to have a poo whilst talking on the telephone

(117 Posts)
nametaken Tue 06-May-08 15:26:27

obviously I wouldn't do it to a prospective employer, but I often take the phone into the toilet with me when my mum, sis, or hubby rings.

It drives my husband mad but is it really such a terrible thing. Surely I am only multi-tasking?

dal21 Tue 06-May-08 15:27:41

ohh, controversial.

peeing when on the phone, done that.

never the pooing though.

does the other person know what you are doing? grin

ZZMum Tue 06-May-08 15:27:41

feel quite sick at the thought of this -- surely a joke?

pagwatch Tue 06-May-08 15:27:47

eeee-uuuwwwwwww !!!!!!!
never -ever call me !
Seriously. Never.

And never lend me your phone.

BeauLocks Tue 06-May-08 15:27:55

Can they tell you are having a poo? Do they hear the splashes?

Twiglett Tue 06-May-08 15:28:23

no it's disgusting

VacantlyPretty Tue 06-May-08 15:29:01

Message withdrawn

RnB Tue 06-May-08 15:29:14

Message withdrawn

TheArmadillo Tue 06-May-08 15:29:37

I'll second the ewwwws and add a blargh.

I'd be a bit put out if dp (or anyone) did that to me.

Lulumama Tue 06-May-08 15:29:40

god. that is vile

the germs !!

phone whilst in bath , fine, not whilst emptying bowels.

although i did enjoy seeing someone making a phone call whislt in delivery suite though ! no bodily fluids were exiting at the time though


2point4kids Tue 06-May-08 15:29:42

I would only do it if I was talking to my Mum on the phone or DH
And my Mum would do it while talking to me! grin

Hecate Tue 06-May-08 15:29:45

Oh please, as if anyone can tell! Just shove loo roll down the loo so there are no sound effects, try not to grunt and don't flush until you put the phone down. grin

nametaken Tue 06-May-08 15:31:04

well I'm not sure what they can hear it's just that when I flush they say incredulously "are you on the toilet!!!!!" so they must hear the flush and probably they can hear the wee too.

I do sometimes try to cough when I think the poo is going to hit the water though, to try to disguise what I'm actually doing.

2point4kids Tue 06-May-08 15:32:11

Are you my Mum???? wink

nametaken Tue 06-May-08 15:33:10

Hecate what a fiendishly clever idea - loo roll down the loo to muffle the sound effects - you've done it too haven't you. grin

2GIRLS Tue 06-May-08 15:33:11


hanaflower Tue 06-May-08 15:33:18


Lubyloo Tue 06-May-08 15:33:45

Yuck! My friend often goes for a wee whilst I'm talking to her and I hate that.

pagwatch Tue 06-May-08 15:34:35

car crash posting.
I just keep watching in horror.
Seriously shock
actually I think I am permanently scarred just by reading this.Mental images - can't control them - arrggghhh !

grin but seriously eeuuww

nametaken Tue 06-May-08 15:34:41

but lubyloo Why do you hate it?

scottishmummy Tue 06-May-08 15:35:17

so you are a plop and talk kinda gal. nope it's gieing me the wet boak

Lubyloo Tue 06-May-08 15:37:36

I just do! It's something I would never dream of doing.

TheDevilWearsPrimark Tue 06-May-08 15:38:36

I very occasionally wee whilst on the phone but chuck loads of loo roll in first and 'hover', I wait until I've hung up to go back and flush.

TheDevilWearsPrimark Tue 06-May-08 15:40:08

Screw the carbon footprint/ etiquette issues.
If I'm in the middle of a great conversation I know I'd rather just quickly go than ask to call back and lose 'the moment'

nametaken Tue 06-May-08 15:42:57

So it's OK to wee but not OK to poo

Hecate Tue 06-May-08 15:43:34

grin no, nametaken, I don't have a cordless phone and I don't think it'd stretch from the living room. I'm not opposed in principle to splatting and chatting, but I think running an extension upstairs so I can plug it in the bathroom is a little much, even by my standards. grin

Iamthedoctor Tue 06-May-08 15:54:48

I wee whilst talking on the phone *hangs head in shame*. I NORMALLY go to the toilt to do it, though grin

I wouldn't poo. Ever. Not that I have a problem with someone else doing that - I'd just be too embarassed. I can't poo in public places, either. Not even friends houses.

staryeyed Tue 06-May-08 16:09:54

ewwwww! I wander if anyone MNs while they are on the loo.

