In wanting SIL to repay DH the 30k she owes him?

[StripeyKnickersSpottySocks]

She owes him (us) 30k as she bought out his half of a house that they joint owned. However she didn't have the 30k so MIL said she'd dive us the money in installments over a 10 year period.

We could really do with this money for an extension we want doing, without it we probably can't afford the extension. They earn a lot more than we do and are about to have an extension built on their house costing well in excess of 30k.

I think she should pay us the money she owes us first and its really beginning to wind me up.

[nametaken]

If you agreed that your MIL was going to pay then it isn't anything to do with your SIL now is it?

Has your MIL made the payments as agreed?

[StripeyKnickersSpottySocks]

MIL is making the payments. I do think dh should never have agreed to this installment malarky. But I think my SIL has a nerve - if she can afford this extension then she could afford to pay us.

[AeroglisseurPleinDesAuguilles]

Was this an informal arrangement or are there legal documents involved? Issues like this can cause huge family rifts so it should be sorted sooner rather than later

[perpetualworrier]

If you (he) agreed to the 10 year term, I don't see how you can change it now. Do you have a formal loan agreement?

If yes, then if the payments are not made when due, she is technically in default and therefore, you can make a formal demand for the whole sum, but have no right to request early repayment while the payments are being made. (unless you have a payment on demand clause put in)

If you don't have a formal agreement, you should have! as otherwise you will struggle to prove she owes you the money at all.

Do you think there is a possibility you won't get the money at all, or are you being a little jealous that SIL appears to have more money than you? I think with all in-law disputes you need to check if YABU by thinking how you would react to exactly the same situation if it was your sister/mother, rather than SIL/MIL. i.e if you had an agreement with your sister that she could pay you over 10 years, would you think it reasonable to change your mind and ask for payment in full? Also, if you owed someone £30k and they had agreed you could pay over 10 years, then changed their mind, what would you think?

[perpetualworrier]

Personally, I would never get involved in lending anyone this sort of money - can only end in tears. When my sister ws struggling, we gave (small amounts) of cash, as we wanted to help, but I wasn't goning to put myself in a position where I could get all bitter and twisted about her going out on the town when she owed me money, so it was a gift. If I hadn't been happy to give it, I wouldn't have loaned it either.

[ibelieveindreaming]

I( think if you agreed to installments and they are being made as agreed then YABU.

[PABLOP]

Does your dh feel the same way?

[PABLOP]

YABU if original agreement is being kept to, do you expect the sil to not buy or do anything until the ten years is up.

[StripeyKnickersSpottySocks]

Maybe I am BU then, I just feel almost like we've been lied to though. Told that they couldn't afford to repay the money when they obviously could have done as they are now spending more money on other stuff.

Maybe some of it is jelousy - but it isvery annoying to see them having foreign holidays, extensions, etc that we can't afford but could if we had the money.

There's no formal agreement at all.

If it was me I don't think I'd be able to sleep at night as I can't bare being in debt to anyone. Especially not when it seems to be a calculated choice not to pay it so they can spend the money on other stuff.

DH is annoyed as well, but won't say anything as he's so laid back. He's probably right I certainly wouldn't want to fall out about money as I do like her.

[PABLOP]

Sorry if I sounded arsey there.
I suppose if I was in your shoes I would probably feel the same way.
Maybe they are paying for extension in installments ie bank loan. Some people want everything now, some people wait until they can afford it.

[StripeyKnickersSpottySocks]

No, you didn't sound arsey.

I will just have to bite my tongue.

[perpetualworrier]

I'm with you Stripey - never a lender or a borrower be (or something like that). I think as the agreement was made though, you need to live with it.

Why is MIL paying SIL's installments though? I think that would really wind me up, if SIL had "bought out" Dh, with MIL's money.

[micegg]

Are they paying interest? £30k over 10 years is alot of money in terms of what you could ahve earnt on it in interest in this time.

You have made the agreement so in some ways YABU. However, if I were you I would feel the same way. I think if their situation has now changed where they are at the point they can afford extensions/holidays and you can't then the priority should be paying some if not all of the money back. I dont envy you trying to bring it up though!

[StripeyKnickersSpottySocks]

No interest.

I agree that I was a bit suprised that its MIL not SIL paying it off - but guess thats between them. The idea is that it comes off SIL's share of her inheritance when MIL dies.

[StripeyKnickersSpottySocks]

Actually the more I think about it the madder I get with DH for agreeing to it. He never discussed it with me or told me what he was doing till it was sorted.

As far as he's concerned its his house/inheritance/money and nothing to do with me even though we're married

[perpetualworrier]

hmm, but £30k then will be a lot different in value to £30k now ?

Sorry, I know I said it's done you can't chnage it and I think that's true unless you want to cause lot of bad feeling, but something's not right.

She's getting any capital appreciation on the house and paying no interest on the loan?

[PotPourri]

Why MIL is paying it for her isn't really your business. If that was the arrangement made, and it is being adhered to -then YABU.

Your MIL is still alive, so it is her money to do what she wants with. I can't be doing with people planning around inheritance etc - it is not your money, it is MILs. And it is her choice if she wants to pay SILs part.

Yes, it is irritating to watch people take the mick, plead poverty and then spend lots on doing up their house and holidays etc. But that is up to them. For all you know, they could be in crippling debt - their choice of course.

I would strongly recommend you sit and work out your finances based on what your income is (incl these installments) and outgoings and ignore what is going on in other people's budgets. Getting annoyed and jealous of your SIL is only going to cause you suffering - easier said that done, I know. But you really do need to focus on your own situation imo.

[OrmIrian]

Perhaps they haven't got more money now. Perhaps they are just paying for holidays etc on the never never. Which might be stupid but up to them and may well come back to bite them later.

I can see how frustrating it must be for you but nothing you can do.

[AtheneNoctua]

I don't think you are being unreasonable. MIL made the installment offer and your DH accepted it because she couldn't afford it. They have both been generous in making that concession for her. And now that she can obviously afford it, I think the decent thing to do would be to speed up her payments. Her circumstances have changed, and I think she'd be ungrateful to say the least if she does not make an effort.

Now I don't know the circumstances, such as how badly she needs an extention. Is she pregnant with triplets?

How long will it take for you to get the installments? Are we talking years? And have you discussed this with her? Does she know that you need this money to get your extention?