not to want my SIL to poach my cleaner?

[blueskythinker]

I am soooo cross with my MIL. She phoned this morning at breakfast time demanding the telephone number of my cleaner. When I asked why, she said that my SIL's cleaner is rubbish, and she wants to ring my cleaner.

I was evasive, and said I didn't have the number, and I was in the middle of breakfast. She extremely persistent to the point of rudeness, and told me I had to go and look for the number and phone her back after breakfast.

The reasons I don't want her to have the number are:

1. My SIL despises me, and barely speaks to me.
2. If my SIL wants the number, why doesn't she phone me herself.
3. My SIL goes through cleaners every couple of months, because she is rude and demanding.
4. My cleaner is sweet and conscientious. If she was criticised she would easily be reduced to tears.
5. If my SIL is rude to her, she may feel weird about continuing to work for me, and I will lose my cleaner.
6. I am pissed off at my MIL's attitude.

My MIL previously called to my house when my cleaner was here (and I was not) and asked her if she would be interested in working for my SIL. My cleaner didn't commit herself, and said she wouldn't be able to do it, because she didn't drive. However, she told me afterwards that really felt she was put on the spot. My MIL is very persistent and I feel that no matter what my cleaner says, she will put up arguments as to why she should work for my SIL. I also know that my cleaner is not looking for any more work at the moment.

I'm scared to ask, but AIBU?

[edamdepompadour]

No, of course YANBU, your SIL and MIL sound like nightmares. Keep fobbing them off and tell your cleaner you aren't on their side.

[2point4kids]

Tell your MIL that your cleaner is fully booked and asked you not to pass on her number.
They sound horrible yanbu!

[sitdownpleasegeorge]

Be honest and say that after your MIL's encounter with your cleaner the lady herself confided in you that she doesn't want any more work at the moment. You can also say you have checked with her (actually do this too if your MIL is in the habit of calling round to speak to your cleaning lady herself) and confirmed that this is still the case but she will get in touch via you if she does want the work in the future.

Problem solved and no mention of reasons 1 to 6 as listed in your post.

[titchy]

Phone her up - 'Funnily enough MIL what a coincidence - I actually bumped into

[BandofMothers]

Just tell your mil that you are not allowed to give out her number, after all you shouldn't really without her permission, and that when she is looking for more work you are sure she will advertise.

[BouncingTurtle]

Tell your DH your MIL is hassling you about the cleaner and get HIM to tell her that you've spoken to her and she is not taking any work on. It's HIS mum and HIS sister, so let him deal with them.

[nametaken]

just keep fobbing her off indefinately. It's difficult to do this at first but with practice gets easier.

And tell your cleaner not to answer the door when she's in your house alone - sorted.

[Oblomov]

I doubt this is the first time that your mil has been so demanding, by the sounds of your tone.
What sort of relationship do you have with mil ?
Why have you not stood up to her and told her straight ?

[blueskythinker]

Actually, my MIL usually is not that bad - (Although her mother was famous for being persistent and manipulative, and my DH says that with age she is starting to take after her own mother ).

She just gets a bit blinkered when it comes to my SIL. My SIL is divorced, and she always says poor XXXX, has such a hard time etc. Poor XXX has no money (she is a solicitor, has 2 gym memberships, free childcare & is climbing Mount Kilimanjaro this summer, but who am I to comment).

I think she will view me not wanting to help my SIL with her cleaner as being an attack on my SIL.

Ho hum. I'm still not giving her my cleaner's number.

[BandofMothers]

The thing is she is her dd, and you are the dil, therefore of course her dd is precious and perfect.
Just say you can't give out the no.

[Oblomov]

I think she will see it as an attack on your sil, too.
Ho hum. Who cares. Like you said, sil does seem to be the golden child here.
But please stand up for yourself more. I mean say it in a very very polite, but definite way. Tell her NO

[blueskythinker]

Well I have spoken to my DH. He is going to ring MIL tonight.

He will offer her the number of a local cleaning agency and suggest that SIL could also advertise in the paper for a cleaner if she wants to.

I have been so cross all morning at the manner in which MIL spoke to me. It has made me remember all the other things she demands on behalf of my SIL - my builder's number, my plumber's number (who is also my friend - she got him round to quote for a job and never bothered contacting him again), she phones to borrow stuff from us all the time for poor XXXX eg power washer, drill etc. We always say no, but she keeps trying.

Pushy or what?

[blueskythinker]

OK, DH phoned SIL tonight. He left a message on her machine saying he had spoken to our cleaner, and she doesn't have any slots available. He left a couple of numbers for agencies.

I must get more to fill my life. This has made me so irrationally cross all day. [tries to feel good vibes]

[yvonnek]

say you can't give her the number, but tell her you gave the cleaner your MIL number.

keep your cleaner informed. then she can just say she's fully booked if your mil comes round and pesters her

[clam]

Good idea to warn your lovely cleaner, just in case MIL puts her on the spot again. Think up some prepared answers together. If she is nice, unlike us arse-y MNers , she might find herself rail-roaded into it.