LouiseAnn Tue 06-May-08 16:10:35

I don't see the problem. I would try and make sure they don't know, unless it's my Mum or DH. As someone else said, it's better than interrupting a good conversation! smile

lou33 Tue 06-May-08 16:13:32

cant say i have ever taken the phone in with me when having a poo but i have done it lots whilst peeing

purpleduck Tue 06-May-08 16:19:43


largeginandtonic Tue 06-May-08 16:28:15

YES yuk.

UnquietDad Tue 06-May-08 16:29:28

Revolting, as is reading on the loo.

TheDevilWearsPrimark Tue 06-May-08 16:31:26

I remember an old school friends house. They had a large downstairs loo that was wall to wall bookshelves. I did wonder what smells might permeate those books, and who would be on the loo for long enough to pick up a book.

Thing is it was a huge house, there were far better places for books to be kept.

Janni Tue 06-May-08 16:32:07

How do you explain the sound effects ?

belcantavinissima Tue 06-May-08 16:36:15

i wee, and poo (with the loo paper to muffle the sound!), and do dishes, put out washing and a whole load of other stuff (yes including MN!!) wheen i am on the phone otherwise i feel as iff i am wasting time by 'just' chatting. well not the weeing and pooing thats just cos i need to at the time obv smile
oh and i ALWAYS read on the loo!

what the hells wrong with that? normal practice imo and e

sarah293 Tue 06-May-08 16:37:58

I haven't had such a good laugh in days grin

NotSoRampantRabbit Tue 06-May-08 16:51:18

Oh I love a good phone turd myself.

Hurrah for you nametaken.

But agree, it is important not to grunt.


Ripeberry Tue 06-May-08 16:59:28

When you've worked in a call center, you've heard it all!
I've had people ringing me in echoing places, and could even hear flushing!
Years ago, was sorting someones car insurance out and you could hear dripping and splashing and swishing noises, so i just asked him "are you calling us from your bath?" and he did say "yes" very sheepishly.
Also have had people ringing up and crying about their lives, just because i sounded nice i suppose and not like a robot.
Don't work in call centers anymore as they DO you want you to be a robot and you're not allowed to make small talk at all.

moondog Tue 06-May-08 17:02:35

Hilarious Ripe.
I'd love to have a go at that.

I don't even poo if DP is upstairs, prefer not to do it when he is home if I can help it, so def not on the loo!

I love to talk on the phone in the bath though, plus if it's a good friend and i want a chat it's the best way to get kid-free time.

PrimulaVeris Tue 06-May-08 17:09:36

No I couldn't do that, though I did once answer my mobile whilst on the loo at work, god knows why - I was dying of shame and trying to er ... 'hold back' whilst trying to have a serious convo

DH reads on the loo and works from his laptop on the loo. But even he would draw the line at phone calls whilst seated in thronely comford

saltire Tue 06-May-08 17:16:47

You must be my mother. She does that!
Even more annoying though, she insits on having chats with the idiot DB, who lives with her so she sees him every day, who is perhaps in the smae room as her, adn i'm on the phone. I will be chatting then I will hear her very faintly say "where are you going? What time will you be back" I think FFS he is 32 (yes you did read that correctly, 32) and you see him every day!

Califrau Tue 06-May-08 17:20:56

I have worked in call centres too.
Before the days of hands free kits I used to say "I will answer your question once I can hear that you have PULLED OVER hmm"

and to the OP I can chat and poo. Never bothered me and I doubt many people would notice. I am very subtle at it.

Joash Tue 06-May-08 17:24:22

can't see whats wrong with it - when you gotta go... and all that.
Can't beleive peoples 'hang-ups' (no pun intended.

hifi Tue 06-May-08 18:12:47

as long as you cover the mouth piece and no noises it ok.

Joash Tue 06-May-08 18:17:20

Unless you happen to do what I once did - and drop the phone down the loo (prior to flushing). Then it is soooooo wrong grin

Vulgar Tue 06-May-08 18:19:41

Aren't you worried that a trumpeting fart might escape?

Iamthedoctor Tue 06-May-08 18:21:19

Nopes. I'd find it rather amusing grin

Vulgar Tue 06-May-08 19:28:25

Well, as a doctor you are obviously used to bodily functionsgrin

BroccoliSpears Tue 06-May-08 19:40:46

Wee, yes (but in secret - the person I'm talking to must never know).
Poo - nooooooooo.

AlistairSim Tue 06-May-08 19:41:05

I have a particular friend whom I ring if I'm feeling a little bunged up.
She is aural senna to me.

>Puts on "I'm a weirdo" badge<

morningpaper Tue 06-May-08 19:41:36

this is hilarious

TheWiltedRose Tue 06-May-08 19:45:45

Im on the loo right now..... grin

Vulgar Tue 06-May-08 19:47:19

AlistairSim -you must give me her number. grin
i go to the desperate measures of having a cigarette when I'm bunged up.

