taking his steroids.

He is 10, and just starting to be concerned about how he looks.

When we last went shopping he asked which tops would make him look less fat.

He had tears in his eyes.

Those who feel it appropriate to judge without knowing individual circumstances should first consider if they themselves are the image of physical perfection.

IME it is rarely the case.

Most bullies are unkind in order to put the spotlight on someone else.

[noonki]

There are definate reasons behind why parents feed their kids stuff that is fatty. To be honest I find it really hard not to, especially when my kids are going through a fussy stage. But it is so important to not allow food to become a comforter. ( I have struggled with my weight for years and watching my mum with my kids know that she gives them sweets when they are upset - creating a really strong connection between feeling better and sugar!)

But I disagree that it is cheaper and easier to buy healthy food. Baked beans (reduced salt and sugar) potatoes and peas for example is so cheap and nutritious, and there are so many other examples.

I am not wanting to critize parents but it is so fundamentally important, to stop being bullied, health etc and it is possible to change habits, though I really do know how hard it is.

[AuntieMaggie]

That's awful Hatrick

I don't think anyone should be judged on how large they are (though I find it hard to understand those extreme cases you get on tv!) in some cultures it is considered healthy and attractive to be overweight and it is possible to be healthy and overweight.

I've always been bigger than my friends, mainly due to genes, but was extremely fit and active until I got seriously ill 2 years ago and have put on a lot of weight since. Some of it is due to meds and my conditions, but some of it is due to the way I eat and I know that. But for a long time I was putting on weight even when eating a really healthy diet so I thought what's the point and got into the habit of eating badly. But also, as in onlyjoking's case, my situation meant that food that was the last thing on my mind, and often would forget to eat until late and then the only thing available would be takeaway. But then when it's a case of life or death thinking about what you're eating is the last thing on your mind.

[whatdayisit]

I agree with you Hecate - that's why I don't get MIL's trying to almost force feed my kids choc etc, but I would never actually critise someone for their weight, esp if I don't know their background. They only reason I have become involved with my friend's children's weight is because she has asked me for advice.

My DC's are horrified if they hear someone say "fat" it's a really bad swear word as far as they're concerned.

[Hecate]

hatrick - compared to children who do not have a problem, they are few. There may be many in number, but as a percentage of total obese kids - not the majority or anything close.

[shatteredmumsrus]

YANBU. i agree that of course there are exceptions such as those with medical conditions. However, I was in a childrens funhouse this morning and it was 10 o clock and the woman in front of me said to her very overweight daughter - chose what you want and she did, a 4 finger kitkat and can of coca cola and a packet of walkers crisps. I apologise if she has a medical problem but I think on this occasion it may well be her diet. She was about 8.I feel so sorry for the children who are taught that thst these easting habits are normal. I dont consider myself strict with my sons but I certainly wouldnt let them eat that in one sitting and at 10 in the morning!Id feel sick if i ate that at any time of day.My next door neighbours walk to school with us and they come out of the house in the morning with chocolate and lollipops. The girl has no teeth and both are nutritionally deficient it is easy to see.They dont eat veg or anything that isnt from Iceland.My children always moan cause I say no and their mom apologises for it causing a row and says she gives it to them for an easy life!

[noonki]

Having read the other comments I would also like to add that as an overweight child myself I am not blaming parents for all children being overweight.And I most certainly sympathise with any that are. I was bullied for being overweight which is why I feel so strongly about it.

There are numerous medical and psychological reasons for weight problems.

I am just concerned at the huge number of over weight children that are around nowadays.

And it is impossible to deny that the main reasons for this rise is that children exercise less and eat more.

[beanieb]

Hecate, that's interesting. Is food and lack of excercise the sole reason why you are fat (I can say that can't I?)?

If it is, if you can do what you do for your children, by feeding them well and educating them about food, why is it not possible for yourself? I hope that doesn't sound rude, I just find it interesting that you care so much about them but