...to be sick of all this thank you letter lark?

[Sarahjct]

I'm sure I am being so I expect everyone to disagree with me!

In our family, we send thank you cards to people we don't see often or non family but for close family we never have. I would never send a thank you card to my brother for example, I'd just say thank you and he'd know I meant it and vice versa.

DH's family are obsessive about it, to the point where he'll send a thank you card if my parents take us to the Harvester! So, as you can imagine, when 6 week old dd was born and we were inundated with pressies, he has gone thank you letter mad. All well and good so far.

But his mother is nagging him because he didn't send a thank you letter to his sister (I do my lot, he does his lot as there were so many). We didn't think she'd given anything but it turns out that what we thought was a Christmas present was actually a new baby present but, with no labels we hadn't realised. So his sister is sulking because she hasn't received one and his mother is nagging on the phone as we speak, less than 3 hours after the mess was cleared up, demanding that he write a thank you this minute. He has left a message but this apparently isn't good enough (it wasn't the crown jewels btw...).

This is the point where it gets on my tits. It's almost as if they give things on condition that they receive a nice big thank you, which, to me seems the wrong reason to give. It gets to the point where you're sending a thank you letter for a thank you letter.

DD will be writing letters in due course but not to all and sundry. OK go for it, tell me I'm BU!

[moodymammy]

YANBU. I have a large extended family and i did write thankyou letters when they sent ds gifts. however, i just ring my mam and dad, sis etc to say thankyou or say it to their face and thats the end of the matter.your in laws have a very strange attitude to gift giving if you ask me!

[edam]

no, YANBU, they are a bit obsessive IMO.

[RubySlippers]

well saying thank you is fine to close family and his sister and mum are clearly blowing this all out of proportion

writing a hand written missive for a chicken triple at the harvester is just plain WEIRD

[constancereader]

To get cross because you don't get a thank you letter (just the once) and then chase it up like that is very rude imo.

[RosaIsRed]

No, I agree with you. DH's family are much bigger on thank you letters than mine, and it does get wearisome sometimes. Of course we write them for gifts that the giver wasn't there to see us open, and for DH's family we do write them for Christmas and birthday gifts even if they had already been thanked in person, but having just spent the weekend helping DD2 with her birthday thank you letters I am a bit fed up with it all.
On the other hand, my family are awful, neither of my brothers have even verbally acknowledged the gifts I sent their children at Christmas. Which I am miffed about as I spent a lot of time choosing them and thanks to DH having a moment of madness in the post office, cost a FORTUNE to post.

[TsarChasm]

God they've gone overboard haven't they? I'm quite keen on a thank you note if I'm honest, but this is too much.

Dh's family are the world's worst at giving presents with no labels on them. It drives me nuts and has caused loads and loads of confusion especially with three dc

[Sarahjct]

Ooh, thank you. So I am normal and his lot are weird. Just as I suspected!

Honestly, I don't mind writing them for genuine cases but they do go overboard. Very strange...

[perpetualworrier]

The rule's simple here. If they see you open it and you say thank you then, job done. If not you obviously need to thank them. I would phone my Mum, sister etc, everyone else gets a note.

I do get annoyed when other people don't bother, if only because I like to know they received it.

My in-laws are impossible on this front - if you write you snubbed them by not wanting to talk to them, if you phone it's becasue you couldn't be bothered to write.

[perpetualworrier]

BTW - How did you get DH so well trained? I doubt my DH has written a thank you letter since he was 10.

[MrsBumblebee]

Ooh, sounds just like my in-laws. The whole 'gifts just to get credit' thing. I mean, I do actually believe in writing thank you letters, but to get like this about it is ridiculous. My ILs' speciality is to give gifts when you're not expecting it (e.g. giving you Easter eggs when they've never bothered before) and then making you feel guilty that you didn't return the favour.

[Kbear]

you are normal and they are weird!! Thank you letters are important if someone sends a cheque or present but less so if they hand it to you personally and you open it in front of them and thank them at the time. Esp with new baby, you'd think they would give you a break!

Ignore!

[Astrophe]

Thank you letters are lovely, but I agree, its very rude to chase one up - especially when you have had a new baby.

I must confess, I feel a bit hurumph-y if I don't get a verbal thank you for a gift, but would never be cross about lack of written thank you, although I do think they are nice.

So no, YANBU, your inlaws are wacky.

[Katie3677]

I'm the opposite, it's me that's obsessive about thankyou letters. however, I do agree that it is very rude to chase up a thankyou letter, especially with close family. I always try to send them, but inevitably some just don't happen. I've never had anyone tell me off for not sending one, and would be pretty cross if, as an adult, someone tried to!

[nickytwotimes]

I agree with the others. YANBU . We send thank you notes to those we do not see in person, like my Aunt, MIL's neighbour, cousin Gerry in New Zealand, you get the picture!

[Elphaba]

I'm with you OP.

I think it's complete overkill when you've seen teh person and you've said thank you verbally - whether that's saying thank you at the time or on the phone/in person later.

I don't send them out after kids' parties either - we say thank you at the time of giving and that, imo, is enough.

[shatteredmumsrus]

sound weird to me. I only send thanyou letters to family we dont see often. If i gave my sister a thankyou card my sister would think i was mad! YANBU!

[DualCycloneCod]

if they give it to you face to face NO thankyouleeter unless a HERUGE (finaicnail) gift

[WinkyWinkola]

New baby gifts - YANBU. Everybody knows how hard it is with a new LO.

But with DCs Christmas/Chanukah/birthday gifts, I think it's important that the child learns the importance of thanking people properly for their gifts which usually means a written note. A note isn't hard for a kid to write or sign.

[Sarahjct]

Have I got 100% agreement? Has this ever happened before on MN?

Good then, so I can tell him he's weird? I'll enjoy that. Thankfully perpetualworrier, his mother did the training - about the only thing she did train him to do!

Goodo, now that I've aired that grievance, I might start a thread about in-laws kissing you when your own family don't go in for all that and whether, after 9 years it's too late to tell them to keep their bear hugs to themselves!