Hassled Tue 06-May-08 19:48:10

I do, if desperate, wee while on the phone but draw the line at pooing. To be honest I've never really mastered the art of pulling off a bit of loo roll with one hand.
And I've done the dropping the phone in the loo trick as well blush.
DH always managed to complete the crosssword if done on the loo - seems to have some weird effect on his brain function hmm.

TheWiltedRose Tue 06-May-08 19:48:57

Nobody just heard that did they? hmm


CocodeBear Tue 06-May-08 19:48:57

YAobviouslyBU bleurhgghghh

LolaTheShowgirl Tue 06-May-08 19:56:20

nametaken, this is the funniest thread in the world!

Especially love "I do sometimes try to cough when I think the poo is going to hit the water though, to try to disguise what I'm actually doing"

Can that be 'Quote of the Week'?

LolaTheShowgirl Tue 06-May-08 19:58:57

Oh, and just to add a little anecdote of my ex nanny employer had her own en-suite and then a bathroom for me, her child and any visitors and she provided the full volume of Harry Potter books on the window ledge directly above the toilet for us to read while having a poo

TheWiltedRose Tue 06-May-08 19:58:59

I must invent a little waterproof shelf or floating cusion so i can MN in the bath!

TheDullWitch Tue 06-May-08 20:00:24

What s the problem, the Romans used to chat side by side on communal bogs.

LolaTheShowgirl Tue 06-May-08 20:01:56

They have communal bogs in some clubs and bars these days, don't they TheDullWitch?

LittleWonder Tue 06-May-08 20:08:11

This is so funny - I asked this question ony weeing not poo - when I was in Italy a while ago, and they said only the English would think of it!
If the other person cannot see you - does it matter?
I have weed on a business call to my delight - you know, you scrunch your fanjo so the wee trickles out? You ALL know what I mean.
I had a business colleague who did the same only his bathroom echoed so I always knew!
I am surprised at these folk who wince - do you ever talk on the phone when you are naked? It is the same surely?
I cannot bare people who sniff on the phone.

Pooing NO
Weeing YES (although it reeeallllly upsets my BF when I leave the loo door open so I can continue chatting to her whilst I wee at her house)

glaskham Tue 06-May-08 20:26:37

DH phones me when he goes for a poo at work!! i hate it!! and he is always taking his books or magazines or puzzle books to the loo with him, he says its the only time he gets some peace in this house!!

Definitely a big NO to pooing on the loo - but then I can't imagine that anyone ever gets a really sudden urge to poo that they can't hold in for 2 minutes to finish their conversation.

I've never taken the phone into the loo with me but I almost always read on the loo - we have a magazine rack by the bath so I tend to grab something out of that (Sunday paper sections/catalogues etc).

Worse than toiletry habits, I once had a boss who dialed into a conf call from home, and carried on having sex with his lady-friend without hitting mute. Now THAT was unpleasant...

LittleWonder - no, I don't talk on the phone when I am naked. I once answered the phone to FIL & said 'I must go, my hair's dripping' & he asked me if I'd just got out of the shower, & made approving noises - YUK!!

Anyway, no, I would never talk on the phone whilst on the bog - don't know which is worse, the germs or the bad manners. I was once in the loo in Sainsbury's & someone came into the cubicle next door & phoned someone. Gross. Talking at the top of her voice too, presumably to drown out 'noises' but it meant I was trapped listening to her inane conversation while I was in there. Unspeakably bad manners all round.

PuppyMonkey Tue 06-May-08 20:46:06

I think the inventor of the cordless phone must have had this situation in mind when s/he came up with the idea.

My DP does this ALL the time, even when taking calls from clients (he works from home). shock

Manhatten - 'Definate NO to pooing on the loo'...................where do you poo then???? hmm grin

readytoswiggin Tue 06-May-08 21:01:44

i haven't laughed so much all day!

I have no problem with weeing. If someone I know I have no probs with pooing eithergrin

Have also done the droppping the phone in the loo thing.

Most interesting time was the muffled squark as ds flushed the loo on me mid wee!!!

ash6605 Tue 06-May-08 21:05:00

OMG! Am PMSL. Only because I've wanted to post this thread many a time but have bottled it!! grin

To answer the question,yes,many a time but only to dh who will hear me strain and then say 'ffs are you dropping your bait again?'

