To think my 7 yo's friends shouldn't be calling for him at 7:35pm on a school night?

[perpetualworrier]

7:35 and a little girl from DS1's class(yr2) called at the door asking if DS was going out to play. She lives several streets away and across a main road, but appeared to be on her own.

DS1 was already in PJ's and we were about to do stories, so I apologised and said perhaps we can do something straight after school another day.

Do I send my DS's to bed unusually early? DS1 is not a particularly early riser, so it seems he needs the sleep to me.

Also, I thought it was a bit odd that she turned up on her own. She said her mum knew she was coming, but I'm now feeling a bit guilty that I didn't walk back with her. By coincidence, I'd let DS1 go to grandparents on his own for the first time today, but they only live round the corner and the only road he has to cross is a cul-de-sac and they knew he was on his way! I thought I was been very liberal (brave) to let him go, maybe not?

[ImightbeLulumama]

YANBU

even if 7 year old not in bed,they should be winding down for bed

[nametaken]

We all have different rules for our dcs - doesn't mean we are right and they're wrong, just different. For all you know, that childs mother might consider you to be unnecessarily over-protective.

Not saying you are, just that she might think so.

[posieflump]

I wonder if her parents knew she had gone out?
do you hav their phone number?

[Flynnie]

Sounds odd. does she normally come over to play at other times?

Also was her mother going to let her walk home alone after playing for a while?

[YouHaventSeenMe]

My DS is in bed at 7.30 or shortly after.

I think it smacks of child neglect myself.

[perpetualworrier]

I'm not criticising the mother. I know and like her very much. She's an older lady and really couldn't care less what anyone else thinks of her and her ways, which gives her a tremendous freedom, I don't enjoy.

I'm sure she does think I'm over protective, I was interested to know what you all think?

I don't think Ds1 would have wanted to go that distance on his own, to a house he'd never been to before, so now I'm worried that I don't allow him enough freedom to develop confidence etc.

Mum does bring her to school though, which is just across the road from us, so now I'm starting to think perhaps mum didn't know she'd come and I really should have taken her home. Can't see a way to call mum, to make sure she got back Ok, without suggesting the child shouldn't have been out though.

[perpetualworrier]

Sorry x post Flynnie. No she's never been here before. I think the plan was for them both to play out in the street.

[muggglewump]

Um, my DD was playing out till 8.30 tonight, she's 6.
She came in then, I bathed her and put her to bed at 9, her bedtime.
I have no problem with other kids calling but then I know the Mums and they know when she'll be up.
We all have similar rules and bedtimes too so I guess that makes it easier.
If there was some random kid and crossing a road, p'raps I'd feel differently

[squilly]

Sorry, but I don't think yabu at all. It's a school night....imo all playdates should be over and done by 6:30pm at the latest. How else do you get your lo to calm down before bedtime?

And I know it's live and let live, but come on....a 7yo on her own, at 7:35, several streets away from home, without her mum's knowledge? That's totally unacceptable. That's neglect, plain and simple.

It's not whether the child is sensible enough to cross roads or look after herself...it's the rest of the world you have to worry about.

I have to say I'm in

[cory]

My ds (7) doesn't go to bed until 8.30. If friends of his call when it's not his playtime, I wouldn't say I have a problem with it; I just explain that ds can't play at this time because it's his dinner time/bedtime/whatever.

One of his friend's dads has been known to ring up (earlier in the evening) to ask if he can come round and play Dungeons and Dragons between 7 and 8, and if it's pre-arranged I wouldn't have a problem. If it's not convenient I won't be upset or worried by it; I'll just say so.

Wouldn't have a problem with ds walking a couple of streets at 7.30 either, it's not exactly dark at this time of year, and plenty of people about where we live. Later on in the evening, or after dark- that's different. So on ds's way back from his playdate he would be accompanied, by me or the dad.

[cory]

Should add that I would not allow ds to go and knock on someone's door for a playdate after say 6-ish; it's about respecting other people's family time.

[Sidge]

Calling it child neglect is rather dramatic. It might not be what you would do but it doesn't make it neglectful. 1930 isn't terribly late to be out to play (mine wouldn't be, but that's me) - now if he came knocking at 2230 that is different.

[bozza]

It does seem a bit bizarre. DS also in Y2 and I know one of his classmates (lives on our cul-de-sac) was playing out on her scooter while I was doing DS's bedtime story. But DS has to be up at 7 in the morning because I work so he has to go to bed then.

[colacubes]

Wow Youhavent, wouldnt class it as child neglect, probably pushing it there tbh. Some mothers have a more laid back approach to mothering, 7.30 isnt very late at night, but probably to late for a 7 yr old to be knocking on door, its not the middle of summer.

But their are different types of kids who are very savvy, and can handle more freedom, and those that cant. Also depends on the environment also, some are safer than others. I have always been vary wary for my ds, but I have tried to teach him common sense and independence and these valuable lessons are sometimes only learnt with freedom.

[Psychomum5]

we get this all the time too!

DD1 once had a friend keep calling for her when they were both in reception (and this was before I would ever even let DD1 out to play) at 9pm.

I eventually after the 4th time approached this girls mum about it as I was worried and more than annoyed, and the mum just laughed and said "well, I try to keep her in but she gets out thro the lounge window anyway and how am I supposed to run after her when I have a baby in the house?", and then she said......"oh, if she does it again can you ring me as then at least I know she is safe"..

errrrr........surely keeping windows and doors locked would stop this happening??

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

seriously some parents are barking!!

(not suggesting this of your neighbour BTW, but some still are!)

anyhoo........YANBU....

[squilly]

If that kid got abducted or run down on the way to her friends house, it wouldn't matter how street smart she was. It wouldn't matter how savvy she was. It wouldn't matter how nice the area was. There's not much arguing with a full grown abductor or several tonnes of metal.

And if, God forbid, the worst happened, everyone would shake their heads and say what was that child's mum/dad thinking leaving them to roam the streets??

Maybe I am an overprotective mum, but 7 years old, crossing roads, alone at 7:35pm? That's not due care and dilligence imo.

[VictorianSqualor]

The crossong roads thing scares me, children of 7yrs old cannot judge speed so shouldnt really be crossing roads by themselves.
DD s 7, she goes to bed between 7-8 on a school night, about 9 when it's not.
However I wouldnt allow her to play in the street so I'm probably overprotective.

[silvercrown]

When I was a kid it was usual for kids of al ages to be out roaming the strees/village until asometimes 9pm at night even on a school night but in this day and age it's just not really considered normal behaviour - partents who do this may feel it's great giving their child this sort of freedom but I do see it as neglect. We have parents who won't leave their kids alone whilst they pop to the shops for 5 minutes even if their child is 10 but ten others letting their kids play in the streets at 7.30pm when they're 6??? I'd say they were safer in the house than in the streets where they could be abducted, hit by a car, wander off somewhere the parents don't think to look, bullied by older children etc etc. For soem reason we're not meant to criticise parents who let their young kids out at all times of the night but can be laughed at ourselves for being over-protective!!! I would have a word with the child's mother if it happens again and say your child goes to bed at that time of night so best not to call so late (if it happens again) - the problem is you felt guilty about not walking her home (as I would) but she's not your responsinility - however had something happened to her I bet a few people would have blamed you - it's a ridicu;ous position to put you in.