To be really annoyed with dh?

[sushistar]

Yesterday we thought we might try relocating our computer to the dining room (from the spare room). DH carried the desk down, I did everything else, cleared out the drawers, set up the pc etc in the dining room. I'm sitting on here answering emails etc, and dh is feeding the baby, and said that the computer was distracting the baby from eating, the noise was too loud, etc etc. I asked whether we should move it back upstairs, and he got really stroppy, has taken baby in highchair to kitchen and is feeding him there. Baby's highchair has no tray, and we have no kitchen table, so goodness knows how he's feeding him. I'm so SICK of him just leaving the room when we disagree, rather than actually talking about it. I feel like I'm married to a TWO YEAR OLD!!!

[sushistar]

[posieparker]

Deep breaths, perhaps you can say move it tomorrow, conceded it's a pain in the arse but it's not going to be right downstairs. Just ask him to do it when he feels like it but if possible by Wednesday otherwise it'll be next weekend before you know it.

Find some humour in it, perhaps take off all of your clothes and ask. This always works for my dp.

[posieparker]

concede

[sushistar]

I'm QUITE happy to have it upstairs OR downstairs. What I would like is a rational conversation about it. With an adult.

[thisisyesterday]

hmmm I would say you are being a bit unreasonable.

he has a problem with the comptuer distracting the baby.
however, he realises that taking it back upstaits isn't really an option
he solves it by feeding baby elsewhere.

I do totally know how you feel about partners who walk away instead of talking about problems, but on this occasion, he may have done the sensible thing

[sushistar]

The thing is, now he's being unfair on the baby when we've always agreed we feel it's important for baby to eat at the table.

[theSuburbanDryad]

If he had stayed, would it have resulted in a row? (I know it would if it was me and my dh!!)

[posieparker]

sushi, from his point of view, he's just moved it and he noticed that it's not okay (too noisy) before you and realised he'd have to move it and is probably a little pissy about it, then you put all that (that he already knows) into words and he can't get out of it. So he's annoyed, bit childish but we're all a bit like that sometimes. If you want to win the argument then continue, but if you want a good night let him have a little strop and then have a laugh about it??? Or is this the tip of the iceburg?

[sushistar]

We CAN take it back upstairs! It's not perfect wherever it is. And the baby wasn't so distracted that he wouldn't eat, I thin k it was more that 'd'h 'feels tired' and doesn't like the humming noise it makes.

AAAARGGGH.

[posieparker]

How old is the baby? As you're sounding like me, bringing up fairness and rules when it probably won't matter!

[sushistar]

No, posie, we're not on the rocks or anything. I'm just sick of him being unwilling to talk to me, just walking out and shutting the door. And I feel like he's putting his needs (for low noise) before the baby's (to be fed at a table).
I know I should let it go, but honestly, I'm struggling and I don't find it funny! I'm sick of being the adult while he throws a toddler strop. I want a strop TOO!!

[Niecie]

YANBU - he got stroppy and refused to answer your suggestion about moving it back upstairs? Not very grown up and it leaves you not knowing for sure whether he wants it moved upstairs or not.

There is a compromise - don't use the computer when the baby is eating, but you didn't get to discuss it how would you know.

[sushistar]

Dryan, I just wanted to TALK, honestly, not row.

[posieparker]

Sushi, I feel your anger!! Give him and you a break, does it really matter tonight? Could you just say with a smile that you'll do it later and let him calm down, I bet he knows he's been silly. Sometimes my dp needs a little space to do all of the things that I think nagging him will acheive and never does, not that you're nagging, but let this be his timetable?
(I am on your side and know how you feel but I think resolving issues quickly is far more beneficial than fuelling pointless bickering, which I do all of the tim e!)

[sushistar]

That's the thing Niecie, we havn't decided ANYTHING now cos he's left and shut the door!

[sushistar]

The thing is, if we're going to move it back, it'll for SURE be me that does everthing except moving the desk (which is too heavy). It'll only involve him one 10mins of effort. I'm quite happy to move it all myself if that's what we decide. but I WOULD like to decide, together, like an adult married couple. Not have him stropping like a diva and flouncing out!!

[posieparker]

Okay, I see the issue.... he frequently does the walk away thing.
In that case I would take a deep breath, pour a glass of wine and try, without getting angry, telling him how you feel. Start with los of positive and put the critism in the middle. Talk about how this makes you feel not that his actions are childish etc, try to keep him from walking out, so lots of questions where you ask him to recognise how this feels for you.

[sushistar]

I feel like I've told him many times before. He's a wonderful DH, but honestly it's so RUDE and DISRESPECFUL. He says I'm too forceful when we discuss things, and I do try not to be, but I just feel like he never engages with what I say if we disagree on something. He just rolls his eyes and walks away. How dare he? He wouldn't treat anyone else like that
Baby's six months, btw.

[sushistar]

I'm crying now!
He's really upset me

[posieparker]

Sushi, don't cry. We all deal with things in different ways, my dp gets quite personal and insulting whilst I stick to the issue and interupt a lot. It's really important to find a balance where you both feel you can have an outlet and inlet, in your dh's case. Could you write things down? That way you have expressed them, keep to facts and feelings ask dh if he would like to do the same, then discuss.
Another thing would be to talk about what you can do better and he does himself, this is great because it's muh more honest. When dp and I did it we found we were much harder on ourselves than the other would be. I would suggest to dh that the reason you're together is that you communicate as you fit well, not two people doing all the talking or walking away but you need to find a better balance??
I get the 'too over powering' stuff, I'm the same, I know how you feel especially when you're trying to be reasonable.

[sushistar]

Thanks guys for listening.

DH has come and said sorry and we are sorting it out. A lot of it stems from the fact I'm going to be working from home for a few hours a week in the near future, and so that was part of the reason for moving the computer, and it's stressing me out a bit, so hopefully we can resolve that...
Anyhow, we've kissed and made up.

ANd he said that me and my 'cyber-friends' were ganging up on him!

[posieparker]

Phewy....