Joash Tue 06-May-08 21:21:34

ManhattanMama "I can't imagine that anyone ever gets a really sudden urge to poo that they can't hold in for 2 minutes to finish their conversation."
Well try taking Orlistat and thn seeing if you can hold it for 2 minutes, I haven't managed 2 seconds yet! And for gods sake, don't fart if your on them and on the phone, otherwise the pooing on the loo is no longer an issue, as the person you're having the conversation with just heard you follow through into yer undies!!!!!

BarcodeZebra Tue 06-May-08 21:38:03

Nothing wrong with it at all (grunt) a matter of fact (hnnnghh)... with wi fi and a laptop (gggrrraaahhh!) you can even post on MN (splash....aaahhh!)

frauster Tue 06-May-08 21:49:40

Not averse to a bit of loo-phonery; but resist flushing or other obvious noises off, if possible. Come to think of it, there was a phone in the bathroom at my parents' house for a spell, so it must be in the genes grin. What I CAN'T abide is cross-cubicle chat in public loos, for some inconsistent reason I just find that wrong and refuse to co-operate if friends initiate!

Beauregard Tue 06-May-08 21:53:45

pmsl at this thread and the poo etiquette snobbery brigadegrin

bran Tue 06-May-08 21:54:03

What do you do about washing your hands? You can't do a proper soap and water handwash if you're holding a phone.

Please, please don't tell me you don't wash your hands after a poo. I might faint with the horror of it.

Lovesdogsandcats Tue 06-May-08 22:06:42

"you know, you scrunch your fanjo so the wee trickles out?"

littlewonder, thanks for making me laugh!

nametaken Tue 06-May-08 22:06:55

I stay where I am until the phone call is finished then I wash my hands.

Joash Tue 06-May-08 22:14:30

If you do it regularly, you do get very good at holding the phone between shoulder and ear whilst washing your hands.

maidamess Tue 06-May-08 22:17:17

Never mind washing your hands, how the bejeezus do you wipe your arse whle you are on the phone?

aprilgirl1 Tue 06-May-08 22:17:49

he he this is funny.. must confess im at poo'er while on the phone but do put loo roll down to disguise the plop!!! and have done it while on phone to sort bills out and things blush

aprilgirl1 Tue 06-May-08 22:17:50

he he this is funny.. must confess im at poo'er while on the phone but do put loo roll down to disguise the plop!!! and have done it while on phone to sort bills out and things blush

hatwoman Tue 06-May-08 22:20:10

don't you/the people you;re talking to find the phone a bit echoey in the bathroom? isn't that a give away.

I have spoken to my boss while dealing with a poo-ing dd. but that was in the sitting room on a potty - no give away plops or echoes. definitely multi-tasking.

LaComtesse Tue 06-May-08 22:24:07

Pad the loo with loads of paper and cough at the vital moment. I've done it grin.

frauster Tue 06-May-08 22:25:40

Poetic justice to "attend to business" while 'on hold' to customer services in revenge for piped Vivaldi. However, a bit like Russian roulette if adviser picks up the call or false-roulette if they have those intermittent messages that come on from time to time.

hatwoman Tue 06-May-08 22:26:14

that makes me want to sing
"Pad the loo with loads of paper tra-la-la-la-la la-la-la-la"

Joash Tue 06-May-08 22:37:19

maidamess wiping yer arse while you are on the phone? same principl, as I said earlier - If you do it regularly, you do get very good at holding the phone between shoulder and ear whilst washing your hands Wiping your arse.

PollyPentapeptide Tue 06-May-08 22:45:07

i once had to wee into a jug whilst talking to solicitor on the phone. he talks so slowly (which is bad enough as he charges by the hour)but it was on his phone bill so I didn't want to excuse myself and offer to ring him back. He never suspected

Couldn't poo though (bit of a grunter ) so deffo no!

I have no problem with pooing on the phone but I wouldn't share that with who I was talking to.

I draw the line at wanking though ....... even if half way through I would stop (I'm sure you're all delighted to hear that)wink

Joash Tue 06-May-08 23:06:30

oo i wouldn't ever poo on the phone - don't you find that it muffles the mouthpiecegrin

LittleWonder Tue 06-May-08 23:11:24

all these people questioning handwashing - hold phone between ear and shoulder, this leaves you with 2 hands, you can wipe, wash and wave blimmin wands whilst on the point.
My Mum lets her food go cold because she will not eat and talk to me at the same time. hmm

LittleWonder Tue 06-May-08 23:11:45

point? phone

madamez Tue 06-May-08 23:17:48

People worrying about germs? how exactly are germs from one person's ringpiece transmitted DOWN THE PHONE SIGNAL? FFS! (Hnnng! THrrrp!)

harpomarx Tue 06-May-08 23:20:32

no, no, no!

am too uncoordinated, would probably wipe my arse with the mouthpiece.

also i have a rare condition that means i believe people can see me when they are on the phone. there are certain people that i cannot (by reason of their physical repulsiveness) speak to when I am naked.

LittleWonder Tue 06-May-08 23:29:06

My God Harpo!! WHAT are youi wearing?

harpomarx Tue 06-May-08 23:30:49

oh no

the computer too!

Quattrocento Tue 06-May-08 23:50:18

<Frowns at UQD>

Reading on the loo perfectly acceptable

Talking on the phone in the loo is totally revolting

I am with Alistair Sim: there are certain people who, as soon as they get on the phone, make my bowels move like lightening.
but yes I always hang up, mainly because what do you do with the phone while you wipe and wash hmm

alwaysnamechangeforaibu Wed 07-May-08 00:04:40

haven't read all of thread - only a selection of responsesgrin

why would anyone know that's what you were doing? as to where the phone is when you wipe then wash your hands don't you hold it between your shoulder and chin??

i'm not confessing to anything, just saying i don't think it's that unreasonable if you are truly and efficiently multi-tasking!!!

yes but if you held it between your shoulder and chin what if it fell in

minouminou Wed 07-May-08 00:14:26

i have a chum who's quite comfortable with poo-ing while on the phone
he's given me a running commentary once or twice, too
i'm quite happy to wee while on the phone, though

LittleWonder, I wouldn't eat and talk to someone on the phone either, dontcha know you're not meant to talk with your mouth full?

I'm starting to feel really weird about this thread, I thoguht pooing only in perfect privacy was totally normalhmm

LaComtesse Wed 07-May-08 13:44:45

I have the urge to visit the ladies now.

<<wonders who to ring>>



VinegarTits Wed 07-May-08 14:00:03

This made me lol.

I take my laptop to the loo with me blush .... well i get bored in there.

Anyone else do that, or just me? i mumsnet while i poo.

And no, im not doing it at work, it's just evenings and weekends.

You all need mroe roughage in your diets, when I shit, I do just that, in, poo, out.
I certainly don't need entertainemtn!

theressomethingaboutmarie Wed 07-May-08 14:01:28

I happily talk on the phone when having a poo. you have to make sure that you line it with paper so there are no splashes!

daftpunk Wed 07-May-08 14:02:04


CocodeBear Wed 07-May-08 19:53:16

This thread is still bothering me.

Think of the germs all over the receiver, bleurgh.

Cadmum Wed 07-May-08 20:00:15

Ooh... I like the germs argument. DH shocked me by going to the loo whilst on the phone (long distance) with his brother.

I found it GRIMNESS of the highest order but couldn't put my finger on the reason why.

I have weed though. blush It was BF on the other end of the line and she was in tears. I was desperate...

southeastastra Wed 07-May-08 20:04:48

ew it's disguisting

GetOrfMoiLand Thu 08-May-08 16:31:23

lol at this. I didn't see it yesterday.

I don't think I would do this, but see the point. And I ALWAYS read on the loo. I mean, it's so boring. What are you supposed to do, just sit there and look at the tiles? I like it as it gives me 5 minutes peace with Grazia.

Countingthegreyhairs Thu 08-May-08 16:45:20

once peed whilst on phone totally by mistake (butterfly-brain moment) in middle of long conversation - felt so embarrassed - thank god it was my sister at end of line who said "well we all get caught short from time to time" in very brisk, schoolmistressy tones when I apologised ...just grateful it wasn't the bank manager ...

draw the line at pooing though - yuck ....

crying with laughter at this thread

as for mumsnetting on lap-top while pooing, words fail me ...

has anyone mentioned tights on head yet?

madamez Thu 08-May-08 17:44:58

You peed on your phone? Did it stop working? If so, how did you explain this to the repair shop? grin

Pollynorris Fri 09-May-08 19:19:21

I have taken calls from a professional institution while in the bath, and i have had to call suppliers on a project and get tough with them, again in the bath. It was hard not making any splashing sounds!

LazyWoman Sat 10-May-08 10:51:38

I have to hold my hands up here - yes I've pooed while on the phone. Usually while talking to my sister in Oz (hopefully she can't here it from there!)

We only have one bathroom in our house and it was only until recently that in the morning rush one of us might have been on the toilet (usually weeing) while another was brushing their teeth etc. Now the kids have grown up a bit they all want their privacy

I've also breastfed my babies while sitting on the loo - they're all perfectly fine and in fact they don't get colds etc. half as much as their friends!

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